Immigration laws separating my family

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pabloSD

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Dear Brothers and Sisters in Christ,

I’m writing with great sorrow, but at the same time, with a lot of faith and hope that Our Lord will help my family through this great test.

I’m a U.S. permanent resident, on my way to citizenship. I can apply for naturalization in a year and four months. But until I become a citizen or the petitions of my wife and daughter go through (it usually takes two and a half years for the family of a permanent resident to go through), my family (wife, daughter, and son) will have to wait their turn in line and live in the border city of Tijuana, and I will have to remain in San Diego in order to become a citizen.

My plan is to spend the weekdays in San Diego, and weekends in Tijuana, with them. I will probably also spend Wednesday night with them. So, for three nights out of the week I will have to be by myself in SD.

As you can imagine, this is causing so much stress on my wife and me. The children are six and two. My six year-old daughter already understands that this is something dad has to do, a sacrifice of love, I call it, so that she can have a better future. My boy is to small to really understand why dad will be out three nights of the week.

This sacrifice of love that we will be making, Our Lord knows that I’m only thinking on the best for my children, that I will make sure that every moment that I spend with them will be of great quality, that I value them even more now.

Do you have any suggestions, advice? Any military families that have gone through similar situations where the father is out of the house for long periods of time? Or any families separated by our immigration laws?

Thanks!
En Cristo,
Pablo
 
pabloSD said:
Dear Brothers and Sisters in Christ,

I’m writing with great sorrow, but at the same time, with a lot of faith and hope that Our Lord will help my family through this great test.

I’m a U.S. permanent resident, on my way to citizenship. I can apply for naturalization in a year and four months. But until I become a citizen or the petitions of my wife and daughter go through (it usually takes two and a half years for the family of a permanent resident to go through), my family (wife, daughter, and son) will have to wait their turn in line and live in the border city of Tijuana, and I will have to remain in San Diego in order to become a citizen.

My plan is to spend the weekdays in San Diego, and weekends in Tijuana, with them. I will probably also spend Wednesday night with them. So, for three nights out of the week I will have to be by myself in SD.

As you can imagine, this is causing so much stress on my wife and me. The children are six and two. My six year-old daughter already understands that this is something dad has to do, a sacrifice of love, I call it, so that she can have a better future. My boy is to small to really understand why dad will be out three nights of the week.

This sacrifice of love that we will be making, Our Lord knows that I’m only thinking on the best for my children, that I will make sure that every moment that I spend with them will be of great quality, that I value them even more now.

Do you have any suggestions, advice? Any military families that have gone through similar situations where the father is out of the house for long periods of time? Or any families separated by our immigration laws?

Thanks!
En Cristo,
Pablo
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I was in the military for over 10 years and was separated from my wife and 3 sons several times during that time; on one occasion for an entire year. It was so hard and I certainly understand something of what you are going through. I wish that I had some words of wisdom or something to say that might provide you and your family some solace, but I’m afraid that I do not. I will say a prayer for you and your family. I am very sorry that you have to go through this.
 
God bless you. I don’t have any advice for you other than to pray and imagine the day when you will all be reunited and how wonderful it will be.
 
God Bless you. I pray that this separation time is a time that strengthens your faith in God and commitment to each other.

I do want to mention to be sure you are seeking some sort of legal advice. There are certain times during the immigration process that you are not allowed to leave the country at ALL and you don’t want to do something that could negate your act of love in being separated.

Anyways, many husbands do travel for work and are gone 3 or 4 days a week, so this is not that much different and when presented to your children as you have, as an act of love, then your children will just accept the way that life is.

While it is OK to let them know that you miss them when you are not together, I’d be cautious about showing too much upset over it all. Just present it as the way your life is, make the most of your nights together etc. Does your wife have internet connection? You could do video visiting every night before bed, or say a prayer together that way each evening. etc.

Prayers that your immigration plans all go smoothly and that you are reunited permanently as quickly as possible
 
Just patience and prayer. I know many families, because of their country of origin, who waited over ten years for the family petitions to make it up the list. When it is over, 2 1/2 years won’t seem so long.
 
Pablo,

You should count your blessings that you were able to come up with such a good solution to your family’s immigration problems. TJ and San Diego are very close to each other, so you can be there for your family when they need you, even outside of the weekend. Many other families are not that lucky and often need to reside on different continents or several airplane rides away before all the paperwork comes through. All in all, you are very lucky (although it does not feel that way) and your situation could be much worse.

As for how to get through, I think it will be more difficult on your wife than on you. Be kind and thoughtful and try to do as much for her as you can during the weekends, so you can make her life easier during the week. Call her and your children often. Are your children citizens? You could bring them sometime with you for a day to SD and give your wife a break. Good luck with everything and I hope that your situation will resolve soon.
 
Dear Pablo,

Thank you for not breaking the laws of this nation, in spite of personal difficulties and separation from your family.
 
TheRealJuliane said:
Dear Pablo,

Thank you for not breaking the laws of this nation, in spite of personal difficulties and separation from your family.
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Dear Pablo,
Many of us are sorry for the unjust laws which are separating your family.
 
tafan said:
Dear Pablo,
Many of us are sorry for the unjust laws which are separating your family.
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There is nothing unjust about having immigration laws.

I am glad that Pablo is going about this in a legal way.
 
TheRealJuliane said:
There is nothing unjust about having immigration laws.

I am glad that Pablo is going about this in a legal way.
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There is nothing unjust about having immigration laws.

The USCCB has called the US immigration system both unjust and a grave moral issue. More information about the bishop’s teachings in this area can be found here:

usccb.org/issues-and-action/human-life-and-dignity/immigration/churchteachingonimmigrationreform.cfm

usccb.org/issues-and-action/faithful-citizenship/forming-consciences-for-faithful-citizenship-document.cfm

The second resource can be downloaded as a pdf.

OP, I have sorry your family has been a victim of our unjust laws. My prayers are with you.

Luna
 
I’m sorry about you’re situation brother. Ill say a quick prayer for you before bed. I hope people have the basic human sympathy not to turn this into a political thread.
 
Come on for real both of you find a imagration thread if you want. I don’t think debate is what this guy is looking for right now. I think it would be best if we stuck to prayers and advice.
 
TheRealJuliane said:
There is nothing unjust about having immigration laws.

I am glad that Pablo is going about this in a legal way.
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I did not say there was, just that our laws were unjust. I am also glad he is following the law, if he did not, the results would be worse. But I
glad for his sake, not out of any respect for our immigration system.
 
Just a thought - but could your wife get an H2A visa or an H2B visa - I’m not sure on the specifics but if she did she could work even if only for a year- she might be able to bring the daughter with her - any attorneys on here who might know? I just know that one of these I think the first there’s no cap on the amount of those visas that can be given for farm working - the other for other than agricultural work I think is capped at 60000 or some number there about. I believe they’re both for a year. You probably already thought of this though.
Good Luck and God Bless

and seriously everyone, I usually am one to mess up and bring up off topics but this is not the thread to discuss whether or not US laws are just or unjust. Why don’t we start another thread on that.
God Bless
Rye
 
I’m so sorry for your situation, Pablo. My husband and I had to deal with the immigration system when we got married (he’s foreign) and the immigration laws of this country are unjust (not that immigration laws in and of themselves are unjust, but our particular system is very screwed up). I’m sure you’ve already thought of this, but have you done consultations with several attorneys to see if there are ways to try and get your family into the country legally sooner?

You’ll be in my prayers.
 
When I was about 12, my dad took a job in a city that was 7 hours away. Our family couldn’t move, so for a long time we only saw him on the weekends. I was, and continue to be grateful and proud of my father for making sacrifices like that to support us.

I’m sure your family will be of you and yours, too. Sending prayers your way, my friend.
nothingclever said:
I hope people have the basic human sympathy not to turn this into a political thread.
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Seconded.
 
SamH said:
He could always move back to Mexico.
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This is probably bad advice. If someone is a permanent resident and is waiting for naturalization, he is required to be living in the US. Moving back to Mexico, even temporaily in order to be united with his family, would likely cause him to forfeit his residency status and/or make his wait for naturalization longer. An example of how our laws are messed up.

I agree with other posters that this should not turn into a political thread, I was only trying to show the OP that some of us understand that our laws are just not right.

However, I also think we should be really careful on giving actual immigration advice, as the laws are extremely complicated and a single bad move on the part of the OP could have disastrous and life-long negative effects. From my experience, SamH’s advice seems really bad to me.
 
tafan said:
This is probably bad advice. If someone is a permanent resident and is waiting for naturalization, he is required to be living in the US. Moving back to Mexico, even temporaily in order to be united with his family, would likely cause him to forfeit his residency status and/or make his wait for naturalization longer. An example of how our laws are messed up.

I agree with other posters that this should not turn into a political thread, I was only trying to show the OP that some of us understand that our laws are just not right.

However, I also think we should be really careful on giving actual immigration advice, as the laws are extremely complicated and a single bad move on the part of the OP could have disastrous and life-long negative effects. From my experience, SamH’s advice seems really bad to me.
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I’m pretty sure that SamH knew exactly what would happen. Correct me if I’m wrong Sam, but I get the idea that you mean if he doesn’t like the laws he could just move back and STAY in Mexico.

My problem with that post IF that was your intent, is it is insulting to the OP who never complained about the immigration laws. He just asked for some advice on how to make the most of the situation.
 
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