I'm pregnant and scared

  • Thread starter Thread starter Jlyn
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
J

Jlyn

Guest
I’m pregnant. I took a test about a month ago. I’m 15 and I’m so ashamed of myself. I live with my Grandma, we always go to mass together and she works hard to pay to send me to private school. I feel like such a disappointment. I haven’t told her yet. She doesn’t let me date yet even so i know it’s going to shock and hurt her. I don’t want her to worry and I want to be responsible so I’ve decided I want to put the baby for adoption. The boy who got me pregnant said he doesn’t want strangers raising our baby and his family would get a lawyer if I tried. But they aren’t the people I want raising my baby. He isn’t a good person. He drinks and smokes and does drugs. His mom’s boyfriend will buy him this stuff and he stays by himself all the time while his mom is gone with her boyfriend. He’s a trucker and she rides with him because she thinks he’ll cheat on her. I want my baby to grow up in a happy home with a mom and dad. I want them to have the perfect life I want. I know I was stupid. But I dont know what to what to do. How do i tell my grandma? And can’t I put the baby up for adoption if I want to? Does the dad have to agree?
 
A couple of things: Tell your grandmother as soon as you can, like today. Then break it off with the boyfriend.

Morally you should let the father be in on the decision of adoption, however legally I think you (with your grandmother) don’t really have to.

Adoption is a noble thing, so many families wanting to adopt. First tell your grandmother, then see a lawyer about the adoption. And go to confession.
 
As you are only 15 the law would consider it ‘Satuitory Rape,’ and a good Lawyer would be beneftual in establishing your parental rights. By all means, tell your Grandmother your situation. You would be surprised how much a grandparent would and can, love a brand new baby. No more boyfriend. He has taken advantage of an under age, inexperienced ‘child’ of 15 and is not exempt from legal charges, jail time and support for the child. However, tell your Grandmother! She loves you and will guide you. Peace.
 
You are adding more fear.

The age of consent varies from state to state, as do the laws wrt “statutory rape”. We have no reason to believe that that there is an age gap, and if there is, this is not something to determine on this board.

To the OP, can you maybe confide in a trusted adult like your Priest or your Youth Minister and have them there when you talk to your grandmother? The Catholic Charities office at your Diocese (this is where the Bishop cares for all of the parishes in your area) can help you explore placing your child for adoption.

I am praying for you!
 
Thank you for answering but I don’t think I can do that. He’s just turned 16 last month and in my grade.
 
See a Lawyer ASAP before proceeding any further. You must do this quickly and do not speak to anyone about this besides your grandmother. 🤐
 
Last edited:
Agreed with @Cruciferi you need to speak with your grandmother and a lawyer. As you and your boyfriend are underage the laws surrounding custody vary by state. They cannot simply take your baby, and even with a lawyer, his family would need to prove that they are capable of even partial custody. It is unlikely that any judge is going to force a teenager to co-parent. You need to be EXTREMELY careful and not sign anything that would endanger your parental rights.

In all reality, I very much doubt a jealous trucker who takes a teen’s mother away from him for days at a time is going to give a flying fart about that child’s baby. Honestly, I’d be surprised if this poor excuse for a human being would not pressure the boy into “getting rid” of it. I’d be shocked if the boyfriend of your boyfriend’s mother gave him a second thought. Sadly, claiming his “family” will deal with it is a joke. He doesn’t have a family. He has a roof over his head, no supervision and really nobody who actually cares about him. His own mother abandons him on a regular basis…and yes even if he’s 14/15/16 leaving for days at a time is criminal neglect and abandonment…in some states felony level.

It sounds like CPS (who will likely be involved) would have real issues with your boyfriend’s living situation as is. So again.
  • Talk to your grandmother.
  • Get a lawyer (given your age you should be able to find one either through the state or at a crisis pregnancy center)
  • Get family services help. This may mean using private or government (CPS/DFCS) help.
  • Make a plan A, a plan B and a plan C. This can mean that plan A is adoption, plan B is finding a way to raise this child yourself and plan C is one where you must co-parent with this young man.
Children can be raised by single moms. You can give your child a happy life if you cannot legally allow the child to be adopted. It, perhaps, won’t be as ideal as the child being adopted into a 2-parent home, but it is NOT impossible and it will NOT be the end of the world.

But one step at a time.

Grandmother then private resources than public resources.
 
Jlyn said:
How do i tell my grandma? And can’t I put the baby up for adoption if I want to? Does the dad have to agree?
Click to expand...
First, while embarrassing and difficult, it will not be the end of the world. Tell your grandmother you made a mistake and that mistake has resulted in an innocent child.

The rest of your questions are legal ones and you need professional legal help.

I suggest you contact your local Catholic Charities to make an adoption plan. They can help you with the legal aspects such as obtaining help to prevent the father from getting custody if he is not fit, severing parental rights, and helping you get a pro bono lawyer (free).

Catholic Charities helped my sister place her son for adoption eighteen years ago. He graduates high school this year. She is married now with a 4 year old daughter. It will all be OK even though it seems like it is overwhelming.

Just take things one day at a time. If yo are concerned, talk to your pastor and have him help you talk to your grandma.
 
Last edited:
I agree with everyone’s advice. The only thing I would add, as another possible resource, is to contact the Sisters of Life if you live in the U.S. or Canada. They have experience and are probably very knowledgeable (in addition to, not instead of, a lawyer). They deal with situations like yours on a regular basis.

There’s a form you can fill out on their website. The number for the U.S. is 877-777-1277 and for Canada it’s 877-543-3380.

I’m sorry for what you’re going through. But I want to thank you for choosing life for your baby. He/she is already very lucky to have you.

May the dear Lord bless and keep you and your dear ones, now and always.
 
FIrst I want to say you sounds like a very intelligent and couraegous young woman. I have great admiration for how you are willing to give your child up for adoption. There are a LOT of good parents out there to take the baby.

If your boyfriend wants custody, I think it would be relativerly easy for you to prove that he would not be a good father.

As for your grandma… I don’t know her and I don’t know how she will react. However, I remember being your age and people telling me ‘your parents love you they will help you’ and that was hog wash since they never met my parents and had to no idea how bad they flew off the handle

So… say a prayer to your Mother Mary and ask her to come with you and give you courage when you do break the news to yoru grandma. And it doesn’t matter how she reacts, Jesus will be there to console you
 
MaryEstelle2 said:
. By all means, tell your Grandmother your situation. You would be surprised how much a grandparent would and can, love a brand new baby.

She loves you and will guide you. Peace.
Click to expand...
I have quoted the 2 things you said that were NOT charitable at all. You have no idea how her grandmother will react. How can you promise this girl her grandmother’s love when it is quite common for parents/grandparents to be harsh. Please do not falsely get the OP’s hopes and please do not make her any promises you can’t personally guarantee
 
There is no issue of statutory rape here as you are both the same age (or close to). Don’t worry about CPS (Child Protective Services). There has to be a good reason for them to get involved, 15 & pregnant in a stable home with a custodial grandparent does not meet the criteria.

You have decided to give the child up for adoption. If this is your plan throughout the whole pregnancy and you give up the child, do not anyone guilt you into keeping the child. Adoption is an honorable thing to do if you can not raise the baby yourself. Sure it can be done but it does come with a lot of complexities too.

You will get so many answers here on CAF, some good, some not so good. Trust your grandmother, let her help you with this.
 
First thing is to tell your grandma and soon, like in the next day or two. Don’t delay this.

Don’t think you have to give the child up for adoption, just pray and listen to what your grandma says. I’ll only add yall should definitively see a lawyer whether for adoption or for custody from BF.

I am sure there are lots of good parents that even let you see the baby, I am sure they are all near too. My wife and I are going through a difficult medical situation and we will most likely not have any more kids, I know we would adopt in a situation like that. It won’t be hard for you to find a very good family that still lets you see the kid. All of which you should be able to arrange with a good lawyer.
 
This is why a trusted teacher at the Catholic school, the priest, the Youth Minister, someone who can help mediate would be the first person to tell.
 
1ke said:
First, while embarrassing and difficult, it will not be the end of the world. Tell your grandmother you made a mistake and that mistake has resulted in an innocent child.

The rest of your questions are legal ones and you need professional legal help.

I suggest you contact your local Catholic Charities to make an adoption plan. They can help you with the legal aspects such as obtaining help to prevent the father from getting custody if he is not fit, severing parental rights, and helping you get a pro bono lawyer (free).

Catholic Charities helped my sister place her son for adoption eighteen years ago. He graduates high school this year. She is married now with a 4 year old daughter. It will all be OK even though it seems like it is overwhelming.

Just take things one day at a time. If yo are concerned, talk to your pastor and have him help you talk to your grandma.
Click to expand...
I agree with this. God bless you for your courage and for trying doing the right thing. Praying that it all turns out well.

God Bless.
 
Praying for you, OP. Nothing much to add beyond the good advice here already, beyond saying that we are thinking of you and wondering how you are. Keep us updated, okay?
 
Jlyn, I congratulate you on wanting to do what is best for your baby. To others’ advice, I would add only that this isn’t just your baby, but your boyfriend’s as well. Until such time as his parental rights may be severed, I urge you to let him know his child–maybe give him an ultrasound picture. This might actually improve your chances of getting him to agree to adoption, if you make it clear you aren’t trying to steal his baby from him but are trying to act on the baby’s best interests.
 
Jlyn, this is a tough walk in the park but one you can navigate. One direction you go is comfort in your mind. Give yourself the comfort of truth and wisdom in your own terms. Talk to your Priest.

Most churches have confessions on Saturday, so check your parish time and go confess as that may be a nice time to fall and open up about everything (It may continue the next day outside the confessional). Confer with your Priest, whether you start at confession or not, and spill your heart out.

Say that you want to tell your Grandma about it but trying to figure how best to deliver your growing development. They can empower you and you two can confer whether you can talk to Grandma alone, and you likely can, whereas you don’t have to bring another person.

It’s often best with your Grandma if she knows you can trust and confide with her, rather than having to hear of your pregnancy from another person or with another person. Since you’ve not indicated your Grandma is argumentative mean and judgmental, talking to her directly would serve both of you best.

Maybe, once you tell and working it all with Grandma, you also can later join your Church youth group or youth Ministry. After all, that can be your extended family too, in Christ,
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top