In RCIA and have NFP/Birth Control Questions

[rabbysmom]

I have started RCIA and need some reading suggestions/websites regarding NFP and the Catholic position on contraception. I am married with two kids and my husband is not in RCIA with me and hasn’t been to any church in years. Is there anyone here in a marriage where the other spouse is not Catholic and you converted?

Our kids are 15 and 9 and we were done. But now I am seriously considering joining the church and this has been the one issue I have been sweeping under the rug.
What if my husband disagrees with this issue? Isn’t it a mortal sin if I continue birth control? I still don’t even know the difference between mortal and venial sins as it is. Thank you for any help/advise you can provide!

Stephanie

 

[jazzy0710]

NFP is atcually quite easy to follow once you really get going with it. Is their a coach in your area that can teach it to you?

 

[1ke]

I have started RCIA and need some reading suggestions/websites regarding NFP and the Catholic position on contraception. I am married with two kids and my husband is not in RCIA with me and hasn’t been to any church in years. Is there anyone here in a marriage where the other spouse is not Catholic and you converted?

Our kids are 15 and 9 and we were done. But now I am seriously considering joining the church and this has been the one issue I have been sweeping under the rug.
What if my husband disagrees with this issue? Isn’t it a mortal sin if I continue birth control? I still don’t even know the difference between mortal and venial sins as it is. Thank you for any help/advise you can provide!

Stephanie

I’d suggest taking one thing at a time. First, take a class in natural family planning. Your diocese or parish may offer classes. There are four main methods, and you can google them for info on classes:

Sympto-Thermal Method (Couple to Couple League and Northwest Family Services are the two big teaching groups of STM)

Creighton Model Natural Family Planning (also known as Fertility Care)

Billings Ovulation Method (more popular in Canada, UK, and Australia than the US, but still available in US)

Marquette Model, out of Marquette University school of nursing

 

[pensmama87]

As far as the “mechanics” of NFP, there’s also a really great secular book called Taking Charge of Your Fertility. I would definitely encourage you to learn the theological reasons as well, but there are actually quite a few people who don’t use contraception for non-religious reasons (that’s how I started, actually, and then got to understand Church teaching on it more.)

In secular circles, it’s often referred to as FAM or fertility awareness methods, and many advocate the use of a barrier during fertile times, which wouldn’t be OK from a Catholic perspective, but the rest of the science and method is right on.

Some people are really into learning from another person via course or personal instructor, but I find I do best when I start with a book and then work from there.

 

[808Catholic]

I have started RCIA and need some reading suggestions/websites regarding NFP and the Catholic position on contraception. I am married with two kids and my husband is not in RCIA with me and hasn’t been to any church in years. Is there anyone here in a marriage where the other spouse is not Catholic and you converted?

Our kids are 15 and 9 and we were done. But now I am seriously considering joining the church and this has been the one issue I have been sweeping under the rug.
What if my husband disagrees with this issue? Isn’t it a mortal sin if I continue birth control? I still don’t even know the difference between mortal and venial sins as it is. Thank you for any help/advise you can provide!

Stephanie

While other posters are addressing the mechanics of NFP, I’d like to offer my perspective on the marital relationship challenge. As a fallen away Catholic, I had also used contraceptive with my GF now wife. As I came back to the church, I researched this topic and consulted the parish priest concluding that the conjugal act is just one of the gifts of marriage. If I truly loved my wife and honor my wedding vows, I would not treat her as an object just to satisfy my physical urges. Love is about communication and communion. Sound familiar? Yes, I mean our covenant with God. While we may partake of His Body and Blood (physical expression of our vows to God) once a week, we also express our love by praying (communication) and meditating on Him hopefully daily.

If you’re like the average married couple in their mid-30s to early 40s, you may partake of the conjugal act once or twice a week but you probably express your love constantly through other means. I suggest you broach the subject with your husband carefully and explain abstaining from the conjugal act is not a punishment or sacrifice but an offering to God. A way of thanking Him, Our Creator, for the gift of our spouse and the sacrament of marriage. Just as Jesus fasted and prayed, so we married couples “fast” in honor of God. By being more conscious of my wife’s monthly cycles, I’m a more attentive husband. By keeping to God’s laws, I’m more attuned to the Will of God and lead my wife to be more faithful as well.

Hope this helps! I pray for your discernment and hope you have a wonderful RCIA journey.

 

[maryjk]

I am a cradle Catholic (Catholic from birth), but I left the Church and later returned. (Reverted.)

My husband is Catholic but only by virtue of his baptism. He does not claim to be Catholic, at all.

When I reverted, I simply sat down with my husband and explained how important it was to me to practice NFP, rather than take ABC. (artificial birth control) When he understood that it was very important to me, and that I felt my soul was on the line, he very quickly sign on to NFP.

I also suggest you look into NFP. Talk to some people at the parish. Take a class. Get a book from the library. Buy a book. Learn a little about it. You might find out, like I did, that you prefer NFP to ABC.

 

[Kelfa28]

NFP can be a challenge…especially when one spouse is not on board.

I’m not saying that it’s optional when it comes to the Church but it’s still a cross to carry that you’ll probably be devoting quite a lot of time in prayer about.

It’s been a cross for my marriage and we need to abstain right now and my husband is a devote Catholic who understands and agrees with the Church as much as I do.

I agree with everyone else here.

Talk to your RCIA director and the Priest and ask questions about different methods and available classes to take.

I’m not a fan of STM and especially NOT a fan of couple to couple league (CCL). But that is my personal opinion and some people highly recommend it.

You’ll have to discuss this with your husband as well. It may be a difficult discussion.

I do recommend picking up and listening to Dr. Janet Smith’s lecture “Contraception, Why Not?”
She does an excellent job at explaining the Church’s teachings on NFP and why the Church is against Contraception in all forms.

Maybe you and your husband can listen together.

 

[Kelfa28]

FYI…just looked it up.

Dr. Smith’s lecture is on YouTube for free.

 

[GreyWings]

I’d suggest taking one thing at a time. First, take a class in natural family planning. Your diocese or parish may offer classes. There are four main methods, and you can google them for info on classes:

Sympto-Thermal Method (Couple to Couple League and Northwest Family Services are the two big teaching groups of STM)

Creighton Model Natural Family Planning (also known as Fertility Care)

Billings Ovulation Method (more popular in Canada, UK, and Australia than the US, but still available in US)

Marquette Model, out of Marquette University school of nursing

Yes, I’ve read many, many good things about the Billings Method in particular. Apparently it’s very reliable.

 

[Convert_in_99]

Yes, I’ve read many, many good things about the Billings Method in particular. Apparently it’s very reliable.

A word of caution on Billings. If you have any fertility issues it may not work. I know because I have them and we struggle with Billings as a result. If you ovulate regularly and have good cervical mucous, you should be fine. Sympto Thermal Method and Creighton are the most reliable in my opinion, I’ve also heard good things about Marquette. And many seem to use it in conjunction with another Method.

The abstinence requirements of all methods of NFP can be a difficult cross to carry at times. But I have found that offering the abstinence up to God as a fasting for a particular intention (I offer mine for DH’s conversion) helps put it in perspective!

Best wishes!

 

[misspriss]

I joined the church shortly after my wedding to a non-catholic. NFP is not hard, as we were already practicing FAM just using withdrawal during fertile times. I had already realized I was not happy with hormonal birth control, or anything that could be an aborfricant (I was a baptist before joining the church).

The only thing we have disagreed about is he can’t understand why he can’t have stand alone oral sex or manual stimulation (not as a part of foreplay) on occasion (he doesn’t want it 24/7 or anything). That is really his only hangup. It’s not like I enjoyed doing that before anyway.

I used a mix of the FAM/secular method before we conceived DS, then after DS used marquette until I went broke buying sticks and I was pretty regular anyway, then using Billings until we conceived DD. I am still experiencing LAM and am using Billings to monitor my fertility returning.

 

[misspriss]

Also, it was my research on NFP that led me to the church! I was researching NFP devices, and found review on this forum. That led me to research the catholic position on contraception and NFP, and eventually led me to recognize the truth in the church.

 

[Kelfa28]

Also, it was my research on NFP that led me to the church! I was researching NFP devices, and found review on this forum. That led me to research the catholic position on contraception and NFP, and eventually led me to recognize the truth in the church.

For us…I was looking into both the Church and NFP but separately.

I had picked up Taking Charge of Your Fertility and was looking into using FAM.

At the time, I had no idea that the Church and NFP were both connected with each other.

I didn’t find out until our marriage prep and thought…“well, that’s convenient!”