R
RedSparklyShoes
Guest
I have a friend, male, who has never masturbated. Tempted yet, but never done it.
- Status
V
VeritasLuxMea
Guest
Well, I wouldn’t go so far as to assume someone was a liar about this, because I’d like to give them the benefit of the doubt, and I’m sure several people have gone their whole lives without doing so.
Other than that, I pretty much agree with you though. I know this it’s stupid to play the made up statistics game but just as an illustration: if I had to bet $1,000 on it or something, I would guess that 99% of men over 20 years of age have masturbated at least once in their lives, and 90% continue to masturbate regularly or semi-regularly.
Further, I would bet that of the 1% who have never masturbated, many would be explained away by inability to do so (physical) or what a layman might call asexuality (mental).
Further, of the 10% who do not masturbate regularly or semi-regularly, I would bet that a good portion of them do not do so because they have active sex lives thus their need to do so is reduced.
I am not commenting in any way on the ethical nature of masturbation, just my guess as to the prevalence of it.
I think that a woman looking for a potential husband who has never masturbated is pure silliness, even among the faithful. If that’s what you’re after, you’re just not seeing the forest for the trees. It would be like expecting a woman to never get a little snippy or uncharitable, even when dealing with PMS. Good luck with that!
Even looking for a man who doesn’t occasionally fall into this sin strikes me as a mistake, as it is far too prevalent. I mean, go ahead and look for it if that’s what you want. It would be kind of like ruling a spouse out because they have lied once or twice in the past year, probably about insignificant things most of the time.
In other words, everyone sins, and this is a common sin among men. The man you want isn’t the sinless man (as only Christ was), but the man who, when he does sin, truly repents.
[Habitual masturbation without repentance is a different story, and that’s not what I’m talking about.]
S
silentfactor80
Guest
I’d also like to add one last thing about the masturbation issue. Hormones and biochemistry certainly play a role but I also think due to the way boys are socialized we often use it as an escape from psychological scars. Girls are often encouraged to talk out their problems without fear of being criticized for doing so. Boys on the other hand get picked on and bullied for admitting to problems. Often times its parents that tell their boys to “stop being girls and suck it up.” I think that is a psychologically damaging attitude to take because being a punching bag is NOT what being a man is about. As a result I think may young men harbor an internal anger that gets released for many by masturbation and in the worse cases by physical violence.
I don’t mean to compare men to dogs but think about this analogy. If I take 2 dogs of the same breed and train one with love / respect and the other I beat the living daylights out which one do you think is more “family friendly?” How many young boys do we really treat with love and respect in society? Studies have been done that showed when a young boy and young girl cry parents are more likely to run to the girl. What kind of message does that send to a young boy?
It may be easy to get on a boy’s case about masturbation but do we ever stop and ask ourselves what psychological factors contribute to this habit? It is easy to dismiss it as a “dirty boy habit” and make guys feel even worse about it. Personally I think more women suffer from it than we know but we’re still working on accepting the fact that women have strong sexual desires too.
I don’t say this to condone the behavior because it is not a good habit but I think women really need to understand that guys aren’t allowed many emotional outlets in life. Imagine if I told you most of the emotions you feel should never be expressed and you should deal with your own problems. Wouldn’t you look for a way to “let it out” somehow?
I don’t mean to compare men to dogs but think about this analogy. If I take 2 dogs of the same breed and train one with love / respect and the other I beat the living daylights out which one do you think is more “family friendly?” How many young boys do we really treat with love and respect in society? Studies have been done that showed when a young boy and young girl cry parents are more likely to run to the girl. What kind of message does that send to a young boy?
It may be easy to get on a boy’s case about masturbation but do we ever stop and ask ourselves what psychological factors contribute to this habit? It is easy to dismiss it as a “dirty boy habit” and make guys feel even worse about it. Personally I think more women suffer from it than we know but we’re still working on accepting the fact that women have strong sexual desires too.
I don’t say this to condone the behavior because it is not a good habit but I think women really need to understand that guys aren’t allowed many emotional outlets in life. Imagine if I told you most of the emotions you feel should never be expressed and you should deal with your own problems. Wouldn’t you look for a way to “let it out” somehow?
G
GraceUnderFire
Guest
Again, I’m not specifying a timeline. I said “if this is someone I am considering marrying.” Pax.I don’t think I know anyone who was considering marrying someone that just started dating. Therefore, it is none of her business. She shouldn’t be worrying about this right now at all. Heck, I don’t worry about this with my husband. Wanna know why? Well, he is a grown man who knows what is right and wrong, I can’t be around him 24/7 and I trust that he does the right thing. If you can’t trust, you shouldn’t be with the person. Period. I have known my husband for 5 years and we have never had the “are you addicted to porn” talk. I have never found any reason to freak out about it. If you or anyone else hasn’t found evidence then you shouldn’t assume that your boyfriend/fiance/husband is doing anything wrong.
Also, knowing names of models isn’t evidence that he is watching porn and masterbating. They are well know like many, many, many other celebrities.
L
Luvz2travel
Guest
I wouldn’t worry as long as he respects your boundaries. These days that a big thing for a guy. I’m dateless be cause I won’t date a guy who doesn’t respect mine. Most guys will not accept someone who doesn’t put out in other words and if you find one that will hang on to him he’s rare comodity. I’m sure some guy would say the same of women as well few women take their purity seriously these days.
S
silentfactor80
Guest
A 27 year old virgin guy here and happy to keep it that way. I’ve had 2 aggressive women try to change that who subsequently thought I was gay for refusing them. I think the ladies should appreciate the fact that you can turn a guy down without having your sexuality called into question. Needless to say both of those women were very attractive to me until they opened their mouths. That is when I saw how unattractive they were.
P
PrayingDuck
Guest
Just wanted to update–I have made an appointment with my old therapist for a sort of booster session. I dealt with similar doubts/issues in my last serious relationship (a couple years ago), and that breakup spurred me to see someone. I think it’s time for me to pick that back up again.
Also, hearing all your perspectives on the issue have brought me a lot of comfort and clarity, and I thank you for that!
Also, hearing all your perspectives on the issue have brought me a lot of comfort and clarity, and I thank you for that!
D
Debora123
Guest
I don’t think you should break up with someone for struggling with masturbation and/or pornography. I’m sure you have your own sins you struggle with. And if you’re looking for a single guy who NEVER masturbates, you’ll seriously be looking for a loooong time.
I would be a lot more worried if he was either addicted, or if he didn’t believe those actions were wrong and was unrepentant. Then yes, those would be grounds for breaking up.
But if it’s merely a natural struggle for him and he still goes to confession and is committed to trying to stop, then I think you’d be really harsh to dump him.
On a side note, I’d stop talking about all the advertisements that bother you all the time. That is really annoying and might possibly come off as being condescending and prideful. You already made it clear to him how you feel about it, there’s no need to keep pointing it out and bringing it up all the time.
I would be a lot more worried if he was either addicted, or if he didn’t believe those actions were wrong and was unrepentant. Then yes, those would be grounds for breaking up.
But if it’s merely a natural struggle for him and he still goes to confession and is committed to trying to stop, then I think you’d be really harsh to dump him.
On a side note, I’d stop talking about all the advertisements that bother you all the time. That is really annoying and might possibly come off as being condescending and prideful. You already made it clear to him how you feel about it, there’s no need to keep pointing it out and bringing it up all the time.
D
Debora123
Guest
Also, I think there’s a lot of people here pinning masturbation as a “guy problem.”
Masturbation is not a guy problem, it is a human problem. Perhaps women don’t do it AS MUCH as men, since men generally tend to have a higher sex drive, but they still do it.
Masturbation is not a guy problem, it is a human problem. Perhaps women don’t do it AS MUCH as men, since men generally tend to have a higher sex drive, but they still do it.
D
Debora123
Guest
Yup, I have never heard a single woman say she has never masturbated.
S
silentfactor80
Guest
Not trying to make a rule here but the first girl I dated told me she watched porn, masturbated, and if I ever said anything she would deny it / blame it on me. Needless to say that relationship lasted 2 month and I couldn’t be happier when it was over for many reasons. Ironically she was a “conservative religious girl” too. LOL! I’m sure most girls aren’t that vindictive but it wouldn’t surprise me if most did it in secret.
I think boys and girls could help each other avoid this sin better if there was more dialogue about sexuality from a values / understanding stand point. It is often said that Christ existed in a perfect balance of masculinity and femininity. I think guys need to discover femininity and that’s what women are best equipped to teach about. Vice versa for the girls. The problem is too often we turn to the same sex to learn about the opposite sex. It just doesn’t work. We become insular / self focused.
I had 2 really close friends in HS that were girls. One was like a sister to me and I always weighed her words heavily when it came to dating and general advice on how women think. Thanks to her I never felt like I was missing out even though I never had a girlfriend in HS.
K
kelvinf
Guest
Wow!- Status