In Love with Aspirant

[nem360]

I could really use your prayers. I am a father seperated/divorcing from a 2.5 year marriage. My ex initiated the divorce, and we were married outside the Church; I know that this constitutes an invalid marriage, and it is possible to remarry within the Church. I had been an apostate for many years, and came back to the faith around the time my daughter was born. After six months of seperation, I reunited with a friend from school after four years. I had always really liked her, but she was a devout Catholic, and I knew it would never work without that common ground. But now that I’m back in the Church, our friendship has grown into a very strong, even romantic love. We pray together, attend Mass together, spend time with each other’s family. We decided to take things very slowly, as I’m still technically married until October. We respect strict physical boundaries, but we are both struggling the emotional/romantic boundaries we set. What complicates the situation is that she’s been considering entering a convent–the Benedictines of Mary. She insists on at least paying a visit to the convent and spending a week there; I totally support her in this. I told her that I will wait for her, as long as the decision takes. She knows how serious I am about my love for her–she has brought me closer to God, and she knows I want to spend my life with her. Her feelings are very strong too, but I can tell she is torn. Every day I pray that she has guidance in her journey, and that, in the end, I can accept God’s will.

 

[Sister_Rose]

Sure, I’ll pray for you both.

Have you checked that you wouldn’t need an annulment to remarry? I know that you were not married in the Church but you were and are a baptized Catholic. I just want to make sure that you aren’t assuming that you wouldn’t need one and have actually spoken with a qualified person on the matter.

 

[nem360]

Yes. The marriage is considered invalid because of lack of form. What I need is a simple statement of nullity, not an annullment. Thank you for your prayers.

 

[graciesuico]

Sure, I will pray for you both.

Pray that the Holy Spirit will direct you and Her to make a discerment what is the will of God. Surely you will not object if she is really for the religious life.

 

[Friar_David_O.Carm]

Yes. The marriage is considered invalid because of lack of form. What I need is a simple statement of nullity, not an annullment. Thank you for your prayers.

An annullment is the short hand name for the process that one goes though to get a statement of nullity. You will still need to go though the process.

You will need to have this completed before you can get married within the Church.

I would talk to your pastor now about it.

 

[skallal]

Hey nem,

Thanks be to God that you and her are both so open to God’s Will. I think it’s great that your attitude is so relaxed and you aren’t trying to hold on to her. I’m sure God will reward you for your generosity:

“whoever leaves father and mother and lands for my sake and that of the Gospel will receive 100 times more and eternal life”

That means that even if this situation does not work out as you dream it could, something 100 times better will come along. Can you imagine that?

I will be praying for you both…

 

[nem360]

Brothers and Sisters, thank you so much for your prayers. I would never object to her calling, just very sad to see her go. She has been such a tremendous influence on my religious life, and I would love to continue the journey with her in my arms. But God’s will be done: I’ve accepted it in other aspects of my life; I will learn to accept it again. May God bless you all.

 

[m134e5]

I could really use your prayers. I am a father seperated/divorcing from a 2.5 year marriage. My ex initiated the divorce, and we were married outside the Church; I know that this constitutes an invalid marriage, and it is possible to remarry within the Church. I had been an apostate for many years, and came back to the faith around the time my daughter was born. After six months of seperation, I reunited with a friend from school after four years. I had always really liked her, but she was a devout Catholic, and I knew it would never work without that common ground. But now that I’m back in the Church, our friendship has grown into a very strong, even romantic love. We pray together, attend Mass together, spend time with each other’s family. We decided to take things very slowly, as I’m still technically married until October. We respect strict physical boundaries, but we are both struggling the emotional/romantic boundaries we set. What complicates the situation is that she’s been considering entering a convent–the Benedictines of Mary. She insists on at least paying a visit to the convent and spending a week there; I totally support her in this. I told her that I will wait for her, as long as the decision takes. She knows how serious I am about my love for her–she has brought me closer to God, and she knows I want to spend my life with her. Her feelings are very strong too, but I can tell she is torn. Every day I pray that she has guidance in her journey, and that, in the end, I can accept God’s will.

The Benedictines of Mary are an outstanding community, and if she is in contact with them, they will help her discern her vocation- whether it be to join them, or to marry you. Also remember that God will not call a person you are in love with away from you without taking care of you too.

 

[Mark77]

Please let her discern what God wishes for her.

Do not pressure her because of petty, selfish needs.

i for one, would not want to prevent a woman from answering a call from God to marry Jesus Christ, just because i was lonely and needy!

You are both in my prayers!

Jesus tells us all; "And he said to all, “If any man would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me.” (LK 9:23)

Sancta Maria, Mater Dei,Ora Pro Nobis Peccatoribus!

mark

 

[CarmeliteGirl25]

Please let her discern what God wishes for her.

Do not pressure her because of petty, selfish needs.

i for one, would not want to prevent a woman from answering a call from God to marry Jesus Christ, just because i was lonely and needy!

You are both in my prayers!

Jesus tells us all; "And he said to all, “If any man would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me.” (LK 9:23)

Sancta Maria, Mater Dei,Ora Pro Nobis Peccatoribus!

mark

I believe the OP is doing the opposite: he’s not being pushy or making his selfish needs known. I think we can all learn a lesson from this. Whether or not what we are called to something is for God to decide, but it can take a lot of sacrifice on our part and the part of others to know what His will is. If it is God’s will that you get married to this young woman, than I can only imagine that it will be a blessed union full of love and trust in Our Lord. If the Lord desires to have the young woman for Himself and His Kingdom and she gives herself freely, I’m sure that she will pray for you and you will be granted many graces because of your acceptance of His will, not only in her life, but in yours.

I pray you have clarity of His will. God bless!

 

[Friar_David_O.Carm]

Please let her discern what God wishes for her.

Do not pressure her because of petty, selfish needs.

i for one, would not want to prevent a woman from answering a call from God to marry Jesus Christ, just because i was lonely and needy!

You are both in my prayers!

Jesus tells us all; "And he said to all, “If any man would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me.” (LK 9:23)

Sancta Maria, Mater Dei,Ora Pro Nobis Peccatoribus!

mark

Loving someone and wanting to be with them is not a “petty, selfish need” and must be part of this woman’s discernment.

 

[nem360]

Again, thank you all for your prayers. I would never dream of trying to prevent my love from following where God calls her! I want her to clearly discern His will, and she knows that. I pray that she has guidance; I pray for acceptance of His will. Yes, I hope that one day she can be my wife, but I never thought of love as a petty desire. I’m confident that she will take many things into consideration while discerning her vocation–including her desires for me. But I know that God may need her elsewhere, and if I must excercise my love for her by letting her go, then I will. It will hurt, but I will offer it up.

 

[odopa]

Again, thank you all for your prayers. I would never dream of trying to prevent my love from following where God calls her! I want her to clearly discern His will, and she knows that. I pray that she has guidance; I pray for acceptance of His will. Yes, I hope that one day she can be my wife, but I never thought of love as a petty desire. I’m confident that she will take many things into consideration while discerning her vocation–including her desires for me. But I know that God may need her elsewhere, and if I must excercise my love for her by letting her go, then I will. It will hurt, but I will offer it up.

Nem,
I understand how you feel as I found myself in a similar situation. It was hard at first, the pull of love was so strong. Yet it was clear The Call was much stronger. He has been a priest now for 10 yrs. It still hurts but as you rightly wrote, to show your love for the person you have to let him/her go. It does not stop the love, it does not stop the hurt, it certainly does not stop the yearn to hear from him/her but it sets your life at peace with God and also with your loved one. I found great solace in the Holy Father’s articles on the Theology of the Body. I would recommend you read them and I pray that you will find the strength you will no doubt need if she should decide to choose the path of sisterhood. When the going gets tough ( and trust me they will) go on your knees and pray for God’s sustenance.

Peace and Love.
Odopa