Implications of no funeral

[esieffe]

I have a prayer thread for this topic as well, thanks.

I hope this is the correct forum for this question, which is, if someone dies, is cremated, with no funeral, memorial service, was not interred and may not have received last rites, could this affect the person who died in a bad way?

This was my Aunt, and none of us were told about this until a month after it happened.

 

[Confiteor_Deo]

Yes, this would affect her in many ways.

With the Last Rites of Penance, Holy Communion, & Extreme Unction; her salvation is affected. If she had a mortal sin at death and didn’t receive absolution nor had perfect contrition, she would not go to Heaven. If she was in the state of grace, she didn’t receive the graces to strengthen her in the last hour and may have to pay more for temporal punishment that would have been eradicated (possibly entirely) with the Last Rites. However, she can still get to Heaven or Purgatory without the Last Rites.

With no Requiem Mass, she is affected if she is in Purgatory. She wouldn’t have received the graces that the Holy Sacrifice gives those who are in Purgatory that lessens their pains and shortens their time spent therein.

You can still ask for Masses to be said for her and pray for her soul. She may have not received these graces, but she can still be in Purgatory in need of prayers. Requiéscat in pace.

 

[Don_Ruggero]

I am very sorry to read your post and I assure you of my prayers for your aunt as well as for you and your family. It is sad, of course, when events like this happen within families and I am sure it was very upsetting to learn of all of this a month after her passing.

There are a variety of distinct issues that you raise and let us try to address them point by point.

While we all should pray for the grace of a provided for death, with the help of confession, anointing and viaticum together with the prayers of the Church to accompany us to eternity, it does not always happen for a variety of reasons. Your aunt was the spiritual child of the Blessed Virgin, as we all are by the gracious gift of Jesus, and we pray that Our Lady and Saint Joseph, the patron of a happy death, and your aunt’s guardian angel accompanied your aunt from this life. And so also we pray for the happy repose of her soul.

There is no time limit for a Funeral Mass – so it is not too late, if the person who has your aunt’s cremains would be willing to cooperate. In the end, though, it does not require the presence of a body/cremains or the cooperation of other family members. You can arrange this yourself, with or without other members of the family participating. You could arrange for a Funeral Mass in the absence of a body. This would give your aunt the funeral rites of the Church, which she was denied after her passing. And the the Church’s liturgy is also a help and a comfort for those who are grieving for their loved ones, so it would be a help also for you.

Arranging for what can be arranged under the circumstances would be an act of charity, not only for the soul of your aunt but also for the living left behind…especially if she had friends or fellow parishioners who would wish to participate – the prayers are useful to the soul of the departed and also for the healing of the living left behind.

I would also add that the disposition of the body does not affect the condition of the soul by which I mean that the soul of your aunt has not been made to suffer by the choice to cremate her, which may or may not have been in accord with her own wishes.

The Church allows cremation but states that the cremains are not to be scattered, summarily disposed of, nor are they to be kept in one’s home…they should be buried or entombed in a columbarium, and normally this would be done by a priest or deacon who uses the prescribed rite so that the cremains are either in a grave or niche that is blessed.

Even though the body has been reduced to ash through the cremation process, it is this matter which will be re-constituted at the moment of the Resurrection of the Body and so the dispositions for cremains are governed by the same respect and reverence that are mandated to be shown to the body itself.

However, in the situation you describe, it does not sound as though you have any control over the disposition of the cremains. Perhaps the person who has possession of them is not aware of the Church’s mind on this matter? Would this person be open to visiting with a priest about the situation? One presumes something must happen to the cremains at some point.

Relative to this last point, and also concerning the celebration of a Memorial Mass/Funeral Mass in the absence of the body, as well as having Masses offered for the happy repose of the soul of your aunt, and also so that you can be pastorally accompanied in this very difficult moment and helped to do what is possible in these circumstances, I would advise you to contact your parish priest or the parish priest of your aunt and to talk with him. He has more than likely experienced this in the course of his ministry and can hopefully offer you more concrete help than is possible to me in this type of forum.

Sadly, as with the victims of 9/11 or the Indonesian airline disaster, sometimes there are no remains available to be retrieved to bury/entomb and this can be very upsetting to loved ones. As a purely pastoral suggestion, should this be what ends up in this case, perhaps you could establish a memorial of some sort. Shrines and monasteries will sometimes offer various opportunities to have a memorial inscribed in memory of a loved one and this would at least memorialize your aunt in a sacred place, even if her remains are not there.

I am so very sorry for your loss and once again assure you of my prayers.

 

[Samwise1]

This was my Aunt, and none of us were told about this until a month after it happened.

Sad to hear about this, and agreeing with the other posters. Though common opinion would state that God is always merciful, our free Will has its consequences and the sacraments of the Church are not there for nothing.

What struck me was the last sentence of the post. I’d like to know more… Was there any spiritual guidance at all? How was your connection to the deceased (said bluntly - if you now worry about her salvation after her cremation, how come you were not involved in the time before her cremation - did your aunt’s relatives not include you/your family in it?).

I hope you understand this question; just want to know to get more perspective into this matter. As a practicant living in a pretty secular environment, I have the same issues with family or acquantainces and wonder myself how to deal with that.

 

[lakotak]

I have a prayer thread for this topic as well, thanks.

I hope this is the correct forum for this question, which is, if someone dies, is cremated, with no funeral, memorial service, was not interred and may not have received last rites, could this affect the person who died in a bad way?

This was my Aunt, and none of us were told about this until a month after it happened.

I too wonder. I had a similar situation with a friend of 30 years and she was also my room mate. She died of a drug overdose, its complications. Her son is probably agnostic. She did not attend Church; I tried to get her to Mass, but long story short, she pretty much held her son on a higher level than God. Anyway, she was dead when I found her, but after about 15 minutes, they did get her back. She was on life support the whole time. I called a priest in that night to give her the last rites, but she was not conscious. This was the only and last thing that I could do for her. She expired two days later when they took her off of life support. But I still wonder where she is. Her son has kept her cremated remains with him. I think he wanted the money for himself that he should have used to bury her.

I feel bad that I could never convince her to go to Church, but I hope that in the end what I did for her saved her.

 

[Gorgias]

"esieffe:

if someone dies, is cremated, with no funeral, memorial service, was not interred and may not have received last rites, could this affect the person who died in a bad way?

Yes, this would affect her in many ways.

With the Last Rites of Penance, Holy Communion, & Extreme Unction; her salvation is affected. If she had a mortal sin at death and didn’t receive absolution nor had perfect contrition, she would not go to Heaven.

Are the ‘Last Rites’ necessary, such that their absence is damning for a Catholic? Not precisely. However, anyone in the state of mortal sin risks their eternal destiny. [user]esieffe[/user], are you asking your questions with the presumption that she was in a state of mortal sin? If not, then your answer is 'no, dying without Last Rites doesn’t ‘negatively affect your aunt’s salvation’.
Confiteor Deo:

If she was in the state of grace, she didn’t receive the graces to strengthen her in the last hour and may have to pay more for temporal punishment that would have been eradicated (possibly entirely) with the Last Rites.

This doesn’t hold up to scrutiny. Unless a priest offers the apostolic pardon (and many don’t even know it exists, sadly), there is no effect on our experience of purgation. At the very least, “having to pay more for temporal punishment” isn’t part of the Catholic teachings: no one gets more purgation heaped on them due to the absence of Last Rites.
Confiteor Deo:

With no Requiem Mass, she is affected if she is in Purgatory. She wouldn’t have received the graces that the Holy Sacrifice gives those who are in Purgatory that lessens their pains and shortens their time spent therein.

On the other hand, there’s nothing special about a ‘Requiem Mass’ that doesn’t also apply to any other Mass offered for a person. So, if [user]esieffe[/user] is concerned about his aunt, then he may have a Mass offered for her now or at any time, and it will ‘do’ the exact same thing that a Requiem Mass would have ‘done’.

In other words, the answer to [user]esieffe[/user]'s question is largely ‘no’ – there aren’t negative effects, per se, to the lack of the events he describes. There were opportunities that were lost, but not negative effects, per se.

 

[Confiteor_Deo]

Are the ‘Last Rites’…

Are the ‘Last Rites’ necessary, such that their absence is damning for a Catholic? Not precisely. However, anyone in the state of mortal sin risks their eternal destiny. This doesn’t hold up to scrutiny. Unless a priest offers the apostolic pardon (and many don’t even know it exists, sadly), there is no effect on our experience of purgation. At the very least, “having to pay more for temporal punishment” isn’t part of the Catholic teachings: no one gets more purgation heaped on them due to the absence of Last Rites.

The Sacrament of Penance is necessary for someone to go to Heaven if they are in the state of sin at the moment of death. In this case, unless the person has perfect contrition, the Last Rites would be required in regards to it including Confession.

Extreme Unction has three effects on the soul. From the Baltimore Catechism:

** Q. 969. Which are the effects of the Sacrament of Extreme Unction?**

A. The effects of Extreme Unction are:

1.To comfort us in the pains of sickness and to strengthen us against temptations;
2.To remit venial sins and to cleanse our soul from the remains of sin;
3.To restore us to health, when God sees fit.

The italicized part is directly related to Purgatory. We are pardoned of venial sins and we have at least some removal of temporal punishment, both of which is related to how long we must be in Purgatory.

In other words, the answer to esieffe’s question is largely ‘no’ – there aren’t negative effects, per se, to the lack of the events he describes. There were opportunities that were lost, but not negative effects, per se.

She is negatively affected. If we are not negatively affected by not receiving Sacraments, that means we do not receive positive effects from them since to be deprived of grace is always a negative effect. I would certainly consider being deprived of graces at the moment that I need them most a negative effect of not receiving the Last Rites.

 

[Don_Ruggero]

1. It is certainly more desirable for a person arriving to the point of death to receive the last sacraments. It is most desirable above all that the person receive the sacraments while able to be fully, consciously, and actively participating. Sadly that is not always the case, as in this circumstance. One cannot draw any conclusion from the circumstance of the person passing without the benefit of the sacraments regarding grace or its lack because the action of God, the maternal intervention of the Blessed Virgin, and the intercessions of which the person dying was the beneficiary are completely unknown to us who are on this side of eternity.
2. The sacraments were instituted by Christ – but He has not constrained Himself to give grace only through the sacraments. His mercy, above all to those who are dying, are known to Him. He is quite able to forgive sin apart from the sacrament of penance, even if that sacrament is the ordinary means for the forgiveness of sin. We pray that this lady was the recipient of His Divine Mercy.
3. With regard to the remission to the temporal punishment for sin, access to the treasury of the Church at the moment of death is not limited to receiving the Apostolic Pardon through the hands of a priest or as an effect of the sacrament of the sick, both of which are referenced in this thread. The Church is lavish to her children departing this life in terms of grants of indulgence at the moment of death, as the Enchiridion on Indulgences clearly indicates.
4. Since this thread concerns a specific person, as I priest I find it lacking in pastoral sensitivity to engage in various speculative discussions that really serve no useful purpose…least of all to this woman’s nephew.

 

[esieffe]

I am very sorry to read your post and I assure you of my prayers for your aunt as well as for you and your family. It is sad, of course, when events like this happen within families and I am sure it was very upsetting to learn of all of this a month after her passing.

There are a variety of distinct issues that you raise and let us try to address them point by point.

While we all should pray for the grace of a provided for death, with the help of confession, anointing and viaticum together with the prayers of the Church to accompany us to eternity, it does not always happen for a variety of reasons. Your aunt was the spiritual child of the Blessed Virgin, as we all are by the gracious gift of Jesus, and we pray that Our Lady and Saint Joseph, the patron of a happy death, and your aunt’s guardian angel accompanied your aunt from this life. And so also we pray for the happy repose of her soul.

There is no time limit for a Funeral Mass – so it is not too late, if the person who has your aunt’s cremains would be willing to cooperate. In the end, though, it does not require the presence of a body/cremains or the cooperation of other family members. You can arrange this yourself, with or without other members of the family participating. You could arrange for a Funeral Mass in the absence of a body. This would give your aunt the funeral rites of the Church, which she was denied after her passing. And the the Church’s liturgy is also a help and a comfort for those who are grieving for their loved ones, so it would be a help also for you.

Arranging for what can be arranged under the circumstances would be an act of charity, not only for the soul of your aunt but also for the living left behind…especially if she had friends or fellow parishioners who would wish to participate – the prayers are useful to the soul of the departed and also for the healing of the living left behind.

I would also add that the disposition of the body does not affect the condition of the soul by which I mean that the soul of your aunt has not been made to suffer by the choice to cremate her, which may or may not have been in accord with her own wishes.

The Church allows cremation but states that the cremains are not to be scattered, summarily disposed of, nor are they to be kept in one’s home…they should be buried or entombed in a columbarium, and normally this would be done by a priest or deacon who uses the prescribed rite so that the cremains are either in a grave or niche that is blessed.

Even though the body has been reduced to ash through the cremation process, it is this matter which will be re-constituted at the moment of the Resurrection of the Body and so the dispositions for cremains are governed by the same respect and reverence that are mandated to be shown to the body itself.

However, in the situation you describe, it does not sound as though you have any control over the disposition of the cremains. Perhaps the person who has possession of them is not aware of the Church’s mind on this matter? Would this person be open to visiting with a priest about the situation? One presumes something must happen to the cremains at some point.

Relative to this last point, and also concerning the celebration of a Memorial Mass/Funeral Mass in the absence of the body, as well as having Masses offered for the happy repose of the soul of your aunt, and also so that you can be pastorally accompanied in this very difficult moment and helped to do what is possible in these circumstances, I would advise you to contact your parish priest or the parish priest of your aunt and to talk with him. He has more than likely experienced this in the course of his ministry and can hopefully offer you more concrete help than is possible to me in this type of forum.

Sadly, as with the victims of 9/11 or the Indonesian airline disaster, sometimes there are no remains available to be retrieved to bury/entomb and this can be very upsetting to loved ones. As a purely pastoral suggestion, should this be what ends up in this case, perhaps you could establish a memorial of some sort. Shrines and monasteries will sometimes offer various opportunities to have a memorial inscribed in memory of a loved one and this would at least memorialize your aunt in a sacred place, even if her remains are not there.

I am so very sorry for your loss and once again assure you of my prayers.

Great suggestions Don, thank you for the time and thought you put into your response.

 

[esieffe]

Thank you SO much everyone.