In need of help NOT condemnation

[Mark_Robert]

God is pure love. It is impossible for Him to hate any of us. When Jesus died on the cross, He died for all humankind. That means you, I, everyone. If He did not spare even one drop of His sacred blood so that you may be saved, don’t doubt that He loves you totally and absolutely. In fact, He would have gladly lay down His life for you alone even if no one else had existed. Mary, the Mother of God, said to St. Bernadette, “I can’t promise you happiness in this life but only in the next.” My point is even though life may be tough here, it doesn’t mean that God doesn’t love you and wish you to enter paradise.

 

[blessedtoo]

I think there are an awful lot of Catholics who misunderstand the “dark night”. Such an intense spiritual journey is experienced by those who are immersed in their faith and love of God. This is not the OP’s experience at all - nor has it been since she has been posting on CAF.

I say this with all charity - you really need to seek professional help. People have been suggesting that since you’ve joined CAF because your posts indicate an erraticism that is clearly not being helped by discussing it here on the forums. If you refuse to see a priest, then consider a therapist.

 

[PazFeAmor]

I think there are an awful lot of Catholics who misunderstand the “dark night”. Such an intense spiritual journey is experienced by those who are immersed in their faith and love of God. This is not the OP’s experience at all - nor has it been since she has been posting on CAF.

I say this with all charity - you really need to seek professional help. People have been suggesting that since you’ve joined CAF because your posts indicate an erraticism that is clearly not being helped by discussing it here on the forums. If you refuse to see a priest, then consider a therapist.

 

[auntie_dee]

For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms…Ephesians 6:12

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord. “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future”. Jer 29:11.

Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:5-6

Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, Yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand…Isaiah 41:10

 

[AveSantaMaria]

I will say a rosary for you.

*Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with Thee. Blessed art Thou among women and Blessed is the fruit of Thy womb Jesus. Holy Mary Mother of God pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death. Amen. *

 

[uglygal]

thankyou for your advice. I will try to follow it. I have been to therapists and they can’t help me because I am not mad. This is purely spiritual and they cannot help. I loathe going to priests because I do not trust them, not one.

I will try to continue trusting in God and i will stick to the Father as I am sure he won’t let me down.
I didn’t realise i came across as erratic as i feel constant to myself. I have been searching for god so hard. I just have a problem no one can help me with.
thankyou i will try harder. It is true that the Father is love and love never fails (i hope)

:stretcher: Thankyou to those who have prayed cause I am feeling stronger in faith today.

 

[bpbasilphx]

hankyou i will try harder. It is true that the Father is love and love never fails (i hope)

And so is Jesus.

 

[blessedtoo]

thankyou for your advice. I will try to follow it. I have been to therapists and they can’t help me because I am not mad. This is purely spiritual and they cannot help. I loathe going to priests because I do not trust them, not one.

:stretcher: Thankyou to those who have prayed cause I am feeling stronger in faith today.

One does not have to be “mad” to see a therapist. I was seeing therapists for over 20 years - I am arguably not “mad”.

I would strongly encourage you to continue seeking a good therapist. It took me years to find one that I could work with. Just like finding a good doctor, seeking a mental health professional should not be abandoned just because you haven’t found the right one.

I would also disagree that you’re problem is purely spiritual. The screen name you chose for yourself is an indication that you have some “other” issues as well. You also have a very skewed idea of religion in general and Catholicism in particular - no doubt due to your upbringing which you have shared with us before. If your parents or early educators were not able to convey healthy religious idea to you, then you’re issues could be with how you were raised rather than the Church itself. In fact, I would argue that you don’t really know the Church at all and the thing you continue to fight against is a construct all of your own.

I was raised by a mother whom I used to describe as just like the mother in the movie “Carrie”. Coupled with the very barbaric pre-Vat II nuns I was educated by in 12 years of Catholic school, my early religious education left me bitter, angry and resentful of God. It has taken me 25 years to undo the knot of misinformation and confusion I was left with as a youngin’.

Please continue to seek help with the clergy as well. Why on earth would you choose to trust a group of anonymous internet posters over a priest?

 

[Lief_Erikson]

thankyou i will try harder. It is true that the Father is love and love never fails (i hope)

Don’t “try harder.” Your own personal effort is not what is required. Thank Heaven. If it was, none of us would get anywhere. None of us can try hard enough to enter God’s graces and the relationship we want. Personal effort is altogether insufficient- that is one of the great differences between Christianity and the other major religions. In the other major religions, they believe humans are required to work their way up to God. In Christianity, God came down to man . That’s a huge difference. And that’s why Jesus said, “my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Because he bears it for us!

Jesus’ blood on the cross is the unity between you and God that you need. He is our “only mediator,” according to Hebrews, the one who mediates grace to us that unites us with God. If you want a closer relationship with God, Jesus’ blood is the source of that relationship.

Perhaps your choice to focus on relating with God the Father only, rather than meditating on Jesus, the Mediator, is why you are having difficulty feeling that you are coming close to God? God gave his Son so that through Him, His blood, we might be one with God. If you’re not trying to be near the Son in your devotion, and are not choosing to accept in faith His blood that cleanses and offers unity with God, perhaps this feeling of distance from God is the result of that?

Jesus is the Mediator. Through Him we are made one with God. He calls Himself, “the door.” You have to go through “the door” to get inside the House where the Father resides.

 

[beckycmarie]

I feel in my heart that maybe Jesus is behind this. Right or wrong I feel like he is out to get me.
I tried to make my Father happy by praying to Jesus if that is his will but upon praying to Jesus, everything has fallen apart, everywhere i got and worked for with the Father has broken to pieces. why?

You are right - Jesus is behind all this and He is out to get you. . .but not in the threatening way you have in mind. He wants to draw you to Himself so that you can be with Him in Heaven.

It is possible God is allowing this suffering to teach you that your way of doing things just won’t work.

I’ve known of quite a few people who couldn’t accept in their heart some truth of the faith, but they decided to accept it with their will out of cold obedience. Shortly after doing so, the understanding and the devotion of the heart followed. For you, accepting with your mind (even if your heart doesn’t feel it) that God (and that includes the whole Trinity, Father, Son and Holy Spirit) loves you more than you can ever imagine will be a huge step in the right direction and out of despair.

I’d recommend to you saying an Act of Faith, an Act of Hope, and an Act of Love daily at least until you make a confession and return to the Church. Tell God that you are struggling with faith, hope, and love and ask him to help you have more of each. God will not disappoint - see Matthew 7:7. But you have to first accept God for who He is, one incredibly loving God in three Persons.

I will continue to pray for you.

Act of Faith
O my God, I firmly believe all the truths that the Holy Catholic Church believes and teaches; I believe these truths, O Lord, because Thou, the infallible Truth, hast revealed them to her; in this faith I am resolved to live and die. Amen.

Act of Hope
O my God, relying on Thy promises, I hope that, through the infinite merits of Jesus Christ, Thou wilt grant me pardon of my sins, and the graces necessary to serve Thee in this life and to obtain eternal happiness in the next. Amen

Act of Love
O my God, I love Thee with my whole heart and above all things, because Thou art infinitely good and perfect; and I love my neighbour as myself for love of Thee. Grant that I may love Thee more and more in this life, and in the next for all eternity. Amen

 

[jimmy]

uglygal, I will keep you in my prayers. One suggestion I can make is stability. It is an important thing for us to learn. For example, you mention having several devotions which you have prayed. Pick one which you particularly love and try to focus on that one devotion. Do you love the Rosary? Then pray that regularly rather than constantly switching devotions. Try to keep your life simple. We tend to complicate our lives and it makes us a little frantic or pulls blinders over our eyes so that we can’t see the Grace of God.

Always remember that God is your Father and He loves you. He will never abandon you although at times you might feel like it. Always remember that in God’s eyes you are extremely precious and that you occupy a special and irreplacable position. Remember that as a person you are beautiful. And Christ came to die for us that we would be cleansed and this beauty might shine forth clearly.

 

[Angels_Unaware]

Ugly Gal, I am going to repeat what others have said to you with gentleness and wisdom already. I’ve also read some of your other posts, and I know that you have a love/hate relationship with God.

I tend to agree this is not a dark night of the soul…

I agree that there are probably things happening physically and psychologically that a good, empathic psychiatrist could treat with medication.

I also agree very much that this is also, (in addition to what is happening mentally with you) demonic. And for that, you must see a priest. The fact that you have such strong resistance to seeing a priest really speaks volumes of how much you need one! (Preferably a very holy and intuitive priest, if one can be found).

The demonic is probably the source of this. You sound like a person who has been abused at some time in her life. Abusers can damage the soul of a child so deeply that they are vulnerable to the vicious attacks of the devil, even though they have not sinned. The abuser is a vehicle of hatred for the devil, who is able to oppress the child through the physical actions and verbal words of abuse.

Remember that “ugly” is what the devil whispers in your ear, because he himself is so very ugly! He wants you to believe that you are as ugly as he is. He tells you to look at your body, when in truth you should be looking at your soul.

Mother Teresa of Calcutta is the patron saint I chose when I entered the Church through RCIA. I was reminded that Mother Teresa is an icon of great beauty in the eyes of the Lord. The angels are in awe at her beauty. To us on earth, we saw a very battered and old little nun, who humbly worked among the dying and filth. But think of the breathtaking beauty Mother Teresa really possesses to our Lord, our Mother, the saints and angels.

This is where your beauty is, and where your worth is. I hope that you will take a step toward freedom and not post your feelings anonymously anymore, but find a priest who can help.

 

[uglygal]

Been reading the responses to your post and thought I’d share the following in case it has any relevance to your situation. If it doesn’t just discard it along with any other unhelpful comments I or anyone else makes.

I discovered some years ago that I had a very different view of God the Father and of Jesus than many people have. While it is more common for people to see God the Father as angry and judgemental, this was my view of Jesus. This came largely from my reaction to the parables - I always had sympathy and empathy for the elder son in the parable of the prodigal son. Not easy to pray to someone who you saw this way.

:crutches: i agree. I have my own experiences with Jesus I won’t go into because no one believes me.

 

[uglygal]

There is nothing in your original post that would justify anyone here condemning you, and I can’t imagine why you’d think they dislike you, either.

I could almost feel your pain through your post, and I have the utmost empathy for you. I can’t answer for things like demonic oppression, but you certainly sound very, very depressed to me.

I do think establishing a relationship with a kind and holy priest would be helpful, but you might also want to take this screening test for depression:
pttest.msn.com/cgi-bin/transfer.cgi?partner=mns&test=depression
It’s free, and might offer you some insight.

Full disclosure: I’m not a big fan of perscription anti-depressants. I was on them for a while, and at first they helped enormously. But after a few months my emotions were more screwed up than ever. For me, St. John’s [900mg standardized/day] is nearly as effective, but carries far fewer side effects.

Please know that I’ll be praying for you…

I’ve had depression as far back as I can remember and I have been on meds for a long time now. There is nothing wrong with me mentally because I work and function and support myself independently …praise the Father

I have had very severe depression for a very long time and I have been through many, many meds so I have found one’s that a good for me. I don’t think depression is demonic oppression

I am fine as long as God loves me . I will pray so that he will continue to do so

 

[uglygal]

Ugly Gal, I am going to repeat what others have said to you with gentleness and wisdom already. I’ve also read some of your other posts, and I know that you have a love/hate relationship with God.

I tend to agree this is not a dark night of the soul…

I agree that there are probably things happening physically and psychologically that a good, empathic psychiatrist could treat with medication.

I also agree very much that this is also, (in addition to what is happening mentally with you) demonic. And for that, you must see a priest. The fact that you have such strong resistance to seeing a priest really speaks volumes of how much you need one! (Preferably a very holy and intuitive priest, if one can be found).

The demonic is probably the source of this. You sound like a person who has been abused at some time in her life. Abusers can damage the soul of a child so deeply that they are vulnerable to the vicious attacks of the devil, even though they have not sinned. The abuser is a vehicle of hatred for the devil, who is able to oppress the child through the physical actions and verbal words of abuse.

Remember that “ugly” is what the devil whispers in your ear, because he himself is so very ugly! He wants you to believe that you are as ugly as he is. He tells you to look at your body, when in truth you should be looking at your soul.

Mother Teresa of Calcutta is the patron saint I chose when I entered the Church through RCIA. I was reminded that Mother Teresa is an icon of great beauty in the eyes of the Lord. The angels are in awe at her beauty. To us on earth, we saw a very battered and old little nun, who humbly worked among the dying and filth. But think of the breathtaking beauty Mother Teresa really possesses to our Lord, our Mother, the saints and angels.

This is where your beauty is, and where your worth is. I hope that you will take a step toward freedom and not post your feelings anonymously anymore, but find a priest who can help.

that it is anonymous is what brings me. Last time I went to a priest something bad happened … and then none of you believe me! … remember this

Is there a list of holy priests? or a list of blacklisted priests to avoid?

 

[SomeCatholicGuy]

I post this with great hesitation because I know I am very disliked by some (many?) catholics, but even so I don’t have anywhere else to go. I was raised in a very catholic household and everything was catholic, so in many ways it is the only system i am accustomed to.I would like some anonymous help / advice as I do not want to go to the priest etc in my parish or area.

I feel that at this moment I can say that I am completely abandoned and damned by god. He hates me and I know it.
I am cursed by god and he hates me and he never listens to me. When i speak to him he pushes me away and hates me. I have hoped in him so long and i have wasted so many years because he has hated me all along. Please don’t say I am imagining this because i am not, i have set proofs that he despises me.

I have tried hard to make god like me. All i have ever wanted is for him to be my friend but he won’t even look at me.
I say this honestly and not for attention or sympathy, but I genuinely do not want to live anymore.
In my room I literally have an entire side-shelf by my bed of ALL the chaplets / devotionals i used to pray and say when i was a catholic.
As Jesus deceived and abandoned so now I am terrified that the Father will too. He will always choose Jesus or Mary or holy people over me, always! I feel in my heart that maybe Jesus is behind this. Right or wrong I feel like he is out to get me.
I tried to make my Father happy by praying to Jesus if that is his will but upon praying to Jesus, everything has fallen apart, everywhere i got and worked for with the Father has broken to pieces. why?

please don’t condemn me or hate me but please help

I don’t know what to do. My Father is all I have literally! Without him i have nothing and to lose him would be like losing the air i breathe. i will die.

Hi. I’m very sorry to hear about your plight. I’m of the opinion, however, that if you looked, you will find just as much proof, if not more, that He loves you. God doesn’t love any one of us more than the next person, although He tends to show His love in different ways, as I often find. I also wanted to say that some of His greatest providence is in the prayers that He does not answer. What we need to do is to trust Him in the plan that He has for us. I know that it’s easier said than done, as I’ve struggled with it myself, but I want to assure you that there’s always morning after a night of darkness. God bless you!

 

[mom4truth]

Praying …

 

[Angels_Unaware]

Ugly Gal,

Thanks for letting us know you are on medication for depression. I have a degree in Psychology, but I don’t work in the field any more, I work in a business field now. Some depression is treatment-resistant. Normal antidepressants don’t work, and you need to start looking at mood stabilizers and/or anti-psychotics; ***not ***because you are psychotic, but because they will sometimes stabilize a severely depressed person’s mood. Another option is shock therapy.It can be very effective for treatment-resistant depression.

Thank you for posting the link about going to confession and your bad experience with the priest.

I am really not sure why everyone attacked you like that. I understand that you have a history of wildly swinging between expressing love for God and hatred for God, and others assume your perception is grossly distorted. However, even if that’s true, it is no excuse to simply discount what you say outright.

I am sorry that others were so attacking and nonsupporting of you. You didn’t tell us the priest said something you didn’t like, you said he said foul things to you. That’s very disturbing, and an excellent sign that you are experiencing something demonic.

Ugly Gal, I can’t help you except to say I wish you would find an exorcist. If you go to YouTube, you can search for exorcisms, and there are stories of real ones. Some lay exorcists will investigate your situation themselves, and decided if you really need an exorcist, and if you do they will advocate for you with the Church.

 

[Klara_Collins]

Thank you all for your prayers for uglygal. This thread is now Closed.

God bless you!
Klara Collins