In Need of Support

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Moni24

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Hi everyone, I’m new so I’m sorry if I’m posting this in the wrong category or something. I joined basically because I need some support in my life. I’m a college student and was a homeschooled, born and raised Catholic. My faith became stronger through the years as I learned more about it, and I loved it and still do.

But I’m getting to the point where I just feel so alone in my faith. All of my friends are either non-Catholic or terrible excuses for Catholics. My school and work environments are, of course, solidly secular and going to church or not having sex before marriage is generally considered ridiculous. My parents are devout and my only real inspiration. My brother recently revealed to me that he no longer believes, it hurt to hear that. My parents don’t know. The hardest part is my boyfriend, he’s not Catholic. He’s a wonderful guy and has agreed to everything, from no sex before marriage to NFP after marriage, but it’s hard that I can’t share this part of my life with him, he just doesn’t understand and it’s been the subject of the only fights we’ve had. Other than that we are close and get along well in every way, which makes me think maybe we are meant to be, that God made us so alike in most ways so that we could take on the challenge of being so different in this important way.

In any event, I am just getting so discouraged. I even joined a Christian Bible study on campus (there are no Catholic ones) just to connect with people who have similar viewpoints, and they are nice but they don’t understand me. The only Catholics I’ve met have been extremists who are judgemental, quick to push a tract into your hands and aren’t down to earth at all, or people who say their Catholic but live in such a way that they’re not even a good influence and I don’t want to be around them!!

This sounds kind of pathetic as I write it, I imagine a lot of you are thinking “then make some Catholic friends!” or “find a Catholic boyfriend!” because I would’ve said the same thing a few years ago. But it’s different when you live it!! I feel like God is testing me but I don’t know if I’m strong enough but I want to be faithful to Him 😦 I feel like everytime I try to make a stand for my faith by the way I live or the choices I make I just look foolish or am hurt or simply left alone. It’s like the Church is real to me but to everyone else it makes it impossible to function in the world. Thanks for reading, it took me a while to get the courage to pour all this out, even if it’s just on an anonymous forum. Advice and prayers are welcome.
 
Dear Moni24,
Thank you for sharing your hurt and loneliness. Unfortunately it is normal for young active Catholics to feel alone in their community because there aren’t as many active Catholics around. I can personally testify that it is hard especially when the family isn’t active. But rest assure among your Christian brothers and sisters, you aren’t alone. We are here and we are covering you in prayer. I know several campuses have Catholic student groups that are run through the campus chaplaincy. If they don’t, often nearby parishes have Catholic student/ career groups for their students. I suggest that you contact your local diocese and see if they can connect you. Check them out, hopefully there is something in your neighbourhood.

If you ever need a friend to talk about it, message me. I am here. Over time, it does get better.

SG
 
See if there is a Newman Center that serves your college.

newmanconnection.com/locations/find

Many major colleges have one, and if there is a neighboring college with one, you would be welcome there. My sons attended a local community college before moving on to a university, and often went to the Newman Center that was attached to a local university.

Go to the local parish, talk to the pastor and tell him of the need for some Catholic fellowship among your peers at college. There are likely thousands of students at your college, and statistically 1/3 or more may be Catholic. If only 1/3 of 1% of those are serious about their faith it is a sizable number. Don’t despair.
 
Food for thought: if you love a black woman and are white and want to teach the world that being racist is not okay AND the woman is going to leave you to go to college, do you
  1. Have sex with her before marriage to prove your love
  2. Fear your own errancy and never take risks
If you never try to be perfect, you will never be perfect. The Bible only displays one aspect of why sex before marriage is sinful, that is, because it is sinful of most people who have not evaluated the means of the pleasure principle on the basis of doing something for the fun of it vs. making love. It’s called making love for a reason.

Your friends do not understand how to be mature enough to engage in moral premarital sex, the non-promiscuous kind. Hopefully you don’t make their mistake.

I have had premarital sex and go to church. I don’t think God would say I have sinned, in fact I have asked him many time to confirm. Do the same if you want to take the road I did.

Otherwise, just take care of yourself bucko. God likes humble and you’re well on the road to Heaven.

See you there 👍
 
I know how you feel because I’ve been there! I think it’s wonderful that you have a relationship with a person that is understanding about NFP and chastity. You mentioned that you feel that you can’t share “this part of your life” with him, and it has caused some arguments due to him not understanding. I know that it must feel disappointing when someone close to you doesn’t understand your faith, but it sounds like he’s pretty reasonable and is making steps in the right direction. Sometimes it takes people years to turn to Mother Church. The best way to help them first and foremost is prayer and a gentle approach. A wise priest once told St. Monica in regards to her wayward son, St. Augustine, “Pray like everything depends on God, but work as if everything depends on you.” In regards to you, this could mean to not hold back from people this crucial part of yourself. In fact, we are called to be the salt of the earth and the light of the world. Of course, approach people with love and gentleness:) After all, no one has ever been converted by a battering ram!

I do want to throw out a word of caution about attending mixed Bible study groups. As you are probably aware, we have some marked differences with our Protestant brethren in doctrine and biblical understanding. I certainly agree with being accepting and respectful of those with different viewpoints, but it might be difficult for you to contribute your Catholic thoughts and ideals to those that belong to a different church. Some people find that their faith starts to steer more Protestant than Catholic over time.

Anyway, I admire the frankness of your post, and I want you to know that you are not alone. I’m praying for you!
 
Hi Moni:

A few things I’d like to point out to help you feel a little better.
  1. College is as low as it gets. Before it, students may be still be enthusiastic about their faith. After it, some people drift back. But the absolute low point in people’s spiritual lives is college. So it’s uphill from there.
  2. Part of the reason it may feel like you’re alone is because there are other people like you that are intimidated into silence. They go through college defensively, half-alive and half-dead. Just like Elijah, there are instances, perhaps more often than we realize, where a whole handful of people might be sitting in a room, all at once thinking to themselves “I am the only one”.
  3. You’re just going to have to try harder to be pro-active. There are more people that care about their faith than you realize. A person can live immorally simply by drifting along the path of least resistance. But in order to be moral, you have to pro-active. If you work at it, you will get results.
 
The way you feel now is exactly the way you will feel in the workplace in most workplaces.
Weather you work in an office or factory… somehow you must divide yourself in two…
a huge lot of people have little or no faith… and trying to explain your feelings to others will only make you a target for ridicule … if your boyfriend supports you then that is fantastic, but dont try to force your faith and catholic opinion on him … but gently focus him towards your faith and show him the enjoyment of your faith… if you need a random person to chat to… then p.m me
 
You might consider asking your boyfriend to go through RCIA with you, to learn about your faith. Many people also go through it to renew their commitment and their information about the church, so you could attend also.
At least he would understand where you are coming from, if you find a good RCIA program. At best he might choose to become Catholic eventually.
I converted because my husband is Catholic, and I fell in love with Christ’s church. Now he rarely goes but I wouldn’t miss a Sunday.
 
“In any event, I am just getting so discouraged. I even joined a Christian Bible study on campus (there are no Catholic ones) just to connect with people who have similar viewpoints, and they are nice but they don’t understand me. The only Catholics I’ve met have been extremists who are judgemental, quick to push a tract into your hands and aren’t down to earth at all, or people who say their Catholic but live in such a way that they’re not even a good influence and I don’t want to be around them!!”

This was very insightful: "there are instances, perhaps more often than we realize, where a whole handful of people might be sitting in a room, all at once thinking to themselves “I am the only one”. Yes, indeed. Years after college, for instance, I realized that I had not been the only one with no boyfriend–nearly everybody had no boyfriend, but I didn’t notice, because I wasn’t paying attention.

Have you been trying to meet Catholics (i.e. going specially to places where they can be found) or have you just been drifting along? Here are a few suggests (with some overlap from upthread):
  1. Newman Center
  2. Catholic young adult groups in your community (call around)
  3. Pro-life campus group and volunteering (for instance at a maternity home or similar)
and if none of that works:
  1. A campus parachurch organization such as Intervarsity. Yes, it is Protestant, but 1) there are Catholics in Intervarsity 2) You need to get safely through college 3) the Christian fellowship will cheer you up and keep you out of trouble
  2. Maybe start an after-Mass breakfast group? Talk to your college chaplain.
 
Wow thank you all for your helpful advice!!! I will look into both the Newman center and Catholic young adult groups. And yes Evania you are right about Protestant Christian groups, I’ve always felt that disconnect even though I have befriended some really great people. TK421, I’m glad to hear that college is a low point for others besides me and that it gets better afterwards. Just have to keep remembering that we’re not “of this world” and that being a Catholic will set you apart from the mainstream I guess. I don’t think my boyfriend would go for RCIA at this point but that is something I will keep in mind down the road. I do hope that he converts someday, but I’m not banking on that because he’s already shown me that he’ll respect my beliefs. I’m simply respecting his choices in return while still living my faith because I think that’s all I can/should really do in this situation.

Again I really do appreciate the encouragement, I’ll be praying for you all!
 
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