In need of advise

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Dearest Cynthia,
Code:
         I think you might have to deal with your anger issues.  You get angry with Bill when he lies to you.  You need to stop nagging him.  Nagging in the end will never get you what you want, and he will be angry and leave (physically and emotionally). 

          I really suggest you pray constantly because it builts up and inner strength and later it helps you gain some confidence and trust.  

           There is no magic cure for a broken heart.  There is not quick and easy way for anything.  But it does not mean that things are impossible.  We care for you.... keep reaching out.  

            I am so glad I got to know you.  I hope I can help you, in return, you are helping me.  I can see me in you and you might see yourself in me.  Sometimes we tend not to see problems or solutions because they are so close to home.  If you borrowed my eyes and I borrowed yours, we could see our own faults and try our best to fix them.  

              God bless you, Anna, and Bill.  I truly hope you will be happy together.  Please do not give up hope.  Keep thanking the Lord for anything that comes your way.  Reading the Bible helps sometimes.  And don't forget to reach out...
Always,
Cris
 
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Katie1723:
This may be the most attention Anna’s Mom has been given in a long time and I just bet she is enjoying it too. OR, things are no where near what she says they are in which case her crying wolf is not very nice either and that is an issue in itself. Sad thing is, we will probably never know the truth.
Code:
                      ~ Kathy ~
Kathy-
I’m really sick and tired or your negative and hurtful posts!!! I thought by joining this forum I could get the support and helpful advice I was is seek of. Your replies are hateful and ugly. People like you make me sooo angry. Who are you to say that my story is untrue??? how did you become so high and mighty on your throne looking down to judge other people. I don’t have any idea why you think my posts are untrue!
True I have not used all the advise I have been given. Some of it I do not agree with, although I appreciate all suggestions. Some advise I have been given is just really hard for a person like me to do. Why don’t you walk around in someone else’s shoes and see their hurt and pain instead of just calling them liars!
Do you call yourself catholic? People like you are the reason why I have not spoken with a priest! If this is how catholics behave then I don’t want to speak with one. I don’t want to be looked down upon like you have been doing to me. Your posts have pushed me further from speaking with a priest.
Perhaps you are the one trying to get the “attention” by putting others down to make yourself feel big. Stop judging me. I will be judged in the end and it will not be by you!
 
Dear Kathy,
Code:
    I understand you.  But does it really matter?  Obviously Anna's mom IS in pain and IS not happy.  Please be supportive by praying for her.  If what you believe is true, that Anna's mom is lying, then pray that she does not lie anymore.  

     I want to support Anna's mom.  She is a mother.  Mothers have it hard.  My mother suffered so much being a wife and a mother.  No matter if I spoke for a thousand years, could I thank her enough for what she has done for our family.  Everyday I thank the Lord for things, but thinking back, I have to thank a few more people in my life.  One of them is Anna's mom.  To me she is beautiful.  She is a mother: a mother in pain.  

     I put a candle in front of the Virgin today and prayed for all those in this site and especially for mothers like Anna's Mom or for women that have been wronged, especially women that are raped everyday.  There is not enough compassion to go around.  Let's try to make this world a better place to live by spreading love and trying to trust one another.

     Cynthia, don't be so hard on others.  They might judge you or point fingers.  But they might not always do that.  They might be having a bad day or misunderstand something.  We are human.  Please be patient.  Please forgive.  One day, your worst enemy might be your best friend.  

      Keep praying... have faith... not all of us are bad.  Even people that are good falter.  ((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))  I am not perfect.  I can never be.  I just try to be better and when I fail, I try again.
 
cris7717:
Dear Kathy,
… then pray …

I want to support Anna’s mom. She is a mother. Mothers have it hard. …
I pray everyday for her. My daughter is in the same situation. And if you don’t think I am afraid for her, then you are wrong. Only my daughter has 2 kids in her home. We need to teach people that abuse in ANY shape is wrong. And the last thing kids need to learn is that it is ok to stay in such a situation.
Sometime it takes someone we NEVER expected to tell us what we didn’t want to hear to spur us into action. My mother took me aside and told me what everyone else tried to before I realized I had to do something.And as hard as it was for me to hear, she was right and I thank her for it.

To Anna’s Mom…in spite of what you think, I do pray for you.
~ Kathy ~
 
Dear Kathy,
Code:
    I knew that what you said was for a reason.  Maybe the way your mother told you was good for you.  But maybe Anna's mom would not understand things the same way.  

    When I abused someone, it was when I was hurt and wasn't even thinking of the consequences.  I didn't even know that I was hurting others because of all the pain I was feeling.  

     I might have been spoiled by the love of others and all I knew was to receive love.  So when I was hurt I just did what came naturally.  It was so wrong.  I know I will make mistakes. But now I am educating and retraining myself.  

     When I talk to Anna's mom, I do it in a kind and gentle way.  It soothes her.  She listens better.  I wish someone could have talked to me like that when I was in pain.  Then when things seem more clear to Anna's mom, she will realize her mistakes and change.  If not, she will make the same mistakes.  Which is something she doesn't want.

      Kathy, you are right, abuse is horrible.  We have no right to do it to others.  We do not want it done on us.  Whether we are victims of abuse or the abuser, we all do need love to help us and a firm hand to guide us.  I hope you can help us, since you know of abuse and how to stop it.  I have much to learn from you.  Bless you Kathy.  I will pray for you, your daughter, and your loved ones.  Please give us your good advice.... (((((((((hugs))))))))))) I thank God that I met you.  I have much to learn....
 
Since joining this forum it has really helped me alot in my own issues people give good advice and whether you take that advice or not is your choice. Cynthia do not get angry and upset when people say the things they do.

Kathy has her opinion leave it that way do not get bent out of shape about it. At the end of the day people can give you lots of advice, support and information what you do with that information is your choice and your choice alone.

Love is not enough it goes with trust, honest, respect, understanding and care. Yes, you love hubby more than life itself and yes you will do anything to get him back but at what price. He makes you miserable, he makes you unhappy, he makes you sad is that the way you want to live the rest of your life unhappy. You blame yourself for things that happened but he is just as much to blame as you. You are human we all make mistakes but he is using you I know this is not what you want to hear. I know what you are going through and it is not easy. I pray everyday, every moment I get I pray sometimes I feel like why is this happening to me why is God allowing this to happen to me, why does the pain not stop. He comes there does his laundry, uses the computer, eats there etc. He has his bread buttered on both sides and he is so aware that he can come home anytime and Cynthia will there she will always be there no matter what. She will always pick up the pieces she will always be my pillar of strength. So what if you told a friend how he behaves it is the truth and he does not want people to know what he is doing and how he is behaving. She is your friend and will always be your friend do not stop been friends with her because of him. Stop centering your whole life around him it is not easy I know find something to take your mind off things. Study something that will help you to make extra money bookkeeping or a computer course. Start doing things with your time look into maybe selling Tupperware, Avon or even Avroy Shalain. Or go to parties eg Tupperware parties you don’t need to buy anything just go so that you can meet people. You need to surround yourself with POSITIVE people and things.

Men hate to be ignored they do. Try something different for a change, change your attitude. If he calls you then he calls if he does not it is okay. But when he does be very pleasant on the phone don’t be rude or start complaining. Say for example he comes over tonight or tomorrow or whenever be happy even if you want to cry or feel like you want to say something keep quiet speak to him if he speaks to you play with Anna pretend as if he is not even there put the music on loud and be laughing and dancing with Anna or go to your room close the door and light a candle and pray and read Psalms and Proverbs and just be busy. Don’t ask him any questions, don’t mention any problems just be cool and calm. If he asks you something be jolly even if you have to cry when he is gone it is okay. There is nothing wrong with crying it is a feeling even if you have to have a good sob do it, it helps. This is not easy but try and pray about it and do not let anybodies negativity brush off on you.

Don’t blame anybody or anything go and see a priest even if it is in confession. A priest cannot judge you that is not his place he is there to support you and help you. And continue to go to church and just stop been so moody and depressed be happy even if you are pretending it helps you do not have to be miserable and down and out all the time. Get a book and write down all the feelings and emotions that you have if you are angry today write and go through the emotion. My councellor said to me it is okay to feel whatever emotion I feel I am human and this is just the process that I am going through.
 
Robaynne,
I agree with you. You are insightful. I will pray for you. Your advice was enlightening. Bless you and those near you.
 
I understand everyone has a right to their own opinion. I also appreciate everyone’s advice, even though it may seem harsh. I know they have good intensions. However Kathy has called me a liar on more than one occasion. I see no point to those hurtful words. I don’t know what she thinks I could possibly be lying about.

This hurts me more than anything because I hate a liar. When people lie to me I feel the most unloved and disrespected!! This really irritates me that she calls me the thing I hate the most. Calling me that is definately most untrue!
 
Anna's Mom:
I understand everyone has a right to their own opinion. I also appreciate everyone’s advice, even though it may seem harsh. I know they have good intensions. However Kathy has called me a liar on more than one occasion. I see no point to those hurtful words. I don’t know what she thinks I could possibly be lying about.

This hurts me more than anything because I hate a liar. When people lie to me I feel the most unloved and disrespected!! This really irritates me that she calls me the thing I hate the most. Calling me that is definately most untrue!
Cynthia,
Let me apologize for hurting your feelings. I suppose the only thing I can do for you is the same thing I am doing for my daughter…and that is to pray. Just remember, you don’t have to settle for being anyone’s doormat. You seem like an intelligent woman. Please teach your daughter that no one can take advantage of you unless you let them.
~ Kathy ~
 
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Katie1723:
Cynthia,
Let me apologize for hurting your feelings. I suppose the only thing I can do for you is the same thing I am doing for my daughter…and that is to pray. Just remember, you don’t have to settle for being anyone’s doormat. You seem like an intelligent woman. Please teach your daughter that no one can take advantage of you unless you let them.
~ Kathy ~
I appreciate and accept your apology. I know everyone makes mistakes and I have made my share of them! Because of the circumstances in my life at the moment I am getting my feelings hurt very easily. I still do not understand why you think I would lie or make these things up.
 
I need to apologize to Katie… I kept saying “Kathy”. I’m so sorry for writing your name incorrectly. I’m sorry.

Katie and Cynthia,
Code:
     Maybe both of you can discuss about the "lying" that you both mention.  Maybe things can come to light.  I hope it does not lead to hurt feelings.  But it might teach you something that you were not able to understand.   I wish you both many blessings.

     I am very interested in knowing more about Katie's situation.  I think I have much to learn from others.  Most of my education came from school books and facts.  I would like to know the world through the eyes of the Lord's people.  Many times I thought I was suffering greatly, but when I read the prayer requests from this site, I got to know that some of my worries are nothing compared to what other people are going through.  Bless them Lord, for the yoke you give us is easy, and the load you put on us is light.  

     Thank you Cynthia for your prayers... love and peace to you..
 
cris7717:
Dearest Cynthia,
Code:
         I think you might have to deal with your anger issues.  You get angry with Bill when he lies to you.  You need to stop nagging him.  Nagging in the end will never get you what you want, and he will be angry and leave (physically and emotionally).
I guess I must have missed when Anna’s Mom became Cynthia, and dh became Bill.
 
heehee…ooops! Still praying for all of us… Good news… Christmas is coming!!!
 
cris7717:
heehee…ooops! Still praying for all of us… Good news… Christmas is coming!!!
It is hard to think of the comming season when I am so sad without my dear husband. He came to visit tonight and things went well… I hope. I love and care for him so much.

Thank you all for listening to my rambling. I really appreciate all of you. God bless.
Yes, the name is Cynthia (cindy is ok too)
 
Anna's Mom:
It is hard to think of the comming season when I am so sad without my dear husband.
Cindy (I like that) it is going to be okay don’t worry. You are going to be just fine we are both going to be just fine. This is for both of us it came to me today and you are the first person I thought about sending this to. :dancing:
Code:
Untangle the Knots...One Day at a Time	
	by Joyce Meyer
Picture your life as a jumble of shoestrings all tied up in knots—each shoestring a different color. The different shoestrings represent the different elements of your life, your family, your job, etc. This jumble of knots could be representative of many of our lives—with everything all knotted up. Each knot represents a problem, and the process of untangling those knots and straightening out those problems is going to take a bit of time and effort. It took a long time to tie all those knots, and it will take some time to straighten them all out.

I realize from my own experience that it often seems that no progress is being made. You may feel you have so many problems that you are getting absolutely nowhere. You must keep in mind that even though you have a long way to go, you have also come a long way. The solution is to thank God for the progress you have made thus far and trust Him to lead you on to eventual healing—one day at a time.

One of our problems is that in our modern, instantaneous society we tend to jump from one thing to another. We have come to expect everything to be quick and easy. It’s difficult for us to have the patience to stick with a problem until we see a breakthrough, and that’s why we need God’s help.

You see, God never gets in a hurry. He never quits or runs out of patience. He will deal with us about one particular thing, and then He will let us rest for a while—but not too long. Soon He will come back and begin to work on something else. He will continue until, one by one, our knots are all untied.

If it sometimes seems that you’re not making any progress, it’s because the Lord is untying your knots one at a time. It may be hard, and it may take time, but if you will commit yourself to the process of getting well, sooner or later you will see real victory in your life and experience the freedom you have wanted for so long.

In some things I experienced freedom in a few months or a year, but there was one area in my life that took fourteen long years to overcome. The important thing to remember is: no matter how long it takes, never give up, and never quit—keep at it.

Maybe you’re standing in the way of your own healing. Have you ever asked yourself, “Do I really want to get well?” Did you know there are people who really don’t want to get well? It takes some people years to overcome their problems …and some never do. They don’t really want to move on past their problems. It seems they’ve become accustomed to having those problems around, and they’re just content to live with them.

Sometimes people actually get addicted to having problems. It becomes their identity, their life. It defines everything they think and say and do. Their life seems to revolve around their problems.

If you have a deep-seated and lingering disorder, you may be tempted to make that the focal point of your life. But I encourage you not to give in to that temptation. If you do, it will try to control your thinking and dominate every conversation you have. Don’t let your life be taken over by your problems.

If you really want to get well, you’ll have to stop using your problem as a means of getting attention or sympathy or pity. When I used to complain to my husband, he would tell me, “Joyce, I’m not going to feel sorry for you.”

“I’m not trying to get you to feel sorry for me,” I would protest.

“Yes, you are,” he would say. “And I’m not going to do it, because if I do, you will never get over your problems.”

That used to make me so mad I could have beaten him to a pulp. We get angry with those who tell us the truth. And the truth is that before we can get well, we must really want to be well—body, soul, and spirit. We must want to get well badly enough that we are willing to hear and accept the truth about our situation.

Make a vow right now that from this moment on you are not going to waste any more of your valuable time feeling sorry for yourself and wallowing in self-pity over things you cannot change. Promise yourself that you’ll stop using your problem as a crutch in your life. Instead, pledge that you will untangle the knots a little at a time, while living each day to the fullest, looking forward to what God has in store for you as you follow Him …one day at a time. 👍
 
Dear Robaynne,
Code:
    Today I went to church to pray for all those on this site and my loved ones.  And especially those that dislike me or want to harm me.  I also prayed for wisdom and strength.  After I read your thread, God answered one of my prayers.  It was opened up my eyes.  I gain some wisdom from your words.  I saw my problem and now I see a solution.  I knew my problem, but I did not know my solution.  Paying money to a psychiatrist was not helping.  But just your words got to my heart.  And it opened up a door that had been closed for 10 years.  I thank the Lord, for He has showered me with love and given me wisdom.  I thank you for opening my eyes.  I thank all those that pray for me for you are my brothers and sisters and take care of me.  I thank those that do not like me, because they make me want to be stronger.

       Bless you all.  I cannot thank you enough.  Please continue to pray that I gain more wisdom and have the strength to accept God's will.  Thank you....
 
cris7717:
Paying money to a psychiatrist was not helping.
Thanx for the wonderful message. This is so true also spent alot of money on Psychiatrist and medication it helped but not completely.

We are going to help each other everybody in this forum is so caring and it helps to have somebody that does not even know you care. There are lots of ugly people out there but there also so wonderful people. And you know something we are going to be okay. I am confident in that, we are going to get through these bad patches and come out smiling. 🙂

**I’ve Fallen and I Can’t Get Up **

We have all fallen down at one time or another…not just physically but also emotionally. And picking yourself back up again is, unfortunately, easier said than done.

It doesn’t take any special talent to give up, to lie down on the roadside of life and say, “I quit!” In fact, the road to chronic discouragement, hopelessness, and despair, often begins with an ordinary day that ends up piled high with simple disappointments.

According to Webster, to disappoint is “to fail to satisfy the hope, desire, or expectation of.” In other words, when we set ourselves up to hope for something and that hope is not met, then we become disappointed. We feel let down and betrayed.

Let’s face it—none of us is ever going to get to the place in life where we have no more disappointments. We can’t expect to be sheltered from every little thing. Disappointment is a fact of life…one that must be dealt with. If not, discouragement and devastation are never far away.

Too often people end up devastated and don’t understand why. They seemed to be going along just fine, and now they’ve fallen by the roadside without knowing how or why. Many people don’t realize that the problem could have started a long time ago with simple disappointment that they failed to work through.

Deep hurt doesn’t just come from huge disappointments, like when we fail to get the job or promotion we really wanted. Deep emotional hurt can even come from a series of minor annoyances and frustrations.

That’s why we must know how to handle the small disappointments we encounter daily and keep them in perspective. Otherwise, they can get out of hand and be blown up out of proportion.

For example, imagine that you start out your day behind schedule, so you are already frustrated. On the way to the office, unexpected traffic delays cause you to be even later. Then when you finally get to work, you find out that someone on the job has been gossiping about you behind your back. You get some coffee to help you calm down, but you spill it all over yourself—only making matters worse since you have an important meeting with the boss and no time to change clothes!

Facing each of those little things separately is just annoying, but when they pile up together, it becomes almost more than you can bear. Then just about that time you get a report from the doctor that’s not what you were hoping and praying for. And to top it all off, your fiancé calls and threatens to break off your engagement even though the wedding invitations have already been mailed!

How will you respond? Will you be full of faith? Or will you find yourself full of fear, and on that road to disappointment and discouragement? All of those minor frustrations and disappointments with the traffic, the office gossip, and the spilled coffee have set you up for a major calamity. And when you have to face some really serious problems like sickness or a failed relationship, you find that you don’t have the means to deal with it—so you fall, plunging headlong into hopelessness and despair.

What are you to do when disappointment comes? When it weighs upon you like a rock, you can either let it press you down until you become discouraged and even devastated, or you can use it as a steppingstone to better things.

Learn to adapt and adjust. You can do it! Face the disappointment at its onset and be quick to make any adjustments required to remedy the situation. God has better things for you, and He will help you. He says in Hebrews 13:5, "…I will not in any way fail you nor give you up nor leave you without support…* not in any degree leave you helpless nor forsake nor let [you] down…

Instead of concentrating on your problems and getting discouraged, focus on God and meditate on His promises for you. Yes, you may have fallen down but you don’t have to stay down. God is ready, willing and able to pick you up. *

What I have also learnt is the power of prayer is very strong. I was lost once upon a time but I found my way back. God will never forsaken us or let us down we should believe in him and everything happens in it time.
 
More wisdom. Thank you. I was once lost and have come back. I was so unhappy. But people see me happy and it is because I have found my way back to my Father. I trust in Him. I love Him. I make myself ready for the day that His son comes back.
 
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Robaynne:
Cindy (I like that) it is going to be okay don’t worry. You are going to be just fine we are both going to be just fine. This is for both of us it came to me today and you are the first person I thought about sending this to. :dancing:
Code:
Untangle the Knots...One Day at a Time	
	by Joyce Meyer
Maybe you’re standing in the way of your own healing. Have you ever asked yourself, “Do I really want to get well?” Did you know there are people who really don’t want to get well? It takes some people years to overcome their problems …and some never do. They don’t really want to move on past their problems. It seems they’ve become accustomed to having those problems around, and they’re just content to live with them.

Sometimes people actually get addicted to having problems. It becomes their identity, their life. It defines everything they think and say and do. Their life seems to revolve around their problems.

If you have a deep-seated and lingering disorder, you may be tempted to make that the focal point of your life. But I encourage you not to give in to that temptation. If you do, it will try to control your thinking and dominate every conversation you have. Don’t let your life be taken over by your problems.

If you really want to get well, you’ll have to stop using your problem as a means of getting attention or sympathy or pity. When I used to complain to my husband, he would tell me, “Joyce, I’m not going to feel sorry for you.”

“I’m not trying to get you to feel sorry for me,” I would protest.

“Yes, you are,” he would say. “And I’m not going to do it, because if I do, you will never get over your problems.”

That used to make me so mad I could have beaten him to a pulp. We get angry with those who tell us the truth. And the truth is that before we can get well, we must really want to be well—body, soul, and spirit. We must want to get well badly enough that we are willing to hear and accept the truth about our situation.

Make a vow right now that from this moment on you are not going to waste any more of your valuable time feeling sorry for yourself and wallowing in self-pity over things you cannot change. Promise yourself that you’ll stop using your problem as a crutch in your life. Instead, pledge that you will untangle the knots a little at a time, while living each day to the fullest, looking forward to what God has in store for you as you follow Him …one day at a time. 👍
Powerfully true, and probably made the rounds of nearly ever 12 Step Program in which someone had received this message. Exactly what those who have succeeded have often learned about ourselves.

Thanks for passing it on, I am saving the entire message for the next time I hit the pity pot doldrums.

God bless!
 
Thanks all (again ) for all the advise.
I have had some very deep insights. Hindsight is 20/20. I can’t change what I did in the past. I can only change the future.

I have known this all along. That is the worst part of it. I know what my problem is. I just dont have the strenght in myself to do anything about it. I need to practicr more self control, always acting before I have time to think things through. I have been wallowing in my own pity. I don’t think I was wanting attention or simpathy really… I just couldn’t see past my own cries and tears.

Not too much has really changed. I just am beginning to feel like I’m going to be ok is all. My husband and I have had a few nice visits together. We are trying to work it out I hope. This morning my husband sent me a message saying that our visit last night was “almost” good. He said he had a good time with me. I got a little pushy and weepy for a seccond there. I was able to go in the restroom and regain myself. I have been a lot stronger since Sunday. I have REALLY been trying since then.
 
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