In laws are non-practicing Catholics

[Cathmomof6]

I posted a similar question in another forum but thought family life might be a better spot. My husbands family is essentially non-practicing Catholics. They only go to church when it doesn’t interfere with anything else. My older kids(12,11, and 8) are starting to notice this much more. It will be especially apparent this weekend as we are all at the grandparents’ lake house and we will be the only family going to mass tomorrow. Last night my 12 year old son asked if his aunt was commiting a mortal sin by not going to mass? He was noticeably worried for her, and I wasn’t sure what to tell him. How can I keep my own kids from tossing their faith away, when they see their grandparents, aunts and uncles (whom they admire) doing so little?

 

[cheezey]

God bless,

In your other thread you also mentioned that your children have pestered their family members A LOT because they don’t go to Mass and were bugging them about going to confession and mortal sin… This is where I see the danger more than the impact of your family if your don’t change your approach.

Simply tell your children it is bad manners to correct an adult about any behavior. For example, if they see an overweight relative reaching for a second helping of dessert, it is not their place to correct them! I worry that because this is involves your children’s faith life that you have let this continue, thinking it was okay or good for your children to evangelize?

The danger here (as I see it) is not so much your relatives (because they are not your direct responsibility) but that your children may be feeling a sense of spiritual superiority or pride which is not a good thing. You need to face this head on and not waffle or let this slide any longer. It seems since you didn’t know what to say, that things just happened.

I have been in your shoes it is very hard. I have seen my own children worry about their relatives and we have had MANY talks about the subject. It was a great teaching moment to encourage them that they have received the GIFT of faith from God! I had to do this a lot as I could see pride sneaking in. Based on what you wrote in the other thread, your children seem close to thinking they are better than their aunt and that is not healthy. Do what you can to take your children’s irritation and upset with your family, and turn it into compassion instead! Having faith and going to Mass on Sunday is not something we are proud of, it is a beautiful gift we have received! We need to pray that others are open to the gift as well.

 

[recentrevert]

Monicad wrote: ‘Simply tell your children it is bad manners to correct an adult about any behavior.’

It isn’t. Good children will quite rightly be worried about their sinful loved-ones going to hell and will want them to stop sinning - if the children are reminding their family members of their resposibility towards God out of love that is a good thing. Just because people might not like being told to repent by children it does not mean the children are wrong to do so. We are not talking about venial sins and imperfections here but scandalous mortal sins.

Catholicmomof6, the answer to ‘is so-and-so in mortal sin because he/she won’t go to Mass’, is a definite ‘Yes!’. It is not possible for a true Catholic to be invincibly ignorant of the grave precept of Sunday Mass attendance and if they are not true Catholics they will be guilty of other mortal sins, for which they cannot receive forgiveness outside of the Church.
My advice is: You must be careful not to give your children the slightest indication that your in-law’s behaviour is fine for your in-laws but wrong for your children, or give any affirmation of the lie that adults are allowed to do whatever they want. Do not try to get your children to ‘let it go’, and just accept their relations’ decision to live in sin, because that will make it seem as if you don’t take your faith and the consequences of your in-law’s lack of faith(hell) seriously. It will seem as if you just want to keep the peace at the cost of the truth and souls.
Beware of the lies non-practising Catholics will inevitably come out with to justify their bad behaviour, and do not put human-respect towards your extended family before your duty to protect your children’s souls. Show that you firmly reject these excuses, do not make any excuses at all for them. If you think your children are in danger of spiritual pride remind them that it is God’s grace that keeps them from sin, and that if they sin then they too could become like your in-laws, because sin makes us blind and hard-hearted. You could use this problem to teach your children that love is about suffering and sacrifice and if they love their family they should pray often for them and add sacrifices to their prayers.

 

[AnnArbor]

God bless,

In your other thread you also mentioned that your children have pestered their family members A LOT because they don’t go to Mass and were bugging them about going to confession and mortal sin… This is where I see the danger more than the impact of your family if your don’t change your approach.

Simply tell your children it is bad manners to correct an adult about any behavior. For example, if they see an overweight relative reaching for a second helping of dessert, it is not their place to correct them! I worry that because this is involves your children’s faith life that you have let this continue, thinking it was okay or good for your children to evangelize?

The danger here (as I see it) is not so much your relatives (because they are not your direct responsibility) but that your children may be feeling a sense of spiritual superiority or pride which is not a good thing. You need to face this head on and not waffle or let this slide any longer. It seems since you didn’t know what to say, that things just happened.

I have been in your shoes it is very hard. I have seen my own children worry about their relatives and we have had MANY talks about the subject. It was a great teaching moment to encourage them that they have received the GIFT of faith from God! I had to do this a lot as I could see pride sneaking in. Based on what you wrote in the other thread, your children seem close to thinking they are better than their aunt and that is not healthy. Do what you can to take your children’s irritation and upset with your family, and turn it into compassion instead! Having faith and going to Mass on Sunday is not something we are proud of, it is a beautiful gift we have received! We need to pray that others are open to the gift as well.

 

[EasterJoy]

Under the corporal works of mercy, the first is to admonish the sinner and the last is to pray for the living and the dead. In between, there is the instruction to bear wrongs patiently. We’re obviously in a “fit the act to the situation” position.

When it is realistic that an opportunity to admonish a person might profit him or her, then do it–gently. A sense of humor is often helpful with relatives. When it is more realistic that you are indulging your desire to correct more than any openness in them to profitable correction, however, humility tells us to be quiet and to avoid sowing strife in order to satisfy our own desire for self-justification.

As Steven Covey would put it, “The main thing is to keep the main thing the main thing.” The goal is to do what might actually lure them back to the practice of the faith, not merely to satisfy our own desire to chide them for failures. As we have failures of our own, the more often we can overlook the failures of others without betraying our duty to be really helpful to them in this life, the better for us.

 

[jlc2k2]

From a slightly different perspective, I am a manager. I have one employee who is incredibly smart but struggled for a long time to communicate his ideas. I have another employee who is new to the job and is struggling. He doesn’t catch on as quickly as his teammates and I have seen how much of a struggle it is for him. With the help of the first employee, the second is learning the job and becoming more productive. With the help of the second employee, my first has learned to tailor communications and training to the audience and be a much more effective leader. He went from being an extremely smart middle of the road employee to my star employee.

Now this doesn’t mean that I expect either employee to do the other’s work or not follow procedures. But I would encourage you to think very hard about whether there is anything you can learn from helping this gentleman when it doesn’t have a huge impact on your own project.