I'm worried I'm trying to date for the wrong reasons

[Xanthippe_Voorhees]

I have to say I’m a little unsure of the whole “call” idea. I think some people definitely do have a distinct calling that they get. But I’m not sure that’s a universal experience. When I grew up everyone was really big on finding your calling in life, and I feel like for a lot of people it wasn’t meaningfully different from just plain old figuring out what you wanted and were suited for, only dressed up in spiritual language and catastrophized if you were wrong.

I think the kind of “calls” they do in other religions are often those mass-hysteria driven events to put peer pressure on those who are not following the rules.

The Catholic Church exercises none of those sorts of tactics. We ARE called to find out where God wants us. Typically, that is marriage. Less likely, a vocation. And rarer still, a call to perminate single life.

The most important thing in the Catholic church is constant and unwavering discernment for the word of God in each vocation. After your married, discernment does not stop. “Is God calling us to have a child now?” “Should we have more children?” “How should we educate our child/children?” “Am I providing for the unique spiritual needs of my spouse”

In Holy Orders/religious life “Am I living my vows to the fullest?” “Am I taking care of myself spiritually” “Do I know the needs of others in my life (their community or parish)?”

In Single life or after a decision has been made for consecrated virginity, “Am I making the best use of my money?” “Am I seeking spiritual guidance?” “Am I truly an asset to my community–both physically and spiritually”

The thing about these crazy discernment events is that they are the end of the line. You discern, you get your call, and you’re off—as if you’ve received an occupation card in the Milton Bradly Board game “Game of Life”

 

[DarkLight]

Have you ever gone on a “come and see” weekend with a religious order? If nothing else you would have a weekend retreat. The only expense is travel to and from the house. Might be worth some google time to find one or two that are do-able for you.

Not really. They’re not easy for shift workers. It’s more like the only expense is travel to and from the house, plus vacation time, plus figuring out how to get your schedule to something where you’re functional on their schedule when that’s normally when you’d be sleeping. I’ve rarely had the luxury of a 9-5 job where you have weekends off.

 

[Xantippe]

Maybe just keep an eye on their schedules and your schedule? They will eventually line up.

 

[Xanthippe_Voorhees]

TheLittleLady:

Have you ever gone on a “come and see” weekend with a religious order? If nothing else you would have a weekend retreat. The only expense is travel to and from the house. Might be worth some google time to find one or two that are do-able for you.

Not really. They’re not easy for shift workers. It’s more like the only expense is travel to and from the house, plus vacation time, plus figuring out how to get your schedule to something where you’re functional on their schedule when that’s normally when you’d be sleeping. I’ve rarely had the luxury of a 9-5 job where you have weekends off.

If you are genuinely interested (and it doesn’t sound like you are) I’d suggest just asking the order that you’d be interested in and letting them know your schedule.

Most can’t accept postulants with debt…soo… even if you found one you loved, the process could be extraordinarily long.

Also, @TheLittleLady you have to remember that each order is like dating a different man. They all differ vastly in their charism, and their daily life, in who they serve and what they expect. A Daughter of St. Paul is expected to produce fine words, art or websites, be in the community and spread the word of God. A Benedictine sister is expected to teach children from early hours until late at night tutoring–they may not see their fellow sisters but for weekends, prayers and the supper meal. Some sisters are called to silent orders, others pray and work together in different capacities.

Very rarely will any two orders have a very similar day, and it would be difficult to guess from one order if you’d be a worthy candidate for life in another.

 

[TheLittleLady]

WRT debt, there are organizations who help people with heavy college debt who desire to enter religious life. Local Parish organizations will also step up (Catholic Daughters, Knights of Columbus, etc.) God always finds a way for those whom He calls.

Our very small, rural Diocese has “Vocation Awareness” days where all of the orders in the State come together at a retreat center. One may visit with the Sisters of Mercy to Mother Teresa’s order all on the same weekend.

Young people never consider religious life anymore, or, they think that every order is a fully habited cloister. Active orders work regular jobs, live in regular houses with maybe 3 other Sisters, they have lifetime companions from their sisters in the order.