Im Pregnant....

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bunnynessuk

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News which should be joyous but obviously in the situation not as fantastic as it should be.

I had it confirmed todayso now my h2b and I must reevalute our situation and start to prepare!

I know this is the wrong order but I now have to focus on the pregnancy! Any help and advice would be appreciated.

I did a test this morning which confirmed and I am going to the doctors tomorrow.

My morning sickness is ver bad (when does this get better)?

J
 
My first suggestion - talk to your Priest.

If I recall correctly, your h2B has some issues with his mother, and you all will need all the wise assistance you can get with this matter.

Prayers for you!
 
You have some difficult days ahead of you to be sure. I’ll keep you in my prayers.

Congratulations - a baby is still a joyous event! Just make sure you find the joy through everything else you will have to deal with between now and the wedding and the baby.

~Liza
 
bunnynessuk said:
News which should be joyous but obviously in the situation not as fantastic as it should be.

I had it confirmed todayso now my h2b and I must reevalute our situation and start to prepare!

I know this is the wrong order but I now have to focus on the pregnancy! Any help and advice would be appreciated.

I did a test this morning which confirmed and I am going to the doctors tomorrow.

My morning sickness is ver bad (when does this get better)?

J
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Congratulations! (from one who also did things in the wrong order). Try as bet as you are able to not let the situation take away from the joy of the life within you (that is the only thing I would have changed about my pregnancy b/c obvously I wouldn’t want to take back my dd).
 
Congratulations on your pregnancy! Come join all of us expectant Mommies in the Parenting sub forum (we have a special sticky thread at the top).

I have never been in your situation, so I don’t have a lot of practical advice. If you haven’t already, research baby development, pregnancy, labor – all that fun stuff. 👍

And pray for the health of yourself and the baby.

Oh, and some women are rid of their morning sickness by the second trimester, yet some are sick until delivery. Here’s hoping you are in the first group!
 
My H2b and his mom are now estranged (after they preffered to go out with friends on fathers day whilst he sat in their house for 3 hours) but I am sure my mom will give me assistance my only problem now is that as some of you may now I suffered sexual abuse at the hands of my adoptive father for many years and I am now left with the conundrum of protecting my future child and family relations!

This is just going to be very tough.

DO I move in with h2b before the baby is born?
Get myself my own residence?

Can I marry in the church before my due date?

So many questions!

J
 
bunnynessuk said:
My H2b and his mom are now estranged (after they preffered to go out with friends on fathers day whilst he sat in their house for 3 hours) but I am sure my mom will give me assistance my only problem now is that as some of you may now I suffered sexual abuse at the hands of my adoptive father for many years and I am now left with the conundrum of protecting my future child and family relations!

This is just going to be very tough.

DO I move in with h2b before the baby is born?
Get myself my own residence?

Can I marry in the church before my due date?

So many questions!

J
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Talk to your priest. If, for the safety of you and your baby, you have ABSOLUTELY no where to turn but to your h2b make sure you stay in seperate rooms and everytime temptation hits, PRAY, PRAY, PRAY and Pray some more until that temptation has left. Living as brother and sister IS possible if you’re willing to make that sacrifice for your soul, your h2b’s soul and your child’s soul. Try all other avenues but if your mom is still married to the man who abused you, don’t go over there and live with them.
 
You DO NOT move in together - much easier to slip back into sin and you and babe need the grace that comes from the Eucharist. Live with someone, a friend, a relative, someone who loves you.

More later.
 
bunnynessuk said:
My H2b and his mom are now estranged (after they preffered to go out with friends on fathers day whilst he sat in their house for 3 hours) but I am sure my mom will give me assistance my only problem now is that as some of you may now I suffered sexual abuse at the hands of my adoptive father for many years and I am now left with the conundrum of protecting my future child and family relations!

This is just going to be very tough.

DO I move in with h2b before the baby is born?
Get myself my own residence?

Can I marry in the church before my due date?

So many questions!

J
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RE moving out: it depends on what you’re comfortable with. As for moving in with your fiance, that’s probably not the best idea. Too much temptation. If you’re not okay with living around your father, see if you have a friend who will let you stay with her until the wedding.

If you’ve already completed (or mostly completed) marriage prep, talk with your priest and see if you can’t get the date moved up. Our neighbors found out that they were expecting several months before the wedding. As they were planning to marry before the pregnancy and had taken care of most of the paperwork and pre-Cana stuff, the priest allowed them to move the date up a few months. I think she was about three months pregnant at the wedding. A bit of a rush job to get things taken care of so soon, but they’ve been married 5 years and they’re very happy.

God bless and best of luck to you both (or all three, really)! Babies are blessings, even if they seem to often pick the worst times to make their appearance. 🙂
 
gmarie21 said:
Talk to your priest. If, for the safety of you and your baby, you have ABSOLUTELY no where to turn but to your h2b make sure you stay in seperate rooms and everytime temptation hits, PRAY, PRAY, PRAY and Pray some more until that temptation has left. Living as brother and sister IS possible if you’re willing to make that sacrifice for your soul, your h2b’s soul and your child’s soul. Try all other avenues but if your mom is still married to the man who abused you, don’t go over there and live with them.
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Wow - I can’t second all of this enough. Keep yourself, and your baby safe above all.

~Liza
 
This is just going to be very tough.
It is whether you are married or not. But Congratulations!!!

DO I move in with h2b before the baby is born?
Not unless you are married to him. That would just further the scandal. Stay with your mom. She can help you. I presume all abuse by the stepfather is in the past. I don’t think you have to worry about him and a child for the next 8 months. That is a bridge you must cross later.

Get myself my own residence? No point in that. You don’t need to be alone at this time.

Can I marry in the church before my due date?
You will have to talk to your priest. If he already knew you were engaged, he may be able to expedite things. If he’s willing to do that, be a sport and don’t do the full-blown wedding extravaganza. Make it clear you’d be happy for a small ceremony in church with a limited number of people. Your humility in this situation might be a refreshing change from the self-entitled brides who contracept and fornicate all through the engagement and then demand a Hollywood style wedding with 16 attendants. The important thing is that you get married and get yourself into a situation where you feel safe and stress-free.

The priest may not be able to marry you outright. But you might ask him if he says his hands are tied what he would do if you got married by a JP and then didn’t consummate it, but came to him to have it solemnized. 😉 Yeah, some might beat me up for that suggestion. But I think they have to treat legal marriages differently from other situations.

Get the book “What to Expect When You’re Expecting.” Some may have issues with it for philosophical reasons, but it is thorough.

Well… now you know your PCOS doesn’t make you infertile! 🙂
 
Liberanosamalo said:
The priest may not be able to marry you outright. But you might ask him if he says his hands are tied what he would do if you got married by a JP and then didn’t consummate it, but came to him to have it solemnized. 😉 Yeah, some might beat me up for that suggestion. But I think they have to treat legal marriages differently from other situations.
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I don’t think this is a bad idea 🙂

Congratulations, Bunnynessuk! I hope your morning sickness passes soon! I was sick from about weeks 6-8, although it felt like those two weeks lasted for months. I’ll pray that you have a safe and healthy pregnancy and are able to make all the arrangements necessary for a stress-free transition.
 
I will probably buy my own place that way once we are married he can merely move in You are all right about us not moving in together it would probably not be for the best its just so confusing!

Im only 20 (21 in a month) and I do not have any close family (im adopted and from a nucleur family now) and my friends are all 18-22 so I dont think they will be much for advice but for hugs etc -perfect!

Its gunna be atough couple of years I start my grad job in September so I am gunna have a lot of work to do to so that will take my mind of problems!!!

I will go and see my priest this weekend!

J
 
On the morning sickness…

My wife is dealing with it right now with our 2nd pregnancy. Keep some saltines near the bed - if you wake up in the night and your stomach feels empty, scarf down a couple. When you wake up for the day, before really getting up, have a couple crackers - it helps my wife. With our boy, she was mildly nauseous until about 10:30, then like a switch - she was hungry. Only lasted about the first trimester. Best of luck!
 
I can’t give much advice but I’ll definitely pray for you, your h2b, and your little one. God bless you through your pregnancy and impending marriage:)
 
:hug1: Congratulations on the baby. While it’s all scarey and tough right now, things will get better.

I lived on crackers and Ginger Ale for the first three months of my pregnancies. Keep them by your bed and nibble before you get up. Sometimes that helps. The Pregnancy Book by Dr. William and Martha Sears is EXCELLANT. You can probably find it in your local library.

How is H2B taking the news? Have you two had a chance to talk yet? I think the two of you should speak to your priest together. Maybe, if you’ve finished all the Pre-Cana stuff, you can just have a small wedding with close family and friends right away. That way you won’t have to worry about living arrangements. Not that you should jump into anything…I’m just thinking out loud.

Kim
 
gmarie21 said:
Talk to your priest. If, for the safety of you and your baby, you have ABSOLUTELY no where to turn but to your h2b make sure you stay in seperate rooms and everytime temptation hits, PRAY, PRAY, PRAY and Pray some more until that temptation has left. Living as brother and sister IS possible if you’re willing to make that sacrifice for your soul, your h2b’s soul and your child’s soul. Try all other avenues but if your mom is still married to the man who abused you, don’t go over there and live with them.
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I would not advise this at all seeing as it puts an impediment on your future marriage. Under no circumstance will the Church marry couples who live together or who are co-habitating before they are married, even if they are living as brother and sister. Remember whether or not you are doing anything it will cause scandal.
If you must find a new place try a close friend or relative that will not allow the abusive step-father near you or your child to be, or if worse comes to worse slap a court ordered restraining order on him. He tries anything the police will take care of it trust me.
I will be sure to keep you in my prayers
God bless
 
truelove_88 said:
I would not advise this at all seeing as it puts an impediment on your future marriage. Under no circumstance will the Church marry couples who live together or who are co-habitating before they are married, even if they are living as brother and sister.
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truelove_88

Could you please share the citation from the CCC or Canon law that supports your claim?
 
bunnynessuk said:
I will probably buy my own place that way once we are married he can merely move in You are all right about us not moving in together it would probably not be for the best its just so confusing!

Im only 20 (21 in a month) and I do not have any close family (im adopted and from a nucleur family now) and my friends are all 18-22 so I dont think they will be much for advice but for hugs etc -perfect!

Its gunna be atough couple of years I start my grad job in September so I am gunna have a lot of work to do to so that will take my mind of problems!!!

I will go and see my priest this weekend!
Good choice, Remember the Catholic church is always here to help you, seek and you shall find etc.
you are in my prayers.

J
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