Wow. So many issues here. Several very good thoughts & responses. I’ve really appreciated TLM08’s post on this topic, on other threads, too, so I encourage the OP to do what TLM suggested, which is to search his other posts on this topic, as well as doing a search on the topic itself, for similar help. As you will see, it’s such a prominent issue on CAF that there’s an even a helpful “Sticky” about it at the topic of this forum’s Topic page. That’s also an indication about how many people struggle!
It can become an entrenched problem for females, too.
It’s just that we talk about it less “in polite company,” so to speak. But in general, it does afflict guys more
regularly, probably. Testosterone levels being so high in the morning for a guy, I’m not surprised, Bryan, that your problem is worse in the morning! Because of this (and again, if you do a search), you might want to especially associate the morning time with a negative reinforcement of some kind. That (“aversion”) was discussed on one post.
I have known introverted men with not much social experience with women, whose masturbation problem was greater than for guys who were just more comfortable around females. When any of us are inhibited about any particular thing, we tend to “act out” in other ways to relieve the frustration & resolve that gap. Perhaps you can get involved in some social activity in your parish which allow you to ‘hang out’ around females more & become more self-assured & natural. It would allow you to channel your attraction in a legitimate way, thus reducing the frustration element (which can drive masturbation, along with the mere desire element). If such an opportunity does not already exist in your parish, I would seek out a parish which does have such groups & activities. It could be anything – community service, book clubs, theology discussion groups, scripture study, in-house movie nights, social action.
I’ve heard that for some guys, taking up a group sport can be helpful (& again, esp. for a shy guy). Doesn’t have to be something rigorous like marathon cycling. Could be something tamer, but something that is done in a group, and that gets you out & about with people.
Getting a regular male spiritual director could also help. Again, some parishes, particularly those near universities, have such people handy or on staff. Keep in mind that what you’re doing in many of the things I suggest, is to pull yourself outward. One thing about masturbation: it’s a “hiding” activity. The less you are alone & hiding, the less opportunity you have. Ultimately, of course, we cannot avoid being alone & have to learn to deal with that, but what I’m saying is that what cures loneliness & excessive shyness is also what reduces masturbation: an outwardly oriented lifestyle. Becoming a person, no matter how quiet, who is conscious of being in community & relating to others, is a life in opposition to self-indulgent pleasure. It just reorients your consciousness & inclinations. It begins to look a lot less appetizing & attractive to you.
A good spiritual director (in your case, preferably male) can also help you to deepen your prayer life so that you are more conscious of
always being in God’s presence, not just at Mass, at confession, etc. From our human perspective, masturbation is a hiding activity, but from God’s perspective, it is not a
hidden activity. The more you want to be united with him & aware of his company, the less appealing you will find masturbating in his company. I’m not trying to be gross, & I apologize if I offend anyone, but sometimes we need to be frank with ourselves when we’re trying to release from a bad habit of any kind, especially a sin.
Go to confession frequently (every week), whether or not you “have” to. Celebrate with prayers of thanksgiving after confession in any week that you’ve been able to be pure just for a week. Build on the very real sanctifying grace that each honest confession brings with it. If you slip, talk to Christ about your
feelings. Cry your prayers if you need to. Be unflinchingly honest in all your prayers – about your disappointment, shame, whatever. God is
truth, and when you’re connected to truth, you’re much more likely to be victorious in your struggles.
I’ll pray for you this weekend & esp. at Mass.
Peace,
E.
