I am a 20 year old female, and I am Roman Catholic.
I am a nice person, I am not assertive, and I put other people before me.
Ever since I was about 18 or 19, I’ve felt that God doesn’t want me to be happy and he punishes me for things that I want to do.
For example, I’m scared to eat something that I want to eat because God will punish me for it because it’s what I want.
I have OCD, anxiety, and depression.
How do I stop feeling this way? I feel like I can’t live my life because God doesn’t want me to.
I’m not a counselor or a priest or in any way qualified to advise you. But as one human being to another, I’ll say this.
I can’t think God hates you, because He made you. And by the way, He gave you taste buds and a sense of smell precisely so you could enjoy the fruits of the earth. It’s not paradise here by a long way, but He does give us enough to have some idea what it’s like.
Do you think He didn’t want the disciples to feel better when they ate the loaves and fishes? He didn’t insist that they all have hunger gnawing at them. When, on the shore of the Sea of Galilee, he cooked up some fish for the apostles, do you think He did that so they could feel guilty about enjoying it? No, he cooked up some fish so they would be nourished and He fully intended that they enjoy it. That’s why He cooked it instead of insisting that they eat it raw, entrails and all, or perhaps rocks instead of fish.
Remember how he asked how (can’t remember where it is) if a child asked its father for bread, would He give it a stone? If it asked for a fish, would He give it a snake?
If, indeed, you have OCD or perhaps a chemical kind of depression (serotonin uptake problem or something) you really need to see a professional about it. After all, God made those people and made them to care about your mental state precisely for you.
But otherwise, and aside from that, when I read “down” kinds of things, I always think of Belloc’s little ditty, and it’s good to think about it:
“Wherever the Catholic sun does shine
There’s music, laughter and good red wine.
At least I’ve always found it so.
Benidicamus Domino.”
We’re not a bunch of fundamentalists who think God is Ebenezer Scrooge. We’re Catholics, and that means we think of Him as a father who hands us a fish when we’re hungry and doesn’t begrudge the fish, but tells us also how to be with Him forever. Would a God who made heaven not want us to at least see butterflies here?
Satan is trying to trick you, so don’t let him.