Immodest 15-yr old Cousin... what's my role?

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My 15-year-old cousin and my sister, although they were best friends growing up, have not gotten along for a few years… once they became teenagers, that is. I suppose that from today’s society’s view it may seem like my sister has been sheltered and has been more successful against pressure of conforming than my cousin, and hence, my cousin finds her annoying. Anyway, my cousin has recently really seemed to dislike my sister.

My sister is not allowed to have a facebook or myspace, but I have had one for a while and my cousin has always found me and added me as a friend. What I find on these profiles, however, is not comforting. Basically, it’s soft porn. I’ve also noticed that this cousin has helped her 10-year-old sister to make her own webpages with similar pictures on them.

My cousins have grown up in a very worldly life, their parents were never married, and both have ad several boyfriends/girlfriends moving in and out constantly. Although I’m pretty sure their mother would have no problem with the facebook, their dad (my uncle) seems more conservative and I think he would be disappointed to see such things from his daughters.

Facebook aside, my 14-year-old sister recently to me in tears when she was tolmy the 15-year-old’s 12-year-old sister (the tomboy of the three girls, who doesn’t have a facebook or myspace) that the older girl was now on birth control and has boys over frequently when she is at her mom’s house.

I think I am the only person in my family (her dad’s side of the family) besides my sister who now knows this and also has the facebook/myspace information. My question is what should I do with it?

Should I just present it all to her father, or should I try talk to her first? Should I just let it go?

I honestly have no idea how much influence have on this teenage cousin. I am 19 and have always been very openly conservative and religious. A rosary has always hung in my car, I frequently wear prolife t-shirts, I was married this summer with a tridentine latin Mass… I have never really been close to this cousin or even really talked to her about anyting serious, so I don’t even know if she takes me seriously or jsut thinks that I’m a fanatic like my younger sister.
 
well i had the same trouble with my half sister and her myspace. i presented all the information to my mother which really didn’t do anything about it. it made my sister really mad at me but i think only because she thought i was taddling on her. i think that you should try talking to your cousin first and explain how you feel about it. if she gets out of hand about it then you should maybe bring it up to your uncle in a round about way.
 
You know what? As far as the immodesty and stuff go, I’d just try to be a good example. But I would speak to your cousin about the problems with being safe as a minor on websites like facebook and myspace. I think that coming from that angle would be seen as less confrontational/judgmental. So I’d say something along the lines of “Cousin, I saw you have a lot of personal information on myspace and your little sister does too. I think it’s great that you have so many friends, but I do worry as there are lots of dangers on those websites too.” Perhaps approaching the topic in that way will open the door to future conversations and indirectly show her that you’re trying to look out for her best interests. 👍
 
I’d get a new Facebook and set it to PRIVATE so she can’t friend you. As an old lady with both a MySpace and a Facebook, I can tell you we old people don’t want to be friended without a chance to choose, either.

As for what can you do- Nothing but be a good example and pray for her.
 
As the father of a 28 year old daughter, I urge you strongly to get in touch with your uncle first. As a newleywed,(congradulations), I would hope that you would want & appreciate the same (name removed by moderator)ut concerning an errant child. Though the upbringing of your cousin may be different than that of any future children of yours, wayward children are not always the result of lax or permissive parenting.

Talking to cousin first would likely make you an enemy & only sharpen her defenses. If possible, sincerely express to your uncle the importance/advantage of leaving your name out of any discussion he has with his daughter.

One more example pointing to importance of parents being on the same page, as should be discussed & demonstrated prior to tying the knot.

Not preaching from perfection as daughter rejected me at 14 & I had no (name removed by moderator)ut until she slowly returned starting around age 20. She actually sought my (name removed by moderator)ut prior to election & stood firm as one of the few conservatives during her years in L.A. & N.Y. show biz days. Also, errant younger sister returned to tell my dad “he was right” after 10 yrs. seeking hapiness/herself.
 
I’d get your uncle on the phone, tell HIM what you know, and let him handle it, and what happens happens.
 
I agree that you should bring this to your uncle’s attention (asking that he keep your name out of it). Then he can do with it as he sees fit. That is the end of your role. Well, pray of course. Especially for the 10 year old who is being lead astray at such a young age.
 
Are you close to your uncle? If you are close to the uncle, I would talk to him and tell him that you are concerned about his children. Then show him the stuff on the webpage.
 
You should inform your uncle. He needs to see the web pages so he knows exactly what is going on. He should know about the birth control and everything. Sometimes fathers are not informed and it isn’t fair for them.

You might want to mention to your uncle that if she finds out you told on her, it will only help her hide this stuff from him better in the future.

Your parents might want to discuss your cousin’s situation with your sister also. She is obviously upset about it.

Most parents really want to do what is best for their children, so it is important that they know what is happening in their lives. If it were your daughter you would want to know.

And your cousin will probably not listen to you if you try to reason with her, even if she thinks you are cool.
 
I think I’ll start by talking to my uncle.

Thank you for the insight, everyone. It was wonderful. 🙂

God bless.
 
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