Impure conversation

[jesus4ever]

ppl today at work a worker came out of know where and started a small conversation. not even a conversation he just said a couple of things about someone he saw that you know looked hot.

He said to me did you see that girl and i said what the one with the baby and he then said a very impure thing and in my head i was thinking isen’t this guy married and i gave him a fake laugh and kept walking. do i have anything to worry about on my part. mortal or vinal

impure conversation is a no no and would say mortal but this guy cam up to me and he said these things and i wish he never said them to me.

 

[shannyk]

I don’t think you did anything wrong at all. You didn’t participate.

Next time you could say something like, ‘well shes’ a beautiful lady but so is your wife, don’t you think?" That would probably get him to think twice before he talked like that in from of you again.

Good for your for not feeling pressured to chime in with his foolishness.

 

[Eucharisted]

Tell him he’s sinning.

 

[Joe_5859]

I don’t think you did anything wrong at all. You didn’t participate.

Next time you could say something like, ‘well shes’ a beautiful lady but so is your wife, don’t you think?" That would probably get him to think twice before he talked like that in from of you again.

Good for your for not feeling pressured to chime in with his foolishness.

I agree with shannyk.

 

[Awful_Things]

ppl today at work a worker came out of know where and started a small conversation. not even a conversation he just said a couple of things about someone he saw that you know looked hot.

He said to me did you see that girl and i said what the one with the baby and he then said a very impure thing and in my head i was thinking isen’t this guy married and i gave him a fake laugh and kept walking. do i have anything to worry about on my part. mortal or vinal

impure conversation is a no no and would say mortal but this guy cam up to me and he said these things and i wish he never said them to me.

You were caught off-guard and reacted nervously. No blame (in my opinion) on your part. It’s the disappointing nature of today’s society that one would think that such off-hand comments are normal small talk.

 

[seagal]

ppl today at work a worker came out of know where and started a small conversation. not even a conversation he just said a couple of things about someone he saw that you know looked hot.

He said to me did you see that girl and i said what the one with the baby and he then said a very impure thing and in my head i was thinking isen’t this guy married and i gave him a fake laugh and kept walking. do i have anything to worry about on my part. mortal or vinal

impure conversation is a no no and would say mortal but this guy cam up to me and he said these things and i wish he never said them to me.

The sin isn’t yours but you can work on your reaction. Your fake laugh may encourage him to think that you share his thoughts. Next time (if there is one) you could try saying something like “that was inappropriate” and simply walk away. It takes a lot of courage to go against the cultural stream, but just by not participating you could help set an example of appropriate actions in your workplace.

 

[jesus4ever]

thanks people i’m trying to live my life the best i can but everywhere i am and whatever i do or think its like i’m being tested.

thanks for all your help. i was going to leave a massage saying that my fake laugh was fake to me but not to him however my question got answered already thanks

 

[Peter_Dawson]

ppl today at work a worker came out of know where and started a small conversation. not even a conversation he just said a couple of things about someone he saw that you know looked hot.

He said to me did you see that girl and i said what the one with the baby and he then said a very impure thing and in my head i was thinking isen’t this guy married and i gave him a fake laugh and kept walking. do i have anything to worry about on my part. mortal or vinal

impure conversation is a no no and would say mortal but this guy cam up to me and he said these things and i wish he never said them to me.

My answer here will probably cause trouble. But I believe that I am correct.

Avoiding sexual talk entirely places human sexuality on a throne it does not belong on. Sex is not that important. It’s just a piece of our physiology and therefore of our lives. It’s supposed to be integrated into our lives – not segregated on a desert island in the Pacific. Some sexual talk is healthy, not just for the individual, but also for society. Our kids, as they grow up, need to see us (at an appropriate age) talking normally about sex, even telling *sex jokes *to one another.

Who has the “sex problem”?: The guy for whom sex talk is a lip-quiveringly dangerous “special” subject, or the guy – even the married guy – who can smile, and make a sly comment to a friend about some pretty young thing “shaking-by”?

 

[seagal]

My answer here will probably cause trouble. But I believe that I am correct.

Avoiding sexual talk entirely places human sexuality on a throne it does not belong on. Sex is not that important. It’s just a piece of our physiology and therefore of our lives. It’s supposed to be integrated into our lives – not segregated on a desert island in the Pacific. Some sexual talk is healthy, not just for the individual, but also for society. Our kids, as they grow up, need to see us (at an appropriate age) talking normally about sex, even telling *sex jokes *to one another.

Who has the “sex problem”?: The guy for whom sex talk is a lip-quiveringly dangerous “special” subject, or the guy – even the married guy – who can smile, and make a sly comment to a friend about some pretty young thing “shaking-by”?

If I understood the OP, it wasn’t just “sex talk”, it was a disrespectful and inappropriate comment. Yes, sex is healthy and normal, but making a (in your words) sly comment about a young woman’s appearance or demeanor only objectifies her. It robs her of her personhood and makes her an object of lust. This is not healthy sex. It is also not the same as looking at a beautiful woman (or man) and seeing the grace and beauty of God’s handiwork. It is possible to appreciate beauty without reducing it to base lust, but making a “sly comment” doesn’t fit that category IMO.

 

[Peter_Dawson]

If I understood the OP, it wasn’t just “sex talk”, it was a disrespectful and inappropriate comment.

Okay, if you are telling the truth, here – namely, that the problem wasn’t “sex talk,” but rather that it’s “disrespectful” and “inappropriate” – please set forth an example of respectful and appropriate sex talk in a like situation.

Yes, sex is healthy and normal, but making a (in your words) sly comment about a young woman’s appearance or demeanor only objectifies her. It robs her of her personhood and makes her an object of lust. This is not healthy sex.

These are classic Catholic criticisms of ordinary non-intimate heterosexual behavior. But just because they are classic Catholic lines does not make them correct.

Do women wear bras and high heels and put on make-up in our society to insure that they are never casually objectified and lusted-after?

Or, are you saying that these common institutions – bras, high heels and make-up – are essentially evil? Should women, after marriage, burka-ize themselves – no bras, no high heels, no make-up, no figure-fitting clothing?

Or, could it be that, functionally, objectification is an essential component of manifestation of gender?

It is also not the same as looking at a beautiful woman (or man) and seeing the grace and beauty of God’s handiwork. It is possible to appreciate beauty without reducing it to base lust, but making a “sly comment” doesn’t fit that category IMO.

Is there really an essential, important difference between a construction worker’s sly wolf-whistle at a pretty girl walking by at lunchtime, and the same construction worker looking at the same shapely girl and exclaiming to her, “What grace!!! What beauty!!! God’s handiwork is amazing!!!”

Or, could it be that their subtle internal physiological reactions in those two situations are precisely identical?

 

[Peter_Dawson]

By the way, I’m not just being “contrary” in my posts.

If our understanding of correct human sexuality is not correct, our advice respecting how to make our points of view in the Sex Department will be inappropriate and lead to problems.

 

[John92]

Ugh I totally know what you mean OP. I hate situations like that. I don’t want to be like “don’t talk like that!” because then I seem like some preachy jerk, so I usually laugh nervously and go on with my business :\

I’m not sure what the best thing to do in that situation is.

 

[seagal]

Okay, if you are telling the truth, here – namely, that the problem wasn’t “sex talk,” but rather that it’s “disrespectful” and “inappropriate” – please set forth an example of respectful and appropriate sex talk in a like situation.

You really need me to give you an example of how to respectfully appreciate the opposite sex? OK

The scene: 2 male co-workers chatting when a beautiful woman walks by
1st male: Wow, isn’t she pretty/beautiful/gorgeous (superlative of choice)
2nd male: She sure is. You think she’d go out with a schmuck like me?
(I’m not a guy so I have no idea how they talk to each other.)

Notice there are no wolf whistles, lolling tongues or “look at the hooters on her!”

These are classic Catholic criticisms of ordinary non-intimate heterosexual behavior. But just because they are classic Catholic lines does not make them correct.

I’m speaking as a member of the public who happens to be female and Catholic. As far as I can remember this attitude wasn’t taught in catechism class. And just because they are “classic Catholic lines” doesn’t make them incorrect either.

Do women wear bras and high heels and put on make-up in our society to insure that they are never casually objectified and lusted-after?

Or, are you saying that these common institutions – bras, high heels and make-up – are essentially evil? Should women, after marriage, burka-ize themselves – no bras, no high heels, no make-up, no figure-fitting clothing?

Puh-leeze! I’m simply saying that a woman (or a man – I’ve heard plenty of women doing the objectifying) has the right to be in the world without being disrespected simply because of how she’s dressed or looks. I’m also speaking from the other end of the continuum – those of us who are not so gifted get disrespected in another way.

Or, could it be that, functionally, objectification is an essential component of manifestation of gender?

No. To objectify someone is reduce a human being to nothing more than a physical thing. How is that in any way a desirable trait?

Is there really an essential, important difference between a construction worker’s sly wolf-whistle at a pretty girl walking by at lunchtime, and the same construction worker looking at the same shapely girl and exclaiming to her, “What grace!!! What beauty!!! God’s handiwork is amazing!!!”

Believe me, the woman knows the difference between being ogled and being appreciated! One is a gentleman, the other is a jerk. I’ll let you try to figure out which is which.

 

[Peter_Dawson]

You really need me to give you an example of how to respectfully appreciate the opposite sex? OK

The scene: 2 male co-workers chatting when a beautiful woman walks by
1st male: Wow, isn’t she pretty/beautiful/gorgeous (superlative of choice)
2nd male: She sure is. You think she’d go out with a schmuck like me?
(I’m not a guy so I have no idea how they talk to each other.)

Notice there are no wolf whistles, lolling tongues or “look at the hooters on her!”

I’m speaking as a member of the public who happens to be female and Catholic. As far as I can remember this attitude wasn’t taught in catechism class. And just because they are “classic Catholic lines” doesn’t make them incorrect either.

Puh-leeze! I’m simply saying that a woman (or a man – I’ve heard plenty of women doing the objectifying) has the right to be in the world without being disrespected simply because of how she’s dressed or looks. I’m also speaking from the other end of the continuum – those of us who are not so gifted get disrespected in another way.

No. To objectify someone is reduce a human being to nothing more than a physical thing. How is that in any way a desirable trait?

Believe me, the woman knows the difference between being ogled and being appreciated! One is a gentleman, the other is a jerk. I’ll let you try to figure out which is which.

Thank you for your post, but you and I disagree in a very profound way.

That is okay. Thank you for talking to me. I have learned to appreciate the gift of conversation. Your time is the greatest gift which you can give to anyone. The cold shoulder is that worst insult.

So, thank you for your time. You are a good person.

 

[NoWhereMan]

ppl today at work a worker came out of know where and started a small conversation. not even a conversation he just said a couple of things about someone he saw that you know looked hot.

He said to me did you see that girl and i said what the one with the baby and he then said a very impure thing and in my head i was thinking isen’t this guy married and i gave him a fake laugh and kept walking. do i have anything to worry about on my part. mortal or vinal

impure conversation is a no no and would say mortal but this guy cam up to me and he said these things and i wish he never said them to me.

I think its hard to avoid impure conversation, its rampant. I usually just listen & laugh it off & don`t add to it

 

[seagal]

Thank you for your post, but you and I disagree in a very profound way.

That is okay. Thank you for talking to me. I have learned to appreciate the gift of conversation. Your time is the greatest gift which you can give to anyone. The cold shoulder is that worst insult.

So, thank you for your time. You are a good person.

You’re welcome I enjoy a good conversation too.