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pensmama87
Guest
Yes.
I think the person to push it with, though, is your husband. They are his parents, and the two of you should be a team and he should be fighting for you, especially since you have a young baby!
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I think the person to push it with, though, is your husband. They are his parents, and the two of you should be a team and he should be fighting for you, especially since you have a young baby!
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AClaire11
Guest
He is insisting that his father be able to visit so that he can meet the baby.
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1ke
Guest
Then DH can visit his father at his hotel.
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SouthCatholic
Guest
You do realize that the problem isn’t your in-laws; the problem is your husband, right?
Your husband texts on a daily basis!
Your husband initiates verbal communication twice a week!
Your husband is insisting that your FIL, who has no respect for you, be allowed to stay in your home because HE has a right to meet his grandchild!
Your in-laws are not the problem. The problem is that your husband is clearly not ready, willing, or able to stand up to his family and defend his wife. Until you get that sorted out, your will never have a relationship with your in-laws!
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EasterJoy
Guest
Is your husband willing to handle the visit by himself? If not, what are the ground rules for how he’s going to have your back during this?
You can survive this. You can survive being around someone who has been insulting in the past or who makes excuses for someone who is. You can hardly be on intimate terms, but you can be on civilized terms. You can manage to have the kind of interaction you’d have with a total stranger.
The question is how to refuse to let the elephant sit on your chest during this whole thing. I’d say it is this:
If your brother sins [against you], go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have won over your brother. If he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, so that ‘every fact may be established on the testimony of two or three witnesses.’ If he refuses to listen to them, tell the church. If he refuses to listen even to the church, then treat him as you would a Gentile or a tax collector. Matt. 18:15-17
Is a tax collector someone you are not polite to? No, you still have to be civil to everyone. You have to love your enemies. To a Christian, an enemy is someone you are on formal terms with, someone you treat with kindness but not someone you put in a position of trust. The Lord thirsts for the repentance of our enemies, too, after all. Until then, it is a work of patience.
Yes, you can make yourself scarce and you can also leave or have your husband ask your FIL to leave, if he doesn’t behave according to your boundaries. (If you remember, Our Lord sometimes made himself scarce when dangerous people were looking for him and his hour had not yet come. That is OK.)
Try hard to make this as small a thing as you possibly can. Remind yourself that when you accept they have little affection in their hearts to offer you, that they are inflicted with insensitivity for reasons you don’t fully know, there is little your relatives can really do to harm you. If you do not expect them to be sensitive, if you remind yourself that you can pass over their poor choices of how to act, their clumsiness will do less harm.
To forgive injuries and to bear wrongs patiently is a spiritual work of mercy. It is good to deny people the opportunity to do harm when we can, but if that can’t be prevented and we’re stuck with practicing endurance, instead, we’ll not go without our reward. It is Christlike to bear the harm that comes upon us without our choice by choosing to bear it as mercifully as the Father who sends His rains on the righteous and the unrighteous alike.
Trust your FIL can do you no harm that Your Father in Heaven cannot heal. Pray that the cup will pass you by, but if it comes, trust that you will be held up by grace.
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mommy_k
Guest
Yes, as others suggested, your inlaws have no reason to respect you because your husband is enabling them.
Thier interest is him, not you, and sadly not your child…any direct action on your part without your husbands cooperation, will be in vain, and you will be blamed for the discourse. If they were interested in your child, the visit would have happened already.
Until your husband puts a stop to this, be polite and guarded. If his visit makes you stressed out or sick, you can politely let it be known you are not well and stay in your bedroom and rest…be scarce, as Easter Joy suggested… Your husband can order food in, and host this visit.
If you are up to it, be a polite and quiet Co host, and don’t let them affect you. Be an observer, do not react or respond to any bait.
Life is too short to get into battles that you cannot possibly win on your own…This is one of them. If they visit 1 or 2 times a year, good for you…you can do this…and offer it up for the souls in purgatory.
Thier interest is him, not you, and sadly not your child…any direct action on your part without your husbands cooperation, will be in vain, and you will be blamed for the discourse. If they were interested in your child, the visit would have happened already.
Until your husband puts a stop to this, be polite and guarded. If his visit makes you stressed out or sick, you can politely let it be known you are not well and stay in your bedroom and rest…be scarce, as Easter Joy suggested… Your husband can order food in, and host this visit.
If you are up to it, be a polite and quiet Co host, and don’t let them affect you. Be an observer, do not react or respond to any bait.
Life is too short to get into battles that you cannot possibly win on your own…This is one of them. If they visit 1 or 2 times a year, good for you…you can do this…and offer it up for the souls in purgatory.
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Luvz2travel
Guest
If it were me as painful as it might be I would also sever connections with the MIL and FIL till they can accept your decision. Or at least limit the time spent with them. Explain you are willing to see them as long as the subject or SIL isn’t brought up. If they can’t do that then you can’t see them. SIL is probably guilt tripping them into pushing her point of view and thereby controlling things. Just my 2 cent’s
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ryecroft
Guest
Hi there! Can you give us an update? I had a somewhat similar situation. And I was just wondering how you managed with yours! Thanks and God Bless!
Rye
Rye
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AClaire11
Guest
They’ve backed off about SIL after DH talked to them a few times. FIL was going to visit last month but cancelled at the last minute, thank God. DH is working 12 hour days and will be unable to get leave for the next year, so I have vetoed any visits from his parents because I’d be stuck alone with them all day.
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