I'm struggling with masturbation and porn. Is there any hope for me?

[SinfulMan]

I fell into masturbation at a very young age. I was about 10 yrs old I think. At that time I didn’t know it was a sin. Soon it became an addiction. Later I came to know it was a sin but that didn’t stop me from sinning. Soon I began to lust after pictures I saw in magazines or videos that I saw on TV. Slowly, the intensity of the habit grew. I slowly gave in to watching completely nude pictures on the FTV channel. There was no internet at that time.

Somewhere around that time, I felt touched by God at a retreat in our school. I had always been a “good” boy but I never had any deep relationship with God until that time. But still, I was a hypocrite. I didn’t give up my habit. A few years later, I fell into internet pornography. I started watching videos in the privacy of my room. And that has continued ever since.

I do love Jesus. I remember, earlier I used to cry and repent every time I fell into masturbation. But then I got so used to it that I stopped crying. I don’t feel the same intensity of guilt that I used to feel earlier. I tried various ways to come out of the problem. I had been to many websites before and sought advice. I tried reading the Bible more and going to confession regularly (which I still do). But unfortunately, I have still not got out.

And there is one passage in Bible which particularly disturbes me. Hebrews 10:26-31

For if we sin deliberately after receiving the knowledge of the truth, there no longer remains a sacrifice for sins, but a fearful prospect of judgment, and a fury of fire which will consume the adversaries. A man who has violated the law of Moses dies without mercy at the testimony of two or three witnesses.How much worse punishment do you think will be deserved by the man who has spurned the Son of God, and profaned the blood of the covenant by which he was sanctified, and outraged the Spirit of grace? For we know him who said, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay.” And again, “The Lord will judge his people.” It is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the living God.

I feel there is no use going to confession for I come back and do the same things again. Is there any hope for me. Or am I lost?

 

[JRKH]

You are not Lost my friend. There is hope.
It is obvious at this point that you are contrite and wish to do better.
Recognizing that the temptations are not simply going to go away is an important step. Some radical measures may be needed.
These are off hand suggestions:

Get to confession and tell your confessor what you have told us. That you are trying but know or, more accurately, believe that you will fail again. He will be able to give you some comfort in this area.

Make sure that there is nothing in your environment that is pornographical.
If necessary, you need to remove your television and diconnect your computer, unless you could enlist the help of a friend who could block things with a password you would not have.

Replace items in you environment with things that help you to focus on Christ and resistance. A sacred Heart Statue where you can see it from bed, a rosary on your bedstand, things of that nature.

When you go to bed, pray the rosary until you fall asleep.

Praise God each and every time that you are able to resist an urge. That might mean 20 times a night, but DO it. Each time you say no is a new grace.

Find healthy physical activities that will help you to be truly tired when you go to bed, so that you fall asleep quickly.

Read stories of the saints. Reading the Bible is good, but reading about the lives and trials of various saints can be much more help.

A prayer that I use when I feel “depressed”:
Father: I am a poor, and inconstant servant; filled with doubts. I feel unworthy to seek your favor, but look to your mercy and love as a child seeks his parents arms.
As you say this prayer, feel yourself, a small Child, snuggled in your Heavenly Father’s Arms. Feel His arms enfolding you and protecting you.

I hope some of these suggestions will be of comfort and help.

Peace
James

 

[Nick9]

I feel there is no use going to confession for I come back and do the same things again. Is there any hope for me. Or am I lost?

Good advice JRKH, now for my thoughts:

Yes, there is hope and please don’t forget it. Whatever you do, don’t give up on God’s mercy. You are bound by this addiction and may need some form of deliverance prayer, maybe from a priest. You could try doing an examination of conscience while going over your life and focussing on the roots of your addiction. Ask Jesus to forgive you and heal the spritual wounds that such roots have caused as you think about them.

I find that cutting off lustful thoughts and impulses as soon as they appear in my mind is the best way to get rid of them. They are like unwelcome visitors knocking on the door and unless you let them in they cannot enter. If you find yourself emersed in such thoughts, having let them in, just ask Jesus to forgive you over and over and you should begin to feel peace. Then cut off any further thoughts as soon as they appear. The name of Jesus is very powerful for dispelling evil influences and I cannot emphasise this enough. Simplistic, but effective I find.

 

[Chaldean_Rite]

Our Lady can save you.

also, try doing some physical workout everytime you are tempted (pushups, etc), and stay away from the computer. In fact, break it if you want to stop the porn.

 

[adstrinity]

It may not be the same since I am female, but, what did it for me THIS time, was not only going to Confession…btw, keep going!..but, I gave up porn for Lent. That was my big sacrifice. It was something I didn’t need and Lent was as good a time as any.

Friends, I don’t think, knew about this. They have offered to send me links to porn. I decline. I am on my parent’s computer, praise God. I don’t know what I’m going to say once I have my own computer again.

I click past the listings on the TV Menu. I don’t really feel the need to watch them. I monitor myself.

I’m not doubting at all that praying to our Blessed Mother will help you, but, I think Saints who know what you are going through may be more understanding. I think they are all sympathetic, but, there are a reason they are the patrons.

saints.sqpn.com/pst00813.htm

Please pray to some or all of the above saints (not all of them were reformed right away and gave in to temtation multiple times) and keep asking them to pray to God for you. They love you, they want to help.

Eucharistic Adoration couldn’t hurt…especially if they have perpetual Adoration.

 

[Scottgun]

With the ever-presence of pornography and the surplus of people willing to defend masturbation (some on these forums as a matter of fact, so beware.) you are not only not lost, but it is a joyous miracle that you have been found in your desire for repentence. As far as practical advice, others gave good ideas and I would add that rather than try to force it out by sheer will, instead crowd it out with something you love more that is good and wholesome. Keep busy. Never give up. Don’t listen to defenders of the indefensible who are like the psalm describes: “their heart is destruction, their throat is an open sepulchre” My prayers go with you.

 

[SinfulMan]

Thank you for the advice. But I really need some help in understanding Hebrews 10:26-31 which I quoted before. It is that scripture which is causing me to lose hope.

 

[Chaldean_Rite]

Thank you for the advice. But I really need some help in understanding Hebrews 10:26-31 which I quoted before. It is that scripture which is causing me to lose hope.

Does your will want this sin or your body?

 

[zachattack936]

The quote from Hebrews is telling you that if you know the truth (aka that pornography and masturbation is a sin) and yet you deliberately do it still (without stop and without regard to God) then yes you have judgment to face whereas if you weren’t aware of the truth of its sinfulness, it would not fit the criteria of a mortal sin.

However since it appears you have an addiction, according to the Catechism your culpability may vary. It also appears to me you earnestly want to get past this sin.

I suffered from pornography and masturbation addiction since I was probably around ten until my recent months. I had tried and failed to give it up many times, the temptations were just too much. I’m a convert and I decided on the day of my reception into the Church (receiving Baptism, Confirmation, and First Communion) I would no longer commit this sin, no matter how much I was tempted by the Devil.

See the thing about these sins is we have to realize we physically have the power to make the choice. When you are tempted you just have to say no in situations were you would usually say yes. I’m telling you, it will be extremely hard for a few minutes. But try to take your mind of the subject with prayer or exercise and the temptation will cease to be in 5-10 min. and at that point you’ll gain your right mind back and be happy your resisted and gained some self-control. The temptations will gradually stop over time. In two weeks you should notice them being very light, by three you should almost be comfortable enough to say you think you can get over the sin, and by a month you’ll have the strength to not commit these sins forever. Seriously after a month, EVERYTHING gets easier. You gain a new sense of confidence and joy in knowing you have 100% self-control and the Devil no longer has a grasp on you. You can finally say “I love you oh Lord with ALL of my heart.”

So what you need to do is go to confession and tell yourself that on that confession date you will no longer look at pornography or masturbate. You’re gonna face temptations but right now you need to decide for yourself that you will resist regardless because you love the Lord and give your entirety to Him. In a month’s time I think you’ll feel much better and find loving God with all your heart will be easy. Be comforted in your love for God and knowing that you will no longer have any mortal impediments to your relationship with Him.

Don’t worry about the quote from Hebrews: If you love Him, you will do this for Him as He gave His life for you. This is your cross, you must carry it. After the first two weeks that will be very hard (I’m telling you) it will get better. I’ve you earnestly want to be loosed of this sin then judgment will not lie with you, but instead God’s mercy. Trust in His divine mercy always and try your best to sin no more. Now I took me a year of trying to get over masturbation for me to finally follow through. The key is to reject the words of Satan when he tempts you, reject what your body is trying to tell you and trust in the promise you made to yourself in your brain. Empower yourself in rejecting Satan and his temptations, feel strong in your self-control! You can do it, I promise you. Pray unceasingly to God and ask for prayers from the saints. You will be in my prayers.

 

[JRKH]

Thank you for the advice. But I really need some help in understanding Hebrews 10:26-31 which I quoted before. It is that scripture which is causing me to lose hope.

I would just add to the other comments that you should bring this up to your confessor. Let him help you with the interpretation. It will also help him and you to work through the issues you are dealing with.

Peace
James

 

[spauline]

Dear Sinful man,

first, the verse in Hebrews is HYPERBOLE. It is not absolute, it is general. It is saying, IN GENERAL, but not absolutely always, once one has fully tasted of the fruits of the Redemption in this life, a subsequent loss of faith in the Gospel is PRACTICALLY, but not ABSOLUTELY incurable.

It is more a description of how things will be in the end of the world, when after a dress rehearsal of the end of the world and subsequent restoration of faith after the age of peace, when humanity falls away again, there will be nothing that can practically be done to restore the world, and that is why it ends.

You do not need to worry that you are in an unforgivable condition, because there is no unforgivable sin prior to death. Read the section on hell in the CCC that references the blaspheme against the Holy Spirit: it indicates there are no limits to the mercy of God in THIS life. Prior to death, there is always hope. Final impenitence is the unforgivable sin.

So even in the end of the world, as in Noah’s day, salvation will be possible for the remnant of Gentiles that will repent, just as surely at least some men repented as they drowned in the Flood, and hence, even though they still had to suffer and die, they were forgiven and held in the prison until Christ’s Resurrection (these are some of the people Jesus preached to in the abode of the dead between his Death and Resurrection).

As far as masturbation, one of the most powerful ways to overcome lust is to contemplate inner beauty, especially the beauty of the feminine saints. Think of Kateri who was not pretty in the way of the world (she had a big scar on her face), but she was beautiful on the inside of her soul. Think about having SPIRITUAL intimacy rather than physical. That is ultimately what we are all looking for.

JPII’s Theology of the Body is a must. In time, when you begin to desire love in the context of spiritual beauty, you will no longer be turned on by pornographic images, because love is not there, only arrogant depravity. When you only desire love, pornography, far from turning you on, will make you cry tears of agony.

I don’t the other advice is the best. You can’t tell yourself NOT to think about sex, because that does not solve it, it only makes it worse, because it like stuffing the jack in the box, he will jump out later to bite you big time.

You must ask the Holy Spirit and the Virgin to TRANSFORM your desires from lust to love. Of course, you must stop looking at all images, etc, but when the thoughts of lust come, instead of suppressing them, which is bad, you must bow your head and pray to Jesus and Mother Mary to transform them into love, so that you do not desire pleasure but spiritual intimacy.

That is the advice I would give, because I started doing masturbation when I was 4 and didn’t find out it was wrong until I was 24. I have only had a brief stint with internet pornography, and still struggle somewhat, but purity is winning for me, and alot of it is the intimacy I have with Mary, Kateri, and many other female saints.

I hope this helps you and gives you hope, poor SinfulMan.

In Her Love,
scott

 

[tracydaisy]

Dear Sinful,

Don’t give up. This is an important point. Don’t give up. Giving up is what the devil wants, but that small voice that keeps on urging you to… post a message… to stop masturbating…to stop looking at impure images… to find what you’ve lost. Listen to that voice it’s your conscience, and the more you listen to it the more it will get louder.

You are not without hope. Jesus gives us that hope. We are all unworthy, we are all unworthy. But God loves us, God loves you. He really does, and He is with you. He wants you to stop, but you have the choice. This is your choice.

Listen to these words of God to Cain about overcoming sin.
"So the Lord said to Cain: “Why are you so resentful and crestfallen? If you do well, you can hold up your head; but if not, sin is a demon lurking at the door; his urge is toward you, yet you can be his master.” Gen 4:6-8

you can master your sin.

“what man among you having a hundred sheep and losing one of them would not leave the ninety-nine in the desert and go after the lost one until he finds it? And when he does find it, he sets it on his shoulders with great joy and, upon his arrival home, he calls together his friends and neighbors and says to them, ‘Rejoice with me because I have found my lost sheep.’ I tell you, in just the same way there will be more joy in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous people who have no need of repentance.” Lk 15:4-7

God always looks for his lost sheep, and yes you are one of them. God is looking for you, stop running from him.

May I speak with you about this sin.

Masturbation offers only one thing a fleating pleasure that can never be satisfied.
Masturbation make us slaves to pleasure. And the more you do it; the more you have to do it and the less pleasure you receive from it. There is nothing at the end of that road but chains.

Free yourself. Walk away. You don’t have to do it anymore. And if you fall along the way, just get back up.

God bless you,

 

[EmeraldWings]

Thank you for the advice. But I really need some help in understanding Hebrews 10:26-31 which I quoted before. It is that scripture which is causing me to lose hope.

if you mean this - “For if we sin deliberately after receiving the knowledge of the truth, there no longer remains a sacrifice for sins”

that means for someone who knows what he is doing is a sin, but doesn’t care and plans on doing it anyways, *deliberately *.
if you don’t want to do what you’re doing, but you still do it, that doesn’t mean you’re doing it deliberately, it just means you’re weak to it,
but even someone who sins deliberately can be saved,
there is always hope,
i forget who said this, maybe St. Augustine, “hope in all things and you will obtain all things, hope in little and you will obtain little, hope in nothing and you will obtain nothing”

God can help you with anything, you just need to pray, and remember that some things happen Gods way, not yours, because He knows what’s best,
and don’t rely on your feelings to go to confession or for anything else, you don’t need such an intense sorrow to be forgiven, God is more pleased by perseverance, so just be persevering, in prayer and penance,
if you really want to be given the grace to overcome masturbation and looking and porn, then you have to bug God about it as much as you’re able, and take extreme actions to preventing yourself from falling into those sins again, learn what leads you into it, and do whatever it takes to avoid those things,

i do understand what you’re going threw, i don’t really like talking about my childhood, but lets just say i’ve been struggling with the sins of the flesh since before the age of reason.
so i know there is hope for you, because i have overcome my problems,
don’t get me wrong though, sins of the flesh are something we battle our entire lives, but the key is to be in control, temptation may remain, but we don’t have to give in, and the key to self control is mortification,

but i think one bit of advice i should give you about reading the bible…something that was told to me a long time ago, which i now understand why, is do not interpret the bible on your own, because then you’ll be in situations just like this, or worse, i’ve met so many people who have left the church just because of things they read in the bible, which they misunderstood.
there are bible commentaries, like this one - tanbooks.com/index.php/page/shop:flypage/product_id/618/keywords/bible/
that’s my favorite,
and even though it’s good to read and meditate on the bible, it’s completely useless and can be bad if you don’t even understand what you’re reading,
you may understand some or alot, but there are clearly things you don’t understand.

i think the best thing you can do is pray, and i’ll recommend some books to you that helped me alot while i was struggling with this…

-http://www.catholicfreeshipping.com/Products/cfs_gensym-152.html
-https://www.tanbooks.com/index.php/page/shop:flypage/product_id/706/keywords/prayers/
-https://www.tanbooks.com/index.php/page/shop:flypage/product_id/229/keywords/confession/
-https://www.tanbooks.com/index.php/page/shop:flypage/product_id/558/keywords/confession/
-https://www.tanbooks.com/index.php/page/shop:flypage/product_id/537/keywords/faith/
-http://www.catholiccompany.com/catholic-books/1033086/Pieta-Prayer-Book/?aid=117

although there’s lots more that helped me, but those i used mainly…i don’t know what kind of priest you have, but it also helps alot to have a really good priest to go to confession to, someone who will give you good advice and give you hope,
like my priest use to tell me, some of the great saints had to overcome these same things, so i was told to read the lives of the saints, and it really helped me out with my mind set about it all,

don’t overwhelm yourself though…although these things should be cut off right away, but don’t make a complete life change all at once…ok

well i hope i’ve helped, tc.

 

[Ruthie]

Two points for you, dear Sinner:

1. One of the blessings of being Catholic is that there are two ways to gain absolution in confession. One is perfect contrition, which is hating one’s sin because it offends God, and firmly resolving not to sin again. The other is regretting your sin because of the fear of hell - which seems to be how that passage in Hebrews affected you. Either way, you’re covered. Please continue to go to confession, because the sacrament not only absolves you, but gives you graces to help resist.
2. Zachattack said, “But try to take your mind of the subject with prayer or exercise and the temptation will cease to be in 5-10 min. and at that point you’ll gain your right mind back and be happy your resisted and gained some self-control.”

One way to do this is to procrastinate. Sometimes it’s just too hard to say, “No! Never!” But you can say, “Sure - right after I’ve prayed the Rosary.” By the time your done, Zach’s 5-10 minutes are up, and the desire will have left. And of course, saying the Rosary will help shame you out of it, too.

Ruthie

 

[Julian_Peters]

Thank you to all who have participated. For further advice and insight, please see the following thread: forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=208045