I'm really starting to question my faith

[Irishmom2]

Well. I can really understand your pain in this. I can really get the loss of hope and frustration this leads you on. But think only of the other obvious here. Think about the idea that without your faith all of this suffering will still happen. It’ll still go on as scheduled. But the difference is it will no longer have a purpose. At all.

Where as right now? There’s redemptive suffering. There’s the idea that deep love first needs to understand deep pain. That God wants each of us to suffer not to punish us. But instead to be able to love us in a truer and stronger way.

I mean it’s like the child who’s always had everything. Compared to the one who’s had nothing.

Which of those kids has suffered more?

But then which of those kids is more likely to love you truly?

There’s a connection here, my friend. There’s a straight up link. And it goes opposite to everything we assume we know.

The love I feel for people now is far deeper than what I did before. When life was simple. When all I had to do was mind my own business. Because only sinners got bad luck. And only sinners deserved to fail.

Nah. Now I’ve got a better read on things. Now I understand that God’s not punishing the evildoers with pain here on earth. Instead he’s deepening everyone to their raw capacity. He’s pushing for the deepest wells possible.

Because only that way can He really even get close to connecting with us. It’s only that way that we can feel the real depth and true power of the love He’s got.

Because God’s love is heavy. It’s real. It’s not some kind of toy-buying-love. It’s raw, deep, and honest. So that kind of love needs real feeling. It needs full commitment. The kind we can only get through suffering. The kind we can only really feel best with the lifting of pain.

Pain and suffering carried out with love and joy.

Peace Convert. I hope you pull through this tough time. I know you’ve faced a lot of tough times. I hope you just count this as just one more.

And Congrats on your 7000 posts btw.

I’ll be praying for you.

Your friend,

-Trident

Excellent post, my friend.

 

[pianistclare]

I realize I have sinned through and through.
**
Due to OCD and scrupulosity I don’t know for sure if I’m just still being punished for those serious sins of my past, or is God mad about something in the present? ** I have reviewed my conscience many many times. I think I have gotten the serious sins in confession, but maybe I received communion when I shouldn’t have? And that’s what is upsetting Him? Though I can’t know exactly which ones were sinful communions. I could make a general confession to “get it all in” but that is not recommended for scrupulous persons. I don’t want to doubt God’s mercy and forgiveness of past (and present) sins, but there must be something that I didn’t confess right or received communion without confession, even when doubting whether or not I should have received when things were foggy and uncertain.

I very much believe we are punished for sins. Both here and in the next life. And as cruddy as it is, and as much as it hurts, I try to realize I’m getting “my just due” and that God could have punished me even worse, but He didn’t.

I know my nephew is guaranteed salvation and even no purgatory. He’s baptized but not Catholic (though that’s no fault of his own.) It’s just excruciating to know he is suffering so, more than most people will ever suffer. And yet he is completely innocent. I also have severe mental health issues, but less than my nephew obviously. I’ve been in psych wards. I know how horrible they can be. They are very much like prisons. And this will be his life for decades upon decades to come? With no end ever! It’s just awful to think. :crying:

Punish me Lord, but not him. God could have made him well enough to stay home and still sick enough to not commit mortal sin, but God doesn’t. Why?

Re: red bold

God does not operate like this.
PLEASE speak to your priest for a better understanding of what the Church teaches about trials, illness, and dryness.

 

[tm21]

There are just too many bad things going on in my life, the lives of my family, our world. Ok I’ve committed a list of sins a mile long, I get it why I’m being beat up on. But take my nephew (15) is severely autistic. He is baptized and has no personal sin on his soul whatsoever, and he’s so sick he’s going to have to spend the rest of his life in an institution. Virtually a prison. With no hope of ever getting out. Why? Why in the hell does God just sit back and let these things happen. It’s ridiculous! Insane! I just can’t take it anymore. No person in their right might would let this happen to their children (especially the innocent!) if they could prevent it. Why does He? Why? I just have no patience with this anymore. I’m just done with it all. I have no strength to keep fighting this battle of faith. What good will it do anyway. Most of us won’t make it anyways.

I encourage you to read the Gospels daily, partake in the Sacraments, and engage in prayer throughout the day. Share your thoughts and questions with God in prayer. I’m confident that God is working through your nephew to help bring you into a closer relationship with Him. Your nephew (and you) will be GREATLY rewarded in heaven for your courage and faith. No amount of suffering in this life will compare to the eternal joy in heaven…that is why the Saints were even willing to endure torture and death for Christ!

 

[pianistclare]

I encourage you to read the Gospels daily, partake in the Sacraments, and engage in prayer throughout the day. Share your thoughts and questions with God in prayer. I’m confident that God is working through your nephew to help bring you into a closer relationship with Him. Your nephew (and you) will be GREATLY rewarded in heaven for your courage and faith. No amount of suffering in this life will compare to the eternal joy in heaven…that is why the Saints were even willing to endure torture and death for Christ!

Right.
Call the Parish and ask someone to bring you Communion.
Preferably a Deacon who can counsel you.

 

[RPRPsych]

The greatest blessing in all the world is the inability to commit mortal sin. This child will not be snatched out of God’s hand. The power of hell has zero effect upon this child! After a short stint on earth, such a child is guaranteed a place in God’s Kingdom! What? Would you rather that he be “normal” and potentially commit sin after sin only to end up as miserable as you are? How would that be better?

Your attitude is poisoned by personal sin. Now, God will not assign you more than you can bear, but He allows you to overburden yourself with sin - and it clearly shows. There is only one solution, and it involves humility, God’s grace and the Sacrament of Reconciliation.

As to suffering, pick up a copy of Prof. Peter Kreeft’s “Making Sense out of Suffering” The Christian faith is the only religion/philosophy/worldview/belief system on earth with a satisfactory explanation of sin and suffering, absolution and grace.

It helps if you know the redemptive value of suffering.

Words to live by. Thank you for posting this, I needed a good kick.

 

[Irishmom2]

So what’s the alternative? To not have faith? How does that make things better?

That’s what I was thinking too.
Do you really think your life will be better without any faith? For me, that really would make life meaningless and pointless.

 

[Convert_in_99]

That’s what I was thinking too.
Do you really think your life will be better without any faith? For me, that really would make life meaningless and pointless.

No. But it’s easier to do nothing and not have to worry than spend the rest of my life being nuerotic over sin and appeasing the ever-angry ever-punishing God.

 

[Convert_in_99]

Re: red bold

God does not operate like this.
PLEASE speak to your priest for a better understanding of what the Church teaches about trials, illness, and dryness.

Yes He does punish. It clearly says so in both the old and new testaments.

 

[Convert_in_99]

Right.
Call the Parish and ask someone to bring you Communion.
Preferably a Deacon who can counsel you.

I am thankfully able to get to church on Sundays. My husband drives me when I can’t.

It’s rough finding priests willing to deal with mental illness on a regular basis. I do have a Deacon friend I used to talk to, but he got very busy. I can see if his schedule has cleared any.

 

[Convert_in_99]

Sent the deacon a text. It’s in the Lord’s hands now.

 

[ArielRussu]

No. But it’s easier to do nothing and not have to worry than spend the rest of my life being nuerotic over sin and appeasing the ever-angry ever-punishing God.

I feel your struggle. Dealing with OCD and scrupulously as well. I feel happier when I don’t think about religion because when I do, it makes me depressed and causes panic attacks. I know Gods real, I just have to keep reminding myself that God’s not Catholic or a God of any particular religion.

 

[Convert_in_99]

I feel your struggle. Dealing with OCD and scrupulously as well. I feel happier when I don’t think about religion because when I do, it makes me depressed and causes panic attacks. I know Gods real.

Exactly! It’s a horrible unrelenting cross to bear. And there’s no cure for OCD yet. I’ve been through years and years of counseling and also I’m on 3 meds for it plus an additional one just for panic attacks. And I’m still suffering so. I’m so sorry you have to carry this cross too! :console: Is it hard for you to find a priest willing to counsel you on an ongoing basis due to your mental health condition? I think it’s pretty common from what I’ve read.

 

[pianistclare]

Yes He does punish. It clearly says so in both the old and new testaments.

He forgives. The NT is full of it.
The OT is written to instruct people and to defer people away from sinful tendencies.
In OT times, people believed that sin was the reason for illness. We know this not to be true.
You’re depressed, I get it.
But you can’t give up on God, for He will never, ever, give up on you.
Until your dying breath…he waits and loves you.
But you know this. It’s the depression talking.
I hoe the Deacon calls you back soon. In the meantime, consider calling your Diocese’ family services people. They have a list of therapists and physicians that will work with you and your budget.
Peace.

 

[Convert_in_99]

He forgives. The NT is full of it.
The OT is written to instruct people and to defer people away from sinful tendencies.
In OT times, people believed that sin was the reason for illness. We know this not to be true.
You’re depressed, I get it.
But you can’t give up on God, for He will never, ever, give up on you.
Until your dying breath…he waits and loves you.
But you know this. It’s the depression talking.
I hoe the Deacon calls you back soon. In the meantime, consider calling your Diocese’ family services people. They have a list of therapists and physicians that will work with you and your budget.
Peace.

Yes He does forgive sin, but he still demands reparation for most people, at least in part. That is what I mean. I hope the Deacon gets back to me too. He had a family member with mental illness so he understands me more than most. We didn’t have luck with the Catholic center here when we first we’re looking. They just sent us elsewhere. We have benefits, but the last counselor couldn’t handle my OCD fully. It was a horrible experience in the end. Terrifying! I naturally am hesitant to pursue another one. My psychiatrist is great though. Thank God!

 

[ArielRussu]

Exactly! It’s a horrible unrelenting cross to bear. And there’s no cure for OCD yet. I’ve been through years and years of counseling and also I’m on 3 meds for it plus an additional one just for panic attacks. And I’m still suffering so. I’m so sorry you have to carry this cross too! :console: Is it hard for you to find a priest willing to counsel you on an ongoing basis due to your mental health condition? I think it’s pretty common from what I’ve read.

I have actually never brought up my inner struggles with a priest, not in years. The last time I tried I was in highschool and that priest looked at me with this judgmental expression and made me feel like I was being stupid

I plan/hope to talk to a priest or pastor one day this summer. Not sure when, I have things I need to talk about that I’ve been putting it off for the years.

 

[gardenswithkids]

((((hugs!)))))

I am so sorry that you continue to go through such a difficult time. Please know that you are in our prayers.

When I was going through a difficult time, I ran across a spiritual classic that I found extremely helpful called “Self Abandonment to Divine Providence” by Fr. Jean-Pierre de Caussade. It’s available in it’s entirety online for free. Here’s a link to it: catholicspiritualdirection.org/abandonment.pdf

 

[Convert_in_99]

Thank you all for your prayers. They helped!

I still feel horrible, but:

1. I have an appointment with the Deacon tomorrow. :bounce: He even offered to pick me up and take me to the Church (since I don’t have a car during most days and since I worry falling asleep at the wheel lately.)
2. I have a follow up with my doctor Saturday for my depression.
3. As another poster reminded me, my adrenal gland malfunctioning is probably exasperating my symptoms. I probably need to call that doctor too and tell him the medicine hasn’t kicked in yet, and if that’s normal.

 

[phil19034]

Thank you all for your prayers. They helped!

I still feel horrible, but:

1. I have an appointment with the Deacon tomorrow. :bounce: He even offered to pick me up and take me to the Church (since I don’t have a car during most days and since I worry falling asleep at the wheel lately.)
2. I have a follow up with my doctor Saturday for my depression.
3. As another poster reminded me, my adrenal gland malfunctioning is probably exasperating my symptoms. I probably need to call that doctor too and tell him the medicine hasn’t kicked in yet, and if that’s normal.

God Bless you.

And if I may, please look into catholictherapists.com. There are many great, orthodox Catholic therapists there who will meet you face to face, via Skype, or even over the phone.

I use a therapist I found on that site, and I’m very happy with that outcome.

 

[Vic_Taltrees_UK]

C in 99, your sensitivity is a gift (but a difficult one).

You are helping bear others’ burdens.

Know that good will come of it.

I hope the things you’ve listed work out well.

 

[Erikaspirit16]

I am dumbfounded by all this. OK, I’m a lot younger than the rest of you, and no, I have no idea what the backstory of all this is–some of you seem to know each other and each other’s previous posts and history. And I’m coming into this fresh. But maybe that’s a good thing.

Here are the highlights I’ve read so far:

"Ok I’ve committed a list of sins a mile long, I get it why I’m being beat up on.

And through your nephew’s sacrifice other souls will be saved.

God does not permit evil, except to draw a greater good from it.

But the difference is it [nephew’s suffering] will no longer have a purpose. At all.

Instead he’s deepening everyone to their raw capacity. He’s pushing for the deepest wells possible.

Because only that way [our suffering] can He really even get close to connecting with us.

He allows you to overburden yourself with sin - and it clearly shows.

I don’t know for sure if I’m just still being punished for those serious sins of my past, or is God mad about something in the present?

I very much believe we are punished for sins. Both here and in the next life.

You are important and special and an extremely critical part of God’s plan.

Yes He does punish. It clearly says so in both the old and new testaments."

What on earth have I stumbled into? Whatever you people are talking about, it has no relation to the Catholic Church I know. You all seem to be discussing some sci fi evil God who “tests” people with torture to their breaking point, then punishes them if they break. Where did this come from? Not the New Testament. Some of the statements sound like something an abusive husband would say to his abused wife. I don’t see any point in saying anything else. Just to an outsider this all seems very bizarre.