Im terrified of confessing my masturbation problem

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goldensun

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I started masturbating when i was 18 and ive been trying to stop ever since. For 3 years i refused to take the Eucharist because i hadnt gone to confession. I hadnt gone to confession for that amount of time because of my extreme social anxiety (at one point i was too afraid to leave my house, i still struggle with that sometimes today).

Then in april last year just before black friday, i went to confession. I took a list that was a page long and i swore to never to lust or masturbate again. I was so happy after confessing, and receiving the Eucharist again i cant even describe the joy i felt. I thought i would be stronger but I succumbed to the temptation in four days.

I didnt go to confession again till February this year. Again i had to take a list that was a page long to make sure i gave a good confession. The following days after confessing i found that all longing to masturbate had disappeared entirely. I was so happy because i knew i could now receive the Eucharist daily! It was like that for weeks until about a week and a half ago. Then the lust and longing slowly started coming back and eventually i gave in. Since then ive resolved over and over again to stop and go to confession and over and over again ive given in to the lust and temptation.

The thing is, im still terrified of going to confession. I love God more than anything so why cant i just stop? Why do i keep giving in? I hate myself at these times. I want Jesus in the eucharist more than anything. How long is it going to take till i finally stop? I dont want to offend God anymore.

The worst part about it is that im well known in my church, and i stick out like a sore thumb since im the only red head on top of being one of the only white people to attend the church. Everybody knows me since i grew up going to that church, so everybody has noticed that ive been refraining from receiving the Eucharist. I know they’ve noticed because people have asked me in the past why i don’t receive it and some have made remarks about it. People also dont look at me the same anymore, some ignore me completely - and they dont even know why i dont receive it! Because of this, the thought of going to mass terrifies me, i have anxiety attacks, and i purposefully go to mass late, or walk out early, or miss it all together. In the last few weeks since i went to confession, i had been getting to mass early and receiving communion as often as possible. Its obvious that people noticed. Now its going to be even more obvious that im not receiving it!

I want to go to confession again, but it feels even more terrifying than ever now. For the last two times i had a whole list of things to confess on top of it, but this time, its pretty much just going to be about masturbating! We have reconciliation tomorrow for our parish, but im terrified to confessing it to my parish priest - I just confessed to him a month ago and now he is going to know why i didnt receive the Eucharist for so long!
 
What many Catholics do, who are afraid of mentioning a particular kind of Sin, is … go to a Church in another City, and confess to a Priest who does not know you (and never will).

What one person did who was ashamed of his Sin was, to go to that out-of-Town Church, and put a Ski Mask on, to make sure of his anonymity.
He said that it calmed him down.

If these methods aren’t right for you, then I hope someone else can say just the Right Thing to make it OK for you to go to Confession.
Confession is Good for the Soul.
And, it is Good for being able to take Holy Communion (which will ALSO help your reputation in the Church).
 
I think you will find that the priest has many, many times heard confession of a similar nature.

Perhaps you could feel easier if you could introduce the matter with, " I have continuing difficulty with a private sexual sin. I have not been going to Communion because of my sin."
It is clear what that would be and if the priest needs any clarification, then he will ask.
Ask him how you can overcome it. Like anyone else he will have had his own battles and knows of the secret battles of many, so perhaps he can give guidance.

You need to be wise and sensible in trying to avoid the sin,
but you do need the graces of Confession and Communion.
The Lord wants you back, not hiding in fear from Him.
 
What is more terrifying to you?
  1. A moment of shame, or
  2. An eternity in flame, separated from our God?
Perspective, my friend. The priest has heard everything you have to say countless times from countless other people. Do not let pride prevent you from reconciling with God.
 
goldensun said:
I started masturbating when i was 18 and ive been trying to stop ever since. For 3 years i refused to take the Eucharist because i hadnt gone to confession. I hadnt gone to confession for that amount of time because of my extreme social anxiety (at one point i was too afraid to leave my house, i still struggle with that sometimes today).

Then in april last year just before black friday, i went to confession. I took a list that was a page long and i swore to never to lust or masturbate again. I was so happy after confessing, and receiving the Eucharist again i cant even describe the joy i felt. I thought i would be stronger but I succumbed to the temptation in four days.

I didnt go to confession again till February this year. Again i had to take a list that was a page long to make sure i gave a good confession. The following days after confessing i found that all longing to masturbate had disappeared entirely. I was so happy because i knew i could now receive the Eucharist daily! It was like that for weeks until about a week and a half ago. Then the lust and longing slowly started coming back and eventually i gave in. Since then ive resolved over and over again to stop and go to confession and over and over again ive given in to the lust and temptation.

The thing is, im still terrified of going to confession. I love God more than anything so why cant i just stop? Why do i keep giving in? I hate myself at these times. I want Jesus in the eucharist more than anything. How long is it going to take till i finally stop? I dont want to offend God anymore.

The worst part about it is that im well known in my church, and i stick out like a sore thumb since im the only red head on top of being one of the only white people to attend the church. Everybody knows me since i grew up going to that church, so everybody has noticed that ive been refraining from receiving the Eucharist. I know they’ve noticed because people have asked me in the past why i don’t receive it and some have made remarks about it. People also dont look at me the same anymore, some ignore me completely - and they dont even know why i dont receive it! Because of this, the thought of going to mass terrifies me, i have anxiety attacks, and i purposefully go to mass late, or walk out early, or miss it all together. In the last few weeks since i went to confession, i had been getting to mass early and receiving communion as often as possible. Its obvious that people noticed. Now its going to be even more obvious that im not receiving it!

I want to go to confession again, but it feels even more terrifying than ever now. For the last two times i had a whole list of things to confess on top of it, but this time, its pretty much just going to be about masturbating! We have reconciliation tomorrow for our parish, but im terrified to confessing it to my parish priest - I just confessed to him a month ago and now he is going to know why i didnt receive the Eucharist for so long!
Click to expand...
Hi goldensun,

Firstly, take a deep breath and relax. You do appear to have anxiety problems and you might want to see someone about that, but that’s another matter. The sin you are committed, although serious, is a common one. The priest won’t judge you for coming back to confession with the same sin, even if it’s just a few days. Be at peace and know that God loves you and desires for you to be with Him. Go to confession at the next available opportunity. I’ll pray that you have strength to do it.

If I may make a humble suggestion, it appears from your post that your more reactionary to the sin then proactive. Masturbation is a habitual sin, so the only thing that’s going to beat it is habitual virtue. If I were you, I’d start going to confession often. Even if you haven’t committed a mortal sin. This puts you in the habit of going to confession regularly and nipping it in the bud. When the lustful thoughts start to grow, don’t give it a chance to well up and overtake you. Confess your venial sins on lust and they won’t turn into mortal sins.

You should also pray often for purity. Start regularly praying the rosary or three Hail Marys for purity. Say a Hail Mary anytime you get tempted by lust. So for instance, if you see a seductive picture and stare a little too long, look away and quietly say a Hail Mary. This helps to mentally reinforce your purity and keep you away from lustful thoughts.

Remember: The goal is to nip it in the bud. Don’t let lust even get a toe in the door. The second you get tempted, immediately pray for strength.

I hope this advice helps you. Be at peace and know God loves you. I will say a prayer for you.
 
Don’t be afraid. I know, it sounds way easier than it is. But seriously. Don’t be afraid. This phrase is repeated over and over again in Scripture. Live by it!

Take a step back for a moment; how many men, and women for that matter, do you think confess this sin? A lot. I mean, a lot. Pornography is pervasive. Sexual sin in general is pervasive. And you know what? It’s been pervasive since the very start. Lust is one of the easiest channels Satan has because sexuality is so powerful. It’s such a powerful gift and part of ourselves and is so good that Satan exploits it to make sin look good too!

So take a breath, as other posters said, and recognize that you are not alone. Far, far from alone. The only one who wants you to feel alone or shamed is the Enemy. The Lord wants you to do battle against this sin one day, one temptation at a time. And if you fall, He knows you will fall… all He asks is that you ask for His forgiveness and He will freely and lovingly give it to you!

Think about it this way. How did Christ describe God the Father. He called him “Abba.” Now “Abba” was the first word that many babies said in Aramaic. It means “Dada.” Not Father. Not Dad. Not even Daddy. “Da-da.” You are His child and He knows that you are weak. We are all weak! All he asks from us is that we do not shun his outstretched arms when He tries to help us up.

I know, saying “I’m having a tough time with masturbation, Father” is difficult. It’s embarrassing. But priests have heard this one since confession was first instituted. It’s a sin that everyone, especially men, but really everyone, struggles with. It’s OK. The good thing is that you are confessing it. The only one who wants you to stay away from the confessional is Satan. So tell him to get away! Take the advice from other posters who said to get in the habit of frequent confession so that the anxiety level dips. If you get through a week without this sin, fantastic. But still go to confession because you want to build that habit, you want to make yourself less anxious about the next time around when you might have fallen.

I’ll flat-out say that I’ve been there and done that. I’ve struggled with masturbation and porn since I was 15. I’m closing in on 30. I’m even married with kids. Doesn’t mean that I’m miraculously cured. It’s a daily grind, but one that’s possible with Christ… and with the support of online and in-person addiction recovery programs. You might not be an addict. You probably aren’t. You’re probably just a young person who has developed a bad habit. So replace the bad habit with good ones and do not be discouraged if/when you fall. Just dust yourself off, hit the confessional and leave your guilt and anxiety at the foot of the cross.

Be not afraid.
 
My advice: remember where you are. You are sitting in confessional before a priest. The priest is also sitting there. Not in himself, however. You are not confessing your sins to Father X. You are confessing your sins to Christ himself, who is working through his priest “in persona Christi”. Confess contritely from your heart. And then don’t stop going. Many priests who I know say that they try and confess at least twice a month. God makes his forgiveness available for us. The best way to conquer sin is to confess it.
 
Just so you know, I had this issue for years, since finding how as a child. It had taken about 6 years of prayer, confession, and Mass to be able to get past this issue. I can’t say I am over it, but with understanding how I deal with stress and my idea of comfort, God allowed me to turn those (in time) towards Him, who loves me more than I do.

Be patient. Keep trying. Every time you pray, confess, and go to Mass, you receive more graces to fight it. 👍
 
I disagree with the folks who say that one has to take a list…number of sins and such…

If you are going to the same confessor, just look at him and say " Father…I STILL struggle with self-abuse. I’m trying so hard, and yet I fall again after a time. I want to be forgiven, and I am very sorry. What advice do you have for me…?"

If you’ve confessed with the same confessor, it might benefit you to talk instead of rattle off a long laundry list. He gets it. He’s heard it before. This is where it is beneficial to have a regular confessor. They begin to understand where you need help and then they recommend prayers, Scripture reading, etc. to help you. In ADDITION to absolution.

Otherwise it turns into a see-saw pattern before you finally conquer this thing that troubles you.
Don’t be afraid. They are trained to help people. They care. They understand, and they have compassion. Jesus heals. Don’t ever be afraid.
Peace to you.
 
hello-- a point in history-- i lived with trained nun’s, and religious brothers-- and every one masterbated – sure you can hope that a “sexual wet dream” will take care of the sexual sin component-- but – so get over your anziety of this particular sin-- because it is out of your hands-- and is genetic – the only way to get control of this natural sexual out let – is by "praying in the spirit-- or tongues-- because3 this spiritual activity will “mortify the flesh” as sain paul says in the book of romans-

and mostlikely the priest you are confessing to has had the same issue – as you
 
Just keeping going to confession and confessing that you masturbate. It doesn’t matter if you are terrified or not. Do it anyway.
 
I would first like to commend you for not receiving Holy Communion as a result for masturbating, because it shows that you love the Lord so much that you would rather skip Holy Communion and have people look at you than committing sacrilege by receiving the Eucharist under a state of possible mortal sin (if the the three conditions are fully applied).

Second of all, don’t be scared of going to confession. The priest has heard people confess this sin thousands of times before. If it makes you feel better, instead of telling the priest that you masturbated, then simply say to him “Father, I was impure with myself”. The priest will know what you mean and will absolve of your sins. I learned that from a Father Larry Richards talk.

Thirdly, attend confession frequently. This will help increase your sensitivity to sin, including masturbation, and increase your will power to perform virtue.

Fourthly, masturbation is a very common and difficult habit to overcome. It takes a lot of prayer, grace, rising, falling, rising and falling to finally master over it. So you are not alone. I personally succumb to this sin from time to time. In fact, I succumbed to it just this morning. Luckily, my parish is offering confession for us tomorrow night from 6 PM to 9 PM , and I will definitely attend it tomorrow regardless of what people say to me.

Fifthly, persevere and be persistent in confessing this sin, receiving communion under a state of grace, praying, and practicing virtue. Do not give up if you fall. Your heavenly Father knows you’re going to mess up, but when you do fall, dust yourself off, get up and walk again.

And finally, DO NOT BE AFRAID, ONLY BELEIVE. Your Heavenly Father loves you very much. He is ever willing to embrace his sons and daughters who have left him and come back regardless of what they have done in the past. You have no reason to be afraid. The only person who will beg to differ is Satan. Remember, he is the father lies, and don’t you ever succumb to his lies. Trust in God’s mercy instead.

Keep fighting and never give up.

God love you.
 
Is there any rule that says a confession is invalid if it is not specific enough? Suppose you stole your mom’s ring that had been handed down 3 generations, and you sold it for a pittance to buy drugs. Do you have to say all that or could you say “I committed the sin of theft, and the sin of intoxicating my body.” If the latter is ok , then you do not have to mention masturbation. You can simply say “I committed sins of sexual immorality.” I’m not expert on the rules though. One of the drawbacks of high anxiety is excess worry about doing everything just right. You’ve got to let that go.
 
listen to me my friend, i struggled with this problem for a very long time too and i went to confession over, and over and over and over and over again. every single day, for the same thing. i got to the point that i was embarassed to go because it was so routine. but some priests help you out.

remember that you have to have a strong will. secondly and most importantly, there is nothing wrong with sex , god sex be fruitful and multiply, but he wants you to do it in the context of marriage… it is inherent evil to fornicate becausse of the degradation , usuing people as objects of enjoyment and not loving them, simply using them…

that is the main cause. once you figure out how to incorporate yourself as a sexual being, becuase you are.! remembe,r you are a seuxal being no matter where you are. the difference is one person lusts because he commits evil the other does not have to because he lives with the spirit in grace and truth.

my best advice is to remain a sexual male until you find your mate. it is not good for man to be alone god says. the two become one flesh! and procreate.

orchestrate your life how you should. and if you sin, remember that there are remedies for the body like oging for walks blocking your internet, and dont forget to repent
 
I’ve been there brother. The embarrassment of going over and over and over for the same thing. Sometimes I got to the point where I felt so guilty for repeating it over and over that I would skip mass because I didn’t find myself worthy to even go to mass.

Then I realized I was falling right into the devils hand. That was his plan, his way to get me further from God. He will pile on the guilt and will let your embarrassment ruin your spiritual life. I would got confession with the sincerest intention not to repeat the sin again. I would then got to mass and receive the Eucharist and feel amazing. And then it would happen again 3 days later. I succumbed to it and feel so guilty and ashamed. This would go on and on.

I still fight with it but you must remember reconciliation in my opinion is one of the greatest gifts Jesus gave us. Do not get discouraged, hang in there brother. I will pray for you. Also what helps me is attending daily mass if possible. I went at one time about 6 months without masturbating when I received Jesus on a daily basis. Due to my schedule I can’t attend daily anymore and it has hurt me but when I do do it I go straight to the confessional and tell the priest exactly what I go through. This is my cross to carry and I will always have faith in my savior and His wonderful sacraments. Hang in there it will always be a battle but Jesus will be waiting for you in the end, just keep up the faith.
 
I have ridiculous anxiety in situations like confession, interviews, presentations at school. I’ve confessed masturbation before, it gets easier after the first time. You might find it easier if you can get a good no masturbation streak going, that tends to reduce my anxiety in general over time. Just be glad you don’t have anything worse to confess. I’m so scared I haven’t gone to confession in 2 years now.
Ophelia23 said:
What is more terrifying to you?
  1. A moment of shame, or
  2. An eternity in flame, separated from our God?
Perspective, my friend. The priest has heard everything you have to say countless times from countless other people. Do not let pride prevent you from reconciling with God.
Click to expand...
Unfortunately this doesn’t help in my experience. Nobody thinks their way into chronic anxiety, so you can just say “Hey, that doesn’t make sense” and go. I realize I might go to hell if I die, but that doesn’t stay in my head for long, and it’s not very motivating anyway.
 
I know this post is old but i really want to thank everyone who replied to my question. Im still struggling with this sin but i no longer suffer from the sin of despair, and my social anxiety has greatly improved though i still have bouts of it from time to time.

It was all of your answers that helped me get though this. At times when i felt disgusting and hopeless, i used to look this post up and read them all over again. I felt too afraid to reply back, but now that i feel that i am on the brink of winning this war, ive finally found the courage to.

One day i hope to be rid of this habit all together, and each day i feel like im growing closer to that goal, regardless of set backs, and thus, closer to Christ.

So thank you everyone. And God bless.
 
goldensun said:
So thank you everyone. And God bless.
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Well done on the progress that you have made so far.

A few thoughts on overcoming this habit:

I want to echo what others have said and that is that I have found that it is wise to go to confession regularly, that is, whether you have fallen or not. The more you struggle with a vice the more you should go. I frankly recommend going once a week when dealing with this sort of thing. You can confess venial sins and you can also confess already confessed sins as well, just make sure you make it clear that you are confessing them again ‘for devotional purposes’ so the priest is clear that you aren’t confessing a new sin e.g. “I would like to confess, for devotional purposes, my former sins against the 6th and 9th commandments and venial sins x, y, z” etc. A good, wise confessor (especially one that you confess to regularly) can also give you good advice with how to deal with the vice; obedience to this advice is crucial.

In response to another poster; it is important (unless you are somehow excused from doing so) to confess all mortal sins in number and kind. This is necessary to maintain the integrity of the Sacrament. It isn’t necessary to write a list out, unless this helps you to remember your mortal sins. It is only necessary to confess all mortal sins that you remember in number and kind and to have sufficient contrition to make the sacrament valid. If you accidentally forget something after doing a reasonable examination of conscience before confession you are still forgiven of the ones that you forgot provided that you are sorry for them (though if you remember them later you must confess them whenever you go to confession next - but it isn’t necessary to rush to the confessional immediately, just the next time you go). Contrition is more important than remembering everything - as long as you are reasonably diligent about your examination and confession you are fine in this regard.

Daily prayer is a must, I find praying at least 5 decades of the Rosary a day to be very powerful. Also, you might consider joining the Angelic Warfare Confraternity. Pray the Confraternity prayers every day, even twice a day. Also, something simple to pray in the time of temptation is good too “Jesus Christ, Son of the Living God, have mercy on me a sinner!” or the prayer on the miraculous medal “O Mary, conceived without sin, pray for us who have recourse to thee” or the Our Father or the Hail Mary, are all really good ones.

Regular mortification is also very useful, especially with this sort of thing (though, one must avoid excess that could damage your health). Fasting, spending some time in a cold shower, praying the Rosary with your arms outstretched are all good ways to do this. This is especially useful when the temptations arise.

Continued below…
 
Also, it is crucial to avoid the occasions of sin, that is the occasions that these temptations arise, especially if they are near occasions of sin (that is, when we are likely to commit the sin, or have serious doubts as to whether you can resist). If there are places that you go that you tend to fall into this sin, you should avoid them (and indeed are obligated under pain of mortal sin to avoid them if they are both unnecessary and near occasions of sin), or find a way to mitigate the danger. You said you struggle with anxiety, so it is important not to become anxious or scrupulous about it (which I have found only makes it worse), but it is good, indeed crucial, to take prudent measures in avoiding the occasions of sin; it might even be wise to discuss this with your confessor or spiritual director to get some guidance, if you haven’t done this already. If you also struggle with pornography, it would be wise (if it is feasible) to avoid the internet until you are stronger, or at least get a good system setup that makes it harder to acquire the bad material. I recommend Covenant Eyes, its accountability system and filter work pretty well, though it really is best if you set it up in such a way that you cannot modify the settings or remove it. I won’t go into detail as to how to do this, as it would take too much time, but if you would like some tips regarding Covenant Eyes just send me a message. When temptations arise it is best to find good ways to distract yourself; wholesome activities, mortification (praying the Rosary with your arms outstretched for example), spiritual reading and prayer are all good ways to do this - the trick is to put the temptation as far from your mind as you can through distraction until it is gone.

Don’t be afraid of confession, it is the healing balm to these sorts of problems; Christ is present there with us when we confess and extends to us His loving grace that we may return to Him. Besides, the priest has heard all of this stuff before (probably more times than you will ever know) so don’t feel like you are alone in your struggle with this vice, neither be afraid that the priest will gossip about your sin as he is bound by the Seal of the Confessional and is bound under the hardest penalties (including mortal sin) to keep what you say a secret, regardless of circumstances. I know it can be intimidating, especially when we have returned to wallow in the mire, as it were, but it is crucial not to neglect the Sacrament or conceal our sins because out of pride. God knows our sins already and desires our repentance and our humble confession.

I suffer from a type of anxiety too, so I can identify with your pain. Just keep fighting the good fight and don’t give up!

Psalm 32:1-7
Blessed is he whose transgression is forgiven,
whose sin is covered.
Blessed is the man to whom the Lord imputes no iniquity,
and in whose spirit there is no deceit.
When I declared not my sin, my body wasted away
through my groaning all day long.
For day and night thy hand was heavy upon me;
my strength was dried up as by the heat of summer.
I acknowledged my sin to thee,
and I did not hide my iniquity;
I said, “I will confess my transgressions to the Lord”;
then thou didst forgive the guilt of my sin.
Therefore let every one who is godly
offer prayer to thee;
at a time of distress, in the rush of great waters,
they shall not reach him.
Thou art a hiding place for me,
thou preservest me from trouble;
thou dost encompass me with deliverance
 
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