Imposing diet on spouse

[JLCecilia]

So, ocassionaly DH will call his dad to come in and watch the boys for us and when he does, it’s his treat to the grandkids to bring hot dogs and chips and all sorts of junk I normally do not allow. I’ve made my peace with it, but anything he leaves behind goes in the trash. It’s not the kids I worry about so much, but DH will nab it up and devour the leftovers while he’s on the computer. Instead of eating a real meal (or even after eating out junk) he will eat whatever junk he can find in the house. Typically there is none to be found - treats are only treats if they’re not consumed on a daily basis.

So here’s my dilemma. DH knows what I’m up to and today when he called me, he explicitly told me not to throw out the food. I’m thinking I’ll just send it home with FIL and tell a white lie to DH that he just took it with him. Oi ve! I’m tempted even to throw it out, take out the trash and still tell him that FIL took it home with him.

DH is only slightly overweight, but he just has a horrible diet and schedule in general and I just get tired of him eating like c**p and then being laid up in bed with a belly ache and being no help at all and just being sick all the time.

Your thoughts?

 

[KCT]

Does your dh know how you feel about his eating habits and their consequences?

If so, I wouldn’t throw the stuff out or send it home w/ FIL. He’s a big boy; he gets to make his own choices about what he eats.

My husband recently lost weight because of high cholesterol and gout. Prior to that, it killed me to watch him eat. But, he’s an adult.

 

[agnes_therese]

Your husband is an adult. Either he makes his own food choices, or you’re his mother instead of his wife.
And, really? – you’re considering LYING to him about this? Is this worth losing his trust?

 

[defenderoftruth]

Your husband is an adult. Either he makes his own food choices, or you’re his mother instead of his wife.
And, really? – you’re considering LYING to him about this? Is this worth losing his trust?

This. Yeah she’s not the mommy she’s the wife. Lying is lying that isn’t a “white lie” a white lie is when you act like you forget someone’s birthday (not “I forgot your birthday” but “ohhhh”-like you forgot) so you can plan the surprise party. Specifically saying something you KNOW isn’t true is a lie and there is nothing “white” about it. :tsktsk:

 

[garn9173]

So, ocassionaly DH will call his dad to come in and watch the boys for us and when he does, it’s his treat to the grandkids to bring hot dogs and chips and all sorts of junk I normally do not allow. I’ve made my peace with it, but anything he leaves behind goes in the trash. It’s not the kids I worry about so much, but DH will nab it up and devour the leftovers while he’s on the computer. Instead of eating a real meal (or even after eating out junk) he will eat whatever junk he can find in the house. Typically there is none to be found - treats are only treats if they’re not consumed on a daily basis.

So here’s my dilemma. DH knows what I’m up to and today when he called me, he explicitly told me not to throw out the food. I’m thinking I’ll just send it home with FIL and tell a white lie to DH that he just took it with him. Oi ve! I’m tempted even to throw it out, take out the trash and still tell him that FIL took it home with him.

DH is only slightly overweight, but he just has a horrible diet and schedule in general and I just get tired of him eating like c**p and then being laid up in bed with a belly ache and being no help at all and just being sick all the time.

Your thoughts?

What if the situation was reversed? Would you appreciate your husband doing to you what you are considering doing to him?

 

[defenderoftruth]

What if the situation was reversed? Would you appreciate your husband doing to you what you are considering doing to him?

I was going to say this too…good point. Most women would get out the “he’s controlling and chauvanistic” card.

signed (a woman)
DoT

 

[garn9173]

I was going to say this too…good point. Most women would get out the “he’s controlling and chauvanistic” card.

signed (a woman)
DoT

I’m a guy who’s been married to a control freak, it’s very easy for me to pick up on control freakish comments

 

[kristacecilia]

Your husband is an adult. Either he makes his own food choices, or you’re his mother instead of his wife.
And, really? – you’re considering LYING to him about this? Is this worth losing his trust?

I have to agree. Your husband is an adult and entitled to make his own dietary choices. He made a specific request that you not throw the food out. I am sure if you made a specific request that he do something and he didn’t agree so he acted contrary to what you asked and then lied about it to you, you would NOT be amused.

 

[garn9173]

I was going to say this too…good point. Most women would get out the “he’s controlling and chauvanistic” card.

signed (a woman)
DoT

I’m a guy who has been married to a control freak, it’s very easy for me to pick up on control freakish comments like the OP. That is why I reversed the situation because how would the OP feel if her husband was telling her what to eat?

 

[Luna_Lovecraft]

…Your husband is an adult and entitled to make his own dietary choices.

This.

…Would you appreciate your husband doing to you what you are considering doing to him?

And this.

…Most women would get out the “he’s controlling and chauvanistic” card.

And this.

 

[Robertanthony]

I’m a guy who has been married to a control freak, it’s very easy for me to pick up on control freakish comments like the OP. That is why I reversed the situation because how would the OP feel if her husband was telling her what to eat?

I have to agree with you. I noticed she said “I don’t allow” as if her husband couldn’t have a word in the foods the family eats. Also, it’s childish and manipulative to even consider lying to achieve the end of making the junk food disappear while not upsetting her husband. That’s like passive-aggressive stuff. Perhaps he’d be more reasonable and not pig out to the point of feeling ill if he was “allowed” to have some kind of treat in moderation couple times a week. Orthorexia is not a sustainable way to live. Even nutritionists agree that someone ought to eat right 80-90% of the time and allow some kind of more calorie-dense, taste-bud-pleasing stuff in the remaining 10-20%. OP I’m sorry if my post is overly critical but I wanted to give you my frank opinion but don’t quite like the way i phrased it. No offense meant.

 

[SonCatcher]

So, ocassionaly DH will call his dad to come in and watch the boys for us and when he does, it’s his treat to the grandkids to bring hot dogs and chips and all sorts of junk I normally do not allow. I’ve made my peace with it, but anything he leaves behind goes in the trash. It’s not the kids I worry about so much, but DH will nab it up and devour the leftovers while he’s on the computer. Instead of eating a real meal (or even after eating out junk) he will eat whatever junk he can find in the house. Typically there is none to be found - treats are only treats if they’re not consumed on a daily basis.

So here’s my dilemma. DH knows what I’m up to and today when he called me, he explicitly told me not to throw out the food. I’m thinking I’ll just send it home with FIL and tell a white lie to DH that he just took it with him. Oi ve! I’m tempted even to throw it out, take out the trash and still tell him that FIL took it home with him.

DH is only slightly overweight, but he just has a horrible diet and schedule in general and I just get tired of him eating like c**p and then being laid up in bed with a belly ache and being no help at all and just being sick all the time.

Your thoughts?

In all likelihood, junk food is his comfort food. He grew up on it so it reminds him of when he was cared for.

My diet also changed dramatically (for the better) when I married. I appreciate that greatly, but if my wife forbade me to eat the occasional junk, I’d probably be really nervous.

 

[SummerSmiles]

So, ocassionaly DH will call his dad to come in and watch the boys for us and when he does, it’s his treat to the grandkids to bring hot dogs and chips and all sorts of junk I normally do not allow. I’ve made my peace with it, but anything he leaves behind goes in the trash. It’s not the kids I worry about so much, but DH will nab it up and devour the leftovers while he’s on the computer. Instead of eating a real meal (or even after eating out junk) he will eat whatever junk he can find in the house. Typically there is none to be found - treats are only treats if they’re not consumed on a daily basis.

So here’s my dilemma. DH knows what I’m up to and today when he called me, he explicitly told me not to throw out the food. I’m thinking I’ll just send it home with FIL and tell a white lie to DH that he just took it with him. Oi ve! I’m tempted even to throw it out, take out the trash and still tell him that FIL took it home with him.

DH is only slightly overweight, but he just has a horrible diet and schedule in general and I just get tired of him eating like c**p and then being laid up in bed with a belly ache and being no help at all and just being sick all the time.

Your thoughts?

You can’t control what your husband eats. You’re his wife, not his mommy. He’s an adult and has to make his own decisions. If he’s specifically asked you not to throw the food away, then you shouldn’t lie about it. That type of thing isn’t a white lie, that is an outright lie. I’d be outraged if my husband did something like that to me, and I’m sure he’d feel the same if I did that to him.

I understand that you want to keep healthy foods around for your family. I’m the same way. I want whole, fresh foods around and no processed junk. My husband likes the junk, and I’ve had to accept that about him. Of course, he has to accept that every time he complains to me about feeling “fat” that I’ll gently encourage him to eat healthier… (note that I said “gently encourage” not “nag.”) He doesn’t complain about the healthy foods I cook, and I don’t complain when he suggests microwave pizza for dinner on a night when I really don’t feel up to cooking at all. We’ve had to do some give and take, and we’ve worked out something that both of us are happy with right now.

Now, if your husband is just laying up in bed and generally being no help to you, that is something I would address. Not from the standpoint of him eating junk, but just that he needs to hold up his end of the responsibilities of the home. Everyone can take a sick day now and then when they’re really under the weather, but when it gets to be too frequent, we need to start looking into what can be done to help it. (For example, visiting the doctor to find out why he gets sick so much more often than the rest of the family.) If he can still keep his responsibilities around the home, his diet doesn’t need to come into the discussion at all.

 

[faithfully]

DH is only slightly overweight, but he just has a horrible diet and schedule in general and I just get tired of him eating like c**p and then being laid up in bed with a belly ache and being no help at all and just being sick all the time.

Your thoughts?

LOL… I see you’re being called a control freak. I get that too.

My husband will eat junk whenever. And he brings it home. I don’t mess with it,unless our kids, who have issues controling their junk intake, find it. Then it goes in the trash. Basically, DH needs to put it away, out of site for the kids. THIS is because the kids have issues.

My husband is also a cancer survivor. It really makes no common sense for him to eat the stuff he does. But I can’t control that. I personally don’t think he has the right to put his life in jeapordy with his food choices. I think he OWES his children the quality father he is, for as long as he can. I’d like my boys to be raised by their father all the way through childhood and have a man to turn to in adulthood. We can’t control if he gets hit by a bus randomly some day. He can control whether or not he feeds cancer cells. Or a prospective heart or diabetic condition. REALITY in my world. I would also very much like to grow super old and wrinkly with my husband, and be that cute couple hobbiling down the sidewalk hand in hand.

At one point, DH was acting hypertensive due to weight. This is not his personality, and he was really turning into an org. I approached this with, hey… I have absolutely no intention of hanging out with you on your day off if your attitude is going to be so awful. You need to fix that. I don’t care how. Here’s an idea. You choose if you want to hang with the kids and myself. Right now we don’t want to be with you.

Due to the cancer DX, we have to wait a certain time to qualify for life insurance. However, since your DH doesn’t have a medical condition that you seem to be concerned about, my control suggestion would be to get a half mil.+ policy. If DH kills himself with his food choices, you will only be terribly sad. But not homeless with children.

Now, if DH’s food choices put him in bed on a daily basis whining about his choices and how he can’t help you, I’d buy a bottle of Tums.

I’d take his sweet self a handful, a glass of water and say… “I’m so glad you enjoyed yourself. Please get up and help me with OUR home, and children and such. I’m afraid we barely have time to relax when we are truly ill through no fault of our own. But we’re not on vacation. The thing is, I’m not your mother. I don’t have time, nor do I want to baby you. I’m your wife, and I expect you to act like a man and a father. Figure it out!”

My thoughts regarding your situation are his choices are impacting family life. I want a pleasant family life. It’s one thing if he’s dealing with an illness with no cure. It’s quite another when he creates an illness and sloths around. It seems in your case this is OFTEN. This isn’t just about Superbowl Sunday, or the occasionally thing. Request that he figure out how not to impact you and the children with his bad choices.

 

[bearkatjen]

It’s not okay to lie to him or to throw out/get rid of food that he has specifically asked you to keep. He’s an adult and gets to eat what he wants a suffer the consequences. You can talk to him about his diet, and support him in eating healthier, but ultimately he has to make the decision to eat well. Don’t be preachy about it, but gently remind him that his health affects his whole family. You and his children need him for decades, not years.

I know when DH and I start having diet trouble (usually lead by me), DH gently reminds me of his father’s family history of heart disease and dying young, and that quickly pulls me back to the path of healthy eating and living.