L
LatinByzCath
Guest
Hi, all.
I wanted to post this. I ask for your prayers. I would also love to hear from those of you who may have gone through something similar.
I am 21 now. A few years ago, I was extremely zealous and prideful in my faith. I couldn’t abide the Novus Ordo as it is celebrated in my diocese and things like that, having been raised in a very traditional Eastern Catholic Church where tradition and ritual were a very important part of spirituality. I didn’t mean to be a pharisee - it was just a stark contrast when I attended mass that had a guitar, communion was prepared in glass vessels, and the Church had more secular decorations in it than religious ones. I still don’t feel comfortable with that kind of Church, but I don’t deny that for some it’s way better than a Church with a steeple and bells and statues and incense. (I’m a Trad for life, I guess).
I saw through my own understanding of faith. Everything fell apart about a year ago for me. I am gay, and I was content being celibate. But I began to ask myself why I would be so miserable I questioned absolutely everything, and I resolved that if something didn’t make sense to me, I was not going to believe it was objective truth. To be truthful, at first I was happy this way. I felt very free, and could think what I want.
Now, though, that has also simmered down. I finally understand why faith is so praised among virtues - accepting something we can not see or understand is very difficult to do. But if I believe in an ineffable God, then it must be so.
The truth is that I don’t know whether God is there. But I am going to put my faith in the idea that He is there, and that Christ is His Truth.
I take myself much less seriously now. I’m so flawed, and I struggle with things some do not, so I cannot compare myself to anyone.
I am returning to the Church sacramentally (with confession) this coming Saturday, and I’ll go to mass on Sunday.
I’m still unsure if I will be celibate my entire life. I’m unsure of so much. All I know right now is the idea that I am not able to express myself sexually with another person because I am exclusively attracted to members of the same gender as myself is very depressing and sad for me, and if I internalize this idea I quickly become apathetic about much in my life.
But, I’m going to try. I’m going to take it one day at a time, and go on from there. I just wish that things made more sense. At first I wanted only black and white answers from the Church, and was frustrated when I would be given a bunch of grey. Now I see how things are not that simple. The Church is a Mother who cares for us, which is why there are different approaches to every situation.
I am going to be doing my masters degree in social work, and I hope to do it at the Catholic University of America or Loyola University. I love the Church, and I feel that my career as a social worker marries perfectly with Catholic teaching on love and justice.
For now, there is so much I don’t know. I don’t know what the absolute truth is. But I’m trying, and I’m giving it to God. I think that’s the best thing I can be doing right now.
Anyway, please pray for me.
I wanted to post this. I ask for your prayers. I would also love to hear from those of you who may have gone through something similar.
I am 21 now. A few years ago, I was extremely zealous and prideful in my faith. I couldn’t abide the Novus Ordo as it is celebrated in my diocese and things like that, having been raised in a very traditional Eastern Catholic Church where tradition and ritual were a very important part of spirituality. I didn’t mean to be a pharisee - it was just a stark contrast when I attended mass that had a guitar, communion was prepared in glass vessels, and the Church had more secular decorations in it than religious ones. I still don’t feel comfortable with that kind of Church, but I don’t deny that for some it’s way better than a Church with a steeple and bells and statues and incense. (I’m a Trad for life, I guess).
I saw through my own understanding of faith. Everything fell apart about a year ago for me. I am gay, and I was content being celibate. But I began to ask myself why I would be so miserable I questioned absolutely everything, and I resolved that if something didn’t make sense to me, I was not going to believe it was objective truth. To be truthful, at first I was happy this way. I felt very free, and could think what I want.
Now, though, that has also simmered down. I finally understand why faith is so praised among virtues - accepting something we can not see or understand is very difficult to do. But if I believe in an ineffable God, then it must be so.
The truth is that I don’t know whether God is there. But I am going to put my faith in the idea that He is there, and that Christ is His Truth.
I take myself much less seriously now. I’m so flawed, and I struggle with things some do not, so I cannot compare myself to anyone.
I am returning to the Church sacramentally (with confession) this coming Saturday, and I’ll go to mass on Sunday.
I’m still unsure if I will be celibate my entire life. I’m unsure of so much. All I know right now is the idea that I am not able to express myself sexually with another person because I am exclusively attracted to members of the same gender as myself is very depressing and sad for me, and if I internalize this idea I quickly become apathetic about much in my life.
But, I’m going to try. I’m going to take it one day at a time, and go on from there. I just wish that things made more sense. At first I wanted only black and white answers from the Church, and was frustrated when I would be given a bunch of grey. Now I see how things are not that simple. The Church is a Mother who cares for us, which is why there are different approaches to every situation.
I am going to be doing my masters degree in social work, and I hope to do it at the Catholic University of America or Loyola University. I love the Church, and I feel that my career as a social worker marries perfectly with Catholic teaching on love and justice.
For now, there is so much I don’t know. I don’t know what the absolute truth is. But I’m trying, and I’m giving it to God. I think that’s the best thing I can be doing right now.
Anyway, please pray for me.