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Anna_s_Mom
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He always told me how beautiful I was. Now I’ve ruined all that
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Anna_s_Mom
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Only 8 lbs now. I worked hard at it. I gained a whopping 72 during pregnancy. I’m only 5 ft 2 in so I looked ROUND.Anna’s Mom,
8 lbs up? And less than a year after having a baby? I know I’m a girl and I’m “supposed” to freak out about weight and all that, but, honestly, I don’t think I’d notice only 8 lbs on a girl friend of mine and, somehow, I don’t think your husband would either.He knows you got those pounds from being the mother of your child, and he loves you for giving him a beautiful daughter.
Marian84
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Feanaro_s_Wife
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Anna's Mom:
I am not saying this is your fault or that you can make your husband come back. But you can start doing everything in your power to learn what mistakes you may have made and fix them.
Learn to be the wife you would want to come back to. If he doesn’t come back then, it is truly his loss.
Malia
There is nothing that you have stated so far that cannot be fixed. Please do not give up hope. And self-pity will only take your focus off of what you need to do to repair this situation.
I am not saying this is your fault or that you can make your husband come back. But you can start doing everything in your power to learn what mistakes you may have made and fix them.
Learn to be the wife you would want to come back to. If he doesn’t come back then, it is truly his loss.
Malia
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Marian84
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Anna’s Mom,
Oh, but you aren’t ROUND anymore. And, anyway, even when you were, I know your husband still thought you were his beautiful wife that he loved with all his heart…
I once read that a married couple should try to make their spouse fall in love all over again with them every single day. I think it’s a beautiful idea, and I’ve tried to do it with my boyfriend. Of course, sometimes I’m lazy or let my studies take priority (bad idea), but it does work wonderfully. And the best thing is that it makes me feel just as happy as he does. I guess that’s what I was getting at (in my roundabout way) in my earlier post. I know you miss your husband terribly, but maybe you can help that loneliness by dreaming up ways to show him how much you love him.
And I know it’s so easy to catch sight of ourselves in a mirror and start remembering what we looked like before we had a baby or, as in my case, a major surgery. But it really isn’t a good idea to dwell on it too long…it’ll make you look worse, you know, because part of your beauty is in your smile!
To Jesus through Mary,
Marian84
Oh, but you aren’t ROUND anymore. And, anyway, even when you were, I know your husband still thought you were his beautiful wife that he loved with all his heart…
I once read that a married couple should try to make their spouse fall in love all over again with them every single day. I think it’s a beautiful idea, and I’ve tried to do it with my boyfriend. Of course, sometimes I’m lazy or let my studies take priority (bad idea), but it does work wonderfully. And the best thing is that it makes me feel just as happy as he does. I guess that’s what I was getting at (in my roundabout way) in my earlier post. I know you miss your husband terribly, but maybe you can help that loneliness by dreaming up ways to show him how much you love him.
And I know it’s so easy to catch sight of ourselves in a mirror and start remembering what we looked like before we had a baby or, as in my case, a major surgery. But it really isn’t a good idea to dwell on it too long…it’ll make you look worse, you know, because part of your beauty is in your smile!
To Jesus through Mary,
Marian84
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Anna_s_Mom
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Still missing him terribly! Husband came to dinner late lastnight after working. He stayed for about two hours. While he wasn’t staying to see the baby (she was in bed) I fear he comes to eat dinner with me because he doesn’t currently have the finances to eat out. He did stay awhile, but was checking e-mail and was on internet. We chatted throughout his stay and things went ok. I maintained my happy face even though inside my heart was screaming for him to hold me. Trying to show him my support without shoving it in his face. Even though visit was ok he still left. I know he cares a great deal for me. I’m just afraid it is a brotherly kind of love.
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Anna_s_Mom
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Sorry if I am droning on about this matter. I’m sure everyone is sick of hearing it, especially when some of the threads here are sooo much more important.
Saw my husband tonight. He grabbed food and ran. We have been talking, however the conversations are just pleasant chit-chat. Nothing about the relationship is mentioned. I’m afraid to bring anything up because I don’t want to push him away any further. He says he wants to see me and asks when. My reply is all the time and this aggrivates him. I just miss him so much. I can barely stand to be away from him all this time. He sends me text messages throughout the day. They are short, some being important topics that need discussed (finances) other messages are just fun little notes. I reply to all of them, loving the fun ones.
Those cute little messages give me hope. I feel that if he was no longer intrested in being with me I would only get the needed messages (finances and stuff)
Then when I see him face to face he just runs off. I don’t understand. It seems sometimes he wants to joke and play and other times he wants nothing to do with me. I try to be pleasant and upbeat but it is hard since my heart is screaming for him.
I’m sooooo lonely for him. Things have been going better between us, but he is still not home! I fear he only has a brotherly love towards me.
Saw my husband tonight. He grabbed food and ran. We have been talking, however the conversations are just pleasant chit-chat. Nothing about the relationship is mentioned. I’m afraid to bring anything up because I don’t want to push him away any further. He says he wants to see me and asks when. My reply is all the time and this aggrivates him. I just miss him so much. I can barely stand to be away from him all this time. He sends me text messages throughout the day. They are short, some being important topics that need discussed (finances) other messages are just fun little notes. I reply to all of them, loving the fun ones.
Those cute little messages give me hope. I feel that if he was no longer intrested in being with me I would only get the needed messages (finances and stuff)
Then when I see him face to face he just runs off. I don’t understand. It seems sometimes he wants to joke and play and other times he wants nothing to do with me. I try to be pleasant and upbeat but it is hard since my heart is screaming for him.
I’m sooooo lonely for him. Things have been going better between us, but he is still not home! I fear he only has a brotherly love towards me.
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Feanaro_s_Wife
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Is there a chance that he could have some sort of psychiatric problem going on?
If not, think long and hard about what you could possibly be doing that is driving him away. He seems to want the contact but then gets irritated when he is with you. It is either a problem with him or you.
Whatever it is, I hope you can figure it out and that your marriage can recover.
These lonely nights must be very tough on you. Please try not to let the stress and worry eat at you. Your baby needs a fully functional mama.
Malia
If not, think long and hard about what you could possibly be doing that is driving him away. He seems to want the contact but then gets irritated when he is with you. It is either a problem with him or you.
Whatever it is, I hope you can figure it out and that your marriage can recover.
These lonely nights must be very tough on you. Please try not to let the stress and worry eat at you. Your baby needs a fully functional mama.
Malia
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Anna_s_Mom
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He says he can talk to me easily on the phone, but when he sees me face to face he has trouble forgetting our rocky past. I fear that he can’t forgive me for the stupid and foolish things I’ve said in the heat of an argument.
I also think he experienced some sort of nervous breakdown about 2 months ago. He complained of a lot of anxiety and panic attacks for quite sometime. He still does occasionally. I know he has had a lot on his plate the past few months. I didn’t make things any easier for him. I just pushed him harder. I’m sooo sorry. I want him back. He tried seeing a counsler a few times, but I don’t think he has been back.
Wishing I could let him see how much I care. He doesn’t want to look.
I also think he experienced some sort of nervous breakdown about 2 months ago. He complained of a lot of anxiety and panic attacks for quite sometime. He still does occasionally. I know he has had a lot on his plate the past few months. I didn’t make things any easier for him. I just pushed him harder. I’m sooo sorry. I want him back. He tried seeing a counsler a few times, but I don’t think he has been back.
Wishing I could let him see how much I care. He doesn’t want to look.
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masondoggy
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Anna's Mom:
Or maybe seeing you face-to-face reminds him of HIS guilt for walking out on his family.
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Marian84
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Hi Anna’s Mom! 
Just wanted to ask how everything’s going with your husband…
You’re in my prayers,
Marian84
Just wanted to ask how everything’s going with your husband…
You’re in my prayers,
Marian84
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Anna_s_Mom
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Does anyone have any suggestions on what to say to my husband so he sees my love as genuine? He says he thinks that I want to hang on to our marriage only because we have a child together and I like the idea of a relationship. I told him that If I just wanted to be “taken care of” I wouldn’t have loved him when we had nothing. I’m not sure he believes me. He is still so angry.
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masondoggy
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Anna's Mom:
If you get that chance, you can work on showing your love through your actions. Little things mean a lot to a man.
I don’t think there is anything you can say to convince someone you love them. Suggest to him, if he wants to find out, to give you a chance to SHOW him how much you love him by coming home and working on saving your marriage. Ask him to give you a second chance before giving everything up.
If you get that chance, you can work on showing your love through your actions. Little things mean a lot to a man.
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Princess_Abby
Guest
Anna's Mom:
Tell him you want to work on your marriage because the two of you are one flesh. When he hurts, you hurt, and you want both of you to be happy and healthy together. Tell him that you made a covenant before God and that you do not want to break your vows to him nor the Lord, and that having little Anna as another reason to make the marriage work is a good motivation. She deserves a father and a mother who live in the same house and love each other.
Remind him that change takes time, and perfection is unattainable. Mistakes happen, but you want to grow with him and learn to love him better. Just ask him for the commitment to work on the marriage. Would he be interested in spending the next six months tackling the issues in your relationship? Perhaps going to counseling and staying even when things are rough or tough and not perfect, but knowing that you two are dedicated to working through the issues. In six months, you can re-evaluate and talk to each other about whether or not you want to keep working on the marriage.
Tell him that you would be interested in having weekly “check-in” discussions where you both get to talk about how your needs are being met or not met. A time where you encourage each other and appreciate one another for the good efforts of the past week, as well as suggestions for how each of you can do better, still.
Just tell him you have so many ideas and so much passion toward working on this relationship, if only he will just give you a chance. Tell him that at some point he needs to choose, however, because staying stagnant in anger does not solve anything.
A counselor might really help!
Did you get married in the Church?
Tell him you want to work on your marriage because the two of you are one flesh. When he hurts, you hurt, and you want both of you to be happy and healthy together. Tell him that you made a covenant before God and that you do not want to break your vows to him nor the Lord, and that having little Anna as another reason to make the marriage work is a good motivation. She deserves a father and a mother who live in the same house and love each other.
Remind him that change takes time, and perfection is unattainable. Mistakes happen, but you want to grow with him and learn to love him better. Just ask him for the commitment to work on the marriage. Would he be interested in spending the next six months tackling the issues in your relationship? Perhaps going to counseling and staying even when things are rough or tough and not perfect, but knowing that you two are dedicated to working through the issues. In six months, you can re-evaluate and talk to each other about whether or not you want to keep working on the marriage.
Tell him that you would be interested in having weekly “check-in” discussions where you both get to talk about how your needs are being met or not met. A time where you encourage each other and appreciate one another for the good efforts of the past week, as well as suggestions for how each of you can do better, still.
Just tell him you have so many ideas and so much passion toward working on this relationship, if only he will just give you a chance. Tell him that at some point he needs to choose, however, because staying stagnant in anger does not solve anything.
A counselor might really help!
H
happyrubberband
Guest
Anna's Mom:
I could have written your message a few years ago, minus the child. I stopped going to Mass when I was 13, and after getting married, I wanted to look into going to church again so that I could raise our future children in a religon. My (ex) husband was not interested in going to church. He also left, but to go overseas for the military, and as I was converting, he was asking for a divorce. I hope I’m not discouraging you by telling you this because we had a whole different set of problems that I won’t go into here. What I’d like to tell you though is that through my conversion I felt much more at peace with my life, whatever state it was in, and whatever was going on. I just had peace because I knew that I was seeking God’s will, and all that was happening in my life was God’s will, and I needed to let go, and accept. Since then I have been Confirmed, re married to a wonderful man and am actually happy with my life. My point is that faith is the most important thing in life. Our Lord comes first , and it’s amazing how this makes the rough spots in life seem smoother.
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Robaynne
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Hi, have just joined this forum. Anna’s Mom I know what you are feeling am going through the same thing now. Things will get better right now you feel that you are in darkness and there is no light at the end of the tunnel but there is. Stop worrying about him and worry about you concentrate on yourself. If he really wants to be with you he will do everything in his power to be with you. If he really loves you he will over look your faults. Stop beating yourself up because at the end of the day it is just not worth it. Concentrate on that beautiful baby and YOU. Go out with friends find something to do with your time so that you don’t think about him so much.
Keep on praying you need God in your life. He does answer prayers just leave everything in his hands. Everyday take out the bible for example today is the 27 Oct 2005 go and read Psalm 27 and Proverbs 27. It helps read the bible get yourself religious books there is a book called “The Power of Positive thinking” by Norman Vincent Peale. Go to religious sites and inspirational sites it helps. The past couple of weeks my life as been turned upside down my marriage has fallen apart, took an overdoses, was a drama queen etc. But I am getting there with the support of friends, family and prayer. Pray all the time. God will not forsaken you or desert you. Believe in that and believe in yourself.
Start taking care of yourself, go to her hairdresser do your hair, nails whatever just to make yourself happy. And don’t show him that you are feeling down or depressed or needy just leave don’t call him let him call you. Men do not like to be ignored they hate it.
If you guys decide to work on your marriage there is a thing called Retrouvaille which helps catholic couples who are in pain and marriage is not working out etc. I am sure that there should be something like that in your country because here in South Africa they have it. They say it does work but you have to give everything when you attend this program. I did and it work but I guess that me and hubby maybe are just not meant to be together it is a hard thing but something I have to except. But I have left my life in God’s hands and I know that he will guide me in the right direction.
Keep on praying you need God in your life. He does answer prayers just leave everything in his hands. Everyday take out the bible for example today is the 27 Oct 2005 go and read Psalm 27 and Proverbs 27. It helps read the bible get yourself religious books there is a book called “The Power of Positive thinking” by Norman Vincent Peale. Go to religious sites and inspirational sites it helps. The past couple of weeks my life as been turned upside down my marriage has fallen apart, took an overdoses, was a drama queen etc. But I am getting there with the support of friends, family and prayer. Pray all the time. God will not forsaken you or desert you. Believe in that and believe in yourself.
Start taking care of yourself, go to her hairdresser do your hair, nails whatever just to make yourself happy. And don’t show him that you are feeling down or depressed or needy just leave don’t call him let him call you. Men do not like to be ignored they hate it.
If you guys decide to work on your marriage there is a thing called Retrouvaille which helps catholic couples who are in pain and marriage is not working out etc. I am sure that there should be something like that in your country because here in South Africa they have it. They say it does work but you have to give everything when you attend this program. I did and it work but I guess that me and hubby maybe are just not meant to be together it is a hard thing but something I have to except. But I have left my life in God’s hands and I know that he will guide me in the right direction.
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WICatholic
Guest
Anna's Mom:
Just curious as to whether or not you have acted on any of the good suggestions already offered or not? Contacting a priest, finding a good marriage saving counselor, etc.
Those are some of the things that will show anyone that changes are taking place in your life and that you are working on ‘you’ to become the best you can be (you cannot change him…you can only change you). A good marriage saving counselor will have ways to draw him in and try to hook him into couples counseling. That can be a priest or a professional counselor.
God bless!
Words will never convince him. Actions alone will.
Just curious as to whether or not you have acted on any of the good suggestions already offered or not? Contacting a priest, finding a good marriage saving counselor, etc.
Those are some of the things that will show anyone that changes are taking place in your life and that you are working on ‘you’ to become the best you can be (you cannot change him…you can only change you). A good marriage saving counselor will have ways to draw him in and try to hook him into couples counseling. That can be a priest or a professional counselor.
God bless!
C
chandler_1
Guest
My husband walked out of our life nine weeks plus ago and his communication with me is via e mail. I had to call him yes terday and his first comment was “what’s up” in a cold way. I could t ell he did no t really wan t to hear from me. Last night I cried almost the whole evening. I have three teenagers and they are seeing my misery. Of course, I feel I drove him away because I was losing patience with him. He told me he felt unwanted in our home. My life is torn apart after 20 years of marriage. I sympathize with you so much
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Robaynne
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Why do we women do that BLAME OURSELVES THAT THINGS DID NOT WORK OUT. We always say it is because we did not do this or that. If we did things that way maybe he would have stayed etc etc.
That is so foolish there are two people in a marriage not one. They must have contributed towards us acting the way we do. I am so tired of blaming myself for the reason why my husband of 11years with 2 young children me that is 31 and him 32 decided to cheat on me with his 19 year old temporary worker, who is a drug addict etc etc. He made the mistake not me he decided to betray our vows not me.
Ladies please do not blame yourself there are two of you and we all make mistakes nobody is perfect but men should also except the blame for the things that they do. Not put all the blame at our doorstep.
That is so foolish there are two people in a marriage not one. They must have contributed towards us acting the way we do. I am so tired of blaming myself for the reason why my husband of 11years with 2 young children me that is 31 and him 32 decided to cheat on me with his 19 year old temporary worker, who is a drug addict etc etc. He made the mistake not me he decided to betray our vows not me.
Ladies please do not blame yourself there are two of you and we all make mistakes nobody is perfect but men should also except the blame for the things that they do. Not put all the blame at our doorstep.
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Anna_s_Mom
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Yes, we have tried marriage counseling. It was actually my husbands idea, however he became “unable” to find the time to go. He tells our friends that he doesn’t think we are going to get back together. Then the next day he leaves me a message that if I’m bored or want to chat to call him. I’m so mixed up. I know we have a lot of issues, but I still want him back so bad!!!
I have not spoken with a priest yet. I’m still too scared. This last weekend was the first time I’ve admitted to my friends what is going on. I don’t know why, but I always wanted everyone to think I was so perfect. I also told one of my sisters. I’m still too afraid to tell my mom.
I wish my husband could see how much I love him. His friends say he is different now. They say he is in a bad place and he needs me as much as I need him.
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Viki59
Guest
My suggestions:
Your responsibility is to be a good mother to your child, and honest and loving to your husband.
- Stop thinking about how unhappy you feel. Concentrate on the good things in your life.
- Every day read one chapter or verse of the Bible (depending on the time you have), and pray for at least a short time.
- Find a Catholic church and attend mass every Sunday. Talk to a priest.
- Tell your husband what you appreciate about him – specific things. Like, “thank you for taking care of the finances.”
- Go out with a girlfriend to a movie or lunch once a week.
- Take your baby out to the park or to visit with other children every day.
Your responsibility is to be a good mother to your child, and honest and loving to your husband.
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