I'm thinkin' that I will quit trying...but thanks for helping me!

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(I can’t receive sacraments because of my husband.
*I have been informed (by my Archbishop, no less) that I can’t receive Communion or make a Confession without my husband having his first (brief, teenaged) marriage annulled.

My husband
  1. doesn’t want to revisit his first marriage in any way, some 25 years after the fact,
  2. would really prefer I NOT “come home” to the Church after 20 years away (long story), and
  3. thinks 21 years of marriage is long enough to make our marriage valid in ANY church!
So, what do I do? Can I get his first marriage annulled by myself? And what’s the point of going to Mass when I can’t participate?)**
Dear Therese,
Your situation must resound with a lot of Catholics these days. I know several in person, and some have resolved their difficulties, others are still working on them.****
**When you married outside the church, you chose the man you loved over the church. It is not realistic to expect the church to change its laws to suit your current needs. You are now living with the reality of your actions 21 years ago. **
**You cannot force your husband to pursue annulment against his will either. He does not sound very sympathetic to your plight, so I do not understand why are you blaming the Church when your husband is the one who refuses to help you. Take a look at your original post: I can’t receive communion because of my husband. I would not advise you to leave a 21 year old marriage with a child, even if it is not a good marriage. If it was good, he would have done all he could to make you happy, right? **

**I would accept the consequences of my actions and I would practice my faith the best way I could, without the Sacraments for as long as necessary, as many, many other Catholics do. They faithfully show up every Sunday and they pray and hope to be able to return to full communion to the Church one day. Indeed you can participate in the mass and receive a blessing and learn to practice spiritual communion. **

It is up to you if you turn this setback into victory or go for the defeat. Hope and pray Therese, but most of all pray for your husband’s conversion. Here is your chance to demonstrate to your child Catholic obedience and humility. Or you can keep fighting with your parish priest. The choice is yours.

God bless!
 
Thanks, Tom, Tricia, Alan, jrabs and everybody…

You might want to read the latest nasty posts from Shannin and Anna Elizabeth on original post I made (now on the family life board).

This church doesn’t want me. I can still do good things without being part of the church. They said the “no contact” order was OK because I kissed my ex-pastor on the *cheek. *

Dear God. We were friends.

I’ve had enough of being attacked. Those of you who say it’s a spitirual fight, look at your own ranks. According to Shannin, Anna Elizabeth and Crusader, the Catholic Church says I’m a slut.

So be it. Thanks for trying. For those of you who want it, jrabs has my home email address.

Therese

Therese
 
what many of the posters on this and the related thread have missed in this sad story is that this couple did not set out to violate church teaching on marriage, the set out to comply with it. they received bad pastoral care and direction all down the line, compounded by other abuses of authority and pastoral office (whether real or perceived) through the history of their relationship with the Church. Granted we have heard one “side” of the story, but that is the only side she has to tell. So listen to her, learn from her, pray for her, and compare her with those Christ dealt with so gently, then go thou and do likewise. and please do not pontificate about things you know nothing about. If you are not a priest with knowledge of the ins and outs of the Church’s complicated marriage and annulment laws, or a canon lawyer, or a member of a tribunal, you are not qualified to make pronouncements about the validity of anyone’s marriage. If you are not a priest hearing confession you are not qualified to make a statement about the condition of any person’s soul. If you have not love, you are a tinkling gong or a clashing cymbal, all noise and no music.
 
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puzzleannie:
If you are not a priest with knowledge of the ins and outs of the Church’s complicated marriage and annulment laws, or a canon lawyer, or a member of a tribunal, you are not qualified to make pronouncements about the validity of anyone’s marriage. If you are not a priest hearing confession you are not qualified to make a statement about the condition of any person’s soul. If you have not love, you are a tinkling gong or a clashing cymbal, all noise and no music.
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:hmmm:
Except the OP bought it before the forum… How many canon lawyers, tribunal members, priests are on this forum? Any posted a response?

What is love? Being in agreement, advising in ways out, counseling someone to fight the Church: Is this love? Urging someone to remain, to reconcile, to be obedient, to be humble, to pray, to leave all in God’s hands: Is this love?
 
Seems to me her problem isn’t so much the marriage. What annie says is right, and anyway that sounds like something that would be taken care of with annulment.

If you listen to the story, the reason her husband doesn’t want to go along with it is that the representatives of the Church he’s been exposed to have been making her so miserable. She doesn’t seem to have a parish available. It’s a tough problem.
 
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Daria:
She doesn’t seem to have a parish available. It’s a tough problem.
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No available parish? Available for what? If I was barred from entering the Church or from attending the mass, I would go one by one from the lowest to the highest Church authority for help and advice how may I be allowed to get back. That is what I would do.
 
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vatoco6:
. I am told that my ex-pastor “fell in love with me”
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If the person who told you that your ex-pastor “fell in love with you”, was correct, then I can understand why he is not able to be with you anymore, and has not told you why he can’t see you anymore. He is honoring his vows and I don’t think it would be productive for him to tell you that he can’t see you anymore because he fell in love with you. If he were to give you another reason, it would be a lie.

I don’t think it’s a good idea to kiss a priest on the cheek. Just a suggestion. 🙂

Annie
 
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AnnieD:
If the person who told you that your ex-pastor “fell in love with you”, was correct, then I can understand why he is not able to be with you anymore, and has not told you why he can’t see you anymore. He is honoring his vows and I don’t think it would be productive for him to tell you that he can’t see you anymore because he fell in love with you. If he were to give you another reason, it would be a lie.
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Maybe you’re right, but if that is the case, then maybe the priest should be moved instead of blocking a parishioner from contact. Telling a parishioner to stay away from the parish because of the priest’s weakness is quite an abortive mentality. At least it’s not unified; we “save” the head of the parish family from his sins, by chopping off the family’s leg.
I don’t think it’s a good idea to kiss a priest on the cheek. Just a suggestion. 🙂
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I second that, especially if his name is Rob.😛

Alan
 
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AlanFromWichita:
Maybe you’re right, but if that is the case, then maybe the priest should be moved instead of blocking a parishioner from contact. Telling a parishioner to stay away from the parish because of the priest’s weakness is quite an abortive mentality. At least it’s not unified; we “save” the head of the parish family from his sins, by chopping off the family’s leg.
I second that, especially if his name is Rob.😛

Alan
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Alan, I forgot that her daughter’s friends said the priest told them that he had thrown her out of the church, because he didn’t like her (sounds pretty childish for him to say that). I agree that it’s definitely not right that she should be kicked out of her church, because of a weakness of the priest and I agree, he should have been moved, if that was the case.

I have to ask, “Who is Rob?” 🙂

Annie
 
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