In Need of Some Catholic Advice

[ajj1234]

This is my first post on Catholic Answers. I’ve used it a lot in the past to just look for general answers, but today I decided to join because I desperately needed advice. I couldn’t just ask someone close to me so I’m hoping someone can help me out.

Last week, I volunteered at a Catholic conference. I initially did not want to, but finally decided that it would be best if I did. My job was to play guitar in the choir during mass. Everyday for three days, there was a different mass, and since I had not signed up for the conference, I only stayed for mass each day. Because of the way the choir was set up, I faced the crowd during mass. Every day, I recognized a specific girl who I had never before seen. She was very respectful and collected, and obviously introverted. There was something so captivating about her and her presence. However, at the end of mass everyday I had no idea where she went because I would play the last song and when I would finish, she would be gone. After the conference was over, a friend of mine took pictures of everything and I went through them all. I could not find a single glimpse of her. She has been on my mind all day, every day since then, and I am starting to feel depressed that I may never see her again. My first question is, Is there a reason why I can’t get her out of my mind? My second is, What should I do about it? There seems to be no way I can find her because I don’t have a name, a location, or anything else. Just a face. Thank you for helping me and I hope God directs me to the best possible scenario for this situation.

 

[JRKH]

…My first question is, Is there a reason why I can’t get her out of my mind?

Well - the mind is just like that sometimes. It gets a hold of something and won’t let go of it.

My second is, What should I do about it? There seems to be no way I can find her because I don’t have a name, a location, or anything else. Just a face. Thank you for helping me and I hope God directs me to the best possible scenario for this situation.

Frankly - I don’t think that there is much you can do about it - finding her I mean - without getting completely obsessive over the matter. As you said, you don’t have anything except this image in your mind.
My suggestion is that you simply accept this lovely image as part of the overall experience and let it go at that. Over time your brain will move on…

Peace
James

 

[Lasting_faith]

Sounds like something that has happen to me.

You may find her if you attend mass, it is OK to go, only thing you can’t do is to receive The Sacraments. (I guess all will be blessed in the end of Mass. Catholic or not.) Try to that. Or you can do as I did, and what is strange is that I did think about that girl today, keep it as a beautiful memory. But this is what happen to me. I use to take the bus to work when it was possible, and in the same bus was also a girl who I use to look at, and she did look back. I can not say I was in love with her, but when ever we did see each other the day was a bit better. Years did past, and I was with my gal at the movies, and there she was! A few chairs away, and with her guy. Well, we did see each other, and the exchange of looks, wow! I have never in my life felt a deeper feeling of love. Not before, never after. It was a amazing moment. So my advice is that if you don’t want to find her, (why not try?) or cherish that moment for ever as the most beautiful memory you have.

 

[McMcMe]

Sorry you missed your chance! It is so easy to obsess about someone when they can’t say or do ANYTHING to refute the idealized, imagined version of them we carry in our minds. I think many older adults can tell you their own story of the “one who got away.” For me it was a man in a small bookstore over 20 years ago. It was pouring rain outside so we were trapped there–as we wandered we kept catching each other’s eye and checking out what the other was reading. But we never spoke–big “what if.”

You’ve done your best to try to find her identity but failed. Take heart though, you did learn some of the qualities that are attractive to you in a woman: respectful, collected, introverted. You’ve also learned that Catholic conferences may be the sort of place to find that sort of woman. And, you’ve learned that when you feel that attraction again–ACT ON IT!

 

[Tenebrae]

I would tell you to pray about this. Put it in God’s hands: if it’s His will that the two of you should get together, God will bring it about in His own way and time. If it’s not meant to be, then ask God to give you the grace to move on. God knows what’s best.

 

[on_the_hill]

The one that got away.

Enjoy the warm fuzzy feelings while they last.

[one of my own stories like this: there was a girl (woman) I’d see at work, we were always exchanging glances, smiling from a distance, etc. Finally I broke the ice and we went to lunch. It was a disaster. ]

 

[Joe_5859]

This is my first post on Catholic Answers. I’ve used it a lot in the past to just look for general answers, but today I decided to join because I desperately needed advice. I couldn’t just ask someone close to me so I’m hoping someone can help me out.

Last week, I volunteered at a Catholic conference. I initially did not want to, but finally decided that it would be best if I did. My job was to play guitar in the choir during mass. Everyday for three days, there was a different mass, and since I had not signed up for the conference, I only stayed for mass each day. Because of the way the choir was set up, I faced the crowd during mass. Every day, I recognized a specific girl who I had never before seen. She was very respectful and collected, and obviously introverted. There was something so captivating about her and her presence. However, at the end of mass everyday I had no idea where she went because I would play the last song and when I would finish, she would be gone. After the conference was over, a friend of mine took pictures of everything and I went through them all. I could not find a single glimpse of her. She has been on my mind all day, every day since then, and I am starting to feel depressed that I may never see her again. My first question is, Is there a reason why I can’t get her out of my mind? My second is, What should I do about it? There seems to be no way I can find her because I don’t have a name, a location, or anything else. Just a face. Thank you for helping me and I hope God directs me to the best possible scenario for this situation.

Welcome to CAF!

This is called “infatuation.” It’s not an uncommon thing.

It doesn’t seem like there’s anything you can do about it. Offer a prayer for her and then move on. It’s completely out of your hands as to whether or not you’ll ever see her again in this life.

 

[St_Francis]

I think you should thank God for allowing you to see her every time you think of her.

 

[ajj1234]

Thanks everyone for your great advice. Let me just give you some background on everything.

I am a practicing Catholic and I attend mass regularly, including the sacraments and the eucharist. I do find it promising that I seemed to be attracted to someone in the presence of Jesus Christ. That is mind-blowing! The conference, however, is a national conference and it takes place every year in a different city. Luckily, it took place in my city this year, which is why I volunteered. So the chances of her being from where I am are very slim. Also, next year’s conference takes place on the other side of the country, and I can’t afford to go. So maybe God did close this door for me, but it opened up so many more!

I felt comfort in reading that many of you experienced something similar and you all are actually quite relieved that things happened that way! If it is in God’s will, I will eventually meet her again. If not, I’ll find someone perfect anyway and I can look back on this and thank God for the experience.

 

[lexabagatnan]

Hello,

I can absolutely relate to what you’re saying, because this has also happened to me before! I’m almost positive this has happened to a lot more people, too.

I would pray about it and ask God if her appearance was something significant, or if you’re just feeling some fuzzy feelings (which we ALL get). God puts people in our lives for a reason. However, we don’t fully know why He does. I would pray to him and also ask Mary for patience for an answer.

I hope my small advice helps. God bless you!

Lorraine

 

[Joe_5859]

Thanks everyone for your great advice. Let me just give you some background on everything.

I am a practicing Catholic and I attend mass regularly, including the sacraments and the eucharist. I do find it promising that I seemed to be attracted to someone in the presence of Jesus Christ. That is mind-blowing! The conference, however, is a national conference and it takes place every year in a different city. Luckily, it took place in my city this year, which is why I volunteered. So the chances of her being from where I am are very slim. Also, next year’s conference takes place on the other side of the country, and I can’t afford to go. So maybe God did close this door for me, but it opened up so many more!

I felt comfort in reading that many of you experienced something similar and you all are actually quite relieved that things happened that way! If it is in God’s will, I will eventually meet her again. If not, I’ll find someone perfect anyway and I can look back on this and thank God for the experience.

Now that I think of it, I had a similar experience. When waiting in the lobby of the building to take my college entrance exam, I saw a girl that caught my eye. As luck would have it, as everyone was processing into the auditorium to take the test, I wound up sitting next to her. Of course, back then I was far too painfully shy to strike up a conversation. A few years later, while attending a play on campus, I noticed that she was up there on stage. It was a big school, so I never really expected to see her again. As I had some new friends in the show, I discovered that she was actually involved with some of the Catholic activities on campus that I was just starting to become aware of. Of course, I still didn’t say anything to her and have never seen her since. She went somewhere else after that semester. It was an odd thing, though. Now I’m happily married, though, so no harm done.

So, yeah, you never know what could happen. But I wouldn’t sit there pining after her. If it happens that you see her again, count it as a pleasant surprise. Realistically, though, probability is not on your side.

 

[ajj1234]

Thanks Joe 5859 and lexabagatnan. You all are so supportive on this site! I understand that she is a stranger and I probably will never see her again. Who knows? Maybe she is the complete opposite of me and if I did talk to her, it would have been a disaster. HOWEVER I do believe that there is no such thing as probability or chances when it comes to God’s will. I guess, though, that I’m just excited about having this feeling, really, about another person. Infatuation sure is interesting. I can’t wait till I find out who God has planned for me and I’ll take this experience as a little taste of that.

 

[ajj1234]

By any chance, can any of you help me with a prayer that I could use for this situation?

 

[quiet52]

Thanks Joe 5859 and lexabagatnan. You all are so supportive on this site! I understand that she is a stranger and I probably will never see her again. Who knows? Maybe she is the complete opposite of me and if I did talk to her, it would have been a disaster. HOWEVER I do believe that there is no such thing as probability or chances when it comes to God’s will. I guess, though, that I’m just excited about having this feeling, really, about another person. Infatuation sure is interesting. I can’t wait till I find out who God has planned for me and I’ll take this experience as a little taste of that.

It might have been God’s will that you learn something from this experience.

Father in Heaven, Creator of all things beautiful, thank you for the special moments of profound attraction I experienced when I saw the beautiful woman during Mass. Help me to appreciate the beauty and holy dignity in every person I meet, and especially to cherish and be in joyful awe of the woman I will some day marry. Help me to always lift up my heart to you, Lord, with praise, with trust, and with earnest longing for you. Help me to be a light of your love.

May this woman know your loving presence and may her heart be open to abide by your will with joyful hope and peace.

Amen.

 

[on_the_hill]

By any chance, can any of you help me with a prayer that I could use for this situation?

Yes. It goes like this: “The Lord helps them that help themselves.”

Next time you’re in a situation like this, make a move.

Reminds me of an old joke: Two guys at a party are complaining about how they never have girlfriends. God’s voice calls out to them, “I will place the perfect woman across the room from you. The only condition is that you can only cross halfway. Then you must cross half the remaining distance. Then half of that distance, and so on.”

Poof! There she is, and all that they’ve ever imagined she would be.

The first guy starts walking toward her when the second guy grabs his arm. “Don’t you realize this is just a cruel joke? If we cross half the distance, then half the distance again, then half the distance again, we’ll never actually cross the room! It will go on to infinity!”

The first guy keeps walking, “I’ll get close enough.”

 

[ajj1234]

Thanks for the prayers and the joke. Every night before I go to sleep, I pray the rosary and follow it with a personal prayer. I will definitely use these ones tonight. I’m learning a lot from what you all are saying to me. I’m only seventeen years old so I have a lot more situations that are out there for me to experience. But I think I will always keep a small little memory of this “one that got away” and the quiet beauty she radiated towards me. I should really count this as a beautiful blessing and reminder that God sent me. And if that girl is out there, even if she’ll never read this, all I can say is thank you. Thank you so very, very much.