In need of help NOT condemnation

[uglygal]

I post this with great hesitation because I know I am very disliked by some (many?) catholics, but even so I don’t have anywhere else to go. I was raised in a very catholic household and everything was catholic, so in many ways it is the only system i am accustomed to.I would like some anonymous help / advice as I do not want to go to the priest etc in my parish or area.

I feel that at this moment I can say that I am completely abandoned and damned by god. He hates me and I know it.
I am cursed by god and he hates me and he never listens to me. When i speak to him he pushes me away and hates me. I have hoped in him so long and i have wasted so many years because he has hated me all along. Please don’t say I am imagining this because i am not, i have set proofs that he despises me.

I have tried hard to make god like me. All i have ever wanted is for him to be my friend but he won’t even look at me.
I say this honestly and not for attention or sympathy, but I genuinely do not want to live anymore.
In my room I literally have an entire side-shelf by my bed of ALL the chaplets / devotionals i used to pray and say when i was a catholic.
As Jesus deceived and abandoned so now I am terrified that the Father will too. He will always choose Jesus or Mary or holy people over me, always! I feel in my heart that maybe Jesus is behind this. Right or wrong I feel like he is out to get me.
I tried to make my Father happy by praying to Jesus if that is his will but upon praying to Jesus, everything has fallen apart, everywhere i got and worked for with the Father has broken to pieces. why?

please don’t condemn me or hate me but please help

I don’t know what to do. My Father is all I have literally! Without him i have nothing and to lose him would be like losing the air i breathe. i will die.

 

[Nickkname]

You’re going through a dark night of the soul, that’s all.

I’m going through a dark night myself too.

 

[LDNCatholic]

Listen. God does not hate you.

There is nothing you can do to make Him love you any more than He already does.

What is this proof that God hates you? If that is not too much to ask.

God (including Jesus, whatever your thoughts on Him may be) loves you more than humans can comprehend, and this love reaches far beyond what our emotions are capable of sensing or expressing.

 

[Salonika]

Hi

You are certainly going through the “dark night of the soul” as another poster has said. And I hope no-one would condemn you for this - certainly I don’t - anyone who did would probably have to condemn themselves as I would think most people would have gone through some form of this.

Also I think you are a gal who is going through an ugly time rather than being an ugly gal.

uglygal:

I feel that at this moment I can say that I am completely abandoned and damned by god. He hates me and I know it…

I have tried hard to make god like me. All i have ever wanted is for him to be my friend but he won’t even look at me…

He (the Father) will always choose Jesus or Mary or holy people over me, always! I feel in my heart that maybe Jesus is behind this. Right or wrong I feel like he is out to get me.

Please don’t think I am in any way denying how you feel or saying that how you feel is wrong - but is it possible that how you feel at the moment could be influenced by how you feel about yourself and your life. It’s hard to feel anyone, including God, could love us, if we do not feel we are loveable or even likeable.

Also sometimes when we are at our lowest we are so het up that we miss signals that people care - could this be true of you with God.

When I was going through a bad time at work and couldn’t see any way out I once said to my boss "if the solution came and said “I am the solution” I wouldn’t see it.

I tried to make my Father happy by praying to Jesus if that is his will but upon praying to Jesus, everything has fallen apart, everywhere i got and worked for with the Father has broken to pieces. why?

Again don’t know what to do. My Father is all I have literally! Without him i have nothing and to lose him would be like losing the air i breathe. i will die.

Think you need to talk about this with someone you trust and who is both willing, able and competent to discuss this with you, maybe a spiritual director or counsellor trained in this area.

 

[PraRFLEsEkHm]

Hi

I will pray for you to come through this safe and sound, learning whatever it might be that God wishes for you to learn.

I’ll post this just FYI - please pay particular attention to #16:

1. Whosoever will be saved, before all things it is necessary that he hold the catholic faith;

1. Which faith except every one do keep whole and undefiled, without doubt he shall perish everlastingly.

1. And the catholic faith is this: That we worship one God in Trinity, and Trinity in Unity;

1. Neither confounding the persons nor dividing the substance.

1. For there is one person of the Father, another of the Son, and another of the Holy Spirit.

1. But the Godhead of the Father, of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit is all one, the glory equal, the majesty coeternal.

1. Such as the Father is, such is the Son, and such is the Holy Spirit.

1. The Father uncreated, the Son uncreated, and the Holy Spirit uncreated.

1. The Father incomprehensible, the Son incomprehensible, and the Holy Spirit incomprehensible.

1. The Father eternal, the Son eternal, and the Holy Spirit eternal.

1. And yet they are not three eternals but one eternal.

1. As also there are not three uncreated nor three incomprehensible, but one uncreated and one incomprehensible.

1. So likewise the Father is almighty, the Son almighty, and the Holy Spirit almighty.

1. And yet they are not three almighties, but one almighty.

1. **So the Father is God, the Son is God, and the Holy Spirit is God;

1. And yet they are not three Gods, but one God**.

1. So likewise the Father is Lord, the Son Lord, and the Holy Spirit Lord;

1. And yet they are not three Lords but one Lord.

1. For like as we are compelled by the Christian verity to acknowledge every Person by himself to be God and Lord;

1. So are we forbidden by the catholic religion to say; There are three Gods or three Lords.

1. The Father is made of none, neither created nor begotten.

1. The Son is of the Father alone; not made nor created, but begotten.

1. The Holy Spirit is of the Father and of the Son; neither made, nor created, nor begotten, but proceeding.

1. So there is one Father, not three Fathers; one Son, not three Sons; one Holy Spirit, not three Holy Spirits.

**25. And in this Trinity none is afore or after another; none is greater or less than another.

1. But the whole three persons are coeternal, and coequal.

1. So that in all things, as aforesaid, the Unity in Trinity and the Trinity in Unity is to be worshipped.

1. He therefore that will be saved must thus think of the Trin**ity.

1. Furthermore it is necessary to everlasting salvation that he also believe rightly the incarnation of our Lord Jesus Christ.

1. For the right faith is that we believe and confess that our Lord Jesus Christ, the Son of God, is God and man.

1. God of the substance of the Father, begotten before the worlds; and man of substance of His mother, born in the world.

1. Perfect God and perfect man, of a reasonable soul and human flesh subsisting.

1. Equal to the Father as touching His Godhead, and inferior to the Father as touching His manhood.

1. Who, although He is God and man, yet He is not two, but one Christ.

1. One, not by conversion of the Godhead into flesh, but by taking of that manhood into God.

1. One altogether, not by confusion of substance, but by unity of person.

1. For as the reasonable soul and flesh is one man, so God and man is one Christ;

1. Who suffered for our salvation, descended into hell, rose again the third day from the dead;

1. He ascended into heaven, He sits on the right hand of the Father, God, Almighty;

1. From thence He shall come to judge the quick and the dead.

1. At whose coming all men shall rise again with their bodies;

1. and shall give account of their own works.

1. And they that have done good shall go into life everlasting and they that have done evil into everlasting fire.

1. This is the catholic faith, which except a man believe faithfully he cannot be saved.

Jesus cannot abandon and hate you without the Father and the Holy spirit also abandoning and hating you. God is teaching you something here, what that might be I couldn’t say - but Faith is the answer whatever your question.

Hang in there and remember the words of St. Paul:

“I am crucified with Christ, nevertheless I live - yet not I, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the flesh I live by the grace of the Son of God - who loves me and gave Himself for me.”

Which follows perfectly with the words of Christ:

“whoever would have eternal life must deny himself, pick up his cross, and follow me”

We must be crucified as Christ was, living purely on Faith and Hope. From time to time the consolations we receive from Him are removed, in order to grow our Faith and Hope - making us stronger. Yet this doesn’t mean we are abandoned, He is still there watching over us as is Our Blessed Mother - praying and hoping in us that we persevere and come through the other side - so that we may again receive consolations and graces to continue.

Compare this period to learning how to ride a bike, or learning to walk: from time to time learning to ride a bike or learning to walk - our parent must let go and just watch, hoping that we pick it up and keep going…otherwise we have to start over again. But learn it we must.

Keep praying, keep the Faith, keep your hope alive. This too shall pass…

You are in my prayers



Peace

John

 

[Imryl]

I say this honestly and not for attention or sympathy, but I genuinely do not want to live anymore.

Seek medical attention at a local hospital.

 

[FCEGM]

You’re going through a dark night of the soul, that’s all.

I’m going through a dark night myself too.

Nick, don’t confuse the sense that one has been abandoned by God with the idea that God absolutely hates one; faith and love of God never brings us to abandon our love and faith (though we may question that depth of of these in our lives) - however far He may seem from us. One in an authentic dark night (as outlined by St. John of the Cross) especially doesn’t disbelieve in Christ Jesus. In the Dark Night one lives strictly by faith and trust, not in the sensibility of God’s presence.

 

[Biblioassistant]

God doesn’t hate you dear, but I think you do hate yourself. Someone suggested seeing a doctor. I second that suggestion. Please get some help, I will bet you’ll feel ever so much better about yourself.

 

[Epistemes]

Hello,

While I completely understand what you’re feeling, I find it hard to articulate in words the complexity of what may truly be going on within you and how help is truly possible. I’m just an ordinary layperson with no special education in the spiritual life, so basically anything I say should be taken with a grain of salt.

First, conceptually, if God is Love, then he cannot hate. It’s impossible for something so completely malevolent as hate to find its origin in Love. God is also immutable, or unchanging, so therefore he is not going to evolve from a God of Love into one of hate. He always has been and always will be a God of Love.

If you do not believe in these basic concepts about God, then I don’t know how anybody can help you since you would be operating from an idea of God that would be foreign to many people here. If you believe in a God who can hate and who does change, then such a deity sounds more like a common god and not the Ultimate Creator. So, you need to examine what you believe about God and why you think he is capable of hate. Again, logically, it is a contradiction to say God hates.

Now, having gotten that out of the way, you must begin to think practically. If God cannot hate, then God doesn’t hate you. If God is Love, then God loves you. So, if God loves you, no matter what you may believe, maybe you’ll find the answer to your troubles a little more closer to home within yourself.

I apologize for how short and garbled this explanation is. I’m sure it’s of very little value, but I just hope that you’ll take time to re-examine much of what you say about the Father.

 

[Prayer_Warrior]

God does not hate His children. God is love. There are a few reasons I can think of off the top of my head as to why you* think *God hates you.

1. There may be biological or psychological reasons. I would recommend that you seek medical/psychological help to rule this out. Many times our mind plays tricks on us because of chemical reasons. You could be trapped in a vicious cycle of fear and self-loathing that have nothing to do with God.
2. You are being deceived by an evil spirit. Satan will do anything to turn us from God’s love. He will trick anyone he can into believing falsehoods about God. Well, this falsehood (that God hates you) is a whopper. But you can fight back. First of all, you have the authority as a Christian to rebuke any evil spirit-- do so, if you haven’t already. I would also recommend deliverence prayers, and the St. Michael prayers.
3. You have misunderstood a spiritual trial for hatred. God does permit us to suffer with all sorts of trials. We should accept trials as spiritual discipline from a Father who loves us. God wants us to draw closer to Him during trials, not presume that He hates us.

I have to add one last thing. Don’t worry so much about “feelings” when it comes to God. You may not “feel” loved. You may not “feel” His presence. But that does not mean you are not loved and He is not present. You have to step out in faith and know in faith that God loves you and know in faith He is present to you. It may be that God is trying to teach you to only seek to love Him and seek to do His Will without worrying about how you “feel”. It is great when we receive a gift of God–like a wonderful warm feeling of His presence-- but very often people who receive such gifts start seeking only the gifts, not the Giver.

What are the set proofs that you believe you have that God hates you? Do they exceed the sufferings of Jesus Christ- Whom the Father so loved? Sometimes we have a hard time accepting that bad things happen to good people, to people that God loves. But if you look at holy people (including Jesus, Mary and the saints) they suffered. Terribly! You don’t believe that God hated them too, do you?

I will be praying for you! I would also recommend a book called “The God who Loves You” by Peter Kreeft. It is a real eye-opener.

 

[DJgang]

Hate doesn’t come from God, it comes from the sin of others and your own sin.

I am praying for you.

Dana

 

[bpbasilphx]

As Jesus deceived and abandoned so now I am terrified that the Father will too. He will always choose Jesus or Mary or holy people over me, always! I feel in my heart that maybe Jesus is behind this. Right or wrong I feel like he is out to get me.

**Jesus never deceived or abandoned you. He Himself said, “I am Truth,” so how could He?

The devil is trying to deceive you–he is the one who was a liar and a murderer from the beginning.**

 

[mariamae76]

Dear uglygal (Should be BeautifulWoman),

I went back and looked at one of the posts you made as a response to another person in pain. You said

The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want, He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters,he restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name’s sake.

The Lord God is drawing you to him

---

God is Love. True Love - proved by action, not merely spoken as words

These are good words. Please take them as not only advice that you give but advice that you take into your own heart.

I will pray for you.

(forgive me if my formatting is off in this, I don’t normally post and I am not sure how this all works)

 

[water]

I post this with great hesitation because I know I am very disliked by some (many?) catholics, but even so I don’t have anywhere else to go. I was raised in a very catholic household and everything was catholic, so in many ways it is the only system i am accustomed to.I would like some anonymous help / advice as I do not want to go to the priest etc in my parish or area.

I feel that at this moment I can say that I am completely abandoned and damned by god. He hates me and I know it.
I am cursed by god and he hates me and he never listens to me. When i speak to him he pushes me away and hates me. I have hoped in him so long and i have wasted so many years because he has hated me all along. Please don’t say I am imagining this because i am not, i have set proofs that he despises me.

I have tried hard to make god like me. All i have ever wanted is for him to be my friend but he won’t even look at me.
I say this honestly and not for attention or sympathy, but I genuinely do not want to live anymore.
In my room I literally have an entire side-shelf by my bed of ALL the chaplets / devotionals i used to pray and say when i was a catholic.
As Jesus deceived and abandoned so now I am terrified that the Father will too. He will always choose Jesus or Mary or holy people over me, always! I feel in my heart that maybe Jesus is behind this. Right or wrong I feel like he is out to get me.
I tried to make my Father happy by praying to Jesus if that is his will but upon praying to Jesus, everything has fallen apart, everywhere i got and worked for with the Father has broken to pieces. why?

please don’t condemn me or hate me but please help

I don’t know what to do. My Father is all I have literally! Without him i have nothing and to lose him would be like losing the air i breathe. i will die.

He loves you, and that’s why He gave you His Son, Jesus Christ.

 

[Lief_Erikson]

Dear uglygal, I think that a problem you’re suffering under is that you’re relying on your own strength to be in God’s love. You’re relying on your prayers or your feelings (note that I’m not saying this with any condemnation at all in mind), and you’re trying to make your Father happy with you through your own effort.

The reason this can never work is that human effort to reach God is just never good enough. We aren’t clean enough or strong enough to unite ourselves with God’s love.

That is why God sent His Son to die for us, to wash us clean with His blood. He does not require our blood or suffering, our struggles to separate ourselves from evil, for He has accomplished all of it for us. He defeated sin and death. St. Paul once wrote in torment, “Who will save me from this body of death?” And then he continued, saying that the victory is “in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

Jesus has won the battle for you. You don’t need to win your way into God’s favor. God has drawn you into His favor through the blood of Jesus, whose name means “God with us.” He unites us to God through His power. The “works” that we have to do to enter this grace is believe. Rely on Him, trust Him, and your part is done. His grace does the rest. Then live with Him, “follow” Him. That is the only “work” you have to do. Just believe Him, trust Him and follow Him. He said Himself, “my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Why? Because he carried the pain of it Himself for us, carried our sins for us and our well-deserved suffering, bore the hate of man when we deserved hate. That is His grace.

 

[Salonika]

uglygal:

I tried to make my Father happy by praying to Jesus if that is his will but upon praying to Jesus, everything has fallen apart, everywhere i got and worked for with the Father has broken to pieces. why?

Been reading the responses to your post and thought I’d share the following in case it has any relevance to your situation. If it doesn’t just discard it along with any other unhelpful comments I or anyone else makes.

I discovered some years ago that I had a very different view of God the Father and of Jesus than many people have. While it is more common for people to see God the Father as angry and judgemental, this was my view of Jesus. This came largely from my reaction to the parables - I always had sympathy and empathy for the elder son in the parable of the prodigal son. Not easy to pray to someone who you saw this way.

 

[SarahR]

This does not sound like a “dark night”, this sounds much beyond that sort of experience.
Please seek help from your priest or a good counselor and know that we are praying for you.

 

[PazFeAmor]

This does not sound like a “dark night”, this sounds much beyond that sort of experience.
Please seek help from your priest or a good counselor and know that we are praying for you.

 

[GodsGadfly]

Not, technically, a dark night.

What it is is demonic oppression.

Seek help from a holy priest. Find a holy priest.

I do not deny the efficacy of psychotherapy in its place, but I also know that psychotherapists tend to hate Catholics (ask at most mental hospitals: they have very strict rules about priests visiting, if they allow priests at all).

If you go to a hospital, as some have suggested, they will very likely tell you that “Catholic guilt” is the cause of your problems. My wife has a friend whose marriage was nearly destroyed by the stuff her mentally ill husband’s doctors were telling him.

You have those feelings because Satan is clouding your mind. This is not a “judgement” of you. I have battled these feelings myself many times. Sometimes, it’s because of sins we’re harboring that either we refuse to let go of or that we’re not even aware of. Sometimes, it’s because we’re clinging to spiritually harmful relationships.

It’s a long story, but I’ve learned this from many experiences, including being cursed by a family member who was practicing occultism.

Chaplets and devotions only get you so far. That is why the Church warns against superstition.

The first thing you need to do is go to confession and confess these feelings you’ve just confessed onlnie. Even if your mind is too clouded to examine your conscience, you are feeling despair. Pray to teh holy spirit for guidance and take the leap into the confessoinal.

Sometimes, we have to peel away our sins in layers. I know that the “official” thing is to confess all our sins at once, but that’s rarely possible when we’re being oppressed.

You’ve got to start with the obvious, and then peel through the layers. Confess your despair, even if you still feel it. Just go ot the priest and offer it and say, “I still feel this way, but I know it’s wrong, and I want God’s forgiveness.”

It starts there.

And fast. Offer up sacrifices.

Our human nature rebels against self-mortification, but spiritual perfection is impossible without it.

 

[Sam_Maloney]

There is nothing in your original post that would justify anyone here condemning you, and I can’t imagine why you’d think they dislike you, either.

I could almost feel your pain through your post, and I have the utmost empathy for you. I can’t answer for things like demonic oppression, but you certainly sound very, very depressed to me.

I do think establishing a relationship with a kind and holy priest would be helpful, but you might also want to take this screening test for depression:
pttest.msn.com/cgi-bin/transfer.cgi?partner=mns&test=depression
It’s free, and might offer you some insight.

Full disclosure: I’m not a big fan of perscription anti-depressants. I was on them for a while, and at first they helped enormously. But after a few months my emotions were more screwed up than ever. For me, St. John’s [900mg standardized/day] is nearly as effective, but carries far fewer side effects.

Please know that I’ll be praying for you…