I'm worrying myself sick

[aBeLLe787]

Ok, I know I’m driving myself a little crazy with this. I really need some insight.

I’m currently dating a wonderful man. We have been together for 16 months. There has been talk of marriage, and I wouldn’t doubt an egagement within the next year. We love eachother dearly. We are very compatible and we share the same family and religious values. We both know the importance of a good relationship with God, and try and support each other in this (For example, we’re reading The Purpose Driven Life together, etc.). I am crazy about this guy. It feels right.

The problem?

Sometimes I feel guilty about how happy I am with him (Catholic guilt? lol…joke). Seriously. I feel like, what if God wants me to be a cloistered nun? I’ve always been drawn to marriage and family. That has always felt right. But then I get like this. What if I’m not supposed to be this happy with someone? What if I’m supposed to spend the rest of my life praying for the poor souls in purgatory in a cloister? What if I’m totally disobeying God’s plan? I know this probably makes no sense. I feel happy, and I almost feel like I’m being selfish.
I will be honest. I don’t want to be a nun. If that’s absolutely what God wanted me to do, I’d do it. But I feel like it would be against my will. Doesn’t He plant things in our hearts? Wouldn’t I have a yearning for it? If I broke up with Dave and joined a religious order I’d be very unhappy for a very long time. And God wants us to be happy, right? I’ve asked Him before, when I was single, that if life as a religious is what He wanted of me, to make things happen that way. I prayed and looked at places, but nothing came of it. I just don’t feel drawn to that.
I really love Dave. I think I love him so much and want it to work out so badly that I’m afraid that I’m making up reasons in my mind that it may not work out. (I have mild ocd, too. That could be why I’m obsessing like this. I don’t know) How can I ever, ever know with absolute certainty what God’s will is? Common sense tells me I’m overreacting. I feel right with him. I don’t feel like I’m on the wrong path. But I feel like, “how would I know for sure if I was/wasn’t?”

Please share your insights about this.

 

[liberational]

Why don’t you go on one of those vocational retreats…they have them in city where I live.

I bet that that would really help you decide if being a Nun is the life for you.

It doesn’t sound like you want to be a Nun…you said as much.

Best of luck.

 

[surfinpure]

It sounds as though the “O” part of the OCD might be giving you a real headache!

Does it help you to remind yourself that, while marriage is greatly desirable and sought after, it is also a valid and worthy vocation? Every bit as much as Holy Orders, I guarantee it. It is receiving one sacrament instead of another, but rarely can anyone have both! Your being in such a wonderful relationship (he’s Catholic, too, I’m guessing?) and heading down the path toward marriage, I would say is indication enough that this is God’s will. Keep seeking Him truly, with humility, and you will walk in His will.

And remember, the Evil One would like nothing better than to steal the joy away from a calling by impressing baseless guilt upon you.

 

[Simon_X]

It sounds as though the “O” part of the OCD might be giving you a real headache!

Does it help you to remind yourself that, while marriage is greatly desirable and sought after, it is also a valid and worthy vocation? Every bit as much as Holy Orders, I guarantee it. It is receiving one sacrament instead of another, but rarely can anyone have both! Your being in such a wonderful relationship (he’s Catholic, too, I’m guessing?) and heading down the path toward marriage, I would say is indication enough that this is God’s will. Keep seeking Him truly, with humility, and you will walk in His will.

And remember, the Evil One would like nothing better than to steal the joy away from a calling by impressing baseless guilt upon you.

I agree with Surfin. Sometimes we think that a Religious vocation (as important and noble as they are) are more important then a Marriage vocation. They are both important in their own right. Guess from the information you’ve given, sounds like you have been given a very strong desire to be married.

Good luck and God Bless you and your future.

 

[HouseArrest]

The nuns don’t want you there if you don’t want to be a nun, right? I think you’d have a yearning for it. I think at the very least you’d be surprised by it and think “I can’t believe it, I want to be a nun!” but you don’t even think that. I agree with the person before me who reminded you marriage is a vocation, too.

 

[monicatholic]

is your potential spouse a practicing Catholic? if he is, then you’ll both understand and agree that the vocation of marriage is to help your spouse get to heaven and to be open to children and nurture them in the Faith.

there’s nothing small in that vocation. there’s nothing easy about it, either.

read a lot of posts on CAF. talk to married practicing Catholic couples. meditate on the mystery of marriage. you’ll see there’s no valid reason to feel guilty about choosing it. *** it’s holy and it’s hard.***

but also, consider giving God one more chance to make a religious calling clear. take a month away from the relationship. make a novena of Masses. spend time in prayer and quiet. attend just one more retreat for discernment if you can. ask your Heavenly Father to clarify His calling and to give you peace about it.

if a month without your beloved seems too much, consider it’s not too much to make an investment in your life with God, and possibly in your life with God and your fellow. you are seeking peace in your decision.

throughout the time of retreat, continue whatever OCD treatments have been successful.

 

[Restless_me]

Somebody told me the following, which I believe is true and have found it helpful: God gives us the desires of our heart. That doesn’t mean he gives us every desire we yearn for. It means he gives us the actual desire. I think your desire for Dave is God-given. Accept the gift with a thankful heart!

 

[grandfather]

Please share your insights about this.

Last Sunday I sat next to a beautiful young woman at the coffee hour. I have known her for a couple of years. She has a boyfriend, is about 25 and always seemed to be a happy person. The Sunday before after church I noticed she was on her knees, eyes closed and reallyt working the beads.

So she told me that she is becoming a nun. She said she was torn about this for a long time, not knowing what to do. She was very sincere in trying to make up her mind, this way or that way. She went on a retreat and prayed and finally came to a point where she asked God to take over and show her her path. Something happened and she knew she would be a nun and now is completely at peace and happy about it.

She finally knows what she is supposed to choose and is happy about it. She says somewhere inside she was fighting against this all along and now she has stopped fighting and is at peace and knows for sure her path.

Her boyfriend is unhappy, but understanding and he is not even Catholic. They still are friends and get together, but that will stop on a certain date soon.

What would have happened if she did not listen to God’s call, but blocked it out? I think she would probably have married the boyfriend and had a good life. She might have missed out on something better or more rewarding for her personally, but life can still be good.

Sometimes were are afraid and run away from the thing that will bring us the most happiness, but that does not mean we can not also be happy doing something else. So why are you so sure that if you chose a religious vocation that would make you unhappy? How do you know that it would not be very fulfilling?

 

[BamaRider]

I’m a simple kinda guy, so here’s all ya need to know. If the convent was in the plan for right now, God would not have placed Dave in your life at this point in time, there is a reason you have so many good feelings about him. I’d continue down this path to see what happens.

It is possible something could derail the relationship later on, I dunno, but it seems to me Dave is the path to take.

 

[Trishie]

I would have thought that in giving you so many positives with this man, God is giving you indication that your vocation is for marriage. There are always options, but God’s will is often revealed in simple reality. How very blessed you to have so much going for you as a couple!

Marriage isn’t always easy which doesn’t mean it’s not one’s vocation. You worry it could fail…so can a religious vocation real or not.

I ask God to give you peace.

You know what came to mind with your post? God gave “Adam” and “Eve” so many blessings, so many benefits, but you know what! Instead of being thrilled to bits for all they were give, they were just miserable because of the one thing they were barred from, so they grabbed for it…and lost many of the belssings and benefits they had before. If you torture yourself and your guy with your doubts you may putshadows on the wonderful things you do have…

God bless and embrace you, and lead you whole-heartedly to accept the real gift He is giving you with yopur relationship.

Anyhow…over to God with that.

Bless you, Trishie

 

[Trishie]

I would have thought that in giving you so many positives with this man, God is giving you indication that your vocation is for marriage. There are always options, but God’s will is often revealed in simple reality. How very blessed you to have so much going for you as a couple!

Marriage isn’t always easy which doesn’t mean it’s not one’s vocation. You worry it could fail…so can a religious vocation real or not.

I ask God to give you peace.

You know what came to mind with your post? God gave “Adam” and “Eve” so many blessings, so many benefits, but you know what! Instead of being thrilled to bits for all they were give, they were just miserable because of the one thing they were barred from, so they grabbed for it…and lost many of the blessings and benefits they had before. If you torture yourself and your guy with your doubts you may put shadows on the wonderful things you do have…

God bless and embrace you, and lead you whole-heartedly to accept the real gift He is giving you with your relationship.

Anyhow…over to God with that.

Bless you, Trishie

 

[RWMorris]

If God wanted you to be a nun, He would put that in your heart. When I was a young Christian I used to be afraid that God would call me to be a missionary. I really worried about it. But I gave my will up to God. He led me to the man I was supposed to marry and we ended up having a wonderful family, all of whom are grown now.
Funnily enough, several of my friends DID turn out to be lay missionaries and have loved their lives! But that wasn’t where God led me, and I don’t think He’ll lead you there either.
God isn’t here to impose lives upon us that we aren’t strong enough or prepared to lead. He obviously has a plan for you - follow the Holy Spirit and you’ll be fine.
Raising a family in the Church is quite challenging in today’s time, so don’t think it is the “easy” way to live a Christian life!

 

[jwashu]

Ok, I know I’m driving myself a little crazy with this. I really need some insight.

I’m currently dating a wonderful man. We have been together for 16 months. There has been talk of marriage, and I wouldn’t doubt an egagement within the next year. We love eachother dearly. We are very compatible and we share the same family and religious values. We both know the importance of a good relationship with God, and try and support each other in this (For example, we’re reading The Purpose Driven Life together, etc.). I am crazy about this guy. It feels right.

The problem?

Sometimes I feel guilty about how happy I am with him (Catholic guilt? lol…joke). Seriously. I feel like, what if God wants me to be a cloistered nun? I’ve always been drawn to marriage and family. That has always felt right. But then I get like this. What if I’m not supposed to be this happy with someone? What if I’m supposed to spend the rest of my life praying for the poor souls in purgatory in a cloister? What if I’m totally disobeying God’s plan? I know this probably makes no sense. I feel happy, and I almost feel like I’m being selfish.
I will be honest. I don’t want to be a nun. If that’s absolutely what God wanted me to do, I’d do it. But I feel like it would be against my will. Doesn’t He plant things in our hearts? Wouldn’t I have a yearning for it? If I broke up with Dave and joined a religious order I’d be very unhappy for a very long time. And God wants us to be happy, right? I’ve asked Him before, when I was single, that if life as a religious is what He wanted of me, to make things happen that way. I prayed and looked at places, but nothing came of it. I just don’t feel drawn to that.
I really love Dave. I think I love him so much and want it to work out so badly that I’m afraid that I’m making up reasons in my mind that it may not work out. (I have mild ocd, too. That could be why I’m obsessing like this. I don’t know) How can I ever, ever know with absolute certainty what God’s will is? Common sense tells me I’m overreacting. I feel right with him. I don’t feel like I’m on the wrong path. But I feel like, “how would I know for sure if I was/wasn’t?”

Please share your insights about this.

I think it’s Catholic Guilt.

God wants you to be Happy. He wants to to find and obtain salvation otherwise Christ wouldn’t have suffered on the Cross for us.

If God wants you to be a nun, I think you would hear that loud and clear.

Many of the things you say He might ask of you can be done in marriage. You can pray and pray often plus if this is the right guy, together you can share a relationship that mimics the Trinity here on Earth, through the relationship you can bring about more souls to praise His name… that’s pretty powerful

There will be ups and downs, enjoy the good times, and most importantly, PRAISE Him for them!

Joe

 

[sdeco]

I think if you are drawn to marriage and family and have no desire to be a nun, then it’s very unlikely that you have a calling to be a nun. Of course, I don’t know you and can’t discern your vocation for you - only you can do that, perhaps with the help of a priest. But I personally don’t think you have that calling unless you start desiring to be a nun. God puts the desire in our hearts for our vocation.

I’ve head that there’s something called “happiness anxiety,” where people start getting anxious if it seems like they’re “too happy.” Either deep down they feel like they don’t deserve it, or they think it can’t last and something bad is bound to happen soon. I’ve struggled with this myself. Sometimes it’s hard to remember that God *wants *us to be happy. It sounds like that might be what’s going on here. Of course, I’m only going by what you’ve written. I would talk to a priest if you’re still having anxiety about discerning your vocation.

 

[aBeLLe787]

I’ve head that there’s something called “happiness anxiety,” where people start getting anxious if it seems like they’re “too happy.” Either deep down they feel like they don’t deserve it, or they think it can’t last and something bad is bound to happen soon. I’ve struggled with this myself. Sometimes it’s hard to remember that God *wants *us to be happy. It sounds like that might be what’s going on here. Of course, I’m only going by what you’ve written. I would talk to a priest if you’re still having anxiety about discerning your vocation.

That’s how I feel! Thank you for that!

I feel like it almost can’t be a vocation problem, because every time I talk to Dave about it, I feel better. When I’m with him I all but forget about it. It’s when I’m alone that I start what-ifing.

And the person who said I’m being obsessive is right. Dave will say, “Why would God make you to have a desire for a husband, babies, a home to tend, a love for cooking and nurturing and then make you do something that would make that impossible? I don’t think that’s how He is,” to which I reply, “Well what if he wants me to use my love for kids to take care of the orphans and cook for them…” I drive myself nuts with these what-ifs.

Thank you, everyone, for your kind responses. I really appreciate it

 

[StevenFrancis]

The Purpose Driven Life together, etc.).

There’s a Catholic supplement to TPDL that Catholics need to know about. There are a couple minor problems with it otherwise which may be heresy.

I feel like, what if God wants me to be a cloistered nun? I’ve always been drawn to marriage and family.

This is a crossroads that all Catholics must come to. The only advice anyone can give really is to pray and discern. Remember that God loves you. Has always loved you, and always will. This love comes from outside of time itself, and is stronger than any force that you or I could imagine. Faith means trusting as well as worshiping. It means surrendering your will to Him. If he wants you as nun, he’ll tell you loudly enough for you to discern. You have to trust in that and your conscience, which is God given as well. You’ll do the right thing. That’s how it works. He’s not a practical jokester with our vocations.

What if I’m supposed to spend the rest of my life praying for the poor souls in purgatory in a cloister?.

Take the marriage vocation he’s hitting you over the head with, and pray for the souls in purgatory anyway! I do, and I’m married.

I don’t want to be a nun. If that’s absolutely what God wanted me to do, I’d do it. But I feel like it would be against my will.

Are you being led into being a nun in your prayer and internal life? Is that what you’re trying to say? We have free will. Prayer, Discernment, time with the blessed sacrament, discussions with a trusted Priest. These are old monotonous answers, but they are still the correct answers. If your vocation after all the above turns out that you should be a nun, then, as hard as it may be to understand now, He would make you happy about that in some way once you got going, so long as you always stay open to what is.

Doesn’t He plant things in our hearts? Wouldn’t I have a yearning for it?

He gave us conscience, and the Holy Spirit. Some decisions are supposed to be hard. Once you’ve exercised your free will to turn over your will to God, he will reward you with peace in your decision. Yes…I would think you’d feel a tug. Not necessarily a “yearning”. I imagine some feel that. But whatever you feel or hear will be individual to you, so the rest of us can’t tell you much about it.

And God wants us to be happy, right?

The short answer is yes!! For eternity. During this life? Hmmmm. You kind of have to define happiness. Sometimes it’s not even what you think it is. He wants you to be happy with what is. Not make happiness conditional on people, places and things. You know, wanting what you have, as opposed to having what you want. Tricky concept. In the fullness of time, you’ll be happy in all possible definitions. During the physical life when we’re constrained by physics, He can only only help you to be happy with whatever is right. Only you and He know when you’ve made the right decision.

've asked Him before, when I was single, that if life as a religious is what He wanted of me, to make things happen that way. I prayed and looked at places, but nothing came of it.

Well there you go

I really love Dave. I think I love him so much and want it to work out so badly that I’m afraid that I’m making up reasons in my mind that it may not work out. (I have mild ocd, too. That could be why I’m obsessing like this. I don’t know)

The Lord may push you to see your doctor then too. He works through the people and materials here on earth to help us, in myriad ways we couldn’t even pretend to understand. If you have an actual brain disorder, you may need one of His doctors to help you with that aspect of it.

How can I ever, ever know with absolute certainty what God’s will is?

See everything above. To know for sure? You can’t. You’re forgetting one important ingredient to this mixture. Faith. You have to trust the Lord, to give you the signals and help that you seek once you pray. Best to look for end results, and not His methods. We aren’t privy to understanding the methods, but we eventually see the results, if only we have the faith found in a single mustard seed.

Peace to you, and my prayers,

Steven