Importance of Shared Hobbies in Marriage

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I converted to Catholicism in late 2011 after 38 years as a Protestant (i.e., “cradle non-Catholic”.) I am divorced (married before conversion, divorced before conversion) and subsequently annulled through the Church.

It has been a true struggle to find a practicing Catholic woman in the age group in which I’m interested. I’ve recently moved to the midwest, which has put me completely out of the social network.

My new priest has gotten to know me quite well the past few months, including my struggles to find a good woman for marriage. He also knew of a single gal in our parish struggling to find a good man. Well, he has finally helped us to meet and this girl seems to really live her faith. We have not had our first date yet, but have made smalltalk and I am interested in getting to know her. She and I both seek marriage and a life with our future spouse in the fullness of our wonderful Catholic faith.

Before I get too far down the road with her, I’m wondering what the married folks have to say about the importance of shared hobbies in marriage. I’m a big runner (competitive). She doesn’t run (despises it.)

My hunch is that there are much more important things in a marriage than whether both spouses do (all) the same things. I do think it is important for a spouse to encourage the other in his or her hobbies…especially if such hobbies involve the high highs and low lows of competition. Interested in what folks have to say about where shared hobbies may fall on the list of important things in marriage.

Blessings.
 
mml373 said:
I converted to Catholicism in late 2011 after 38 years as a Protestant (i.e., “cradle non-Catholic”.) I am divorced (married before conversion, divorced before conversion) and subsequently annulled through the Church.

It has been a true struggle to find a practicing Catholic woman in the age group in which I’m interested. I’ve recently moved to the midwest, which has put me completely out of the social network.

My new priest has gotten to know me quite well the past few months, including my struggles to find a good woman for marriage. He also knew of a single gal in our parish struggling to find a good man. Well, he has finally helped us to meet and this girl seems to really live her faith. We have not had our first date yet, but have made smalltalk and I am interested in getting to know her. She and I both seek marriage and a life with our future spouse in the fullness of our wonderful Catholic faith.

Before I get too far down the road with her, I’m wondering what the married folks have to say about the importance of shared hobbies in marriage. I’m a big runner (competitive). She doesn’t run (despises it.)

My hunch is that there are much more important things in a marriage than whether both spouses do (all) the same things. I do think it is important for a spouse to encourage the other in his or her hobbies…especially if such hobbies involve the high highs and low lows of competition. Interested in what folks have to say about where shared hobbies may fall on the list of important things in marriage.

Blessings.
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Dave Ramsey quotes, if both spouses are exactly the same, one of you is unnecessary.

Good luck!
 
mml373 said:
I converted to Catholicism in late 2011 after 38 years as a Protestant (i.e., “cradle non-Catholic”.) I am divorced (married before conversion, divorced before conversion) and subsequently annulled through the Church.

It has been a true struggle to find a practicing Catholic woman in the age group in which I’m interested. I’ve recently moved to the midwest, which has put me completely out of the social network.

My new priest has gotten to know me quite well the past few months, including my struggles to find a good woman for marriage. He also knew of a single gal in our parish struggling to find a good man. Well, he has finally helped us to meet and this girl seems to really live her faith. We have not had our first date yet, but have made smalltalk and I am interested in getting to know her. She and I both seek marriage and a life with our future spouse in the fullness of our wonderful Catholic faith.

Before I get too far down the road with her, I’m wondering what the married folks have to say about the importance of shared hobbies in marriage. I’m a big runner (competitive). She doesn’t run (despises it.)

My hunch is that there are much more important things in a marriage than whether both spouses do (all) the same things. I do think it is important for a spouse to encourage the other in his or her hobbies…especially if such hobbies involve the high highs and low lows of competition. Interested in what folks have to say about where shared hobbies may fall on the list of important things in marriage.

Blessings.
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My experience suggests that spouses should take an interest in what their spouse enjoys doing, but they don’t necessarily have to have the same passion for it. I learned how to watch sports for my husband. I knew none of the rules, none of the players, and in a few cases didn’t even know the names of the hometown team (this is what happens when you don’t grow up in one place and get attached to it 😊). But since it was important to him, I learned the basics and can enjoy watching a game or two with him over the weekend, and I can keep up a conversation with him on it.

He is beginning to learn how to do that with my new passion, which is running. 🙂 At the end of this year I will have done three races. He has come to all of them, and taken the kids to do a “family fun run/walk” while I do the longer distances. He doesn’t love it the way I do, but he makes sure I have time to go on my training runs, and he surprised me with a “Go Mommy!” sign he made with my three year old for my first run.

We also have some interests we share. We have similar tastes in literature and film, and we have a TV show or two every season that we watch together and discuss. We also like to cook, so even though I do most of the family cooking sometimes we will work together over the weekend to try something new, which is fun.
 
You haven’t gone on a date yet and are already stressing about marriage and shared interests and your interest in competitive running.

CHILL.

Don’t borrow trouble.
 
My husband and I have some hobbies in common, but some of his hobbies flat out annoy me. His coin collecting is nearly to the point of an obsession, where he wants to spend every moment he can get reading about coins on the internet and going to coin shops. Sometimes when I’m trying to tell him something, he waits until stop talking and without acknowledging what I said at all, he takes out a coin and starts telling me about it. I can think of nothing less interesting in the world and sometimes I just plain resent the time he wastes (I mean spends) on it. It’s a minor annoyance, but it’s something to consider before making a hobby a major part of your life. Are you willing to give up some/most of the time/talent/treasure you spend on your hobby in order to spend time with your spouse?
 
Hi mml,

I like what poster pensmama had to say.

My husband really likes baseball and hockey.

When I was growing up, my Dad was a huge sports fan, so I already knew the basics of these games, and had been to baseball games growing up.

My husband and I would go to baseball and hockey games here in WI, whenever we could. Up here, we have the Brewers and the Admirals, for baseball and hockey teams. It’s lots of fun going to the games in person.

We both like to travel together. That is something that he enjoys doing with me.

He also doesn’t mind shopping, even if I am looking for something in particular that might be considered lady’s shopping, like purses or something like that. He doesn’t mind that kind of shopping.

I guess you can say that we are pretty compatible.
 
mml373 said:
My hunch is that there are much more important things in a marriage than whether both spouses do (all) the same things. I do think it is important for a spouse to encourage the other in his or her hobbies…especially if such hobbies involve the high highs and low lows of competition. Interested in what folks have to say about where shared hobbies may fall on the list of important things in marriage.

Blessings.
Click to expand...
I read - he neither appreciates nor enjoys books as a general rule - they bore him. He fishes - I have no appreciation or enjoyment of fishing though I’ve tried it a couple times - I worry about hurting the fish. It works out well - we each have something to go do to get out of the other one’s hair 😃

There are many other things we do together (hiking, movies, camping) though I would not classify them as hobbies.

The key for different interests (imho) is for them to always be of secondary importance when compared to one’s spouse and children, and at the same time, each spouse needs to support and respect their spouse’s hobbies - though not necessarily share in them.

I’d never go to a fishing tournament - but I’d certainly encourage my hubby to go to one if he wanted to, would not mind him spending a reasonable amount of money or taking a reasonable amount of time away to go do it, and I’d be happy to listen to him tell me all about it when he’d get back. On the flip side, he never complains about my trips to the library or used book stores, asks me what I’m currently reading, and listens to me tell what I like / don’t like about the story.

Like anything else in marriage - it’s good to have common ground (we both feel hobbies are worthwhile, both have no problem with our spouse spending “time away” every now and then and both have the same basic values when it comes to how much time/money to spend on them). But it’s perfectly fine to have differences as well.
 
I think the key is to respect each other’s hobbies. But you don’t have to share them.

But sharing the same values is a must.
 
In my experience, most married couples share some interests but also have some separate interests and then there’s a third category: interests that once belonged to only one of you, but are now shared by both. As you build your relationship, you will naturally share experiences and there’s usually a few things that you will grow to enjoy (or at least tolerate) because of the other, whereas you did not enjoy (or tolerate) those things before.
 
My wife and I shared a few interests and hobbies in the beginning if our marriage. That kind of stuff might not last forever, though, so don’t sweat it if you don’t share many things like that with your spouse. There’s hardly anything my wife and I used to do together that we still do now.

And that’s ok, because all of that is just “stuff.” We don’t really need those things because we have new shared passions: our kids. Honestly, we don’t have time for any of that stuff these days anyway, haha. It’s all about the kids now. Raising them is our biggest “hobby” and our strongest united passion. And I wouldn’t have it any other way. 🙂
 
Shared hobbies are of little to no importance.

Opposites are often attracted to each other.

However, people often find new interests through their spouses that may not necessarily involve a hobby (arts, movies, travel, etc).
 
It’s not a hobby, but a married couple work together on raising the children. That is a very time consuming common interest. 😉

As to the hobby thing - I don’t think it’s really important. Couples need time apart from each other, too.
 
I think couples need activities they do together and at other times some space. My wife and I absolutely love biking, travel, hiking/snowshoeing in the mountains and walking.

I also love flying, but she despises it. She occasionally runs, which I hate. I love trains, and though she doesn’t quite share the love, she indulges my interest and has some mild interest in old steam trains and train travel.

I spend most of my Saturday mornings at the local airfield having breakfast with the pilot gang and flying afterwards if the weather is good, and most of my Saturday and Sunday afternoons biking with my wife, or on the hiking trails with her.

I think it’s a good mix of togetherness and breathing room. I’m semi-retired and work from home while she’s a family physician and works with people all day. I love solitude, and when she’s been with people all day is really happy to be alone with me or our sons when they visit. Since I’m introverted, I don’t mind that she’s not keen on socializing in her spare time, but since I’m alone all day I love spending time just with her when she’s not working.

I agree if both are identical then one is superfluous. But it does help to have at least some common activities that you share and enjoy doing together.

But at this stage of the “relationship”, I agree with Ke, just chill and take it one step at a time. One nice thing about new relationships is discovering new interests that the other may expose you to.
 
Speaking as someone who was a competitive runner for 10 years and married someone who enjoys running, it’s not as important as you think. My wife and I loved running together while we were dating and even in the beginning of our marriage, but once the kids came our views on running changed. I wanted to continue to compete, but my wife lost her desire to run. However, recently she has got back into it and I’m the one who seems to be losing the desire to run. As long as you both support each others hobbies and care enough about the other person to listen or be involved in some way that’s enough. There are some hobbies of mine that I know my wife could care less about and I feel the same about some of hers. It’s nice to be able to have a common interest, but I can tell you from where we started I thought this would be a bigger deal, but it’s not. Hope this helps.
 
I joke that I wished I had married a lady that liked beer, pizza, golf and guns and me of course. That I like to think would be really neat to be married to your best bud and do everything that you like with them.

my view today based on my own issues - there is a lot to be said for a husband and wife having their own interests that they do not do together - time away from each other. Me - it’s too late to take up space travel, but that would provide a lot of time away. and too late for me to enlist in the military - darn. j/k
 
henpecked said:
I joke that I wished I had married a lady that liked beer, pizza, golf and guns and me of course. That I like to think would be really neat to be married to your best bud and do everything that you like with them.

I bet she’d likely also suffer from flatulence and have a 5 o’clock shadow.

my view today based on my own issues - there is a lot to be said for a husband and wife having their own interests that they do not do together - time away from each other. Me - it’s too late to take up space travel, but that would provide a lot of time away. and too late for me to enlist in the military - darn. j/k
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Xantippe:
you know what they say, the couple that poots together stays together 😃
 
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