Immoral Teacher

[Irislover0]

Hi,

I am new here and am hoping for some answers to this problem I am dealing with. Last year my husband came to me saying he wanted a divorce and that he met someone else and hadn’t been happy for a long time. I guess this affair had been going on for over 3 years and the woman at the time was married and had young children. I was devastated as you might imagine and angry, not only at my husband but at the other woman… My husband would never tell me who she was as he said she was afraid to lose her children. But through many months of my self detective work, I found out who she is… She is a teacher at a Catholic high school in my town! When I found out I confronted my husband who was shocked and afraid I would do something to make this public. He said he was going to break it off with her and has since moved back home, but I know they are still in contact…

What do I do? Should I get ahold of her school and tell them what has been going on? Her husband filed for divorce and she is living on her own with joint custody of her children.
I can’t believe she teaches the Catholic doctrine and then goes and has an affair with a married man… I need some help please!

 

[Barbkw]

She may well be a Catholic, however not all teachers at Catholic schools are Catholic.

 

[cviolette]

What are you hoping to accomplish? Are you looking for revenge? Do you want to get her fired? It sounds like she is already paying for her mistakes by her husband filing for divorced.

I would focus on my husband and not the other woman. He is the one that made the commitment to you. Do you want to reconcile with your husband?

 

[teachccd]

I am so sorry to hear of your trials in this situation. As the previous poster pointed out she may not be Catholic. However, even if she is, her decisions are the same personal choices that we all make with our gift of free will. So, yes, she is teaching in a Catholic school while she was committing adultery. I would have to wonder if teachers in every Catholic, Christian, Jewish, Muslim, and secular school were polled how many would not be immoral to some degree. Whether it’s sex, alcohol, excessive gambling or whatever, people get caught up in this even when they are to uphold morality.

Really the basis for all sin are lies. We are either lying to God, or neighbor, or ourselves. And since we all sin we are all held accountable for being hypocrites at one point or another. Now, please note that I am in no way condoning her behavior or her lack of standards. I just think that going to the school with this is not going to solve the problem, She did nothing illegal and is not a threat to the kids other than being a bad example only if the kids find out. Her own discernment of her moral conduct had no bearing on her teaching capabilities nor the safety and welfare of the students. Unless she is outright condoning this type of behavior with the kids, her private life cannot determine her credibility as a teacher.

I teach religious education to a number if kids each year. My conscience tells me that we must live what we teach. And so I try my best to do so. Personally, I could not teach what I do not live because I would be wasting my time and lying to myself. I am a sinner however and I do fail in different regards. I just have the moral compass set whereby I will always try to turn back to God and away from sin.

My prayers are with you. This must be an incredibly tough situation and I can surely understand how you view someone in her position. We must pray for all those out there who should uphold the moral code that they pass on to others. God help us all…teachccd

 

[Barbkw]

Irislover,

I’m sorry for your pain and my prayers are with you.

 

[Irislover0]

Thanks everyone for your replies. I guess I am guilty of wanting some sort of revenge, which I know is wrong. I have been going through so much hurt and anger, and then after finding this out about this other woman’s occupation and feeling that as a part contributor to all this, not just my husband, that I want her to experience the pain I have been going through. I should probably seek help in dealing with my emotions… My husband and I have been trying to work things out, but I feel the trust is all gone… ;-(

 

[irenesg]

Going to her school will do nothing to help this situation but will only fan the flames. Maybe it might make you feel better to “tell” on her but that is not a solution. Look into yourself and your husband for your problem solving.

 

[teachccd]

Thanks everyone for your replies. I guess I am guilty of wanting some sort of revenge, which I know is wrong. I have been going through so much hurt and anger, and then after finding this out about this other woman’s occupation and feeling that as a part contributor to all this, not just my husband, that I want her to experience the pain I have been going through. I should probably seek help in dealing with my emotions… My husband and I have been trying to work things out, but I feel the trust is all gone… ;-(

Please know that you are in my prayers. God bless… teachccd

 

[Whitacre_Girl]

Thanks everyone for your replies. I guess I am guilty of wanting some sort of revenge, which I know is wrong. I have been going through so much hurt and anger, and then after finding this out about this other woman’s occupation and feeling that as a part contributor to all this, not just my husband, that I want her to experience the pain I have been going through. I should probably seek help in dealing with my emotions… My husband and I have been trying to work things out, but I feel the trust is all gone… ;-(

I am so very sorry for your pain.

Remember, that while it takes 2 to tango your husband is the one that really hurt you. Not her. How is getting revenge on her going to make things better for your and your husband? This is a great opportunity to rise above and show your husband why you are clearly the better woman!

It is natural to feel that the trust is gone. He is going to need to spend the next several years earning it back. It’s not going to happen over night, and that is perfectly fine. If he has to grovel for years, then he has to grovel for years. However, marriage counselling is a great idea.

I know I haven’t been married long, but I know many women and men who have faced unfaithfulness in their marriage. Many didn’t make it, but some did. Those who did are far happier than those who did not. Although that happiness didn’t come easy, and it took years.

My prayers are with you, and don’t seek revenge. All it will do is add to your own bitterness, and while I know that the desire for revenge is strong (I have a few people in my own life I have to fight the urge for revenge on!) know that God’s justice is pure and righteous, and he will give to them what they have earned in due time. Pray for their repentance, but also rest secure knowing that God is a righteous judge. And no, it’s not wrong to think that way, the Psalms are FULL of examples of David praying for God’s justice on the wicked!

 

[cviolette]

Thanks everyone for your replies. I guess I am guilty of wanting some sort of revenge, which I know is wrong. I have been going through so much hurt and anger, and then after finding this out about this other woman’s occupation and feeling that as a part contributor to all this, not just my husband, that I want her to experience the pain I have been going through. I should probably seek help in dealing with my emotions… My husband and I have been trying to work things out, but I feel the trust is all gone… ;-(

It is hard to not want revenge when you are hurt. But it often just makes things worse.

I will pray for you and your husband.

 

[GraceDK]

I cant help but wonder why you focus on the other woman.
Is it perhaps, that revenge and anger is more “safe” when directed at the other woman instead of at the man who vowed to be faithful to you?
I have a feeling the other woman is already suffering alot of loneliness and regret for her sins - indeed I think much such behaviour is fuelled by selfhatred mixed with overwhelming passion. And this woman now has to look at herself in the mirror alone every day, and raise her children alone.
Sounds like the one who might be getting off easy is your husband. Do you let yourself feel rage at him? Or are you scared that everything would fall apart if you did…
I think that since he made it clear that he wants to be with the other woman if he could, you should not be tolerating him in your home without some serious change on his part.