In-laws...

[knotanes]

A hypothetical and without naming names:

What do you think should be done if one spouse keeps sabotaging their relationship with the other spouse/children/rest of society over a very damaging relationship with a parent. That is to say, the parent is extremely negative and enables lots of bad behavior while simultaneously deriding their child (the spouse in question) constantly/not showing respect/not keeping boundaries (i.e. coming over, honking horn, demanding entry to the persons house “or else I’ll call the cops” and/or disrupting that adult-child’s work/education/etc. with angry outbursts, etc)??

What do you do about a family member who insists on being so caustic and also tries to turn children against parents and spouse against spouse?

Is there any way to salvage such a relationship?

Edit to add: How do you stop a person from this self-defeating behavior? And if you are that person, how do you STOP shooting yourself in the foot with this behavior when it is such a deeply ingrained habit?

 

[1ke]

You set the boundaries and if they do not respect them, you sever contact until/unless they get professional help and make changes. Spouse and children must come first and be protected.

The person sounds mentally ill. It may be you who has to do the cop-calling if they trespass and try to enter your home.

 

[knotanes]

You set the boundaries and if they do not respect them, you sever contact until/unless they get professional help and make changes. Spouse and children must come first and be protected.

The person sounds mentally ill. It may be you who has to do the cop-calling if they trespass and try to enter your home.

Actually, that was the response, recently. Standing outside the gate screaming to be let in “or else” ended in a statement of “No, the cops will be called on you. Please stop and go home now.”

This is a very difficult situation. From the outside, it is very easy to see what needs to be done. But, from the inside, it is very painful and tumultuous. But then, that probably doesn’t change what needs to be done.

 

[Luna_Lovecraft]

Actually, that was the response, recently. Standing outside the gate screaming to be let in “or else” ended in a statement of “No, the cops will be called on you. Please stop and go home now.”

This is a very difficult situation. From the outside, it is very easy to see what needs to be done. But, from the inside, it is very painful and tumultuous. But then, that probably doesn’t change what needs to be done.

It doesn’t.

In my book this relative has already received his warning. Were it me the next time he came around acting like that I’d simply phone the police and let them deal with him. Trust me, cops deeply resent having to respond to repeated domestic disturbance calls for one person.

Keep a log of each time this person harasses your family - at work, school, or home. If you end up involving law enforcement, make sure you receive a cope of the incident report. If this situation ever reaches the courts (i.e., you need a restraining order), judges appreciate paper trails.

Luna