Imagine life without marriage

[Magickman]

I was reading a thought provoking article, about opposing views on the extension of marriage rights to same sex couples.

As a heterosexual man, I have no dog in this fight, myself. But,
both sides characterize this controversy as critical to American
society.

Marriage is a fundamental institution, perhaps the fundamental
institution, in the organization of civilization. It is said to be the bedrock foundation of all social organization, the basis of community life.

I use that passive voice, “It is said to be the bedrock foundation,”
because I am without personal and direct knowledge of the inner
workings of this “sacred” institution.

But, even without a personal stake in marriage, I recognize the
widespread perception of its importance. In the article, the reader
was asked to, " Imagine life without marriage. It’s very hard to
imagine. It’s a much lonelier, much more vulnerable life."

Makes me think of John Lennon’s song, “Imagine.”

Maybe I would see things differently, if I had experience of
marriage, and knew more about it. All I know, really, is statistical
information.

You see then, that I am an expert writer, of things I know nothing
about.

A woman I knew, divorced twice herself, told me that “Everyone should have the experience of marriage.” It was an idea she liked, but a lifestyle she could not live.

Maybe it was my early Catholic training, that made me gamophobic, afraid of marriage. The preaching against divorce was so dogmatic, emphatic, and fanatic, that I was overwhelmed by the enormity of the risk factor, and sat on the sidelines, while everyone else was married and divorced.

Are there others here, who have a general fear of entering marriage, because they wish to avoid the risk of divorce?

 

[LutheranDK]

I was reading a thought provoking article, about opposing views on the extension of marriage rights to same sex couples.

As a heterosexual man, I have no dog in this fight, myself. But,
both sides characterize this controversy as critical to American
society.

Marriage is a fundamental institution, perhaps the fundamental
institution, in the organization of civilization. It is said to be the bedrock foundation of all social organization, the basis of community life.

I use that passive voice, “It is said to be the bedrock foundation,”
because I am without personal and direct knowledge of the inner
workings of this “sacred” institution.

But, even without a personal stake in marriage, I recognize the
widespread perception of its importance. In the article, the reader
was asked to, " Imagine life without marriage. It’s very hard to
imagine. It’s a much lonelier, much more vulnerable life."

Makes me think of John Lennon’s song, “Imagine.”

Maybe I would see things differently, if I had experience of
marriage, and knew more about it. All I know, really, is statistical
information.

You see then, that I am an expert writer, of things I know nothing
about.

A woman I knew, divorced twice herself, told me that “Everyone should have the experience of marriage.” It was an idea she liked, but a lifestyle she could not live.

Maybe it was my early Catholic training, that made me gamophobic, afraid of marriage. The preaching against divorce was so dogmatic, emphatic, and fanatic, that I was overwhelmed by the enormity of the risk factor, and sat on the sidelines, while everyone else was married and divorced.

Are there others here, who have a general fear of entering marriage, because they wish to avoid the risk of divorce?

I am no RC, but I share the views of the RC church on marriage (and furthermore think that this “annulment”-thing is quite horrific - a de facto divorce although the language is different - but that’s another story for another thread), and I have had the same thoughts.
Although the opportunity hasn’t yet presented itself since Ms Right hasn’t strolled by yet.

 

[os_justi]

Are there others here, who have a general fear of entering marriage, because they wish to avoid the risk of divorce?

I’m more afraid of never getting married than I am of getting married then divorced. I don’t believe in divorce – I just won’t do it. Any man who marries me will know in no uncertain terms that he’s stuck with me for a long long time. =)

 

[Biblioassistant]

I’ve been married. It was horrific, and since my divorce I have no desire to marry again. Frankly, I am afraid of giving anyone that much power over me.

 

[chevalier]

To be honest, as much as I disagree with the true love concepts on logical levels, I’m heavily influenced by them and while this means $2 love books and most of the better stuff too will only get me to roll my eyes, what I’m looking for is not just someone to run a household with, while maintaining separate intellects and separate emotions and generally minding one’s own life, but contrary, I’m looking for close partnership of the kind many would consider unhealthy. There is a certain thing you can get only with a woman (if you’re a man, that is) that has nothing to do with sex driver, but you can still only have it with a woman - I want that thing too. Truth be told, the intellectual and even spiritual interaction is more appealing to me than the physical, as important as the latter is. But the former is all so more important. I am not getting this and I can hardly see myself finding it in any foreseeable future, while my days are not limitless, so it’s very possible that I will never find it. I will not, however, compromise it by settling for something less than that - especially if I could actually find that kind of person and that kind of relationship later and have to give it up for the sake of a current marriage, knowing fully well the marriage was a mistake and the chance being given up was the thing which should have been true. That is something I do not want to happen. For this reason, I will generally stay back if I don’t feel that special connection and I’m currently working on not getting involved in flirtations that arise from overlooking certain already visible red flags or other incompatibilities and lead to unhappy relationships.

 

[Sierrah]

I’m having to do this weather I want to or not. I’m not at all afraid of marriage but it seems like a lot of people are. Maybe it’s because I’ve seen many people with great marriages including my parents. If marriage gives you fear don’t pursue it. If you want it seek it out. I think it’s that simple except that sometimes if you seek it out you won’t always find the right person but I guess that’s life.

 

[chevalier]

Well, it’s more like “a” right person than “the” right one and it relies more on work together than on the matching, but there is obviously room for a wrong choice to make. I think, however, that the Sacrament is stronger than the bad choice and if you allow it, it will work. But life teaches it’s awfully hard at times. My decisions therefore is to make a fully convinced choice. Stick to the choice I make, but make a good choice before, too.