(part 2 of 2)
well, in regards to the actual sin you are worried about,
the only moment at which something like that becomes a mortal sin, is when you realize the sin, and still continue in it without any effort to drive it from you, even a halfhearted effort can make the difference between mortal and venial, provided you actually end up overcoming the temptation to sin,
and the main fact of it is, this “joke” kinda just popped up on you, it took you by surprise right? and even though you laughed, you still realized it’s evil and turned away from it, and that’s what matters,
God doesn’t expect you to act perfectly right off the bat, He simply wants you to try, He knows you are weak, and He knows better than you do what to expect from you,
of course that’s not to say that our sins aren’t serious, of course they are, but it’s the attitude towards our sins and ourselves that sometimes isn’t right,
but one thing i’ve realized with most people nowadays is, there’s just no penance being taken for sins,
this is something to really think about, God has given us penance for a purpose, it is there for good reason, and since God is perfect and can neither be taken away from or added to, therefore we must conclude that penance is for our sake, even though it is a kind of “payment” for our sins, but i think, at least i speculate, that it may be like this - sin causes spiritual decay, and it separates us from God, it corrupts the mind, perverts the will, and causes all kinds of evil in the world,
well, those are the reasons God is so displeased with us when we sin, He is displeased because of how sin hurts us,
and so, in order to make reparation for these sins, we do penances,
penances are things like, enduring hard things, things that make us suffer, either physically or mentally, whether they are great sufferings or little ones,
and by these penances, we appease Gods anger, and why is that? well if it is by the effect of sin that angers God, than perhaps it is by reversing this effect or correcting it that Gods anger is appeased.
well…that is my speculation, but as far as church teaching goes on penance,
if you are feeling guilty and your peace has gone away, chances are you are craving to make reparation for you sins,
we are told that from justice comes peace, because by paying for our sins we are freed from them,
it is natural that we would have a desire to pay for the wrong we have done, especially when you are aware of the great love of God for you, and how you have offended such a pure and loving God,
that is how God has made us, and it is good, and it brings peace.
and even though confession is known as the sacrament of penance, and the priest gives you a little penance after confession, that is not where your penance stops,
the penance the priest gives you is really more of a starter penance, and the reason priests tend not to give you bigger penances is because they don’t want to scare you away with them…but you should still do more,
well, i’m not going to make this twice as long by getting into penance, but if you want to learn more about it, there are many books and other things to help you understand it.
so, just don’t worry, we are all weak and inclined towards sin, and although we should try our best not to fall, when we do, we should pick ourselves up and just keep going, because the only way you will get somewhere is by taking action, and the only way to grow is to nourish yourself, and to grow spiritually you must nourish your soul, so just keep trying, with Gods help you can do anything.
ok, that’s all for now…i hope this helps, although i feel like i’ve made it a little confusing,
i’ll be praying for you anyways, take care.
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