Impatience

[CarmeliteGirl25]

How do you deal with impatience in your vocation? I have experienced this quite a bit myself, especially when I know in my heart that God wants me to be a Sister. I surrender myself daily to His will and I say, “Lord, I will not take a single step until I feel you leading me.” The waiting gets easier when I realize that God has a plan for me, and He will call me to the convent when it is the appropriate time. Even my spiritual director has said that the reason I am still nervous is that it is not time yet. I still have debts to pay off and I think I have to be off my routine medication for at least a year (unless the Carmelites say I can enter sooner; I’ve been off for 3 months now). And I am still unsure whether Jesus wants me to finish nursing school before I go, or after. That’s something I need to discuss when I go up there next week to Milwaukee.

I read in the Foundress’ autobiography that she often heard the phrase, “Until later…” This rings true in my vocation as well. Often times I have prayed about my vocation and I’ve heard, “Wait.” I’m glad that I listened. Being impulsive comes naturally to me, so I am trying to counteract that with prayer and contemplation. So far, it is working.

And so I say again, “Lord, I will not take a single step until I feel you leading me.”

How have you dealt with impatience?

 

[Lainey63]

I’m awfully glad to read about what others are going through. I have to surrender all the time…I have heard wait too. But my biggest problem is me! I am so torn! When I pray my heart is on fire and it just melts. When I go about doing what I need to do ie go to work, clean, spend time with my grandchildren I’m perfectly content and I feel that this is where I belong. I go through this everyday…but as soon as I start to pray I get a longing & yearning that cannot be satisfied so I offer it up…surrender my will and try to start to take care of my responsibilities. I’m 45 and the options for me are few and I still don’t have a clear cut answer:shrug:

 

[CarmeliteGirl25]

I’m awfully glad to read about what others are going through. I have to surrender all the time…I have heard wait too. But my biggest problem is me! I am so torn! When I pray my heart is on fire and it just melts. When I go about doing what I need to do ie go to work, clean, spend time with my grandchildren I’m perfectly content and I feel that this is where I belong. I go through this everyday…but as soon as I start to pray I get a longing & yearning that cannot be satisfied so I offer it up…surrender my will and try to start to take care of my responsibilities. I’m 45 and the options for me are few and I still don’t have a clear cut answer:shrug:

Have you looked into the Benedictines of the Holy Name Monastery in Florida?

floridabenedictines.com/index.html

Their age limit is 50, but they may be able to extend it if you make a good case. This would allow you to be close to your home, and still respond to God’s call in the way you so desire. I don’t know what kind of spirituality you are looking for, but if you need more choices, let me know. I know of some Religious Life websites I can look at, or you might want to consider becoming a Secular Carmelite, Franciscan, etc.

 

[goforgoal]

CarmeliteGirl25- For me, I’m not really sure if it’s impatience. I know in my heart, soul, and whole being I have a calling to be a Carmelite Nun. Sometimes, I think I’m not worthy to become a Nun, maybe this is it where I am in my life. But, I’m reminded of God’s ever lasting love for me–for us and that He called ordinary men/women to do the extraordinary…Moses, Job, David, Mary Magdalene, St. Therese, St. Edith Stein, and so forth. I do have to ask God, “Are you absolutely, postively sure God? Because this is me we’re talking about?!?” lol (go ahead you can laugh too)

CarmeliteGirl25-Where can I read about the foundress you mentioned? Also, is this a cloistered order or active order? Just curious.

“But those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.”-Isaiah 40:31

Wait

Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried.
Quietly, patiently, lovingly God replied.
I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate,
And the Master so gently said, “Child, you must wait!”

“'Wait?, You say, wait!” my indignant reply,
Lord, I need answers, I need to know why!
Is your hand shortened? Or have you not heard?
By faith I have asked, and am claiming your Word."

“My future and all to which I relate
Hangs in the balance, and you tell me to wait?
I’m needing a ‘yes,’ a go-ahead sign,
Or even a ‘no’ to which I can resign.”

“And Lord, you promised that if we believe
We need but to ask, and we shall receive.
And Lord, I’ve been asking, and this is my cry
I’m weary of asking! I need a reply!”

Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate
As my Master replied once again, “You must wait.”
So, I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut
and grumbled to God, “So, I’m waiting. . .for what?”

He seemed then to kneel and His eyes wept with mine,
And he tenderly said, “I could give you a sign.
I could shake the heavens, and darken the sun.
I could raise the dead, and cause mountains to run.”

“All you seek, I could give, and pleased you would be.
You would have what you want–but, you wouldn’t know me.
You’d not know the depth of my love for each saint,
You’d not know the power that I give to the faint.”

“You’d not learn to see through the clouds of despair
You’d not learn to trust just by knowing I’m there;
You’d not know the joy of resting in me
when darkness and silence were all you could see.”

“You’d never experience that fullness of love
As the peace of my Spirit descends like a dove;
You’d know that I give and I save … (for a start),
But you’d not know the depth of the beat of my heart.”

“The glow of my comfort late into the night.
The faith that I give when you walk without sight,
The depth that’s beyond getting just what you asked
Of an infinite God, who makes what you have last.”

“You’d never know, should your pain quickly flee,
what it means that My grace is sufficient for thee…
Yes, your dreams for your loved ones overnight would come true,
But, oh, the loss! If I lost what I’m doing in you!”

“So, be silent, my child, and in time you will see
that the greatest of gifts is to get to know me.
And though oft may my answers seem terribly late,
My wisest of answers is still but to wait.”

© 1980 Russell Kelfer

goforgoal

 

[CarmeliteGirl25]

goforgoal, that is my favorite poem ever! It really helped me get through some rough times in my discernment.

The Carmelites I speak of are the Carmelite Sisters of the Divine Heart of Jesus. I have been to the Central Province in St. Louis, but I am going to the Northern Province in Milwaukee in 5 days.

Central Province website:
carmelitedcj.org/

Northern Province website:
carmelitedcjnorth.org/

They also have provinces in Toronto, Canada and San Antonio, TX, but I’ve never had any contact with them.

Here is a link to the Mother Foundress’ short biography:

carmelitedcj.org/foundress.asp

If you feel called to learn more, there is an autobiography about her that she wrote about the foundations of the order and her life. I’m reading it now, and I’m almost finished! My goal is to finish it before I leave.

The order is a mix of active and contemplative spirituality. They are very close to the Discalced Carmelites (Mother Foundress considered St. Teresa of Avila to be the saint that helped her realize her vision.) They are not cloistered, although their private quarters are called the “cloister.”

The province I am discerning with has various apostolates, and consists of:

*  The Provincial House in Wauwatosa, Wisconsin
* Nursing Homes in Kenosha, Wisconsin and Grand Rapids, Michigan
* Residential Treatment Center for boys in Wauwatosa, Wisconsin
* Residential Treatment Center for girls in East Chicago, Indiana
* Emergency Shelter Care for infants and small children in East Chicago, Indiana

The rule says they must not be teachers or caregivers of the sick. They only care for the Elderly in the Homes, and the poor children.

Let me know if you would like more information!

 

[Lainey63]

Have you looked into the Benedictines of the Holy Name Monastery in Florida?

floridabenedictines.com/index.html

Their age limit is 50, but they may be able to extend it if you make a good case. This would allow you to be close to your home, and still respond to God’s call in the way you so desire. I don’t know what kind of spirituality you are looking for, but if you need more choices, let me know. I know of some Religious Life websites I can look at, or you might want to consider becoming a Secular Carmelite, Franciscan, etc.

Thanks CarmeliteGirl I am interested in cloistered contemplative I’m looking at habited communities-the one that I really would like to get to know is visitationmonasterymobile.org/HTMLcode/Home.htm & closer to home is a Poor Clare Monastary in Delray Beach, FL …that will most likely be my first stop. Like I said before part of me is so unsure and another part of me “just has to find out for sure-I just can’t seem to stop myself”

 

[CarmeliteGirl25]

Thanks CarmeliteGirl I am interested in cloistered contemplative I’m looking at habited communities-the one that I really would like to get to know is visitationmonasterymobile.org/HTMLcode/Home.htm & closer to home is a Poor Clare Monastary in Delray Beach, FL …that will most likely be my first stop. Like I said before part of me is so unsure and another part of me “just has to find out for sure-I just can’t seem to stop myself”

You know, I completely forgot that the Benedictines were non-habited. Sorry! You really should try the “Desert Experience” in the Visitation convent at Mobile! So many people have told me about it that I hope to experience it myself soon. I love retreats.

I’ve heard a little about the Poor Clares here in FL. From what I heard, they are beautiful!

I’ll be praying for you, Lainey63! I pray that this Lent will be a time of quiet contemplation for you and the Lord. I pray you will learn soon, when it is God’s will, where He wants you. God bless you!

 

[Poor_Clare_tobe]

I’m awfully glad to read about what others are going through. I have to surrender all the time…I have heard wait too. But my biggest problem is me! I am so torn! When I pray my heart is on fire and it just melts. When I go about doing what I need to do ie go to work, clean, spend time with my grandchildren I’m perfectly content and I feel that this is where I belong. I go through this everyday…but as soon as I start to pray I get a longing & yearning that cannot be satisfied so I offer it up…surrender my will and try to start to take care of my responsibilities. I’m 45 and the options for me are few and I still don’t have a clear cut answer:shrug:

Lainey… Do continue praying my friend. There are communities that accept late vocations. If you truly feel that you may be called I would suggest you get a spiritual director and also get in touch with your vocations office. There are many posts on the various boards that will help if you are still in the how do I do this phase. The wonderful thing about getting into contact with people like your spiritual director and vocations director is that they can help you to deal with the question of “What exactly is God calling me to?” As someone who has both been a director of vocations for an active community and who is going through the discernment process… I simply can’t emphasize enough the need for contacting your spiritual director and vocations office.

One very helpful website for me and others has been:
www.VocationsPlacement.org*

They have a survey which helps you to see your strengths and weaknesses and helps you to answer basic questions re the religious life. They even help you to contact various communities should that be the route. One thing I particularly like is the fact that they also help people who may start discerning and then find out that they are called to other vocations in the Church [such as being single or married or in a secular order etc]
Blessings of Peace and All Good!