In desperate need of prayer and advice

[HobbitintheWind]

My husband and I had our marriage convalidated in Aug of 2013. I had a few doubts as He made it pretty clear this was only something he was doing for me, and we’d had a rough go of things over the course of our civil marriage. I should say I have had a rough go, as the problems always seemed to come back to me. I felt that getting my marriage recognized, having my daughters baptized and receiving the Eucharist again were essential to healing my heart and my marriage. Since then our marriage has gotten worse. The more I tried to be a gentle and understanding spouse the more he has asked of me. He ignores our children and manipulates them and is a bully just as he does me. My 7 year old says he makes it noisy in her head and has trouble with anxiety. He has used the fact that our children are being raised Catholic and he had our marriage convalidated to say that I really shouldn’t ask anything of him, when I try to tell him how his withdrawn and selfish behavior affects us. It’s basically “what more do you want from me?” Back in December he grabbed me and shook me with our 3 young girls in the car when I asked him to pull over and not drive while he was angry. When I began to cry he mocked me. When i tried to discuss it with him later his answer was “I’m sorry but I don’t care”. I’ve realized he abuses all of us emotionally. when I reflect on the fruits of the spirit it scares me to feel my husband has none of them. I feel like God opened my eyes through convalidation-I am the only one who invited him into this marriage. I would rather be alone the rest of my life than continue to let myself and my children be emotionally and spiritually drained. I had planned on leaving him, I fantasize about life with my children free of the tension. We only feel at peace when he is away for work. God help me I have prayed to him to take my husband peacefully in his sleep because I felt no other way free of this. I know that has to be a sin but I feel such despair.Today I found out I’m pregnant. I don’t want to tell him. I’m angry. I’m scared. Please pray for me.

 

[pianistclare]

Go to your priest and tell him everything. He may know of a place where you and the children can go while you decide what to do.
Then, get out. This is not going to get better until he realizes what he’s doing and has something to lose. You’re on track with your spiritual life, so get right with the physical life.
If he wants to work on it, he will get the message. If he doesn’t, well, you will be away from the abuse.
God doesn’t want you to live like this. I know. My late husband was the same way.
This is serious. I can’t stress it enough. Be assured of our prayers. But you’ve got to help yourself. God will help you, but you have to make a move to protect yourself and your children. Make sure others close to you know the situation completely. Its embarrassing, yes, but it’s necessary that others understand the danger you are in, and also can back up your story if need be. You’ll be amazed at the many people who will step forward to offer help, shelter and various other kinds of support once they know the situation.
It’s not your fault. There’s no shame in trying to make things better, but the BOTH of you have to want it.
Pray the rosary and begin investigating shelters, safe houses, and make sure your important papers are in a safe place. Save aside a bit of money of you can.

 

[Xantippe]

Go to your priest and tell him everything. He may know of a place where you and the children can go while you decide what to do.
Then, get out. This is not going to get better until he realizes what he’s doing and has something to lose.

And it may get worse when he finds out the OP is pregnant.

So be very, very careful how you make that announcement.

 

[Blessedwithfive]

Sending prayers. I wish I could do more.

 

[pollylodges]

Saint Michael, the archangel, defend us in battle, be our defense against the wickedness and snares of the devil, may God rebuke him, we humbly pray. And do you, O’ Prince of the Heavenly host, by the power of God thrust into Hell Satan and all the other evil spirits who prowl about the world for the ruin of souls.

Amen.

†

Our Father who art in Heaven, hallowed be thy name.

Thy kingdom come, thy will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven.

Give us this day our daily bread.

And forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us.

And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.

Amen.

†

Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee.

Blessed are you among women, and blessed is the fruit of your womb Jesus.

Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death.

Amen.

†

For Help in Trials

Most holy apostle St. Jude, faithful servant and friend of Jesus, the name of the traitor who delivered your beloved Master into the hands of His enemies has caused you to be forgotten by many. But the Church honors and invokes you universally as the patron of hopeless cases–of things despaired of. Pray for me who feels so hopeless. Make use, I implore you, of that particular privilege accorded to you of bringing visible and speedy help where help is almost despaired of. Come to my assistance in this great need, that I may receive the consolations and succor of heaven in all my necessities, tribulations and sufferings, in particular HobbitintheWind, and that I may bless God with you and all the elect throughout eternity. I promise you, O Blessed St. Jude, to be ever mindful of this great favor, and I will never cease to honor you as my special and powerful patron, and to do all in my power to encourage devotion to you. Amen.

 

[tawny]

Praying for you, your husband & your marriage.

 

[Giggly_Giraffe]

Oh, St. Joseph,
whose protection is so great, so prompt, so strong,
before the throne of God,
I place in you all my interests and desires.
Oh, St. Joseph,
do assist me by your powerful intercession,
and obtain for me from your Divine Son
all spiritual blessings, through Jesus Christ, our Lord.
So that, having engaged here below your heavenly power,
I may offer my thanksgiving and homage to the most Loving of Fathers.
Oh, St. Joseph,
I never weary contemplating you and Jesus asleep in your arms;
I dare not approach while He reposes near your heart.
Press Him in my name and kiss His fine Head for me and
Ask Him to return the Kiss when I draw my dying breath.
St. Joseph, Patron of departed souls - pray for me.
Amen.

O Blessed Saint Joseph!

I consecrate myself to thy honor, and give myself to thee, that thou mayest be always my father, my protector, and my guide to the way of salvation.

Obtain for me a great purity of heart and a fervent love of the interior life.

After thy example, may I perform all my actions for the greater glory of God, in union with the Divine Heart of Jesus, and the Immaculate Heart of Mary!

And do thou, O Blessed Joseph, pray for me, that I may experience the peace and joy of thy holy death. Amen.

Sweet Heart of Mary, be my salvation!

Jesus, Mary, and Joseph, I give you my heart and my soul.

Jesus, Mary, and Joseph, I love you: save souls!

Jesus, Mary, and Joseph, assist me in my last agony.

Jesus, Mary, and Joseph, may I breathe forth my soul in peace with you. Amen.

With Saint Joseph as our help, we may confidently approach the Risen Lord Jesus Christ through Blessed Mary and realize that our humble efforts,poor as they are, will please our merciful God.

Saint Joseph, Terror of Demons, pray for us!

 

[kosull2]

Remember O most gracious Virgin Mary, that never was it known that anyone who fled to your protection, implored your help or sought your intercession was left unaided.

Inspired with this confidence, we fly to you O Virgin of Virgins my Mother; to you do we come; before you we stand, sinful and sorrowful; O Mother of the Word Incarnate, despise not our petitions, but in your mercy hear and answer us. Amen

 

[EmeraldOak]

Getting your marriage convalidated was a noble and heartfelt way to try to make things right in your marriage. I am sorry that your husband is not cooperating with the graces given to you both on that day. I pray that he resolves his anger problem. There are so many husbands in the world that have anger problems, mine included. I don’t know what the answer is, but God does and He can soften their hearts. I second what people above said. Please make an appointment with your parish priest and let him know what has been going on. I pray he has wise counsel to give you. I am so sorry for what you are going through. You are God’s daughter and I know He doesn’t want you abused in any way by anyone. I will include you and your daughters in my Divine Mercy chaplet today. In the meantime I offer this prayer on your behalf. Once again I am so sorry

Eternal God, in whom mercy is endless and the treasury of compassion inexhaustible, look kindly upon us and increase Your mercy in us, that in difficult moments we might not despair nor become despondent, but with great confidence submit ourselves to Your holy will, which is Love and Mercy itself. Amen.

Saint Joseph, please pray for HobbitintheWind and her family. Amen.

 

[HobbitintheWind]

Thank you all for your prayers. I’m really struggling with “Thy Will Be Done”. I feel like God finally opened my eyes to just how off kilter things were and while I was worried and anxious about it I felt hopeful. My girls would be healthy, I’d be the mom/person I was supposed to be. When I held my second child I knew in my heart she wouldn’t be my last. With my third I felt I needed to hold her tightly because I felt peaceful that she was it for me. I’ve never taken a pregnancy test that I wasn’t on some level a bit dissappointed. Right now I am practically in denial and lost as to how the good Lord could possibly want this for us.

 

[ynotzap]

I always turn to Christ in faith. I take His words literally when He states “ask anything in my Name, and my Father will give it to you” Also “In the Name of Jesus, Satan cease your influence on my family for who is like God” If Christ is not at the core of your marriage you can expect trouble. You and I, and others will always experience some sort of test but our spirits are fortified by Jesus who never abandons us in our trials. The devil is real, I know this for a fact. And he brought pure misery into my life and family. We can’t help blaming the instrument of our troubles because that is what we see. We never see the real culprit, because he is unseen, but can be understood. Pray always, seek Christ always, and trust Him to keep His word. You can step out in faith and lay it open to your husband what you will do, and mean it, and trust Jesus to protect you from his attacks. I know you pray for him, but he needs conversion. Many Catholics haven’t really experienced conversion. Initially it’s turning from sin, and turning to Christ, and then practicing Christian virtue, especially to his own family. It will take much courage, but think of your children, is it worth it? May Jesus grant you His Spirit of love and peace, and all the courage and strength you need!

 

[Isca]

Thank you all for your prayers. I’m really struggling with “Thy Will Be Done”. I feel like God finally opened my eyes to just how off kilter things were and while I was worried and anxious about it I felt hopeful. My girls would be healthy, I’d be the mom/person I was supposed to be. When I held my second child I knew in my heart she wouldn’t be my last. With my third I felt I needed to hold her tightly because I felt peaceful that she was it for me. I’ve never taken a pregnancy test that I wasn’t on some level a bit dissappointed. Right now I am practically in denial and lost as to how the good Lord could possibly want this for us.

Praying for you and your children. I’m so sorry that you’re facing all this anxiety and turmoil. You need to make sure above all else that you, your children and your new baby are safe and can live without fear.

 

[pianistclare]

Thank you all for your prayers. I’m really struggling with “Thy Will Be Done”. I feel like God finally opened my eyes to just how off kilter things were and while I was worried and anxious about it I felt hopeful. My girls would be healthy, I’d be the mom/person I was supposed to be. When I held my second child I knew in my heart she wouldn’t be my last. With my third I felt I needed to hold her tightly because I felt peaceful that she was it for me. I’ve never taken a pregnancy test that I wasn’t on some level a bit dissappointed. Right now I am practically in denial and lost as to how the good Lord could possibly want this for us.

Has it occurred to you that He wants you to get out of it? THAT may be the eye-opener.
Still praying for you. See a trusted friend and your parish priest for advice.

 

[Catholic1954]

My husband and I had our marriage convalidated in Aug of 2013. I had a few doubts as He made it pretty clear this was only something he was doing for me, and we’d had a rough go of things over the course of our civil marriage. I should say I have had a rough go, as the problems always seemed to come back to me. I felt that getting my marriage recognized, having my daughters baptized and receiving the Eucharist again were essential to healing my heart and my marriage. Since then our marriage has gotten worse. The more I tried to be a gentle and understanding spouse the more he has asked of me. He ignores our children and manipulates them and is a bully just as he does me. My 7 year old says he makes it noisy in her head and has trouble with anxiety. He has used the fact that our children are being raised Catholic and he had our marriage convalidated to say that I really shouldn’t ask anything of him, when I try to tell him how his withdrawn and selfish behavior affects us. It’s basically “what more do you want from me?” Back in December he grabbed me and shook me with our 3 young girls in the car when I asked him to pull over and not drive while he was angry. When I began to cry he mocked me. When i tried to discuss it with him later his answer was “I’m sorry but I don’t care”. I’ve realized he abuses all of us emotionally. when I reflect on the fruits of the spirit it scares me to feel my husband has none of them. I feel like God opened my eyes through convalidation-I am the only one who invited him into this marriage. I would rather be alone the rest of my life than continue to let myself and my children be emotionally and spiritually drained. I had planned on leaving him, I fantasize about life with my children free of the tension. We only feel at peace when he is away for work. God help me I have prayed to him to take my husband peacefully in his sleep because I felt no other way free of this. I know that has to be a sin but I feel such despair.Today I found out I’m pregnant. I don’t want to tell him. I’m angry. I’m scared. Please pray for me.

Your first priority should be to protect your children and yourself; you need to seek the advice of a wise and holy priest and a good family law attorney. Things may go south in your marriage in a matter of days or hours and you need to know your rights if it comes to that.

 

[wild_thing]

O.P. I have been exactly where you are and I know how confused, scared and utterly alone you feel. PM me anytime you need. The best advice I can give you is to give it all to God and ask Him to take care of it. Between the pregnancy and the physical and emotional abuse, it is going to be very hard for you to think clearly. You will have to rely utterly on Him. Ask St. Rita to help you, as well as St. Monica. They are both the patron saints of abusive relationships. If you have friends, garner support from them. If you have family nearby, ditto. Priests are great for the spiritual aspects of difficult problems, but they are not trained in spousal abuse counseling. Perhaps they can connect you with someone who is. I hope so. I’ll be praying for you.

 

[PartoftheBody]

OP, I am in a remarkably similar situation, although perhaps at a different stage, since I only have one who just turned a year. PM me if you’d like to talk further. Please know you and all in situations like ours are in my prayers.

One thing that I struggle with is whether it is better for my child to be exposed to a father with a volatile temper or to not have a father around. It seems in your case the answer is clear; your 7-year-old already seems to be showing emotional scars.

Please see a priest; I’ve found it helpful when I have. You could simply print this post out and let him read it. I know it can be hard to express things like this verbally.

May God bless you and your 4 dear children!

 

[DoGodsBidding]

Gracious and merciful Father, please come to her assistance.

Our Father, who art in Heaven, hallowed be thy name.
Thy kingdom come, thy will be done, on Earth as it is in Heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread,
and forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us.
And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.
Amen.

Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee.
Blessed art thou among women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb Jesus.
Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death.
Amen.

Glory Be to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit.
As it was in the beginning, is now, and ever shall be, world without end.
Amen.