I’ve always been the black sheep, but my family put up with me out of obligation I guess. Since I revealed to my family what I “experienced” at the hands of my uncle( the ‘funny’ uncle)
I am neither invited to nor missed at any family occasions. Aunts, uncles, cousins, nieces, nephews, and even siblings aren’t interested in any contact with me. I guess abuse does destroy a family, for the survivor at least.
If I am not for myself, who will be for me?
But if I am only for myself, who am I?
If not now, when?
–Hillel
In my experience, this will be your lot…until the second and third victim come forward, that is. Unfortunately, it is highly unlikely that you are his only victim. There probably are other victims. Coming forward is by far the hardest for the first one to find the courage to do it. That is the one who has to bear the full brunt of the disbelief, the feigned innocence, and the feigned disbelief. That first one takes it on the chin, but very often sets more souls free than his own by doing it.
It will be your courage that will allow the others to come forward, whether or not they do. Then it will be your uncle’s house of cards that falls.
You can’t apologize for telling the truth. Agreeing to the lie that you made this all up would be the price of “re-admission,” wouldn’t it? Would that un-tell the truth you told? No, it wouldn’t. The truth, once spoken, endures. Lies can be uncovered, dis-proven, and buried, repented of and forgiven, but the truth is still the truth no matter what. What you did was the most dangerous choice, the most costly choice, but also the most ethical and selfless choice, provided you did have the strength to do it. Why? It allowed you, a victim yourself, to do what was in your power to protect other would-be victims. Do not look back in regret at the bridges that are burning behind you. It is Sodom and Gomorrah burning behind you. There is no healthy life there.
You can’t make the other adults in the family believe you. I would suspect, however, that all or most of the in-laws will be more vigilant and will believe you if they see evidence that this uncle is what you say he is. Leopards can conceal themselves by staying in the dappled shadows, but they don’t change their spots. You knew you could be accused of crying “Wolf!” and looking for attention, but what choice did you have?
Yes, it is possible that your uncle will die having left no victims but you willing to speak out. You still had to tell the truth. It will be the most freeing thing you could do for yourself, because living in a family that knows what you’ve been through and believes you could not happen until you did speak out.
Hang in there. Try to cultivate enough mercy to come back in the event you’re welcomed back (so the bitterness does not drown your affection for your family, should they repent and ask for forgiveness), be patient, and hang in there. Don’t try to go it alone-
-get support from outside your family! Then, if your patience pays off, you’ll be in a situation to make a decision about what to do that will protect not only the other vulnerable people in your family, but also yourself.
