I'm thinking of joining a contemplative order, but would I be accepted?

[1newcatholic]

My first impulse was to encourage you to be a beacon of positive Catholic influence on the children who come into your classroom.

After reading your subsequent posts, it may very well be that you aren’t cut out for working with teenage children. If you don’t want to have your authority challenged, teaching is not the right job for you–that’s what children do. Teenagers especially.

If you stay on as a teacher, you might benefit from studying child and adolescent psychology, because from the sound of it, you really wish you could run your classroom like a church where you preach at sinners. In some Catholic schools you can probably get away with it, but apparently, not everywhere.

You might be better off dealing with adults.

A kid in your class looks at his phone? Confiscate his phone.
He draws pornographic pictures in class? Warn him once, then call his parents.
Discipline and move on. Repeat as necessary.

 

[Joe_5859]

My only problem is that i’d feel like i was throwing away my future if I quit teaching, but at the same time I don’t like it. I like sharing info but I hate discipline and having to be hard on high school kids who should know how to act like people rather than a bunch of jerks. Sadly I feel like today’s young people just don’t know how to respect adults and see themselves as kind of mini adults who don’t need parents and can do whatever they want.

Now I know if I were to get into social work it would be simiar but at least there its people who want and need help. What can I do as a teacher about a kid who looks at porn on his phone in class and makes sexually lewd graffiti. Sure I can tell him to stop but he’ll just do it at home. I couldn’t tell him "Hey you know that besides being a terrible sin, most women don’t like guys who look at porn (I know he’d say i’m a nerd or that people aren’t perfect since that seems to be the answer I get from kids at this Catholic school, that its okay not to be perfect).

At least if I was working at a charity or in Social work people would actually want help. Sadly I see a lot of people who think they don’t need help because they have money and live comfortable lives and just go on sinning. I call it affluenza because these people think that they aren’t bad people because they don’t hurt anyone and that if they aren’t in physical poverty they must be doing okay even if they are in spiritual poverty. Sad thing is, these kids and parents know better. I hate people who send their kids to catholic schools and don’t expect them to live the faith. Its not as if our school is Catholic in name only. Were average at best but still that’s better than a lot of schools (sorry for the rant )

I don’t know that the social work “grass” is any greener than where you are standing. I know people in that field and they are definitely not only working with people who want help and want to be there. Burn out is high in that profession.

Try praying and fasting for your students more so than you already do. That makes a difference.

 

[WildCatholic]

My first impulse was to encourage you to be a beacon of positive Catholic influence on the children who come into your classroom.

If you stay on as a teacher, you might benefit from studying child and adolescent psychology, because from the sound of it, you really wish you could run your classroom like a church where you preach at sinners. In some Catholic schools you can probably get away with it, but apparently, not everywhere.

You might be better off dealing with adults.

.

I thought about dealing with adults and being a FOCUS missionary or finding a group that does mission work in other countries where i’d work more with adults than teenagers. I actually like younger kids too but i don’t know if I could discipline them. I certainly can handle them better.

It’s funny you mention a church because at times I feel like that would be okay, but I don’t want to be a preaching type teacher. My problem is that I expect them to follow the rules. No offense but a 15 year old should know you don’t talk when someone else is trying to teach you something. They should know what is right and wrong even if they don’t always do that action.

However sometimes if I feel like they aren’t listening, I just want to let them be. I’m not a big disciplinarian but part of that is that I feel like you should know the rules once you are old enough. I’m not too much of a control freak but I guess I expect people to show what they know and behave appropriately. It doesn’t help that I have kind of an independent streak that makes me just want to go and hang out in nature and just let people be. Sure I like being with people but in a teaching setting I feel like I have to be a police officer and I know I wouldn’t be good at that. I don’t do rigid rules. I believe in mercy, though I am tough on people who don’t follow basic rules or at least don’t make an effort (for example, I’m okay if someone accidentally gets drunk hanging with their friends but hate people who deliberately go out and get drunk

 

[friardchips]

I thought about dealing with adults and being a FOCUS missionary or finding a group that does mission work in other countries where i’d work more with adults than teenagers. I actually like younger kids too but i don’t know if I could discipline them. I certainly can handle them better.

It’s funny you mention a church because at times I feel like that would be okay, but I don’t want to be a preaching type teacher. My problem is that I expect them to follow the rules. No offense but a 15 year old should know you don’t talk when someone else is trying to teach you something. They should know what is right and wrong even if they don’t always do that action.

However sometimes if I feel like they aren’t listening, I just want to let them be. I’m not a big disciplinarian but part of that is that I feel like you should know the rules once you are old enough. I’m not too much of a control freak but I guess I expect people to show what they know and behave appropriately. It doesn’t help that I have kind of an independent streak that makes me just want to go and hang out in nature and just let people be. Sure I like being with people but in a teaching setting I feel like I have to be a police officer and I know I wouldn’t be good at that. I don’t do rigid rules. I believe in mercy, though I am tough on people who don’t follow basic rules or at least don’t make an effort (for example, I’m okay if someone accidentally gets drunk hanging with their friends but hate people who deliberately go out and get drunk

I’m getting a better picture now of your situation after this post.

There are places you could do some outreach work. Working with kids away from your unruly lot might help you find another way to tame their wild side.

Teaching is such an important Christian vocation and you are blessed to have these opportunities and the skills to achieve them - natural ones and spiritual ones. Not taking away from the ‘having a break’ idea but maybe teaching different kids at other times might help you to feel freer. Sometimes we can feel trapped in a situation merely because we are in it and having something outside of that ‘box’ can refresh and instil in us a refreshed spirit and fervour.

 

[WildCatholic]

I don’t know that the social work “grass” is any greener than where you are standing. I know people in that field and they are definitely not only working with people who want help and want to be there. Burn out is high in that profession.

Try praying and fasting for your students more so than you already do. That makes a difference.

That’s the conundrum I’m in too. As much as I want to pray and know I need to, sometimes it seems as if people have prayer proof shields around them that make them resist anything that comes their way and so I just give up even on praying.

I do know that burnout is high but i’d feel a little more motivated. Of course I say that now

 

[Joe_5859]

That’s the conundrum I’m in too. As much as I want to pray and know I need to, sometimes it seems as if people have prayer proof shields around them that make them resist anything that comes their way and so I just give up even on praying.

I do know that burnout is high but i’d feel a little more motivated. Of course I say that now

You must never give up on praying for your students. I understand well the inclination to not bother when it seems not to have an effect, but perseverance is really key. Make it a challenge for yourself. Spend the next two weeks fasting from something you really like (e.g. TV, internet, dessert, etc.). And also spend ten solid minutes in prayer for your students each day. Then see how you feel in two weeks. Look for Christ shining through in your students.

 

[Randy_Carson]

With all due respect to you, how do you he doesn’t? Does God not do the seemingly impossible? How does he know if he doesn’t try contemplating? The poster’s worries may well be a reaction to the difficult work he is involved in but there may also be something else deeper going on! I don’t see how you can claim absolutes at this stage?

Well, l was a candidate at a Trappist monastery myself for five years, so I have spent SOME time considering the topic. That, in and of itself, of course, does not give me the gift of discernment in this case, but it factors into my thinking which is this:

Religious orders are not looking for people who are running away from something…whether it is the death of a spouse, sexual orientation issues, etc.

The OP is chock full of being fed up with this and that, and it appears that his primary motivation is to escape those problems. However, the abbey will have problems of its own, and people who run away from problems will only do the same when those problems become apparent after the excitement of the novitiate begins to wear off.

Just my $.02, of course.

 

[friardchips]

Well, l was a candidate at a Trappist monastery myself for five years, so I have spent SOME time considering the topic. That, in and of itself, of course, does not give me the gift of discernment in this case, but it factors into my thinking which is this:

Religious orders are not looking for people who are running away from something…whether it is the death of a spouse, sexual orientation issues, etc.

The OP is chock full of being fed up with this and that, and it appears that his primary motivation is to escape those problems. However, the abbey will have problems of its own, and people who run away from problems will only do the same when those problems become apparent after the excitement of the novitiate begins to wear off.

Just my $.02, of course.

Five years: awesome! I must attempt to pick your brains spiritual discernment style at some point if you’ll allow me as I’m trying to discern myself (…?) But that’s another thread.

Yes, well, from a less experienced point-of-view - granted - the OP might still benefit from seeking solitude and/or silence for a while. Sometimes, it is near on impossible to know if we are running from something, at least without allowing God some He-time! I would say that age might have something to do with it too. If one is, say, in their twenties, it is possibly more likely that God might have a change of sudden direction in life planned for the person than someone in their sixties (although not impossible then, either). However, I have read that God is love and speaks in the gentle breeze, so this of course, does have a bearing. So your very valid points are duly noted. And thank you for your generous response, sharing with us a glimpse into what must have been an amazing journey.

 

[1newcatholic]

I thought about dealing with adults and being a FOCUS missionary or finding a group that does mission work in other countries where i’d work more with adults than teenagers. I actually like younger kids too but i don’t know if I could discipline them. I certainly can handle them better.

It’s funny you mention a church because at times I feel like that would be okay, but I don’t want to be a preaching type teacher. My problem is that I expect them to follow the rules. No offense but a 15 year old should know you don’t talk when someone else is trying to teach you something. They should know what is right and wrong even if they don’t always do that action.

However sometimes if I feel like they aren’t listening, I just want to let them be. I’m not a big disciplinarian but part of that is that I feel like you should know the rules once you are old enough. I’m not too much of a control freak but I guess I expect people to show what they know and behave appropriately. It doesn’t help that I have kind of an independent streak that makes me just want to go and hang out in nature and just let people be. Sure I like being with people but in a teaching setting I feel like I have to be a police officer and I know I wouldn’t be good at that. I don’t do rigid rules. I believe in mercy, though I am tough on people who don’t follow basic rules or at least don’t make an effort (for example, I’m okay if someone accidentally gets drunk hanging with their friends but hate people who deliberately go out and get drunk

When I was in junior high, I had a very bad experience with a new teacher who was unqualified to be dealing with teenagers. In the end she was forced to resign because she couldn’t effectively discipline or control her classroom. What I learned in her class is that some people are just psychologically unequipped for dealing with children who are making the awkward and difficult transition to adulthood. It’s unrealistic to expect 13, 14, 15, 16, 17-year olds to behave like 30-year-olds. We all mature at different rates.

I didn’t notice any mention of how long you’ve been teaching or whatnot, and I should probably have been more generous in my original response. It does sound like you’re burned out and could use at least a day or two away from the kids to get some perspective. Hang in there 'til summer.

 

[WildCatholic]

When I was in junior high, I had a very bad experience with a new teacher who was unqualified to be dealing with teenagers. In the end she was forced to resign because she couldn’t effectively discipline or control her classroom. What I learned in her class is that some people are just psychologically unequipped for dealing with children who are making the awkward and difficult transition to adulthood. It’s unrealistic to expect 13, 14, 15, 16, 17-year olds to behave like 30-year-olds. We all mature at different rates.

I didn’t notice any mention of how long you’ve been teaching or whatnot, and I should probably have been more generous in my original response. It does sound like you’re burned out and could use at least a day or two away from the kids to get some perspective. Hang in there 'til summer.

Its only my first year, and I know I can’t expect them to have good behavior all the time but since when is porn and sexually lewd jokes okay for anyone? (not saying you don’t agree but once again, kids who have bad habits grow to be adults with bad habits. Sadly a lot of parents probably think “oh jonny’s going through a phase and will grow out of it” I call bull because the kids I know who drank a ton in HS are now having issues with DUI’s and babies out of wedlock or just look forward to weekends so they can get drunk (BTW I love a good beer or hard cider so I don’t hate alcohol)

I will say that part of it with me too is that I was bullied back at that age and it just reminds me of how awkward I was and I don’t understand why people are mean just to be mean. Seriously what compels a kid to be “Oh i’m so cool i’ll be mean to teacher for the heck of it”

 

[AnneElizabeth]

I’m so sorry you are going through this.

I do think as someone else here suggested that you read up on child/adolescent psychology. When you understand where this bad behavior is coming from, then it gets easier to snuff it out. (Not like I"m some pro at it or anything )

Perhaps you can get into some line of teaching where your students are older? I don’t know what that would be, but there has to be something out there like that. What about teaching somewhere third world country? Its not always the case, but in poorer regions the children do not act like such spoiled brats.

Its true that people think that the grass is not always greener, but sometimes you can find a better pasture.

Again, so sorry you are going through this. I hope you find what you are looking for. I know some kids can be a royal headache… My mom used to be a teacher, and then later substituted.