I'm so angry

[mommy_k]

May Our Lady relieve you of your suffering. Praying that she releases you from feelings of resentment, anger, betrayal and all other negative emotions. May She guide you in obtaining peace in your heart and give you the realization that God’s peace within you does not need to rely on the eternal actions of others but the internal. Praying that she allows you to see the blessings of your life and realign your focus to overcome anger with feelings of love for God and others.

Amen

 

[robwar]

From the sticky notes at the top of the prayer intention forum:

“The prayer intentions forum is for prayer intentions and prayers offered, ONLY. It is not intended to be used as a debate board, a suggestion board, or an advice board. Please do not turn prayer intentions postings into conversations.”

I have some thoughts for you, but I’m not going to break the forum rules.

Please repost your request for advice in a different forum if you actually want advice.

thank-you, that was the point I was trying to make

 

[pollylodges]

Saint Michael, the archangel, defend us in battle, be our defense against the wickedness and snares of the devil, may God rebuke him, we humbly pray. And do you, O’ Prince of the Heavenly host, by the power of God thrust into Hell Satan and all the other evil spirits who prowl about the world for the ruin of souls.

Amen.

†

Our Father who art in Heaven, hallowed be thy name.

Thy kingdom come, thy will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven.

Give us this day our daily bread.

And forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us.

And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.

Amen.

†

Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee.

Blessed are you among women, and blessed is the fruit of your womb Jesus.

Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death.

Amen.

†

 

[Mystical_Seeker]

It looks like it’s ok to discuss now, since it’s in the Spirituality forum.

First thing is to recognize that the anger, in and of itself, is causing problems. And I separate the anger from the bad behavior of others.

It is possible to “not be angry” despite others’ “bad behavior” but this is counter-intuitive because ever since we were little, we have been told by authority figures they are “angry” with us for this and “happy” with us for that.

What’s to conclude, from the repeated training of us as children that it’s not only “normal” but “expected” that my behavior controls their feelings – but that when we get older, the behavior of others must naturally control our feelings.

I believe this is one of the primary things Jesus wanted to free us from. The false belief that our emotions are under direct control of others. Other people’s behavior made me so “mad” it landed me in a mental ward against my will and lost what had been a successful 20 year professional career with psychosis. I have found the answer is a cognitive restructuring.

So first, believe there is a world that can have these same people in it, you’ll have the same issues to deal with, but without your being angry. Because the anger causes problems with itself.

Now feigned anger is another issue. If you use “the appearance of anger” as a strategy to protect yourself from certain aggressive people, for example, I’d put that into a different category – because now you’re just being a “dramatic actor” of sorts, more than getting you insides torn up inside because of others.

How do you feel about the whole process of restructuring your thoughts? Is that something you are good at doing, since you sound pretty articulate I was thinking you may have this ability. Because you can actually be what I am confident Jesus means by “in the kingdom” with a certain mental outlook. It’s a mindset of unconditional love and mercy, that even though you can see all the evil and falsehood around you, you are still in a state of serenity.

And sure even when we get to that state it can take a long time to process and mortify our triggers, but it gets easier IMO.

It also helps if you are good at “being your own observer” of your own thoughts and motives. Like starting with the outside, can you “see yourself” and “hear yourself” as others seem to see and hear you? If you can, then that’s what I mean by “being your own observer.” It is hard to do this with impartiality, but if you can do it with little-to-zero judgment, it can help you become fluent – especially when you take it inside your own thoughts.

And here’s where your enemies come in handy. They more “junk” they throw at you, the more examples you have to process, in trying to see where that anger is coming from.

That’s enough from me until I see if you’re interested in pursuing this line of thinking – of “thinking your way out” of anger eventually, supplemented by whatever seems to work.

For example, contemplative prayer has worked wonders for me. I met and SD about a month after I went psycho, and he started me on it – best thing ever.

Also I’ve found a lot of ways to deal with even very subtle anger, while I’m driving… so that’s a whole other strategy I use to “pretend” various things that “explain” situations in a strategic way – kind of like pretending I’m in a formation of blue angels or maybe presidential motorcade escort, rather than trapped by cars on all sides – aka “cognitive reframing” according to a psychology of personality teacher I described it to.

 

[Xantippe]

I have some thoughts:

1. You don’t seem to have a lot of empathy for anybody around you. The only pain that you can see is your pain. There are good people around you and there are other people that are suffering, and if you can’t see that, it’s a danger sign.

Think seriously about getting evaluated for depression and seeking out psychological support for yourself as a special needs parent.

1. Why does being the sole provider mean being “last”?
2. I’m not sure you are there for your wife emotionally at this point. It doesn’t sound like you have a lot to give.
3. I’m sorry you don’t have enough support from your parish and from elsewhere. Are you and your wife taking full advantage of all programs available for children with your kids’ condition?

One of our kids is 12 and is mildly autistic. She’s done a ton of therapy and had a ton of help since she was diagnosed at 6, and she now leads a very normal life. I’m assuming that your kids have much more serious conditions, but all the same, I do understand. When my daughter was 6 and 7, she’d throw forks and pencils at me point first when she was mad, she’d throw food, she’d refuse to eat or drink or go to the bathroom, she’d walk into walls, she’d fall out of chairs, she’d have multi-hour tantrums, I had to dress her for school until she was 8, I had to literally drag her to the car in the morning for school, and I’d get awful reports from school and I was so scared she was going to get expelled, etc. Things were tough. But we put her in lots of therapy (physical therapy, social skills circle and riding therapy), I studied positive reinforcement, I worked hard on the positive reinforcement and a points system with her, we worked with school, and little by little, things improved. In fact, things have improved so much that she occasionally works as a mother’s helper for a friend of mine with a seriously disabled child. And she’s really good with him.

I don’t know what your particular situation is, but I do know that there are people out there that want to help you, there are lots of different options, and your life can be better. And I know how isolating and embarrassing special needs can be.

Just as a stop gap, do you have a college in your area? It might be a very good thing to find an education student working in special education and train them to be a mother’s helper and eventually babysitter. It sounds like you and your wife need some alone time and fun together in the worst way. In fact, I suspect that that (and psychological evaluation for you) are probably your family’s most pressing needs.

If you have no help in your current area, how about moving to an area with better services or resources? I’ve been impressed with a local college’s autism center. Living within commuting distance of a college with an education department could give you and your wife access to energetic, idealistic young people that would love to work for you.

1. I know you think your family is useless, but can you ask them for specific things that are within their abilities? For instance, a relative might not be able to watch your kids, but they might be able to mow your lawn once in a while or set up for a birthday party or pick up some groceries, or whatever. Also, money is good. Money buys all sorts of wonderful things, like therapy and babysitters. One of the best things my in-laws did for us was to send us $900 when our oldest was first being evaluated and then to pay for most of her riding therapy for a number of years.
2. Make sure to keep up your social connections, even if it’s just Facebook or going out to lunch with coworkers.

Best wishes!

 

[chuck001]

Hey man. I am going through the exact same thing and I just jumped on CAF to see if anyone is going through the same. It’s amazing how your situation is almost identical to mine and I found this on my first search. As hard as it might seem, prayer in the only way. Are you confirmed catholic and partake in the sacraments? I can’t say advise a lot because I am going though RCIA now but what I can do is testify my convictions. I was in business with a guy who wore the “Christian hat” but had no desire to live out the faith. As much as he would deny, he wants to get rich as fast as possible and says once he gets there, he wants to hand out Bibles to children. Of course, he could care less about anyone but getting himself rich. He is trying to stiff me out of 3 days pay by not answering my texts or calls. As you can imagine, I am full or rage. I do the best I can to control it but in the end, what really helps is asking myself, why am I so angry? God sent His Son to die so that we can have a relationship with Him and yet we forget all about that until something happens to us. That usually does the trick and calms my nerves. Send me a PM f you would like to talk more. God Bless you man…

 

[Vic_Taltrees_UK]

May God send into your life a wider range of people with a wider outlook and better models of proactive empathy and trust in God.

I’ve observed this kind of situation a lot over the last 61 years.

To get to feel safe, and to become confident and serene in our memories, and to step forth into abundant life, we need scope.

 

[Michael96]

Hello Mr Lonely.

It’s been a little while since you posted the original post.

How are you feeling now? Are you coping OK?

Michael

 

[roseofshannon]

I’m so sorry you are going through such difficulties!

:console:

Remember, O most gracious Virgin Mary,
that never was it known that anyone who fled to your protection,
implored your help, or sought your intercession,
was left unaided.
Inspired by this confidence,
I fly unto you, O Virgin of virgins, my Mother.
To you do I come, before you I stand, sinful and sorrowful.
O Mother of the Word Incarnate,
despise not my petitions,
but in your mercy, hear and answer me.
Amen.

I rebuke all evil thoughts inflicting pain upon dear Mr Lonely in the name of Jesus Christ.
I bind those thoughts with the crown of thorns of Jesus.
I cover them with the precious blood of Jesus.
I cast those thoughts out to the foot of the cross of Jesus Christ the Lord and Savior of all.
I ask the Holy Spirit to replace those thoughts with hope, encouragement, love and fortitude!

St. Michael the Archangel
Defend us in battle
Be our protection against the wickedness and snares of the devil
May God rebuke him we humbly pray
And do though o prince of the Heavenly Host
Cast into Hell, satan and all the evil spirits
Who prowl about the world seeking the ruin of souls

 

[Mr_Lonely]

Quick update…things have been hard.

I’m trying to cope, but it’s been very hard…

Thank you for your prayers.

 

[Vic_Taltrees_UK]

…

1. You don’t seem to have a lot of empathy for anybody around you. The only pain that you can see is your pain. There are good people around you and there are other people that are suffering, and if you can’t see that, it’s a danger sign.

…

I want to affirm that I think Mr Lonely has a high level of empathy.

However, his extended family members are making it difficult for Mr Lonely to have compassion on them in his already overstretched state. If they could own their own individuality, they would place less burden on him and his wife.

Been saying more Our Fathers for you mate.

 

[Mr_Lonely]

Can someone please share how you have gotten over, or in the process of getting over, being so anger?

I find myself getting consumed by the anger. My mind runs wild about potential scenarios of people hurting me again and it’s enrages me. I’m trying to control it, but it’s getting harder and harder.

BTW…I’ve started paying more attention to my prayer life to help. It’s helped a little, but any advise from someone who’s gone through, and survived, what I am going through is greatly appreciated.

Thanks in advance.

 

[Whalljim]

Honestly it sounds like you have alot of rage and feelings of hurt that are circling around and self reinforcing.

Your situation sounds incredibly difficult by itself. I’d like to say I empathize, but I cannot as I am not in your situation.

I have been in the situation where I’ve had the feelings of rage, hurt at others actions, and burn out bouncing around in my life.

I respectfully suggest you are beyond the immediate help of this forum. We can (and I’m sure most will) pray for you; and that ultimately will help.

But like a cold that won’t go away, sometimes you need more immediate help. For me it was to carve out the time to go to a counselor. I had to go to a couple before I found one that worked for me.

Just the act of having someone listen in a safe and legally private environment was an immediate help. And having someone see patterns and ways I could help myself over time was a long term help.

While doing all this, keep praying. As God to guide you out of your situation, or to ‘broaden your shoulders’. He knows whats the best way for you. Listen to the promptings of the Holy Spirit and give yourself the gift of quiet time with Him, even if its only for 10 minutes a day. I used to take 10 minutes in my car at work.

You have to take steps. The anger and desire for vengeance will eat you up as surely as cancer, and will spill over to your wife and children, no matter how much you think you are hiding it or keeping it under control.

God Bless, and I’ll be praying for you.

 

[Whalljim]

Can someone please share how you have gotten over, or in the process of getting over, being so anger?

I find myself getting consumed by the anger. My mind runs wild about potential scenarios of people hurting me again and it’s enrages me. I’m trying to control it, but it’s getting harder and harder.

I had a similar situation with anger. My reasons were different and less extreme, but not wholly unlike yours.

3 things did it for me:

A) Counseling
B) Eucharistic Adoration
C) Quiet time in prayer.

I’ve got a book called ‘Jesus Calling’ by Sarah Young that I read daily now in the morning that helps to keep things in perspective.

Anger is addictive sometimes. Its a raging bull in your mind, and it can give you a bit of satisfaction and catharsis I think being angry at people for their slights. But in the end its self destructive.

 

[Vic_Taltrees_UK]

… My mind runs wild about potential scenarios of people hurting me again and it’s enrages me. I’m trying to control it, but it’s getting harder and harder.

BTW…I’ve started paying more attention to my prayer life to help. It’s helped a little, but any advise from someone who’s gone through, and survived, what I am going through is greatly appreciated. …

The Dickens children had a toy theatre. It’s interesting how like plays CD’s novels are. Now it’s natural that all of us mount hypothetical scenarios in our minds, symbolising various dynamics that we are trying to “process” in our memory, initiative etc.

I find the trick is to, every now and again, say to myself, that the scenario is a “would be in hypothetical circumstances” or a “might be” and not an “is”. I congratulate myself for my imagination. I try to introduce various little low-key bits of perceptual perspective. By the law of averages the situation often pans out slightly different than one of those scenarios. I regard my emotions as natural and not necessarily very closely harnessed to exact circumstances though these naturally feed into them a lot.

It is most understandable that you feel deeply because you are caring greatly for your family.

 

[mlz]

Can someone please share how you have gotten over, or in the process of getting over, being so anger?

I find myself getting consumed by the anger. My mind runs wild about potential scenarios of people hurting me again and it’s enrages me. I’m trying to control it, but it’s getting harder and harder.

BTW…I’ve started paying more attention to my prayer life to help. It’s helped a little, but any advise from someone who’s gone through, and survived, what I am going through is greatly appreciated.

Thanks in advance.

My daughter has been through what it seems you are going through with anger. She is not Catholic so does not have access to the Sacraments as you do which you are SO blessed to have yet I’ve seen a gradual improvement by her seeking Jesus and learning about herself from a close friend she trusts to be very honest with her ( she has learned to trust this person and now us, her parents, although this took time) You too can be healed and freed of this bondage I am confident…Our Lord is so patient and good and when we show Him our need and desire for Him to help us He is SO present and ready!! He SO desires your BEST (and the evil one desires your destruction) so go to Jesus our LOarD and Living Savior to deliver you from this bondage. When these thoughts of hurt, anger, retaliation come upon you say( whether you"feel " like it or not… " I reject these thoughts in the Holy Name of Jesus Christ my Lord and forgive, in His Holy Name those who have hurt me. Amen. Bring healing to my soul dear Jesus and by Your grace create in me a clean heart and guide me to You for whom I Depend- Alleluia! amen"

This you can pray as will I for you- He is The Mighty One- soooo able and WlLLING to Neil!
In Him,
mlz