In Laws

[mamawyssmonster]

My husband’s family does not like me. I have wrangled over this for the past 5 years. I have done everything I can think of doing. From trying to talk to reading books to seeing a therapist. My husband is telling me to just not have contact with them. That they are just toxic to some people. They love their other in-laws. If ‘good christians’ reject me is that mean there is something wrong with me? How can I have no contract with them? I’m not good at holding a grudge or silent treatment. What would have Jesus done? What would have the saints done? Would they have thrown themselves into situations they know they will get hurt to show those who hate them kindness? Or is there a time that it is holy and good to back away?

 

[onjac]

I asked my priest about something like this and your husband is right. Pray for them but it seems that you should limit your contact with them to what’s necessary (ie family reunions or the annual greeting card). If I recall, even Jesus walked away into mountains when the crowds got angry and attempted to stone him.

 

[agnes_therese]

My husband’s family does not like me. I have wrangled over this for the past 5 years. I have done everything I can think of doing. From trying to talk to reading books to seeing a therapist. My husband is telling me to just not have contact with them. That they are just toxic to some people. They love their other in-laws. If ‘good christians’ reject me is that mean there is something wrong with me? How can I have no contract with them? I’m not good at holding a grudge or silent treatment. What would have Jesus done? What would have the saints done? Would they have thrown themselves into situations they know they will get hurt to show those who hate them kindness? Or is there a time that it is holy and good to back away?

Your husband has known them all his life – why wouldn’t you believe him when he says they’re toxic? There’s nothing wrong with protecting yourself from toxic people. When you must have contact with them, of course you’ll be courteous and loving. But listen to your husband and keep that contact to a minimum.

 

[Mayita30]

I am going to tell you what the priest told me in confession.

Your first and primary obligation is to your own family (husband and children) You are bound by the sacrament of marriage to protect YOUR family. Offcourse you should always respect elders. Respect the mother and father of your husband but this does not mean you are bound to always remain in contact with them, that is the job of your husband don’t you think? after all your husband is THEIR son.

Be corteous and respectful when you are with them but I suggest not to go out your way and always calling and visiting them. Situations do vary. There are in laws who may be a good influence to your marriage but if this is not the case then I suggest that its best to distance yourself from them

 

[EasterJoy]

WWJD:

“Into whatever house you enter, first say, ‘Peace to this household.’ If a peaceful person lives there, your peace will rest on him; but if not, it will return to you…Whatever town you enter and they do not receive you, go out into the streets and say, ‘The dust of your town that clings to our feet, even that we shake off against you.’ Yet know this: the kingdom of God is at hand. I tell you, it will be more tolerable for Sodom on that day than for that town.” from Luke 10:5-12

“Do not give what is holy to dogs, or throw your pearls before swine, lest they trample them underfoot, and turn and tear you to pieces.” Matt 6:6

Let them go, and be glad that your husband is willing to let you let them go. There are six billion people in the world, some of them will decide not to like you, some of those may be your spouse’s family, and sometimes there is nothing you can do about that.

Should they sleep easy, not even thinking of you, while you lose sleep over this? Give them to God in prayer, and let God be concerned with them. You can let them go, you can go ahead and be cordial when you see them, but do not take their poor choice to miss out on your friendship and affection too seriously. It is out of your hands.

 

[m_crane]

I am very sorry for your pain. It must be very difficult for you to be rejected by your inlaws.

I myself come from a very disfunctional family and married into a disfunctional family of female gossips.

My husband is often very dense about what goes when it comes to his mother and sisters.
I console myself by thinking that my husband may have an inability to pick up on social ques and maybe he can’t help it. He loves me but he really doesn’t understand that his loyalties should be with his wife.

Without his support, I have managed to set limits on how much time and interaction, I spend on these inlaws. My husband tries to push the boundries but I hold firm. I’m reasonable so he can’t argue much about them.

It sounds like you WANT some interaction with your husband’s family and your husband has advised against it. If you do want to see them sometimes, then you will need to grow a very thick skin. Disfuntional inlaws may not change but they may soften in the years to come… So you will have to accept their dislike or stay away.

I am very glad that you husband supports you and sees the disfunction in his birth family.