Impure Thoughts - Scrupulosity - Wanting to Die

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BrockH

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About a month ago, I developed scrupulosity after giving what I believed at the time to be an invalid confession. All of the invalidity issues were discussed in another confession. I have OCD (not formally diagnosed, but the symptoms are there) and impure thoughts continue to come to my mind. It is a CONSTANT battle and the only times when I’m at peace is when I’m asleep, listening to the radio, or when I’m distracted by something else. I don’t what to do…I keep going to Confession and Father knows I have scrupulosity (I think he probably remembers from one of my previous confessions) and my mind is spinning 24/7. I’m TERRIFIED of going to hell because my only desire is just to be with Jesus and I know that in hell, my own conscience will torcher me, even more than how it is right now. My soul feels so dry and God feels 1,000 miles away. This morning after waking up, an impure thought entered my head. I was feeling just so dead inside and my mind was struggling to fight it off. I quickly said in my mind “I’m just going to lay here and think about this” and it happened for a second and then I caught myself and ever since I’ve been questioning - was it considered a mortal sin or not? I am literally wanting to die right now…my pain and my guilt are unbearable and I have no where else to turn. I can’t make it to Confessions this weekend. Any advice? As for the instance this morning, I just felt so hopeless and in despair that I gave up for a moment…perhaps I’m sugarcoating it for myself. Any advice…and PLEASE use gentle language! This is a HORRIBLE situation for me mentally and is affecting me spiritually and physically. The old straight-up “tell 'em truth, even though it HURTS” will shatter me even more.
 
Take a deep breath. God LOVES you. Scrupulosity and OCD go hand in hand, and OCD is out of your control. Your thoughts are out of your control. You’re trying to not entertain those thoughts.

I, too, have had a bad week and I’m pretty sure I have a mortal sin on my soul right now. I can’t go to confession until Saturday but my intention is most certainly to go and to make a full and complete confession. And I believe that if something were to happen to me between now and then, my contrition for my sin and my true intent to go to confession would have an impact.

I fully believe that your contrition, your desire to be with God when you die, and your intention to confess as soon as possible will also have an impact. Trust in Jesus. Think of the Divine Mercy image and say, “Jesus, I trust in you” 3 times. Or say the Jesus prayer- “Jesus Christ, son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner.” Pray to our Lady that she would wrap you in the mantle of her protection.

Jesus told St. Faustina that every time we come to him for forgiveness, he is ready to forgive us and we glorify His mercy.
 
Oh I promise you can’t sin as bad as me. It’s why God puts us here. We have to keep trying.

AKDee said it right. :sad_yes:
 
Unfortunately, we can’t control our thoughts. For those of us with ocd, the challenge is to accept that we have intrussive thoughts and not fight them. When we fight them, we give them power and the brain keeps them coming. From what I understand, having an impure thought is not sinful. It’s what we do with it. Obviously, it’s sinful if we consciously build on them. However, we can just recognize them and let them go. For instance, you might say in a sarcastic way, “oh, another impure thought. Good one! Thank you, brain!” Then, just let it go through you like a wave. Don’t dwell on it. Don’t look for meaning in it. You are not your thoughts. Talking with a priest or spiritual director on a regular basis can be helpful, too!
 
I guess this sounds a bit strange coming from me, but there was a “study” that said men think about sex at least every five minutes. Its hard to control thoughts. The real problem is to act on the thought and have it become a sin. I know that my six brothers had sex pretty much on their minds most of the time and I don’t judge them and I won’t judge you. You sound like a pretty decent fellow though, and appear to be truly repentant. I have no solutions for you as I am a female. I will pray for you. Be at peace because Jesus loves you in spite of yourself. P. S. I think my brothers were fairly decent guys. Please don’t make fun of my post here.
 
I understand your anguish, I lived with this for many years. Scrupolosity is related to Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder. Basically the cingulate gyrus in the brain is overactive and produces unwanted upsetting thoughts,(violent, blasphemous, sexual, etc,), This is not your fault and not sinful. It is a,biological problem just like diabetes. It just happens to be in your brain, Then sometimes the sufferer does compulsive rituals such as handwashing repeatedly to fight off the obsessive thoughts.

There are remedies and resources for this. First of all get a good , holy, spiritual director/confessor and obey him. If he tells you not to go to Confession daily, do it. if he says you can still have Communion, take Communion. Even though you had a bad thought, it was involuntary.
Realize this is a biological problem. A good psychiatrist can prescribe helpful medications with very few or no side effects. I wish this was,available back in the 70’s when I first developed this.
Cognitive behavioral therapy helps the sufferer reframe and control his thoughts. It is very safe and effective. Dr. David Burns wrote a good book on CBT called, “Feeling Good, The New Mood Therapy”.A therapist trained in this can be very helpful…
 
Every major hospital should have or know about OCD support groups.

Also the book “Brainlock” by Jeffrey Schwartz is excellent. Dr Daniel Amen wrote an excellent book on the brain and moods as well.

Liguori Publications, has a Catholic online support group as well as very helpful literature
It is called “Scrupulous Annonymous”.

It is best not to fight those thoughts. They just get stronger. Instead call on the Name s of Jesus and Mary and they will help you.

Remember you are not sinning. You do not welcome these thoughts. Dont despair. If you get depressed seek prompt professional medical care.
We are praying for you and we love you.
 
Hey man, don’t worry about this. You know one problem about OCD is that the more you try not to think of something the more you actually think about it? It’s a problem with the brain building its own little feedback loop where it keeps checking to see if it’s thinking about the thing it’s not supposed to. But just by checking it brings that thought back in and so the loop is repeated. I think the best way past this is to change the thought. I mean instead of trying to block it out, just change it. So I mean if you are thinking about about something impure change the thought so that they now have clothes or something unusual. Just add clown shoes to them. It really breaks the spell.

Another thing I have is a picture of a something more important nearby. Something I can just glance at to remind me that this thought is not as important as that. A crying child, your mother, Mary, or something. Just breaks the spell you know?

One other thing I do is I look past them. So lets say something is getting you worked up. Just look over their shoulder and ask your mind to tell you what is behind these people. Is it a castle? Are there mountains? How about a river? Then just mentally go fishing. It’s a thing I do anyway. Hope that helps. I mean we all get stuck in a rut. The thing to do is to figure out the tricks to get out without revving the engines and digging in deeper.

Peace.

-Trident
 
Be at peace… If you want it in Latin: pax nobis.

Anyway, I once brought up a topic here on the Catholic forums regarding a certain temptation that men had, and I was probably later banned for it, so I won’t bring it up again. But one Catholic responded to me, and said, “Thank you for restoring the light of Catholicism to me.”

So I say this to you: have you recently been praying a lot? Anywhere in the past couple years perhaps? Did you feel extremely close to God, like a light on horizon ready to cast down its rays onto you and your soul? I am getting a little more specific here.

Here’s my story. Personal stories are often the best. And I will note that I am fighting off Legion, the demon in saying these things to you (my vision is blurred and I am constantly being distracted). So bear with me.

I prayed the Rosary for so many months because, effectively, I was told to. So I did. Anyway, a year later, I was eating a bowl of noodles–a rather large bowl. Then I suddenly stopped myself and panicked. Was I committing a sin, even MORTAL, of gluttony? I seriously thought I had. Then came the hell–I became mortally fearful of hell and began a slew of several months of scrupulosity. Now comes the consolation. I was later told God was purifying me of my past sins by inspiring me to great acts of mortification. He loved me, and didn’t want to suffer in hell, and neither in Purgatory, so this may very well be your lot.

Be consoled in the knowledge that God has a purpose for pretty much everything that ever happens to you. An example is that if someone is possessed, God granted it so that that soul could be informed and warned of the tortures in hell, where the demons endlessly haunt all the faculties.

Now are you calmed? ;), I’ll say a small prayer for you, but I have great hope for your eternity.
 
I’ve been going through this same thing the last few months. I wish I had good advice to give to you, but since I don’t want to give you inaccurate information and am not sure how to properly deal with this issue, I will be praying for you instead. But do always remember God’s Mercy and Love for you are infinite no matter how difficult things may seem and He knows your heart even better than you possibly can.
 
Praying…

Try and remember that the only impure thoughts that are of grave matter are the ones willed for impure pleasure. Sometimes thoughts might just pop into your head and this not sinful.
 
Fleeting thoughts are common to all of us; don’t tire yourself trying to actively fight them. Calmly ignore them and send up a short aspiration to Our Lady from time to time. “He who remembers having invoked the name of Mary in an impure temptation, may be sure that he did not yield to it.” – St. Alphonsus

"He who is faithful in the service of Mary will certainly be saved… He who has recourse to Mary shall be saved.”
– St. Alphonsus Maria Liguori

When St. Bridget was harassed by temptations in prayer, Mary said to her: “The devil with malicious watchfulness seeks to hinder the good from praying. But do thou, daughter, whatever temptation may assail thee in prayer, persist in thy desire or good will, and in thy holy endeavours, as best thou canst; because thy pious desires and endeavours will be reputed as effectual prayer. Even if thou art not able to cast out the base and evil thoughts that come into thy mind, yet for those endeavours thou shalt receive a crown in heaven; thus these troubles will profit thee, provided thou consentest not to the temptation, but art displeased with whatever is unbecoming.”

The Lord Jesus said to St. Bridget: “Wherefore, daughter, art thou anxious and disquieted?”
She answered, “Because I am afflicted with many unprofitable and evil thoughts, which I cannot drive away, and the fear of Thy judgments oppresses me.”
Then the Lord said, “… fear My judgments with moderation and discretion, ever firmly trusting in Me, thy God. For thou must know, for certain, that evil thoughts, which the mind resists and detests, are the purification and crown of the soul. If thou art unable to avoid them, bear it patiently…”
 
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