important. need descr. of "annullment"

[Jaded27]

I need a little help. Not being Catholic myself, I am having a hard time explaining why I need the annulment.
I emailed my ex yesterday about him receiving paperwork soon. He emailed me back and said that he’ll fill it out, but he won’t fill out anything that says our marriage wasn’t valid or something.

I know that’s not what the annulment is saying per say. It’s not a real annulment, it’s a decree of nullility.

How do I explain this to him so that he won’t freak out? Keep in mind, he’s a devout Witness who hates I’m marrying a Catholic and being married by a priest. I think he’ll actually help me out on this if I can just explain it in a nice way. Any help on what I should tell him?

I really appreciate it. Thanks.

 

[carol_marie]

Well it’s not for him to decide or even agree that your marrage was valid. He just needs to fill out the forms & send them back. If he says he doesn’t think that it’s necessary - agree with him… as a JW it wouldn’t be necessary… but tell him that it IS important to your boyfriend so therefore it’s important to YOU - even if you don’t necessarily agree - and would he just do you this last favor?

Also… since he’s a JW - surely he’d see the benefit in you getting your life in order? Tell him that without this paperwork… that will be very difficult to do.

 

[Jaded27]

carol marie:

Also… since he’s a JW - surely he’d see the benefit in you getting your life in order? Tell him that without this paperwork… that will be very difficult to do.

That’s kind of the angle I tried to use. He said I should just get married by a JP because getting married in the church is a disfellowshipping offense. HA! Too late for that, I say! lol. Seriously, what does he care?

Augh! He’s being a jerk about this already. I told him he should just put on th epaperwork that he thinks it’s BS if he thinks it is (knowing this will just make him look like more of a jerk to the tribunal). He said he’d see what he could do. Erg.

 

[carol_marie]

Jaded27:

That’s kind of the angle I tried to use. He said I should just get married by a JP because getting married in the church is a disfellowshipping offense. HA! Too late for that, I say! lol. Seriously, what does he care?

Augh! He’s being a jerk about this already. I told him he should just put on th epaperwork that he thinks it’s BS if he thinks it is (knowing this will just make him look like more of a jerk to the tribunal). He said he’d see what he could do. Erg.

I hate it when I feel like someone else is controlling MY life. How frustrating!

Tell him to fill it out however he sees fit… the important thing is that it’s filled out. Although I think they can process it even without him… so long as your witness cooperate?

 

[Jaded27]

carol marie:

I hate it when I feel like someone else is controlling MY life. How frustrating!

Tell him to fill it out however he sees fit… the important thing is that it’s filled out. Although I think they can process it even without him… so long as your witness cooperate?

Yes, I’ve been told straight out that they can do this without him. Many ex wives and husbands can not even be found by the tribunal. The person just doesn’t have their current address or whatever and they can’t track him down.

But since I do have his address and gave it to them I’m sure there is some kind of waiting period. You know, they send him the paperwork and he has so long to fill it out. I just want to avoid that “so long” period. I thought by talking to him and convincing him to fill it out quickly, it would be better.

I can’t seem to get a straight answer out of anyone as to how long they will let him sit on that paperwork before they give up and go ahead without him. If it was only a month I woudln’t even care, but what if they give him six months or something? That would totally suck.

Yes, I told him to fill it out however he wants. He can say I was a HORRIBLE wife. He can say I was great. He can say it’s BS or he can send it back to them blank. I presented him with all those options and got a “I’ll see what I can do” out of him. Yay.

He says he doesn’t think they’ll grant me one. I just said “we’ll see”. Basically I’ve been told that the churh is not in the business of keeping a happy couple apart. It’s not what kind of person you were when you were married the first time - it’s what your intentions and such are NOW. And my ex really can’t say much about that.

I think it’s just a fairness thing. They have to give him a chance to say his piece, but really since I am the one filing the stuff initially it’s most likely going to go my way. My ex certainly can’t dispute how I FELT when I got married. He didn’t know. One never knows another’s thoughts. So I"m not worried about that, just about the waiting period.

 

[JP_Augustine]

Jaded27:

Yes, I’ve been told straight out that they can do this without him. Many ex wives and husbands can not even be found by the tribunal. The person just doesn’t have their current address or whatever and they can’t track him down.

But since I do have his address and gave it to them I’m sure there is some kind of waiting period. You know, they send him the paperwork and he has so long to fill it out. I just want to avoid that “so long” period. I thought by talking to him and convincing him to fill it out quickly, it would be better.

I can’t seem to get a straight answer out of anyone as to how long they will let him sit on that paperwork before they give up and go ahead without him. If it was only a month I woudln’t even care, but what if they give him six months or something? That would totally suck.

Yes, I told him to fill it out however he wants. He can say I was a HORRIBLE wife. He can say I was great. He can say it’s BS or he can send it back to them blank. I presented him with all those options and got a “I’ll see what I can do” out of him. Yay.

He says he doesn’t think they’ll grant me one. I just said “we’ll see”. Basically I’ve been told that the churh is not in the business of keeping a happy couple apart. It’s not what kind of person you were when you were married the first time - it’s what your intentions and such are NOW. And my ex really can’t say much about that.

I think it’s just a fairness thing. They have to give him a chance to say his piece, but really since I am the one filing the stuff initially it’s most likely going to go my way. My ex certainly can’t dispute how I FELT when I got married. He didn’t know. One never knows another’s thoughts. So I"m not worried about that, just about the waiting period.

Hey Jaded,

I totally hear where you’re at with this, and I don’t disagree with you: this could get frustrating and tricky, especially if he decides he wants to make it that way.

I’m going to have a similar dilemma with my ex-JW wife…I’m just preparing for the worst and hoping for the best…

But, at the same time, don’t get too unduly worried…you can’t control how he’s going to respond, and he’s going to do whatever he wants to do. Just keep praying that this matter will all be handled according to God’s will… Because it will (pardon the pun)…

Regarding your ex-husband’s opinion about whether the annulment will be granted, don’t concern yourself with that at all. As an ex-JW myself, I realized when I began studying the Church’s view of what a sacramental marriage is, that I didn’t have a CLUE…I’ve learned a lot, to say the least.

I guess what I’m saying is: he has no idea what the tribunal is looking for in making that determination. It’s likely he’s thinking about what a legal annulment is, and that has basically nothing to do with what a “decree of nullity” is.

Just keep doing the next right thing…the process will take care of itself. You’re on the right track!!

Hang in there…you’ve got people praying for you and pulling for you out here!

Blessings,
JP Augustine

 

[JP_Augustine]

Jaded…one other thing:

I posted an annulment question of my own and got a reply from a guy Cameron_Lansing who is a deacon and works for the tribunal in Lansing, MI.

I bet he would have some insight about how long they’ll wait before proceeding without the ex-spouse.

If you find out an answer, please let me know. The same question has been on my mind!

JPA

 

[Jaded27]

JP Augustine:

Jaded…one other thing:

I posted an annulment question of my own and got a reply from a guy Cameron_Lansing who is a deacon and works for the tribunal in Lansing, MI.

I bet he would have some insight about how long they’ll wait before proceeding without the ex-spouse.

If you find out an answer, please let me know. The same question has been on my mind!

JPA

Thanks for both posts. I will ask this in the apologetics forum.
The only reason I hadn’t is because they were actually wrong on a little part of canon law before and I don’t want to get the wrong answer. They are good for questions, but are not necessarily the be all end all on canon law because they are not canon law lawyers.

 

[JP_Augustine]

Actually, Cameron_Lansing is a canon lawyer, so he really knows his stuff. I posted my question in the “Moral Theology” section and he replied there…

You’re right about making sure the person really knows canon law…there’s a lot of intricacies here that I would never have imagined.

Good luck!!

JPA

 

[Jaded27]

JP Augustine:

Actually, Cameron_Lansing is a canon lawyer, so he really knows his stuff. I posted my question in the “Moral Theology” section and he replied there…

You’re right about making sure the person really knows canon law…there’s a lot of intricacies here that I would never have imagined.

Good luck!!

JPA

I must have had one of the non-lawyer people answer me. Ah well. No harm done.

I just submitted my “how long do they give my ex?” question so hopefully they’ll answer soon. Thanks.

 

[Joe_Monahan]

Jaded,

As JP said, Cameron_Lansing is a member here, a Deacon, and a member of the tribunal in his diocese. You might want to PM him. While he isn’t going to know the particulars of the diocese with which you are dealing, he should be able to answer any questions you might have and give you some encouragement and possibly suggestions from his experience. I think you’ll find him a very pleasant person with whom to speak.

Joe