Why are you not a Catholic?
I grew up a very devout Roman Catholic. From before my identifying that I “had” a faith, continuing through my childhood, and into my adult years I have had what might be easily labeled “spiritual” experiences under a number of different circumstances. I read the Lives of the Saints and fully, willingly and eagerly participated in all faith related activities. Except catechism in that old, drafty, noisy, dusty, and overcrowded parish hall, lol. But I learned well and was at the top of my class in RC theology by high school. I even considered becoming a priest. But then I was shown something that not only shook my faith as it was taught me, but put my whole understanding of what it means to be human on entirely different grounds. Though I had a “solid” knowledge, it was book learning and habit, as I discovered, compared to the new reality that forced itself unbidden and suddenly on me.
I went to various clerics whom I had befriended through my life, and to books. No one or nothing came close to a rational reasonable and practical exegesis of what had happened to me. Prayers had no answer. I was in a dessert of unknowing. After exhausting what I could find that the Church had to offer, I started to turn to Eastern philosophical ideas. Those were somewhat satisfying, but still seemed incomplete.
Then I attended a lecture at the Graduate Theological Union at UCB. I was astonished. The speaker answered, without my verbal questioning, many questions that had been gnawing at my heart. His experience with and explication of the state I had entered at the point of my greatest insight was astounding. I remained associated with this man for nearly thirty years. He never varied from his statements and talked his walk exactly. men and women, some of whom you have heard of, I have no doubt, came to see him. From Jesuits to Jews, from swamis to seers, he answered all their questions from an unwavering Standpoint. Over time he introduced me to many authors from recent times to ages past who were lovers of God and of beauty and of Truth, as well as living individuals who were at the top echelons of their religions, sciences, disciplines and arts.
I came to know that there has always been a Truth before the formation of any particular religion, a Truth which Jesus spoke and was crucified for back then, and again even to this day by misunderstanding. This is evident from reading His words in a new Light, a Light of Love so immense that it is absolutely beyond the comprehension of the human mind.
And yet that mind is wherefrom most religion and atheism stems. It has no depth of understanding as an institution, only dogmas and formuae that cover a deep and vibrant truth, even in the Church. And while hat Truth is there, it is cloaked, and isn’t and wasn’t available to me when I needed it in the way that it was originally meant, by every measure that I am able to muster, especially using what I was given in my education in the Church.
So that is why I am no longer a practicing Catholic, though I have great gratitude for what the Church gave me and the education I received through its schools, and the wonderful,even saintly people I met and continue to meet as its members.
I tell you this story because you asked.
