I'm mad at God

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My oldest son has dyslexia. It used to break my heart the difficulty this bright child had with learning to read. Reading his written work can be difficult as he still has so many spelling errors. When he took the Iowa Basic Skills Test, he scored incredibly high in many areas but when it came to spelling he was way below grade level. This was only three years ago when he was 13. Of course this is painful, especially if you know that your child is intelligent. We had his IQ tested and I was told that he scored right under genius level(don’t remember his exact score).

What helps me is to pray for him and to pay attention to those with worse problems. There are parents with kids who will die before they reach adulthood, have horrible facial birth defects or are paralyzed. Years ago, before antibiotics, something like half of all children died before reaching adulthood. Remembering that I am not the only mom dealing with difficulties really helps and it even makes me feel lucky. You have to remember that God never promised that life would be easy or without troubles.

I am sure that your children have many good qualities. My son is much more compassionate and tender hearted then many kids his age. He has an amazing amount of patience with his sisters. Sometimes he cooks dinner just to be nice and he is eager to get a job. Most kids like him and adults are impressed with his good manners. Perhaps if he didn’t have the problems with his dyslexia then he would be a different person with faults that would be less apparent but more troublesome, like lying or cruelty.

Some people try to claim that ADHD didn’t exist in their parents time but we have to remember that for most of our country’s existence a person didn’t need a college education. It is only fairly recent that college was necessary to support yourself. In the 1960’s my Dad joined the military with only a sixth grade education. He and my mom were not rich but she was able to remain at home without working an outside job. I am going to guess that in the past most kids with ADHD and Dyslexia simply quit school and got a job. Now you have to have a college education to get anything beyond a minimum wage job.Plus in some families ADHD could be an advantage. If you work on a farm then having excess energy might actually be a help.
 
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Marquette:
Get down on your knees and thank God for each and every one of your children. Write down ten wonderful qualities for each of them and thank God for those qualities. I know several adults who had/have ADHD and they get along just fine–college graduates, good jobs, nice families, and go-getters. They aren’t “dealing” with

anything. Ask God for an attitude adjustment.
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How do you know for sure they aren’t “dealing” with anything? People cover things up all the time that they don’t want others to see. By the way, my husband and I are both college grads with good jobs and nice families but we are certainly dealing with things that other people around us don’t know about. And who says I don’t thank God for my kids…they do have a lot of good qualities. It’s the outside world that’s telling them they aren’t good enough.
 
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puzzleannie:
your anger appears to have a basis in emotion, not in reality, nothing I know about ADHD (two children, and 4 grandchildren struggling with it) suggests it’s cause is “God’s fault” any more than any any other disability a child aquires or is born with is “God’s fault”. God created us good, sin, evil, sickness and disability entered the world through original sin, and we all have to cope with it in one form or another. Why should I, or my children, or grandchildren, or your children be immune from the human condition?
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This is the best reply by far, well said Annie.
 
I should have said, by the way, that none of this is the parents’ fault either, and I suspect a lot of our anger and frustration when our kids our suffering comes from our own inability to “make it better”. Believe me in dealing with all the professionals, IEP’s etc. involved in trying to find diagnosis and treatment for a child with problems, the unrelenting “you’re a bad parent or your kid wouldn’t be in such a mess” feeling is sometimes unbearable and soul-destroying. Maybe it helps to reflect that even Mary had to see her child suffer. If it wasn’t her fault, then maybe it’s not my fault either.
 
mary's kid:
I had a few minutes today that I could have stopped in to make a visit with our Lord in the Eucharist but I stopped because I realized I’m really ticked off at him. My four older children have ADHD (I know some of you think it’s an excuse for bad parenting-----if you are one of these people please don’t read the rest of my post or respond) and I’m really angry at God for allowing my sweet kids to have to deal with this their whole lives. Ignorance on this disorder in the general public abounds and makes it all the more difficult to deal with. What do I do with these feelings regarding God? I don’t want them to escalate.
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I really didn’t want to respond to this as the issue of the ADHD is secondary to your feelings of anger at God for allowing it, as though God were playing cruel tricks with your kids. Hmm … let me see who can I give ADHD to today? It just doesn’t happen that way. and before you wallow in self-pity for your children just imagine all the parents who have Downs Syndrome children or children with a degenerative disease who have to live with the fact that their child is going to die by age 21. If you are going to get angry with God at least do so for a sufficient cause.

I am a teacher and deal with ADHD diagnosed kids all the time. First off it is not an excuse for bad parenting but it is an excuse for bad teaching. I have never known a single ADHD child who cannot be perfectly contented in a setting where they are interested in what they are doing. My son, who one doctor wanted to diagnose ADHD, just wanted to be outside and active and resented being cooped up in a classroom for six hours a day. I don’t blame him. ADHD is not a disease so it didn’t just appear 20 years ago. Parents for the last 40,000 years have been having kids with “ADHD” and just thought it was normal youthful behaviour. Boys get diagnosed ADHD 10 ten times more frequently than girls … why? Because they don’t like sitting still in a classroom. ADHD is an example of the ‘medicalisation’ of human behaviour - the belief that we can define and therfore solve all undesirable behaviour by medical intervention. As a parent with a very active son I know what a pain it can be to have to deal with it, but it is not a life-long curse or a death sentence. So before you start blaming God ask yourself if it is not man’s misunderstanding of our God-given personalities and his (man’s)determination to force us into a single mould.
 
mary's kid:
I had a few minutes today that I could have stopped in to make a visit with our Lord in the Eucharist but I stopped because I realized I’m really ticked off at him… What do I do with these feelings regarding God? I don’t want them to escalate.
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**This is always difficult, regardless of the particular situation. I became angry with God because my mother had Alzheimer’s disease. She worked and cared for others her whole (often difficult) life, and immediately upon retirement became sick. How could God do that to such a kind and generous woman?

I hope it doesn’t take you as long as it took me, but I found that I was more angry with myself, trying to place blame. This is the situation God chose for my family, because He felt we could bear it. I came back to God and started to thank Him for all that He has given to our family. Did it make the disease go away? No. I lost my mother anyway. But He was there to provide me comfort and caring in a way that no one else could.

God isn’t punishing you. You trying to punish God by rejecting Him will not make the ADHD go away. I think He is trying to nudge you into relying more on Him, to tell the truth.**
 
One of the things I forgot to mention was setting aside some time for Adoration. It gave me personal time with God in an extremely tranquil setting. Even though God did not speak to me, I always came away with a very peaceful feeling in my soul.
 
I was hesitant to post this thread in the first place because I had a feeling some responders would write almost exactly what was written. Essentially, buck up, your situation is not that bad. You shouldn’t be feeling that way. So and So’s situation is much worse than yours. Let me say, I’ve been dealing with this for over 10 years now and this is the first time I’ve felt this way. I have had some horrible experiences in my life but it didn’t make me angry at God. I was hoping someone could give some examples of saints who had this problem how they got over it or something along those lines. I will take the responses that have been helpful and I’ll look for examples from saints when I have time. I’m not going to read this thread anymore just in case anyone expects a response from me.
 
mary's kid:
I had a few minutes today that I could have stopped in to make a visit with our Lord in the Eucharist but I stopped because I realized I’m really ticked off at him. My four older children have ADHD (I know some of you think it’s an excuse for bad parenting-----if you are one of these people please don’t read the rest of my post or respond) and I’m really angry at God for allowing my sweet kids to have to deal with this their whole lives. Ignorance on this disorder in the general public abounds and makes it all the more difficult to deal with. What do I do with these feelings regarding God? I don’t want them to escalate.
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You should tell your priest how you are feeling!
 
Hi Mary’s Kid,

First, I would like to welcome you to this forum. Trust that I know this is a difficult time in your life.

I would like to offer you hope for your children’s futures.

I am an adult with ADHD. Yes, this is something I have had to adjust to all my life. My son has severe ADHD and is a super challenge to every day life, I suspect my 9 yr old may have ADD also.

This is not easy on parents and households - so I will hold you in prayer for patience and strength.

Now for the hope: I do not consider having ADHD as an adult a disadvantaged affliction or situation. Actually in my job, it has been a blessing. There are certainly many occupations that would not be a good fit. Adults who have this need to be cognizant of their special skills in multitasking - since that enables us to focus small snippets of time on several tasks. Managerial positions are fabulous because we can hop from one task/problem/supervisory situation - to the next quickly and effectively.

Here is another thing that I actually enjoy about my ADHD. I love the energy I have. I actually love the fact that I cannot seem to sit still and watch hours of TV. I love that I have abundant energy to exercise and chase my kids around.

I cannot sit long enough to read a book - but these days the books on tape and CD have given me the ability to pop a tape in and listen to a book whilst doing the cleaning.

Here is another advantage…(not including myself) - but people with ADHD are often very bright. We just need to be able to embrace the different gifts that God has given us in having ADHD.

Now on the flip side - as a parent, this is not easy having children with this. I have many grays and worry lines that other parents may not have.

Here is one person who has embraced ADHD and realizes God’s gift in this.

I will keep you in prayer.
 
A priest told me that it is okay to be mad at God. He can take it. 🙂

The worse thing you can do is become indifferent to Him.

I have friend who has a child with autism. I was “talking” to God about this situation. And, I had the overwhelming feeling that God was telling me that He really liked this kid. God liked his personality. He didn’t see him as defective. This makes perfect sense when you consider how inferior are our intellects when measured to God. To Him, what we perceive as big differences are to him so little. I’m sure this applies to ADHD, too. I know that ADHD kids have a range of IQ just like us all.

I have no practical advice for you. I just wanted to tell you not to beat yourself up for an emotion. God can take your anger–give it to Him.

By the way, the Blessed Mother has lots of kids who are ADHD–including yours!
 
That’s how I dealt with my problem in dealing with my schizophrenic son: I realized I was not alone, that God did not “do” this to me or him, yada, yada, yada.

As somebody else said, which is what I was gently trying to say, it is OK to be angry with God. Are you looking for permission to be angry? OK, be angry, but do not sin.

Maybe you should go see a priest or a counselor who is Catholic. Trying to find a solution here to apply to your situation is not necessarily going to resolve your situation. It’s an online forum. Even if the most eminent theologian showed up and posted (and sometimes they do), it is highly unlikely they could help your personal situation in this format. All we are is other people, like yourself.

You also sound worn. Some rest and 'treating" yourself to little pleasures througout the day also works wonders. And again, at this point you might not consider it much, but you are on my prayer list.
 
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