In and out of the church in only 2.5 years

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Chickamauga

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In March of 2005 I came into the church. At that time I thought becoming a Catholic was the best thing I ever did. Now I consider it one of the worst things I ever did.

I feel becoming a Catholic turned me into an emotionally weak person who spent too much time turning the other cheek instead of sticking up for myself and defending my turf. As a result I lost my job.

Additionally, I feel my parish only looked at me as a source of “new blood” and asked me to take on too many things too soon. I became an EMHC and a Sacristan because a very insistent deacon talked me into it, even though I was rather reluctant. I did it anyway because he put me on a guilt trip – gotta give the church your time, treasure and talent,etc., etc., etc. It was all too much, too soon. I never had a chance to really grow as a Catholic before having all these extra-currcular things heaped on me.

The loss of employment led to a loss of self esteem which lead to depression and loss of interest in the mass. I just couldn’t be an EMHC anymore. One day I abruptly sent and e-mail to the deacon and told him I was quitting as an EMHC. Par for the course he didn’t immediately respond to the e-mail. Only two weeks later did I get an e-mail from him in which he asked me to call him so he could ask me some questions and make some comments. So much for being his brother’s keeper. Is the shepard too busy to go looking for the lost sheep? I didn’t call.

Since I stopped going to mass my fortunes changed. (Has the devil stopped bothering me now that I’m back on his “side?”) I now have another job and I have returned to the state of secular near-agnosticism from whence I came. I have my self-confidence back and I resolve to never be such a weakling again. I feel a great weight is now off me.

But…

I am left with feelings of confusion. I am puzzled how I managed to go from one extreme to the other so abruptly. I was once a very spiritual, very devout Catholic. Now I am indifferent to relgion. Will I ever feel the same way again and come back to the Church? I don’t know. I certainly won’t go back to that parish. Has anything like this happened to anyone here?

I would appreciate your comments.
 
Chickamauga said:
I feel becoming a Catholic turned me into an emotionally weak person who spent too much time turning the other cheek instead of sticking up for myself and defending my turf. As a result I lost my job.
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I am not sure how exactly your job situation was and how you had to deal with it but Jesus also told us to be gentle as a dove and wise as a snake.

Also, we need to balance our lives and know how much we can handle at one time. Not long ago, I also participated in so many activities at the church…and to the point that I was always doing something at the church 7 days/week. I got burned out, and realized I should pray to find out what my priorities were. I sat back and did less activities and allow myself to grow over time. It helps me balance my life a whole lot.

I am glad you get a new job and build up self-esteem. It should be time for you to learn from previous experiences and try to do few things at a time.
 
Chickamauga said:
I feel becoming a Catholic turned me into an emotionally weak person who spent too much time turning the other cheek instead of sticking up for myself and defending my turf. As a result I lost my job.
I am trying to understand this, so forgive me and then help me understand: You feel the Catholic church made you an emothionally weak person because you took on too much too soon??:confused: What is the specifics on this…
Chickamauga;2791498:
Additionally, I feel my parish only looked at me as a source of “new blood” and asked me to take on too many things too soon. I became an EMHC and a Sacristan because a very insistent deacon talked me into it, even though I was rather reluctant. I did it anyway because he put me on a guilt trip – gotta give the church your time, treasure and talent,etc., etc., etc. It was all too much, too soon. I never had a chance to really grow as a Catholic before having all these extra-currcular things heaped on me.
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you sound like me—you allow other people the power to make you feel guilty. I am working on thinking for myself, so I think you need to take responsibility for this fault of yours—please don’t be offended. This is advice from one door-mat to another. But I would NOT leave my Catholic Faith because of this, unless you really don’t believe in the doctrines and so forth. 😦 it seems so unfortunate that you are throwing the baby out with the bath water, so to speak.
Chickamauga said:
The loss of employment led to a loss of self esteem which lead to depression and loss of interest in the mass. I just couldn’t be an EMHC anymore. One day I abruptly sent and e-mail to the deacon and told him I was quitting as an EMHC. Par for the course he didn’t immediately respond to the e-mail. Only two weeks later did I get an e-mail from him in which he asked me to call him so he could ask me some questions and make some comments. So much for being his brother’s keeper. Is the shepard too busy to go looking for the lost sheep? I didn’t call.
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Do you want to know HOW many times I have been dissappointed and hurt by clergy?? I have even been insulted. This is MY religion too, though, and nobody is going to push me away from it. Jesus in the Holy Eucharist is with us. Honestly, this consideration of leaving the church had haunted me at times in the past, but I am Catholic in my mind and heart—i couldn’t go anywhere else. I cling to Jesus in the Holy Eucharist in dark moments too. I am definitely no stranger to depression—ask my husband and kids—I drive them nuts. Just yesterday I went to mass and did not EVEN want to be there. I was crying before mass, and during mass I felt so much anxiety I wanted to leave. I couldn’t even focus—but I stuck it out, went to communion, and prayed for the people I promised to pray for—and for my family, especially my new baby, and myself to be a good mother.

Yes, most of my years as practicing Catholic (about 22) have been spent in a crisis of faith—due to depression and financial stress. Currently things are just a bit tough. But you have to learn to see that the Church doesn’t and can’t take away every problem you have—you have to work at it. I suspect that you would have come back into good fortune even had you remained Catholic----leaving was not the charm.
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I will pray for you to have the strength to not just* dismiss* what you have learnt from the Catholic Church and about the Catholic Church.

It saddens me that you think your problems are with you because you became Catholic…

Maybe you just overloaded…

I know devout Catholic families who have had nothing but misfortune after misfortune, but they don’t think it is because they are Catholic. Actually it has made their faith stronger.

Maybe ask God for the yearning to come back, that’s what i did many, many years ago and it worked for me and the yearning has never left. I am blessed in the fact that my faith has made me a much stronger person, may it do that for you too.

God’s peace to you on your journey.
 
It does not matter if its been 2.5 years or 25 years, this kind of thing can happen regardless how much time has been invested.

Except, when it does- dont try to attatch signs and wonders to either coming back or to leaving.

I know many do this when they feel a pull to something in either direction.

Dont be so hard on yourself, and think this whole business should all just fit together so easily and work out rosey. It can be messy. A very messy thing.

I wish you the best in this struggle of searching.
 
Just some thoughts…

You were looking for something when you entered the church…Bingo found it [or so you thought]…Had it for a time [emotional, short term euphoria]…Lost it [faith, job, self esteem]…Looking again…Bingo found it *…Now you are what?..feeling lost, empty, insecure…

It is like a viscious circle…No one can walk your journey for you…they can walk beside you, give you company, but you are responsible for your faith life and your personal life…

You say the deacon pressured you, made you feel guilty, did not respond as quickly as you wanted…Well, deacons may be paid parish staff or they may have secular jobs. They maybe single or may have family. Don’t know in your case. Parishes may be large or small.

In my parish of 2000 plus families, unless you are facing death, the parish may not respond to every cry of "help’ I am overwhelmed or in need. Even serious injury and hospitalization may be miss being responded to immediately…I know this as my husband was seriously injured nearly died and no visit from the parish priest [or deacon or other staff] Not that they did not know but in the emergency of the moment I did not specifically request a visit and either they were busy or they did not think about it…we are human after all! I could be upset but I know we had the prayers of our faith community…all else is of little avail…Even a small parish cannot be perfectly responsive…

Theeuphoria of the moment passes, strength and perseverance are key. Is it St John of the Cross’ “A Dark Night of the Soul” or Mother Teresa of Calcutta’s work while she struggled with her faith and un-belief…

You can spend your life looking for the perfect happiness and end it feeling empty …

Or you can search for truth and perservere, like St Paul…run the race and work out your salvation lest you run in vain…*
 
Chickamauga said:
But…

I am left with feelings of confusion. I am puzzled how I managed to go from one extreme to the other so abruptly. I was once a very spiritual, very devout Catholic. Now I am indifferent to relgion. Will I ever feel the same way again and come back to the Church? I don’t know. I certainly won’t go back to that parish. Has anything like this happened to anyone here?

I would appreciate your comments.
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Don’t be puzzled—you just reacted in stress to your crisis, and you likely had a different idea how it would turn out for you—you did not think you were going to be pressured the ways you were. You are not weird—just human. Will you ever feel the same way and come back into the church?, you ask…I don’t know for sure, that is up to you. Maybe leaving for a time is what you needed to REALLY find out what is important to you----*your *journey of faith is unique, and can be compared to no other—so there is no precedent by which I can refer to and say “yes” or “no” concerning your return to the Catholic Church. It is ALL up to YOU and how YOU respond.

God Bless you, and I will keep you in my prayers.
 
Jesus Christ loves you as if you were the only person in the world, and He sacrificed His life for each one of us, as if we were His only love. You have been through a lot in 2.5 years, and it sounds like you need a break. But do not do anything rash. Take a deep breath, and maybe visit some new parishes. Don’t commit to any parish work; just get a chance to see what the parish is like. Go to Mass regularly, receive the Sacraments faithfully, and pray to God, even if it feels like He isn’t listening. There’s a thin veil between our world and the spiritual world, and sometimes in our lives God lifts that veil! Euphoria! But like someone said in an earlier post, you have to hold onto that euphoria, because it doesn’t last forever. When the honeymoon is over it’s over. . . for now. But if you keep on plugging away, eventually He will shower you with graces again. As far as the “bad luck as a Catholic” idea, I agree wholeheartedly with those who said that those things probably would have occurred,whether you were Catholic or not. And anything that you have done, such as turning the other cheek, for the glory of God, will NOT go unrewarded in Heaven! God loves you so much, and we, the Church Militant, will pray for you!
 
Chickamauga said:
I am left with feelings of confusion. I am puzzled how I managed to go from one extreme to the other so abruptly. I was once a very spiritual, very devout Catholic. Now I am indifferent to relgion. Will I ever feel the same way again and come back to the Church? I don’t know. I certainly won’t go back to that parish. Has anything like this happened to anyone here?
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The newness of the faith wears off eventually. Prayer may slip- or at least the desire to pray may slip. Involvement in church activity diminishes. You may not go to confession as often anymore, or you may skip Mass if it isn’t convenient for you to go. Perhaps you once went to adoration every chance you got- now you hardly bother. You started out wanting to be a SuperCatholic, and now you don’t want to be Catholic at all. I don’t know if that’s you, but that was me about 1.5 years after I joined the Church. The best advice that was given to me was to pray. The best advice I can give you is to pray- prayer is most powerful when you don’t feel like it. It doesn’t have to be that involved. The Rosary can be a lot (it is hard to sit there and calm your mind when you don’t care in the first place…“ok…only one decade done? how much more of this can I take”?)

Here are some things I have done when my faith was slipping:
*Go to adoration- it doesn’t have to be for long- just promise to give God half an hour- or even just 15 minutes or so once a week for…say…a month.

*Go to confession, and tell the priest what’s going on. I really recommend you find another parish. If nothing else, maybe you need a change of scenery.

*Find a retreat or parish mission or something in your area, and go on it. These things are very important in strengthening one’s faith.

*Pray- even when you don’t feel like it. It can be as simple as telling God you don’t know if he’s listening, but you want to do what is right- or that you want to want to do what is right- but that you need the strength to persevere in the faith.

You will probably feel similarly again. God gives us times of feeling good in our faith so that we don’t get totally burned out, if we really need them- and ask for them. It is important also to remember that it is in this spiritual dryness that we are brought closer to God- and that dryness will purify us and make us better- and happier- more holy- and more whole in the end.
 
The Church didn’t turn you into a weak person…you turned yourself into a weak person.

I’m all for turning the other cheek…but don’t be a pushover! Stand up for yourself and don’t be afraid to say ‘no’ once in a while.

Don’t let anyone pressure you into doing something you don’t feel ready or willing to do.

The Church is a human institution, and is full of sinners. We’re not in heaven yet and neither is the Pope. There will be some people within the Church who are rude and obnoxious, but don’t let them bother you. Focus on your spiritual life and try to please Jesus.

On a side note:

It bugs me when people think of Jesus as some kind of wimpy flower child who never stood up for what he believed in. This is wrong. Jesus himself displayed righteous aggression when he turned over the tables of the money changers in the temple. Yes Jesus told us to turn the other cheek, but he didn’t tell us to be push overs! Don’t let anyone take you for a fool; and don’t feel guilt about defending yourself.
 
Matthew 13:5

Some fell on rocky places, where it did not have much soil. It sprang up quickly, because the soil was shallow.

You didn’t have a solid foundation. When things got, tough, your roots weren’t strong enough.

To me, your story sounds like you had your heart broken. You put your trust in God. Soon afterward, your world fell apart. Because you didn’t have a strong foundation, your faith withered.

I’m so sorry.

God can heal you. He can restore your faith. Perhaps this time was a lesson on humility.
 
Feelings ebb like the tide. When I reverted over 2 years ago, my prayer and devotional life flourished! I was on a high for Christ that I’ve never experienced before in my life!

Since then, I admit that at least my devotions (daily rosary, morning prayers, etc.) have waned considerably. Normally in a situation like this, I would start panicking and questioning my faith - was it real or wasn’t it?

I made up my mind two years ago that no matter what happens, I would never leave Christ’s Church, nor would I ever skip Mass or any Holy Days of Obligation (unless there were uncontrollable circumstances.) I’m glad I stuck to my guns. I may not be the fervent Catholic that I was in the past, but now I feel I’m more than that - I’m dedicated and faithful. My prayers are now consistent to the best of my abilities. I manage to say a Rosary once a week now (a couple of months ago it was down to nil!) My faith may not have the pizazz that it once did, but I now have the confidence and assurance that I’m where Christ wants me to be.

The biggest help for me was just centering my life on Christ in the Eucharist. Our parish does get kinda tumultuous at times (with 6500 registered families, how can it not?) People I’ve encountered at my parish may not be the most faithful, or a bit pushy, or laden me with guilt trips for not being involved more; the ones that understand my current situation (working mom & college student) are the ones that have that deep understanding of the Faith, and are patient with me. In any case, get back to the basics - go back to receiving the Sacraments, especially Reconciliation and the Eucharist. No matter how stormy it gets on the outside, rest in the calm in the Lord.

God bless you and I’ll be praying for you!
 
Chickamauga,
it sounds like you put your faith in religion, rather than turning your life over to Jesus Christ. Forgive me if I’m not reading you correctly.

Faith and religion are two different things.

Faith, is a gift from God. It is the very revelation of God Himself to us, however that may happen. It may be through Scripture, people, or nature.

Religion, is how we respond to that faith.

People who join a religion, without faith, either lose interest, or become fanatical and become the worst example of what it means to be a Christian.

My suggestion for you is, let go of religion for now. I don’t mean stop going to Mass, but give up the other things, like EMHC, etc.

Turn toward the source of faith, Jesus Christ. Allow Him to come into your life, and transform you, into His love. Then, allow Him to lead you to where ever He wants you. It may be Catholicism, it may not. It will depend on where you are and where He can feed you best. You need to trust in Him, totally.

The bottom line, if I can call it that, is the core of this relationship is love. “God can not be grasped, except through Love.” Cloud of the Unknowing.

It requires the surrender of your will, over to God’s will.

God Bless
Jim
 
Dempsey1919 said:
I’m all for turning the other cheek…but don’t be a pushover! Stand up for yourself and don’t be afraid to say ‘no’ once in a while.

Don’t let anyone pressure you into doing something you don’t feel ready or willing to do.

The Church is a human institution, and is full of sinners. We’re not in heaven yet and neither is the Pope. There will be some people within the Church who are rude and obnoxious, but don’t let them bother you. Focus on your spiritual life and try to please Jesus.
On a side note:

It bugs me when people think of Jesus as some kind of wimpy flower child who never stood up for what he believed in. This is wrong. Jesus himself displayed righteous aggression when he turned over the tables of the money changers in the temple. Yes Jesus told us to turn the other cheek, but he didn’t tell us to be push overs! Don’t let anyone take you for a fool; and don’t feel guilt about defending yourself.
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I know you didn’t say this for me, but this helps me too—I am currently working on those things too—it is good to hear this perspective—Thank you
 
Well you’re no different to the Apostles. St Peter hung around with Jesus for three years and when he came to a point where it got very serious and looked like he was going to lose everything even his own life and when it seemed alot was being asked of him he fled and denyed he knew Jesus. St Peter hid himself away afraid and disallusioned.

So don’t worry.🙂

The Christian life is not an easy one but you will have ups and downs in life whether you are a Catholic or not, but the truth is the downs are so much harder without Jesus and the ups are so lacking without Jesus.

Being seperated from Jesus after a period St Peter came back and boy did he come back in a big way!😃 He became the Rock.

Give yourself a chance, you weren’t going to live a magical charmed life just because you became a Catholic, but you were going to be an heir of the everlasting Kingdom of God, you are His daughter.

As for doing stuff in the Church, you really have to say no when no is necessary. OK so there’s a few pushy people in that Parish, let me tell you they are in every Parish, so you look them dead in the eye (like I do:) ) and you say ‘God Bless you for all you do, I too am doing all I can presently so I’ll have to say no’, repeat it in the broken record style if necessary (some people don’t hear but pursue what they want)give em a big smile and leave it at that and stop worrying.

As for turning the other cheek, you have to forgive but you don’t have to keep taking bad behaviour from people and you must exercise works of mercy and it is a work of mercy to correct kindly and gently those who sin against you (the best correction a person can receive is to be treated very well by yourself). Jesus was no doormat and you are not called to be a doormat either. You don’t go about yelling at people and lashing out but you do calmly and kindly correct people who sin against you, then you forgive them and then you ask God to Bless them greatly, job done.

I’m glad you have a new job. Find a new Parish too and find the strength in Jesus to know what you can do and to know when to speak and when to hold your tongue.

I do believe that the most holy Catholics have the most interesting and varied journey in Christ Jesus.🙂

Pray and persevere in prayer and don’t be hard on yourself or anyone else; we are all sinners.

I will keep you in the Living Prayer of my life.
 
I am left with feelings of confusion. I am puzzled how I managed to go from one extreme to the other so abruptly. I was once a very spiritual, very devout Catholic. Now I am indifferent to relgion. Will I ever feel the same way again and come back to the Church?
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Chickamauga, don’t worry right now. Read the very good posts here. Down the road, your thirst for the truth will recover. In time, you will find the agnostic secular world less satisfying than before 2005. I’ll bet you will find yourself unable to stay away from the Church.

I have had several “mini-episodes” like you describe, only less extreme. I always come back, inexplicably but for God’s grace a little stronger and more humble than before. “Our hearts are restless until they rest in You” - a very smart man wrote these words centuries ago, and they remain true today.
  • Tim
 
It sounds to me that you were perhaps “hooked” on the consolations that Our Lord sometimes gives. Note the sometimes part of that. I am very distrustful of “beautiful feelings” in the spiritural life, not only because they come and go but also because I know that I am capable of “manufacturing” feelings for myself.:rolleyes:

In my own life I have had times of fervor and times of – nothing. I choose to believe in what the Church teaches and in Jesus, the Son of God; in my times of nothing I often must make a conscious choice for God during these times.
 
Being Catholic (Christiain in general) does not mean being a doormat. Meekness is the virtue that moderates anger; it does not mean letting people take advantage of you.

Some people have a hard time saying ‘no’ whether they’re Catholic or not. Maybe you need to work on being more assertive, which is prefectly compatible w/ Catholicism.
—KCT
 
It’s been a while since I first posted this. Although I did read the posts and appreciated all your comments, I never responded because the new job is keeping me moving a great deal. Lots of travel.

One other thing I failed to mention. When I decided to become a Catholic I was taking anti-depressants. Despite being very depressed when I was unemployed, I told the doctor I was tired of putting that garbage in my brain so he had me do a gradual drawdown to get off of them. But, as I’m coming off of the anti-depressants, all of my feelings toward “religion,” “god” whatever you want to call it, began to evaporate. I feel nothing toward God anymore, expect some residual anger which is mostly anger at myself for being gullible enough to have wasted my time with religion. What was I thinking? I feel if I had not been on anti-depressants to begin with I would never have even considered becoming a Catholic. Sorry, but that’s how I feel.

Of course I’m still trying to make sense out of it all. What used to make sense, makes no sense at all. Example: God gives us free will. What free will? God never asked me if I even wanted to be born; if I even wanted to exist to begin with. He creates me, claims to love me, then he dumps me in this lousy world to serve what feels like a prison sentence of indefinate length, for a crime first perpetrated thousands of years ago by people I never met. And, to add insult to injury, he taunts me with just enough happiness to make me grieve to the point of near insanity. Oh, but it’s called “redemptive suffering.” “God’s ways are not our ways.” “God brings some good out of everything bad.” “He closes a door, but opens a window.” I can’t believe I used to believe that! What was I thinking? It had to have been the results of a brain fried by anti-depressants. :eek:
 
Chickamauga said:
It’s been a while since I first posted this. Although I did read the posts and appreciated all your comments, I never responded because the new job is keeping me moving a great deal. Lots of travel.

One other thing I failed to mention. When I decided to become a Catholic I was taking anti-depressants. Despite being very depressed when I was unemployed, I told the doctor I was tired of putting that garbage in my brain so he had me do a gradual drawdown to get off of them. But, as I’m coming off of the anti-depressants, all of my feelings toward “religion,” “god” whatever you want to call it, began to evaporate. I feel nothing toward God anymore, expect some residual anger which is mostly anger at myself for being gullible enough to have wasted my time with religion. What was I thinking? I feel if I had not been on anti-depressants to begin with I would never have even considered becoming a Catholic. Sorry, but that’s how I feel.

Of course I’m still trying to make sense out of it all. What used to make sense, makes no sense at all. Example: God gives us free will. What free will? God never asked me if I even wanted to be born; if I even wanted to exist to begin with. He creates me, claims to love me, then he dumps me in this lousy world to serve what feels like a prison sentence of indefinate length, for a crime first perpetrated thousands of years ago by people I never met. And, to add insult to injury, he taunts me with just enough happiness to make me grieve to the point of near insanity. Oh, but it’s called “redemptive suffering.” “God’s ways are not our ways.” “God brings some good out of everything bad.” “He closes a door, but opens a window.” I can’t believe I used to believe that! What was I thinking? It had to have been the results of a brain fried by anti-depressants. :eek:
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How can it be?

I don’t take anti-depressants or suffer with a mental illness and I believe in God and the Catholic Church. Millions of Catholics are not mentally ill or on anti-depressants or other such drugs.

You are listening to the seductive voice rife with temptation especially against faith and may God deliver you from it, protect you and safe-keep you from all the temptations of that evil old imp.

In the Living Prayer of my life
 
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