Impure thoughts about husband?

[Veronica97]

First, I should say that I have OCD, and I often have unwanted thoughts that are hard to get rid of. Yesterday, my husband and I made a “date” for later that night. Well, at church I started having thoughts and feelings of desire towards my husband. These thoughts made me feel like wanting to be more loving and charitable to my husband even though he’s been in a grumpy mood lately. I reasoned that I was having thoughts of loving relations with my husband and that’s not a sin. However, I realized I was in church and prayed that God would help me focus on the Mass. After Mass and until the “date” I had a hard time thinking about anything else but the “date”. I did pray some that God would help me, but I felt overwhelming physical desire to be with my husband. I was not thinking of him as an “object” or thinking of anything we shouldn’t be doing, but I am worried that the desire was out of control, and maybe I sinned. Are we looking at the realm of venial or mortal sin?

 

[AlanFromWichita]

If there was a sin in there somewhere, I totally missed it.

Alan

 

[Ophelia23]

First, I should say that I have OCD, and I often have unwanted thoughts that are hard to get rid of. Yesterday, my husband and I made a “date” for later that night. Well, at church I started having thoughts and feelings of desire towards my husband. These thoughts made me feel like wanting to be more loving and charitable to my husband even though he’s been in a grumpy mood lately. I reasoned that I was having thoughts of loving relations with my husband and that’s not a sin. However, I realized I was in church and prayed that God would help me focus on the Mass. After Mass and until the “date” I had a hard time thinking about anything else but the “date”. I did pray some that God would help me, but I felt overwhelming physical desire to be with my husband. I was not thinking of him as an “object” or thinking of anything we shouldn’t be doing, but I am worried that the desire was out of control, and maybe I sinned. Are we looking at the realm of venial or mortal sin?

No, having healthy sexual desire for your husband is neither a venial or mortal sin. It is a desire for self-emptying love, which is designated to man and wife. It is of course possible to take this desire and turn it into something sinful, but based on your description you seem to be expressing a blessing, a true gift. Not a sin.

 

[The_Bucket]

Definitely part of the OCD and not in the least sinful. I’m sure your husband was and is quite happy. Sexual intimacy was made for marriage and so it only logically follows that those in marriage would want to bond sexually. God made our bodies a certain way and gave us good and healthy desires. These desires when properly ordered are actually virtuous, so there’s nothing wrong with having these feelings of closeness in Mass! Remember that the Hebrews established that a wife and a husband giving themselves to one another was a mitzvah. A good work.

 

[JimR-OCDS]

First, I should say that I have OCD, and I often have unwanted thoughts that are hard to get rid of. Yesterday, my husband and I made a “date” for later that night. Well, at church I started having thoughts and feelings of desire towards my husband. These thoughts made me feel like wanting to be more loving and charitable to my husband even though he’s been in a grumpy mood lately. I reasoned that I was having thoughts of loving relations with my husband and that’s not a sin. However, I realized I was in church and prayed that God would help me focus on the Mass. After Mass and until the “date” I had a hard time thinking about anything else but the “date”. I did pray some that God would help me, but I felt overwhelming physical desire to be with my husband. I was not thinking of him as an “object” or thinking of anything we shouldn’t be doing, but I am worried that the desire was out of control, and maybe I sinned. Are we looking at the realm of venial or mortal sin?

Gee, this is nothing more than a natural desire based on love and affection for your husband.

The feelings you had, are part of being human, they are a gift from God.

Many women would envy that you still have this level of desire for your husband, for they’ve lost it and struggle to get it back.

Relax, there is nothing close to sin in what you feel for your husband, even if it comes at an less than opportune time.

Thoughts come into our head without our bringing them. What we do with the thought is what makes them moral or immoral, but in your case, the thoughts were not immoral, and you dealt with them properly.

Jim

 

[Regina_Love]

Enjoy that God has given you a heart for your husband. Your concern is probably because due to OCD you watch for compulsive thoughts. It may be that your body is fertile right now. The surging hormones greatly encourage intimacy at this time. It’s natural! As long as those thoughts are aimed at your hubby, it’s all good

 

[Veronica97]

Thank you all. Okay, I don’t think I sinned yesterday, but since I’ve worried about it all day today, I’ve had more thoughts and feelings of desire (of course for my husband). I think it’s mainly because I’ve been worried/obsessed over it. I had a habit of sin against purity for many years, but I have repented of that and have been chaste for almost a year and a half. So because of that guilt, perhaps I feel guilty even for “ordered” feelings towards my husband. But I would rather die than commit a sin against chastity. Where do we draw the line, though, at ordered desire for our spouse becoming lust?

 

[TuAutem]

Where do we draw the line, though, at ordered desire for our spouse becoming lust?

In the sacrament of marriage, the union between man and wife becomes a sign of the mystical union between Christ and His Church. So there’s no ‘holding back’ on that union: it should be as total and full and fulfilling as you can make it.

But if your union is distorted, if you are not modelling true love but some unbalanced distortion of it, then that is something to repent from, and try to remedy. The ‘remedy’, though, is never holding back on your love! It’s simply loving each other honestly, openly, and directly, and in a way that is in harmony with loving God, rather than in competition to it.

 

[CB_Catholic]

Thank you all. Okay, I don’t think I sinned yesterday, but since I’ve worried about it all day today, I’ve had more thoughts and feelings of desire (of course for my husband). I think it’s mainly because I’ve been worried/obsessed over it. I had a habit of sin against purity for many years, but I have repented of that and have been chaste for almost a year and a half. So because of that guilt, perhaps I feel guilty even for “ordered” feelings towards my husband. But I would rather die than commit a sin against chastity. Where do we draw the line, though, at ordered desire for our spouse becoming lust?

Read the first part of Genesis. God told Eve that her desire would be for her husband. So guess who put that desire for your husband there? That sexual desire is how the human race is perpetuated, and it is strong on purpose-to make sure God’s plan is achieved. There is no sin whatsoever in having sexual attraction and desire for your husband. Enjoy it and thank God for His gift.

 

[Veronica97]

Thanks, all. I spoke to a priest in confession, and he said it only becomes sinful if you’re thinking so much about it that you’re neglecting your other duties as wife and mother.