I'm really hating being a woman

[PelagiathePenit]

I hate that I’m emotional, I hate that I’m weak. I hate that I have to put forth all this effort to look good, do my hair and makeup, wear cute clothes, and not get fat, and even though I do all that, there will still always be women who are better-looking than me without trying half as hard as I do, and I can never keep up with them. I hate that I’m judged so harshly for such superficial garbage that men don’t have to deal with half as much. I hate that all my body is geared towards is producing children, which I’m seriously questioning if I’m ever meant to have them or not. I know I’m only 22, but I’m seriously thinking about that and really don’t think I want children. It’s not that I don’t like them, I volunteer with them a lot at my parish and get along great with them. Some little kids really steal my heart and bring me so much joy. I just don’t believe I should have one of my own. And if I don’t want children, I know I can never get married.

I’m afraid that I won’t find my calling in life. Am I just meant to spend my life working in a career? I want to be a physician assistant; am I meant to spend my life dedicated to medicine? What should I do? How can I stop hating myself so much?

Girl, I am little older than you. 25 going on 26. At times I hate being a woman to. Keeping up with good looks. Pressure for marriage. You must to pretty all the time. I am scared having a child will damage my body. Childbirth is scary as it is. You are so lucky you are young - you have your life ahead of you

 

[AKDee]

I hate that I’m emotional, I hate that I’m weak. I hate that I have to put forth all this effort to look good, do my hair and makeup, wear cute clothes, and not get fat, and even though I do all that, there will still always be women who are better-looking than me without trying half as hard as I do, and I can never keep up with them. I hate that I’m judged so harshly for such superficial garbage that men don’t have to deal with half as much. I hate that all my body is geared towards is producing children, which I’m seriously questioning if I’m ever meant to have them or not. I know I’m only 22, but I’m seriously thinking about that and really don’t think I want children. It’s not that I don’t like them, I volunteer with them a lot at my parish and get along great with them. Some little kids really steal my heart and bring me so much joy. I just don’t believe I should have one of my own. And if I don’t want children, I know I can never get married.

I’m afraid that I won’t find my calling in life. Am I just meant to spend my life working in a career? I want to be a physician assistant; am I meant to spend my life dedicated to medicine? What should I do? How can I stop hating myself so much?

Well, we women may be more emotional (in general) but I wouldn’t say we’re weak. Are most men stronger than we are, physically? Okay, sure. But I’m stronger than some guys. And I’m usually fairly strong emotionally.

So far as your physical appearance- whether you want to make yourself miserable trying to live up to other people’s standards is entirely up to you. I’ve worn makeup a handful of times in my entire life. I don’t think I’ve put so much as lipstick on in over 10 years. People don’t brandish pitchforks and torches and chase me off like some troll. I wear what I want, I don’t wear makeup, I drive what I want, and the way I see it if someone is snobbish enough to think I’m not good enough because of that, I didn’t need them in my life anyway. I’ve been skinny, fat and somewhere in between (currently). I still have friends and I’m engaged.

I’m 20 years older than you, but my attitude hasn’t changed much since I was about 16. That’s about the time that I realized that the high school cliques were no good, and made the conscious decision that I’d be friends with anyone who wanted to be my friend, and I wasn’t losing anything by not being friends with anyone who didn’t think I was good enough.

You’ve got time to decide on your vocation. Give yourself a break. Life’s hard enough without us being overly critical of ourselves.

 

[pianistclare]

I’m sorry…but these “oh, I have to be pretty al the time” threads are just so shallow.
Be pretty on the inside and get on with life already.
None of us HAS to do anything but be faithful and good.
Good things will come to you.
The notion that young women feel they have to be or look a certain way is very disheartening. My daughters certainly don’t feel that way. They are content in their own skin, thank the Lord.
This is where the media and culture has taken us. Self worth measured by looks.
Blech.

Jesus never said "Blessed are the gorgeous. "

If people worried that much about their souls, the world would be a far better place.
I’m out.

 

[PelagiathePenit]

I’m sorry…but these “oh, I have to be pretty al the time” threads are just so shallow.
Be pretty on the inside and get on with life already.
None of us HAS to do anything but be faithful and good.
Good things will come to you.
The notion that young women feel they have to be or look a certain way is very disheartening. My daughters certainly don’t feel that way. They are content in their own skin, thank the Lord.
This is where the media and culture has taken us. Self worth measured by looks.
Blech.

Jesus never said "Blessed are the gorgeous. "

If people worried that much about their souls, the world would be a far better place.
I’m out.

I love this “if people worried that much about their souls, the world would be a far better place.” A quote like that is related to my favorite saint, St. Pelagia the Penitent. She spends time adorning herself to be perfectly pretty, a priest Nonnus is humbled her. He says if only paid more attention to their souls as much as this woman perfects herself for lovers which will be there today and leave tomorrow.

 

[Obsidion]

I’m sorry…but these “oh, I have to be pretty al the time” threads are just so shallow.
Be pretty on the inside and get on with life already.
None of us HAS to do anything but be faithful and good.
Good things will come to you.
The notion that young women feel they have to be or look a certain way is very disheartening. My daughters certainly don’t feel that way. They are content in their own skin, thank the Lord.
This is where the media and culture has taken us. Self worth measured by looks.
Blech.

Jesus never said "Blessed are the gorgeous. "

If people worried that much about their souls, the world would be a far better place.
I’m out.

I wasn’t just talking about being pretty. There are many things that I was talking about that I’m frustrated with. Everyone just kept talking about that one part of what I said, and that’s why it’s being continued. I wanted to move on from that too. But everyone else kept bringing it up…

I feel like you’re being really insensitive with what you just said. I feel like you’re belittling what I was struggling with. In your mind, this may nothing to get upset over. But we all have different things that upset us. What upsets one person may not upset another, but there are other things I’m sure that upset that other person that won’t have any impact on the other. I’m now regretting I even started this thread.

You implied that I don’t care about my soul. That’s the furthest thing from the truth, and I’m insulted by that. My faith is my everything. God is my everything. But that doesn’t exempt me from getting worn down by everything in this world. I’m just trying to figure it all out.

 

[RPRPsych]

I hate that I’m emotional, I hate that I’m weak. I hate that I have to put forth all this effort to look good, do my hair and makeup, wear cute clothes, and not get fat, and even though I do all that, there will still always be women who are better-looking than me without trying half as hard as I do, and I can never keep up with them. I hate that I’m judged so harshly for such superficial garbage that men don’t have to deal with half as much.

First up: I’m a guy, so feel free to take all I say with a pinch of salt. p)

A lot of that self-loathing is internalized from the aberrant values of secular culture. The problem isn’t you, it’s our bizarre value system.

According to the Church, “hair, makeup, etc…” don’t count for nuts - check the first Epistle of St. Peter.
As for being fat, that’s certainly not a crime. In fact, morbid thinness is a disease even by secular standards. Again, this comes from the neo-pagan “cult of the body” and is not what Christ or His Church teach.

I hate that all my body is geared towards is producing children, which I’m seriously questioning if I’m ever meant to have them or not. I know I’m only 22, but I’m seriously thinking about that and really don’t think I want children. It’s not that I don’t like them, I volunteer with them a lot at my parish and get along great with them. Some little kids really steal my heart and bring me so much joy. I just don’t believe I should have one of my own. And if I don’t want children, I know I can never get married.

At 22, the idea of children used to weird me out. I’m now 36 and can’t think of living without mine. Some of this comes with maturity.

Moreover, biology is not destiny. There are hundreds of Catholic saints (I refer to women) who never had a single child, and yet are in Heaven interceding for us.

I’m afraid that I won’t find my calling in life. Am I just meant to spend my life working in a career? I want to be a physician assistant; am I meant to spend my life dedicated to medicine? What should I do? How can I stop hating myself so much?

I can think of worse things than a life dedicated to medicine. (Ok, I’m biased on that one, being in the field myself.)

And even if you feel that you “hate” yourself, God still loves you. Keep telling yourself that.

 

[RPRPsych]

I love this “if people worried that much about their souls, the world would be a far better place.” A quote like that is related to my favorite saint, St. Pelagia the Penitent. She spends time adorning herself to be perfectly pretty, a priest Nonnus is humbled her. He says if only paid more attention to their souls as much as this woman perfects herself for lovers which will be there today and leave tomorrow.

That reminds me of St. Rose of Lima, too.

 

[Lea101]

I’m sorry…but these “oh, I have to be pretty al the time” threads are just so shallow.
Be pretty on the inside and get on with life already.
None of us HAS to do anything but be faithful and good.
Good things will come to you.
The notion that young women feel they have to be or look a certain way is very disheartening. My daughters certainly don’t feel that way. They are content in their own skin, thank the Lord.
This is where the media and culture has taken us. Self worth measured by looks.
Blech.

Jesus never said "Blessed are the gorgeous. "

If people worried that much about their souls, the world would be a far better place.
I’m out.

It’s so easy to say stuff like this, but it’s not easy to actually stop caring about looks. Like it or not, looks are important. Most of my problems would be gone if I was beautiful. And I know a lot of people would feel the same way. Maybe you’re just blessed that you don’t bother, maybe you and your daughters are “attractive enough” for society, maybe all of you are wise, but it’s not a shallow thing to want to be more attractive.

If being pretty on the inside=good things will come to you is true, everybody would not be so insecure. The harsh truth is that ugly people suffer more than attractive people because of their looks. If you are looking at a religious POV, then sure, we don’t have to do anything besides being good. We don’t have to be rich, we don’t have to eat nice stuff, we don’t have to care about everything “worldy”. But it still doesn’t negate the fact that good people would have terrible lives, and OP’s feelings are still valid

 

[Lea101]

It’s so frustrating when people talk about being beautiful on the inside whenever this topic comes up, although that’s not bad advice.

Maybe I’m stubborn. I wrote a thread with the same title (kind of). I have so much empathy for you. Being female sucks

 

[jaimeleglise]

Have you ever been screened for depression?
That might account for some of the negativity.
Is so there are many good treatments available.

Don’t worry about what the world thinks. I have been criticized for having straight hair and not wearing make-up. I don’t care, that’s who I am.
God bless you.

 

[roseofshannon]

Looking your best is mostly a matter of skills and study, turned to the goal of making yourself a sort of art project. You have to find something fun about it, or your art and craft won’t work as well as you want.

I like that.

I can totally appreciate where the OP is coming from.

A lot of this depends on the family and social circles you grew up in.

After marriage it depends on your husbands attitude as well as your friends and his.

There can be sooooo much pressure put on women, and it’s inescapable with the media in your face all the time as well.

At some point, we just have to become our own best friend and talk to ourselves the same way we would talk to a good girlfriend who is struggling with the same pressures.

We can offer up these painful struggles for burn victims and others with physical deformities. That usually brings me back to a place of gratitude as well.

 

[RosalieM]

Why not see about going on a retreat and/or meeting with some nuns in the order of your choice? Perhaps you are being called and may wish to discern this.

I recently saw “God is the Bigger Elvis” – the story of Mother Dolores Hart, who was a perfectly beautiful movie star and acted in films with the most handsome men. She found her calling and has been happy ever since. It’s a lovely documentary. All the best to you. God bless you.

 

[Sarcelle]

Don’t hate being a women. Mary, a women, is the greatest creature that God has created. She is even above the angels.

Women are amazing. Yes, women are put to higher standards when it comes to looks. But that’s due to both social and (to some extent) evolutionary patterns and norms.

Maybe if you feel lost in life perhaps consider becoming a nun. Especially that you don’t want children. Perhaps God is calling you to this. Think about it. But ultimately do what you feel you need to do. You’re only 22. You got a very long life ahead of you.

Well we are not Mary.

The rest of us have to muddle through.

 

[Sarcelle]

Have you ever been screened for depression?
That might account for some of the negativity.
Is so there are many good treatments available.

Don’t worry about what the world thinks. I have been criticized for having straight hair and not wearing make-up. I don’t care, that’s who I am.
God bless you.

I’ve been criticized for having curly hair and wearing makeup.

I’m old enough to have noticed that no matter what you do, there will always be somebody who will tell you that you are doing it wrong. Everyone 's a critic.

However we only have one life to live which is a gift to us and like it or not we are all born a certain sex, race and ethnicity. Nothing we can do about that. We can make the best of what we have although there are times when seeing the good can be challenging.

Hand over your concerns and problems to God. I’m sure God can bring good fruit out of it.

 

[RPRPsych]

I’ve been criticized for having curly hair and wearing makeup.

I’m old enough to have noticed that no matter what you do, there will always be somebody who will tell you that you are doing it wrong. Everyone 's a critic.

However we only have one life to live which is a gift to us and like it or not we are all born a certain sex, race and ethnicity. Nothing we can do about that. We can make the best of what we have although there are times when seeing the good can be challenging.

Hand over your concerns and problems to God. I’m sure God can bring good fruit out of it.

 

[pianistclare]

I wasn’t just talking about being pretty. There are many things that I was talking about that I’m frustrated with. Everyone just kept talking about that one part of what I said, and that’s why it’s being continued. I wanted to move on from that too. But everyone else kept bringing it up…

I feel like you’re being really insensitive with what you just said. I feel like you’re belittling what I was struggling with. In your mind, this may nothing to get upset over. But we all have different things that upset us. What upsets one person may not upset another, but there are other things I’m sure that upset that other person that won’t have any impact on the other. I’m now regretting I even started this thread.

You implied that I don’t care about my soul. That’s the furthest thing from the truth, and I’m insulted by that. My faith is my everything. God is my everything. But that doesn’t exempt me from getting worn down by everything in this world. I’m just trying to figure it all out.

When a person thinks being a woman is horrible, it’s time for serious therapy.
It’s not about “insulting” people. You miss the whole point of what I said. Stop navel gazing. Make something of yourself and engender respect. I’ve worked in places where all the pretty girls got the best shifts and promotions. I found a job where my work ethic was valued.
It’s not that being a woman sucked. It’s that I wasn’t in the right job for me. I thank God that He showed me that. You say you have great faith.
Trust God yes, but YOU have to make the changes in your life that will benefit you and make yourself happy.

 

[revert_jen]

Honestly, I don’t put all of my identity with my looks. I’m sorry if it came across that way earlier. I was just really frustrated when I wrote all that, and wanted to get all of that junk off of my chest. I know that there’s more to being a woman than just looks. That’s why I also said that I hate how emotional I am, how weak I am, and I don’t think I want kids (for now anyways, perhaps I’ll change my mind but I don’t know), and that’s what the female body is geared towards.

Well, you didn’t talk about being a perfectionist about the other items and it was the perfectionism that raised some red flags with me.

If you’re worried about being physically weak, exercise. If you’re worried about being emotionally/spiritually/mentally weak, sorry, that’s not being a woman, that’s just you. Don’t let yourself be weak because “That’s how women are” because we’re not. There is a great strength in womanhood. Sometimes it shows best in a crisis, but it’s always there.

But it’s amazing what we can do to ourselves when we give ourselves excuses for our failings. (Ouch. My Protestant friends would say the Holy Spirit just convicted me on that one. I’m not sure how we Catholics are supposed to put it, but anyway, I think I need to meditate in prayer on it. Anyway, it applies to more than just general strength.)

As for being emotional, it is possible to control your emotions. When I was your age, I was just starting to be able to do it. I had some issues with anger, and I really thought it wasn’t possible to do anything about it because it happened so fast. But the less you indulge emotions when they get there, the less strong they come eventually. Or perhaps it wasn’t so much the work on my part, but just getting older.

So some things are fixable, but you will never be perfectly beautiful. Also the effort to be perfectly turned out at all times really is self-defeating, because it means you attract men who “require” their romantic interests to be perfectly turned out at all times.
Worst. Idea. Ever.

–Jen

 

[MonteCristo]

Hello OP!

First off, please recognize how well of a position you are in! You are a young woman who is lucky enough to be able to go to school and get an amazing career (PA!!).

You are so blessed! Take it from me, a girl on an extremely similar career path as yourself. . I don’t devote time to worrying about things like this because I know that, no matter what, I have God with me. Trust Him and one by one the puzzle pieces in your life will fall together! You sound like a very lovely person and I am sure you will be extremely successful in life, OP. I don’t think you have anything to worry about!

 

[Convert_in_99]

I hear ya! :console:

I’m 33. I had excruciatingly painful periods from severe endometriosis all my “womanhood” that ended up literally taking over my body to the point I had to get a hysterectomy/oophorectomy. Now I’m struggling with a very difficult and debilitating menopause. I am basically homebound these days from it and who knows how long this seemingly endless trial will last.

On top of all that my husband and I suffered through ten years of infertility, and our one and only miracle child is dead. And now I am permanently and irreversibly infertile. We can’t adopt because of my mental health and finances. I will never have children or grandchildren. Ever. The one thing that makes all the pains of womanhood “worth it.” Nope not me.

I hate hate HATE being a woman. It really sucks.

 

[njlisa]

Sometimes we fabricate our own crosses.
Think about it

Most everything you are preoccupied with are just opinions, not rules for living.

Believe you can be yourself and see if you don’t feel a whole lot better soon.