Impurity

[Darran]

I really hope this will be the last of these threads of mine. I am an addict to solitary sins of impurity and again I have fallen again badly after just 2 weeks. Please bear with me, as I have no other way apart from confession to keep myself out of secrecy - which ends up making things much worse. Because of discerning a call to religious life, I’ve lost even occasional contact with almost all of my friends, I have nobody else to talk to, which neither would they have been much help. The one person I opened up to (as best I can of course, with such an embarrassing thing as this) is our parish priest, but understandably he would prefer if I didn’t. He wouldn’t be rude at all to say so directly but he really communicates it.

For that reason, please pray for me. I’m stuck and I don’t know what I can do about it. Starting now I am making some big discipline changes in my life that I think might help me, especially with regard to my triggers.

I’m in a mess I wish I never had gotten into. I’ve read that it takes 18 months for the brain to repair itself back to normal. Even though that sounds madly unrealistic, I don’t care, it’s time for it. I can’t do it myself with any amount of help, so surely failure can’t exist if I give myself entirely to God instead. All I ask for is your prayers!

 

[mymamamary]

Prayers going to be said…

Keep fighting brother!!

 

[triumphguy]

I really hope this will be the last of these threads of mine. I am an addict to solitary sins of impurity and again I have fallen again badly after just 2 weeks. Please bear with me, as I have no other way apart from confession to keep myself out of secrecy - which ends up making things much worse. Because of discerning a call to religious life, I’ve lost even occasional contact with almost all of my friends, I have nobody else to talk to, which neither would they have been much help. The one person I opened up to (as best I can of course, with such an embarrassing thing as this) is our parish priest, but understandably he would prefer if I didn’t. He wouldn’t be rude at all to say so directly but he really communicates it.

For that reason, please pray for me. I’m stuck and I don’t know what I can do about it. Starting now I am making some big discipline changes in my life that I think might help me, especially with regard to my triggers.

I’m in a mess I wish I never had gotten into. I’ve read that it takes 18 months for the brain to repair itself back to normal. Even though that sounds madly unrealistic, I don’t care, it’s time for it. I can’t do it myself with any amount of help, so surely failure can’t exist if I give myself entirely to God instead. All I ask for is your prayers!

Keep stumbling forward. You are working towards purity. None of us will ever be pure (only Mary was pure). Keep striving, praying, figuring out your triggers, avoid occasions of sin, and go to confession frequently.

 

[Tighty_Whitey]

Not sure if you are a member of the Impurity Addiction Group here on CAF. It happens to be the largest group on this forum.

 

[marlap2]

You are not alone in your struggle against sin.
Our friend St Paul, and thousands of other saints, understood temptation and struggle.

2nd Corinthians 12:7

• “And lest I should be exalted above measure through the abundance of the revelations, there was given to me a thorn in the flesh, the messenger of Satan to buffet me, ***lest ***I should be exalted above measure”.
• “For this thing I besought the Lord thrice, that it might depart from me”.
• "And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.
• “Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ’s sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong”.

What does Jesus tell us?
“Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the body is weak.”

Don’t you just love the Bible? I do. When I think about some of the struggles that I’ve come across, there’s always something there that brings me back to where I should be…

And just one more tiny bit o’ advice, my friend. This is what really worked for me.
1.) When tempted, continue to pray for Mary’s help in the “Hail Mary”. Don’t stop until the temptation goes away.
2.) If things are really bad, and of possible, continue to pray the Hail Mary until you are in a place (public) where your temptation cannot happen. I don’t care what the temptation is… smoking, drinking to excess, pornography, any kind of sinful state. These two things work…
3.) Use your strong imagination in more powerful ways. It was given to you to know Him better. Pray about it.

Eventually Satan gives up. Trust me. BUT there will be other “wee journeys” that will take their place. It’s part of God’s Plan to teach us that, I think. Eventually when we hit these new challenges, it’s easier to remember who REALLY WINS this race. With God’s help, this will be a distant memory one day, except of course where it can be useful in counselling and prayer as a priest, if that is where our Lord calls you.

Praying for you!

 

[Darran]

Thank you so much! I think I remember you telling me the same thing at the beginning of the year. I’ve been doing it since, great tip

I’ve noticed (only really after a fall) that I had stopped repeating the Hail Marys, there just comes to a point where I can’t really reason. It’s always the very first ‘look’ that gets me, but hopefully now I might have a better idea of triggers. Thank you!

 

[Darran]

Keep stumbling forward. You are working towards purity. None of us will ever be pure (only Mary was pure). Keep striving, praying, figuring out your triggers, avoid occasions of sin, and go to confession frequently.

Ofcourse we can. Mary was pure in the sense of perfection, purity of the flesh is something required as mandatory for all of us, but thanks for the comment.

 

[fred_conty]

Here are 2 sites which have and do help people.
They may be of great help to you.

Great site for explaining purity.
davidmacd.com/catholic/masturbation.htm

A Group dedicated to purity and their personal ideas
angelicwarfare.org/Index.cfm?u=09330C5B-3048-7C56-931078C7A3B588CD

I am recommending getting the Miraculous Medal if you don’t already have one.
This is one of Mother Teresa’s favorites along with the prayer, memorare.

Mary promised Great Graces and Abundant Graces to those who wore her gift and trusted her
to bring them great and abundant graces. Trust is easy since how could Mary do otherwise than to keep her promises.

Wearing the medal is an act in her honor. Wearing is a constant action, and therefore a constant prayer to her that we are counting on her for those great graces.

Her picture on the front of the medal shows her arms down and stretched out. There are rays of light comming from her hands. These rays are comming from each ring on her fingers. Each finger has 3 rings. Many rings are radiating light, but some are not. She said that those emanating light are graces that were asked for. Those that didn’t shine rays of light were graces lost because they were not asked for. So it is very important that we ask her for those great graces. And she did say great graces not just graces.

When tempted hold on to the medal and ask her for those great graces she promised. She will give them to you, and at times you will be taken back by how she responds.

It is also good for other temptations and trials in our lives as well. When the temper acts up and the urge to retaliate is strong, hold the medal in your fingers, and ask her to help you.

This gift from Mary is very powerful when believed and used actively. The devil has found clever ways to tempt, but she has found ways to calm and strengthen all the more.

When in prayer and the distractions become overwhelming, hold the medal and ask Mary for protection from distractions, continue to hold the gift and pray.

This gift can be used in all sorts of ways for great graces of all kinds.

Short story of St. Catherine Laboure.
stcathek.org/stcath.htm

The incorrupt body of St. Catherine Laboure today.
traditioninaction.org/SOD/SODimages5/232_incorrupt_labourel.jpg

 

[triumphguy]

Ofcourse we can. Mary was pure in the sense of perfection, purity of the flesh is something required as mandatory for all of us, but thanks for the comment.

You will never be free of urges of the flesh, or temptation, therefore you (and I) will never be pure. That’s why we need discipline, prayer, confession etc.

 

[Darran]

You will never be free of urges of the flesh, or temptation, therefore you (and I) will never be pure. That’s why we need discipline, prayer, confession etc.

Christ wasn’t free from temptation, is He impure?

Temptations and urges don’t matter, its the reaction to them that determines purity. That is, purity of heart. Mary is called “pure” in a fuller sense because she is immaculate. Slightly different terminology.

 

[Darran]

Here are 2 sites which have and do help people.
They may be of great help to you.

Great site for explaining purity.
davidmacd.com/catholic/masturbation.htm

A Group dedicated to purity and their personal ideas
angelicwarfare.org/Index.cfm?u=09330C5B-3048-7C56-931078C7A3B588CD

I am recommending getting the Miraculous Medal if you don’t already have one.
This is one of Mother Teresa’s favorites along with the prayer, memorare.

Mary promised Great Graces and Abundant Graces to those who wore her gift and trusted her
to bring them great and abundant graces. Trust is easy since how could Mary do otherwise than to keep her promises.

Wearing the medal is an act in her honor. Wearing is a constant action, and therefore a constant prayer to her that we are counting on her for those great graces.

Her picture on the front of the medal shows her arms down and stretched out. There are rays of light comming from her hands. These rays are comming from each ring on her fingers. Each finger has 3 rings. Many rings are radiating light, but some are not. She said that those emanating light are graces that were asked for. Those that didn’t shine rays of light were graces lost because they were not asked for. So it is very important that we ask her for those great graces. And she did say great graces not just graces.

When tempted hold on to the medal and ask her for those great graces she promised. She will give them to you, and at times you will be taken back by how she responds.

It is also good for other temptations and trials in our lives as well. When the temper acts up and the urge to retaliate is strong, hold the medal in your fingers, and ask her to help you.

This gift from Mary is very powerful when believed and used actively. The devil has found clever ways to tempt, but she has found ways to calm and strengthen all the more.

When in prayer and the distractions become overwhelming, hold the medal and ask Mary for protection from distractions, continue to hold the gift and pray.

This gift can be used in all sorts of ways for great graces of all kinds.

Short story of St. Catherine Laboure.
stcathek.org/stcath.htm

The incorrupt body of St. Catherine Laboure today.
traditioninaction.org/SOD/SODimages5/232_incorrupt_labourel.jpg

Thank you very much, I am going to sit down tomorrow and read this properly. I have a Miraculous Medal attached to a piece of St Philomena’s cord on my Rosary that I wear constantly but I didn’t know much about it!

 

[triumphguy]

Christ wasn’t free from temptation, is He impure?

Temptations and urges don’t matter, its the reaction to them that determines purity. That is, purity of heart. Mary is called “pure” in a fuller sense because she is immaculate. Slightly different terminology.

Purity:

…Freedom from adulteration or contamination.
…Freedom from immorality, esp. of a sexual nature.

Christ was sinless, and incapable of sinning.
Mary was conceived without sin.

We are not sinless and never will be.

The only point I’m trying to make is that while we strive for perfection it will always be out of our grasp, which is why rely on the grace of God, rather than our own ability to become pure. “My Grace is sufficient for you” is what Christ said to St. Paul when he prayed for the thorn in his flesh to be removed. Christ was saying you will never be pure by your own efforts, but don’t worry, because my grace is enough.

 

[Darran]

Purity:

…Freedom from adulteration or contamination.
…Freedom from immorality, esp. of a sexual nature.

Christ was sinless, and incapable of sinning.
Mary was conceived without sin.

We are not sinless and never will be.

The only point I’m trying to make is that while we strive for perfection it will always be out of our grasp, which is why rely on the grace of God, rather than our own ability to become pure. “My Grace is sufficient for you” is what Christ said to St. Paul when he prayed for the thorn in his flesh to be removed. Christ was saying you will never be pure by your own efforts, but don’t worry, because my grace is enough.

Yes, two definitions, as I said. Mary was free from all contamination, including adulteration. It’s true we can’t be pure by our own strength but we can be pure, and sinless. Mary herself was pure because of Her heroic will and God’s grace after all.

 

[nuntym]

+JMJ+

Have you heard of this saying by St. Augustine: “God gives what He commands”? And have you read this from Scripture?

Jesus answered them, "Have faith in God. Truly, I say to you, whoever says to this mountain, `Be taken up and cast into the sea,’ and does not doubt in his heart, but believes that what he says will come to pass, it will be done for him.** Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours. ** (Mark 11:22-24)

I know you have prayed many times for purity, and I know you know that we can only be virtuous through God’s grace. Well, then, do you believe that you received purity when you prayed? Do you understand that without God’s help we cannot be pure, but we are commanded to be pure always, and therefore we have God’s help always?

The next time a temptation against purity comes, look at God straight in His eyes with your heart, full of joy and gladness, and let your glance say in essence:

“THANK YOU MY LORD! I believe You have given me purity BECAUSE of this temptation, for You prove to us your gifts are real by letting us use them and triumph by them. This is my weakness, but Your strength manifests in our weaknesses, so therefore I will not fail; even when I fall to sin now, I will in the end be with you in Paradise, for when we stand in your Hands, You catch us when we fall!”

Then do the best that you can to practice purity (which in essence, as you know, is to flee from the temptation, not fight it) and augment it with, as you have said, having a disciplined general and prayer life, and regularly going to the Sacrament of Reconciliation. It will be better to tell your problem to very close friends and/or a spiritual director, for the devil loves secrecy.

And yet, while you give your all in practicing purity, never worry, but save all possible outcomes for God. Remember what Bl. Teresa of Calcutta said: “We are called to be faithful, not to be successful.”

But what if you fail? What if you fall into sin again? Then that should give you even more belief and confidence in God. Why? Because God is the God of Mercy:

I am not telling you, “You believe too much in your own wretchedness.” We are much more wretched than we ever realize. But I am telling you, “You do not believe enough in merciful love.”

We must have confidence, not in spite of our miseries, but because of them, since it is misery which attracts mercy.

Oh, this word, mercy — misericordia — “miseris cor dare,” a heart which gives itself to the miserable, a Heart which nourishes itself on miseries by consuming them. Meditate on this word.

catholiceducation.org/articles/religion/re0860.htm

Indeed, any kind of wretchedness should inspire us more, whether it is sin, or loneliness, or difficulties, or failure, or loss, or whatever it might be! O Holy Miseris Cor Dare, see our wretchedness, see our sadness! We offer them to you, feast on them by coming and staying with us!

So be always grateful, be always joyful, be always peaceful!

“No man can live without joy. That is why one deprived of spiritual joy goes over to carnal pleasures.”
St. Thomas Aquinas

 

[animalis]

Christ wasn’t free from temptation, is He impure? Temptations and urges don’t matter, its the reaction to them that determines purity. That is, purity of heart. Mary is called “pure” in a fuller sense because she is immaculate. Slightly different terminology.

“Strong feelings are not decisive for the morality or the holiness of persons; they are simply the inexhaustible reservoir of images and affections in which the moral life is expressed. Passions are morally good when they contribute to a good action, evil in the opposite case.” (Catechism of the Catholic Church, 1768)

 

[Darran]

+JMJ+

Have you heard of this saying by St. Augustine: “God gives what He commands”? And have you read this from Scripture?

Jesus answered them, "Have faith in God. Truly, I say to you, whoever says to this mountain, `Be taken up and cast into the sea,’ and does not doubt in his heart, but believes that what he says will come to pass, it will be done for him.** Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours**. (Mark 11:22-24)

I know you have prayed many times for purity, and I know you know that we can only be virtuous through God’s grace. Well, then, do you believe that you received purity when you prayed? Do you understand that without God’s help we cannot be pure, but we are commanded to be pure always, and therefore we have God’s help always?

The next time a temptation against purity comes, look at God straight in His eyes with your heart, full of joy and gladness, and let your glance say in essence:

“THANK YOU MY LORD! I believe You have given me purity BECAUSE of this temptation, for You prove to us your gifts are real by letting us use them and triumph by them. This is my weakness, but Your strength manifests in our weaknesses, so therefore I will not fail; even when I fall to sin now, I will in the end be with you in Paradise, for when we stand in your Hands, You catch us when we fall!”

Then do the best that you can to practice purity (which in essence, as you know, is to flee from the temptation, not fight it) and augment it with, as you have said, having a disciplined general and prayer life, and regularly going to the Sacrament of Reconciliation. It will be better to tell your problem to very close friends and/or a spiritual director, for the devil loves secrecy.

And yet, while you give your all in practicing purity, never worry, but save all possible outcomes for God. Remember what Bl. Teresa of Calcutta said: “We are called to be faithful, not to be successful.”

But what if you fail? What if you fall into sin again? Then that should give you even more belief and confidence in God. Why? Because God is the God of Mercy:

I am not telling you, “You believe too much in your own wretchedness.” We are much more wretched than we ever realize. But I am telling you, “You do not believe enough in merciful love.”

We must have confidence, not in spite of our miseries, but because of them, since it is misery which attracts mercy.

Oh, this word, mercy — misericordia — “miseris cor dare,” a heart which gives itself to the miserable, a Heart which nourishes itself on miseries by consuming them. Meditate on this word.

catholiceducation.org/articles/religion/re0860.htm

Indeed, any kind of wretchedness should inspire us more, whether it is sin, or loneliness, or difficulties, or failure, or loss, or whatever it might be! O Holy Miseris Cor Dare, see our wretchedness, see our sadness! We offer them to you, feast on them by coming and staying with us!

So be always grateful, be always joyful, be always peaceful!

“No man can live without joy. That is why one deprived of spiritual joy goes over to carnal pleasures.”
St. Thomas Aquinas

Wow! Thank you very much! Did you write that just for me?

 

[Darran]

“Strong feelings are not decisive for the morality or the holiness of persons; they are simply the inexhaustible reservoir of images and affections in which the moral life is expressed. Passions are morally good when they contribute to a good action, evil in the opposite case.” (Catechism of the Catholic Church, 1768)

I’m sorry, I don’t quite see the relevance. Thank you for the comment anyway.

 

[nuntym]

+JMJ+

Wow! Thank you very much! Did you write that just for me?

Yes, in a fit of sleep-deprived need to say that to you.

Darran, if it helped you, then please spread it. Tell and show to other people that God’s Grace is real.

God love you.

 

[Lady_Love]

Have you ever heard of the twelve step program? They use this for all forms of addiction. It is the most successful program helping with addictions.

 

[Darran]

Have you ever heard of the twelve step program? They use this for all forms of addiction. It is the most successful program helping with addictions.

Yes a few people have recommended it to me. My problem though is that the nearest one is over 150 miles away. I live in a small village and wont be able to get away even to the nearest town without drawing suspicion.

I fell again. I don’t know why this happens, this really, really sucks. After confession it feels as though God completely cleans my mind and my heart and for the only break between lapses I finally feel happy. Time goes by quickly, I can concentrate. I can pray better, think better, enjoy things. Except for some reason it’ll come to an end and I can’t get this off my mind nomatter what I do. It makes me constantly and direly drained physically and emotionally untill the fall then next confession. I’m really stuck and scared guys, I don’t know what I can do. I can’t make it longer than 2 weeks if even that.

The longest time EVER, by a large margin was during Lent for 6 weeks (minus the last day). I can’t remember what was different. It simply wasn’t on my mind. My mind was fresh, the same way it is after confession. It just didn’t rear it’s head.