I'm scared that I have lost my faith

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The other night a friend and I went to a praise and worship event at a local parish. As part of the service we had eucharistic adoration. We kneeled down and listened to music as we basked in the love of the Lord. BUT…as I was kneeling there and my back hurt and my knees ached and i just wanted to go to sleep, a horribly scary thought occured to me.
“Why are we doing this? It’s just a piece of wafer!” crossed my mind and scared the hell out of me.
I have only been a Catholic for almost one year and I truly love it. So, why would that thought cross my mind? Was a just tired? (I had just completed a particularly grueling week…) Am I having a faith crisis? What is going on with me?
I hope that someone will help because I am so scared. :eek:
 
it’s called temptation, and we combat temptation at its source, telling the devil to be gone, and focusing renewed attention, love and adoration on our Lord. When the temptation comes through the intellect, we use the intellect to combat it. Use imagination to recall the events of our Lord’s Passion, Death and Resurrection to bring us back to love for him and thanksgiving for his sacrifice on our behalf.
 
Agree with puzzleannie…

This has happened to me, if that makes you feel better.

If we are not close to God, we do not notice temptation.

satan be gone!
 
also be assured if you had already lost your faith satan would not be wasting his time with you, he would be going after those closest to the Lord.
 
Kera said:
The other night a friend and I went to a praise and worship event at a local parish. As part of the service we had eucharistic adoration. We kneeled down and listened to music as we basked in the love of the Lord. BUT…as I was kneeling there and my back hurt and my knees ached and i just wanted to go to sleep, a horribly scary thought occured to me.
“Why are we doing this? It’s just a piece of wafer!” crossed my mind and scared the hell out of me.
I have only been a Catholic for almost one year and I truly love it. So, why would that thought cross my mind? Was a just tired? (I had just completed a particularly grueling week…) Am I having a faith crisis? What is going on with me?
I hope that someone will help because I am so scared. :eek:
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Remember, even the apostles fell asleep . . . three times! “The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak.” We are all human. I have several funny anecdotes about friends falling asleep during adoration (while we were in college).

With regard to your question of faith, remember that Satan is trying to kill you. He and his minions are always near, whispering in your ear. Have you ever read The Screwtape Letters by C.S. Lewis? If you haven’t, it may be able to help you; it is rather short but very eye opening.
 
nerddad said:
i sufer from distractions a lot …usually when praying the rosary,
here is a link to a site that helped me understand what was happening circleofprayer.com/secret47.html
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Thank you so much!!!

Just what I needed this morning. I’m sitting here, trying my best to talk myself into going over here, in the corner of my bedroom, kneel and say a Rosary. I want to do it so much, but I’m feeling sluggish as described in that website, I’m telling myself that I can wait until after I get this or that done today. But really, I NEED to pray that Rosary right now!

So, I’m going upstairs, I’m going to print out this article and read it often…thank you!
 
St. Therese said that her mind wandered all the time while praying the Rosary, but she knew God appreciated the effort.

For that matter, she had something like a crisis of faith. I don’t know the details, but she went through years of darkness and spiritual dryness. I don’t know if she ever thought, “It’s just a wafer” but I know she went through periods of not feeling all lovey about the faith.
 
I think we can assume that most, if not all, Catholics will go through such experience at least once in their life time. The problem is whether we want to persevere to follow Christ or succumb to the temptation.

Saints - Sinners who keep trying to lead a holy life and do not give up easily.
 
I had a similar occurence happen to me.

Two years ago, the day before Ash Wednesday, I scheduled a face-to-face confession with my parish priest. I had not been to confession or mass in 30 years. For a while I was feeling a calling to come back to the church and actually live my Catholicism, instead of wearing it like a hat that I could take off at any time.

Well, I went to Ash Wednesday services and to church that following Sunday. I have been struggling to return ever since. I haven’t been to confession in these two years and I have only gone to mass once or twice. I have been ambivalent toward my faith and I feel like I am being pulled in thirty different directions.

I have been told by faithful friends that the devil saw that I was returning to my faith and he didn’t approve. Amazing is the speed in which satan can work. So, I too am struggling to figure this out and to find my way back to living my Catholic faith. I again want to stop hovering.

Lent is always a time when I feel a strong need to conquer my demons.
 
Voluntary and involuntary doubts happen to all of us, some more than others. I speak with experience on this matter. Do not be afraid because you had a thought that the Eucharist is only a wafer. I am also a convert to the faith. Many times I have struggled to rally my faith in the Real Presence of Our Lord in the Eucharist (and sometimes other matters of faith); I’ve had thoughts identical to the one you described.

It isn’t a loss of faith, because faith does not mean never having doubts. Faith is not a static mental certainty that requires no effort on our part; remember, it is an act of the intellect, moved by the will, to believe, even if that belief feels “shaky” or empty. Faith or lack thereof consists in how we respond to thoughts like the one you had the other night-whether we agree with it and give up, or whether we say, “Lord, I believe, help my unbelief.”
 
Jersey_Jeepster said:
I had a similar occurence happen to me.

Two years ago, the day before Ash Wednesday, I scheduled a face-to-face confession with my parish priest. I had not been to confession or mass in 30 years. For a while I was feeling a calling to come back to the church and actually live my Catholicism, instead of wearing it like a hat that I could take off at any time.

Well, I went to Ash Wednesday services and to church that following Sunday. I have been struggling to return ever since. I haven’t been to confession in these two years and I have only gone to mass once or twice. I have been ambivalent toward my faith and I feel like I am being pulled in thirty different directions.

I have been told by faithful friends that the devil saw that I was returning to my faith and he didn’t approve. Amazing is the speed in which satan can work. So, I too am struggling to figure this out and to find my way back to living my Catholic faith. I again want to stop hovering.

Lent is always a time when I feel a strong need to conquer my demons.
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Praying for you, Jersey Jeepster! It helped me to find a “Mass buddy”, rather like an exercise buddy, who was going to expect me at Mass and would call to check on me if I didn’t go.

I’ve also always enjoyed the Saturday vigil. I admit, I’m not a morning person and there have been times when the temptation of that snooze button on Sunday was just too much for me.
 
Jersey_Jeepster said:
I had a similar occurence happen to me.
Two years ago, the day before Ash Wednesday, I scheduled a face-to-face confession with my parish priest. I had not been to confession or mass in 30 years. For a while I was feeling a calling to come back to the church and actually live my Catholicism, instead of wearing it like a hat that I could take off at any time.
Well, I went to Ash Wednesday services and to church that following Sunday. I have been struggling to return ever since. I haven’t been to confession in these two years and I have only gone to mass once or twice. I have been ambivalent toward my faith and I feel like I am being pulled in thirty different directions.
I have been told by faithful friends that the devil saw that I was returning to my faith and he didn’t approve. Amazing is the speed in which satan can work. So, I too am struggling to figure this out and to find my way back to living my Catholic faith. I again want to stop hovering.
Lent is always a time when I feel a strong need to conquer my demons.
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I had to look twice at this message to be sure I didn’t write it myself. This is almost my story except I took the step before last Christmas (during Advent), just before which I attended confession for the first time in more than thirty years. I have been attending Church weekly since, although I have to admit that I am somewhat disillusioned with the current state of the Church (topic for another day).

The doubts will creep in as will the temptations to sin. You will fall along the way - I still do. The key is to persist in prayer, honest effort and rational thought (reasoning). I mention the latter as our faith is not a blind devotion, but something real and tangible, the evidence for which is all around us. When I find myself starting to backpeddle, I remind myself of:

(1) Numerous miracles and apparitions that have occured and are occuring still all around the world (be careful to discern the true from the false);
(2) of the persistent and growing presence of noticeable evil - abortion; mass murders; state promotion of homosexuality and sexual promiscuity; attacks on the institutions of marriage and the family; attacks against the true faith; etc., - the increase of which everywhere in the world can only be understood in the context of a worldwide evil presence;
(3) the effectivenness of prayer especially the Rosary: when I began my return back to the Catholic Faith, I was confronted with physical manifestations of pure evil more than once, usually in the middle of the night. I can only say that you will recognize pure evil when confronted with it. I was delivered from these forces specifically by appealing for help to our Blessed Mother through the Rosary. Our Lady always came to my assistance and I highly recommend praying the Rosary as often as possible.

The change in the direction of my life initially occurred as I read some accounts of Catholic exorcisms and subsequently Catholic prophecy (some are available on the net). Again, I recommend proceeding very cautiously to discern the true accounts from the plethora of lies, hype and nonsense out there. To make a long story short, I quickly came to the realization of the truth about God by being shocked into the realization of the true existence of evil (Satan, demons, posession) manifested in the world, the many effects of which we see all around us most often by our own doing (mankind’s).

You may have a different experience but “shock therapy” did it for me. Incidentally, I highly recommend a book authored by Marino Restrepo called From Darkness Into The Light. The revelations made to him by Our Lord are staggering. Keep up your struggle. Remember in Whose Name we struggle.
 
don’t worry. it happens to ALL of us! 🙂 All you have to do is say “Leave me alone Satan!” I remember a similar experience, I was sitting in mass thinking, “I’m wasting a perfectly good hour wasting away while this guy up there thinks he is making a person who never even really exisited.” at the same moment I was thinking that the priest raised the host and said “This is the body of CHRIST” just then I said “begone Satan” and my faith was renewed. I’ll pray for you.
 
I had a particularly insightful teacher for part of my RCIA process. In the beginning, we were pretty much meeting just one-on-one, and I shared with her some of the profound prayer experiences I was going through as part of my conversion experience. She told me WRITE IT DOWN!!! DON’T DELAY – WRITE IT ALL DOWN NOW!!!

She explained that after my baptism, First Eucharist and confirmation, I would eventually have a moment of doubt, of thinking “its just a wafer”… .it WILL happen, she says, it is a common thing – either human nature or a ploy of the Devil, take your pick. So she explained, when I start to have doubts, I could read my journal of conversion experiences.

Its not too late. Get away somewhere quiet, light a candle, say a prayer and then start journaling about your conversion experience. Ask the Holy Spirit to bring to mind the most important points for your to record.

And know that sometimes we all just say, “I’m sorta sinking here Lord and can’t remember why I believe in all this, but darnnit – I CHOOSE to believe anyhow, here and now I BELIEVE” (and I often stamp my foot at the same time).

I can almost here Him chuckling when I say that. But I trust my experience, I trust my judgment made at great cost through my conversion, and I trust HIM, even if the odd weird thought crosses my mind.

Also – if your knees hurt, you can get up and sit down somewhere. God will understand. I remember being on an annual retreat and we finally confessed to the Monks that we just didn’t want another adoration in the big chapel because we were so cold at night we couldn’t do anything but think about our discomfort and need to pee. We had ALL been dreading this annual first night event.

The poor men were horrified! The cold and discomfort were NOT part of the adoration – wearing long woolen garments and being used to kneeling, they had no idea we old women were just plain cold and miserable. We switched to chairs in the in-house chapel and it was wonderful. And we were all soundly disciplined for not getting off our knees when it hurt and asking them to either turn up the heat or provide blankets. Being “pious” little Catholic women was not the point – adoring God was… boy that was something.

sojo
 
Kira, it is the faith in God that has protected me from having a terrible life. God has always been good to me and I have never doubted him. Yes, there are times when I don’t want to go to church or spend time in the cold when our church decides to have a spiritual event outside. I too… am afraid of the cold, I too… can’t kneel for too long, I too… get restless in church, etc.
But I never doubt.

Two years ago a friend of mine who doubted in God saw St. Gabriel the ARCHANGEL appear to her and to some other drivers who were driving up to Big Bear mountain located in Los Angeles county. They all stopped their cars to watch St. Gabriel the archangel appear to them in a beautiful white light and he said
to the people starring at him…“NEVER DOUBT” then he slowly disappeared into a beautiful blue green light.
This friend of mine does doubt in God many times but she still trys to keep the faith. I find it interesting that she is that way even after she and others saw the Archangel Gabriel.

I am not a perfect Catholic but I just keep trying to do my best to be the best I can. I don’t care what other people think of me. All I know is that I am trying my best to do what is right in life.

I think you were just tired and not in the mood to pray. There are times when we are not in the mood to do something.

I try to get to church 30minutes early to get rid of my fidgety body movements and try to relax so when the Mass starts I am psychologically prepared.

You are new to the Catholic church and need to give yourself time. Don’t be hard on yourself and try to be perfect. Just learn to hang loose and you will do better as a Catholic.
I made some serious mistakes when I first became a Catholic.
So I am not throwing any stones. I am glad you had the courage to tell how you feel about your experience with your thoughts.
The Devil shows up where ever he pleases to put doubts in peoples minds. He got you at a weak moment. Next time you get a negative thought just say, “GO AWAY” and the negative thought will leave you. It works for me. Keep the faith.
 
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