In a spiritual loop

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Caligirl81

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Hello,

I think I am stuck in a spiritual loop hole and feel like my spiritual director is not very helpful. I have been in a dating relationships for 5 years and he doesn’t have a steady income so we can’t get married. We are in our mid 30’s so time is against us. We are both devout Catholics and have a great relationship. I have been resolved to move forward in my own life. I work part time as a bookkeeper and am taking on clients in my spare time, as well as doing an income tax class where I could potentially get a job with the place that teaches. Well my dilemma is when I pray and discern about this job path I feel the Lord is not there. I feel if I do this path that it will be my plans not the Lord’s. I am always praying for His will in my life. Well then scripture verses start popping out randomly from the daily Mass and Liturgy of the Hours.

Like Hosea 2:14-16 "Therefore, I will now allure her,
and bring her into the wilderness,
and speak tenderly to her.
15 From there I will give her her vineyards,
and make the Valley of Achor a door of hope.
There she shall respond as in the days of her youth,
as at the time when she came out of the land of Egypt.
16 On that day, says the Lord, you will call me, “My husband,” and no longer will you call me, “My Baal.”

And Psalms 45:10-11
“Hear, O daughter, consider and incline your ear;
forget your people and your father’s house,
11 and the king will desire your beauty.
Since he is your lord, bow to him”

Then I become so in love with the Lord in the purest sense. Then I focus on my relationship with the Lord, but am not able to move forward in my physical life. I have debt to pay and want to save money to move. Stuff like that. I feel I can’t do both and don’t know why since one is physical needs and the other are spiritual.

Any kind feedback would be welcome.

God Bless You all
 
Caligirl81 said:
Hello,

I think I am stuck in a spiritual loop hole and feel like my spiritual director is not very helpful. I have been in a dating relationships for 5 years and he doesn’t have a steady income so we can’t get married. We are in our mid 30’s so time is against us. We are both devout Catholics and have a great relationship. I have been resolved to move forward in my own life. I work part time as a bookkeeper and am taking on clients in my spare time, as well as doing an income tax class where I could potentially get a job with the place that teaches. Well my dilemma is when I pray and discern about this job path I feel the Lord is not there. I feel if I do this path that it will be my plans not the Lord’s. I am always praying for His will in my life. Well then scripture verses start popping out randomly from the daily Mass and Liturgy of the Hours.

Like Hosea 2:14-16 "Therefore, I will now allure her,
and bring her into the wilderness,
and speak tenderly to her.
15 From there I will give her her vineyards,
and make the Valley of Achor a door of hope.
There she shall respond as in the days of her youth,
as at the time when she came out of the land of Egypt.
16 On that day, says the Lord, you will call me, “My husband,” and no longer will you call me, “My Baal.”

And Psalms 45:10-11
“Hear, O daughter, consider and incline your ear;
forget your people and your father’s house,
11 and the king will desire your beauty.
Since he is your lord, bow to him”

Then I become so in love with the Lord in the purest sense. Then I focus on my relationship with the Lord, but am not able to move forward in my physical life. I have debt to pay and want to save money to move. Stuff like that. I feel I can’t do both and don’t know why since one is physical needs and the other are spiritual.

Any kind feedback would be welcome.

God Bless You all
Click to expand...
Are you sure marriage is your vocation?? Are you being called to the religious life? Perhaps this is what God wants you to discern. Only you can decide.
 
Hi Carolyn,

To be honest I always figured I wasn’t because I have a good Catholic boyfriend and in my mid 30’s and have health issues. I always pray that if I do have a religious vocation that the Lord take my boyfriend out of my life
 
he doesn’t have a steady income so we can’t get married.
Click to expand...
Define “steady income”.

While income is an important factor in marriage - no doubt - it is not a prerequisite for getting married. Most Americans don’t have a “steady income”.

The days of corporations being loyal to their workers is long over. Layoffs can happen at any time, and for any reason, even if you are the best worker in the workplace.

Mary and Joseph were dirt poor and got married. Joseph was a lowly carpenter, which meant for an unsteady income depending on what carpentry projects would have been available at the time.

Most Americans live hand to mouth, and few have anything more than a few hundred dollars saved for a rainy day. If “steady income” was a prerequisite for getting married, few people would get married, let alone have children.
 
Caligirl81 said:
Hi Carolyn,

To be honest I always figured I wasn’t because I have a good Catholic boyfriend and in my mid 30’s and have health issues. I always pray that if I do have a religious vocation that the Lord take my boyfriend out of my life
Click to expand...
There is a first order Franciscan community that I was a part of for a year. Within this community, one of the brothers is now SEVENTY years old and living that intense penitential life as best he can; he has several health problems. Moreover, a handful of the poor Clare nuns of this community, which live a completely cloistered life after the manner of St. Clare, are quite old as well, perhaps in their sixties.

Therefore, I encourage you to not let health problems or age hold you back if the Lord is truly calling you to religious life. Have no worries, everything will be fine if this is God’s will for you. :yup:

:blessyou:
 
He does freelance work and doesn’t get paid every month. We both live with our respective families and live in an expensive area.
 
I am praying for you that you will be clear in the direction your life should be taking.
 
I just know I would be the one working to provide while we live with my parents. That’s not what you I want, I have been there before and it is draining.
 
He does freelance work and doesn’t get paid every month. We both live with our respective families and live in an expensive area.
Click to expand...
If he wants to marry you, he may have to change careers, or even take a job that has a more regular pay cycle. It’s up to him.

Sometimes men have to be responsible and even take a job that they might not like if it means moving the relationship with a prospective life partner forward. So, on the one hand I understand your concerns, on the other hand, he has to step up to the plate and take ownership of his career to make you feel more secure that this is the right decision.

Like most work that is project-based, freelance work can be very profitable, but requires careful budgeting. Salesmen on commission have to bank their good months to carry over for their lean months. This is really not all that unusual.

If he can’t earn a living wage, then that is a whole other story. See above.

Also, you will be amazed that when you join forces, get married, and live under the same roof, expenses get cut in half. Now you have one electric bill, and 2 incomes to pay for it. You get the idea. Living is easier when expenses are cut in half.

As far as living in an expensive area, that can be remedied as well. Most young couples getting married for the first time can’t afford to live in expensive areas anyway. One of the joys of marriage is working together towards meeting life goals, such as job promotions, moving into a nicer neighborhood, etc. You can look back at where you started, and be proud of the teamwork that helped you arrive at a better destination.
 
Caligirl81 said:
Hello,

I think I am stuck in a spiritual loop hole and feel like my spiritual director is not very helpful. I have been in a dating relationships for 5 years and he doesn’t have a steady income so we can’t get married. We are in our mid 30’s so time is against us. We are both devout Catholics and have a great relationship. I have been resolved to move forward in my own life. I work part time as a bookkeeper and am taking on clients in my spare time, as well as doing an income tax class where I could potentially get a job with the place that teaches. Well my dilemma is when I pray and discern about this job path I feel the Lord is not there. I feel if I do this path that it will be my plans not the Lord’s. I am always praying for His will in my life. Well then scripture verses start popping out randomly from the daily Mass and Liturgy of the Hours.

Like Hosea 2:14-16 "Therefore, I will now allure her,
and bring her into the wilderness,
and speak tenderly to her.
15 From there I will give her her vineyards,
and make the Valley of Achor a door of hope.
There she shall respond as in the days of her youth,
as at the time when she came out of the land of Egypt.
16 On that day, says the Lord, you will call me, “My husband,” and no longer will you call me, “My Baal.”

And Psalms 45:10-11
“Hear, O daughter, consider and incline your ear;
forget your people and your father’s house,
11 and the king will desire your beauty.
Since he is your lord, bow to him”

Then I become so in love with the Lord in the purest sense. Then I focus on my relationship with the Lord, but am not able to move forward in my physical life. I have debt to pay and want to save money to move. Stuff like that. I feel I can’t do both and don’t know why since one is physical needs and the other are spiritual.

Any kind feedback would be welcome.

God Bless You all
Click to expand...
I would say to discuss this with your boy friend, the ins and outs of your situation. How much are you both willing to sacrifice or not sacrifice.

In marriage it is union kept together by communication and love. And the communication begins before marriage to work out the problems as much as possible.

You might just sit down together and list all the expenses and dollar amounts to see just where you are at. Then if you can see your way thru this, then there is a good chance for marriage. Just be practical and see where this takes you. This is what is done in marriage.

But most of all, pray for guidance, especially for Mary’s. Pray a rosary each day if you can, and have some heart to heart talks with her. You are both good Catholics so this shouldn’t be a problem.

I will remember you in prayer as well.
 
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