In RCIA, losing interest

[LifeInSunshine]

Hello, everyone. So I don’t know what to do- I’m in RCIA now, and only a couple of weeks ago I was really passionate about Catholicism, but now I have no interest in it whatsoever. I find the rabid anti-abortion, anti-gay marriage stance of the Church quite draining, and I just want some peace. Further complicating matters is the fact that I am getting married next August, and I was going to get married in the Catholic Church. Now, I don’t know if I should stick through with the RCIA classes just in case I feel interested in Catholicism again, or if I should just get married outside of the Church. Any (name removed by moderator)ut?

 

[anp1215]

Hello, everyone. So I don’t know what to do- I’m in RCIA now, and only a couple of weeks ago I was really passionate about Catholicism, but now I have no interest in it whatsoever. I find the rabid anti-abortion, anti-gay marriage stance of the Church quite draining, and I just want some peace. Further complicating matters is the fact that I am getting married next August, and I was going to get married in the Catholic Church. Now, I don’t know if I should stick through with the RCIA classes just in case I feel interested in Catholicism again, or if I should just get married outside of the Church. Any (name removed by moderator)ut?

I would advise you to stick with the classes. They could change, but you won’t know if you drop them. Not every class should focus on anti-abortion and anti-gay marriage issues (I hope that they aren’t).

Besides, even if you finish all the classes, you’re not under any obligation to join the Church. I chose not to. I know of people who were in the classes on and off for years before they decided to join the Church. It’s a very relaxed atmosphere (at least it should be).
Good luck.

 

[TrueLight]

Hello, everyone. So I don’t know what to do- I’m in RCIA now, and only a couple of weeks ago I was really passionate about Catholicism, but now I have no interest in it whatsoever. I find the rabid anti-abortion, anti-gay marriage stance of the Church quite draining, and I just want some peace. Further complicating matters is the fact that I am getting married next August, and I was going to get married in the Catholic Church. Now, I don’t know if I should stick through with the RCIA classes just in case I feel interested in Catholicism again, or if I should just get married outside of the Church. Any (name removed by moderator)ut?

That’s exactly what RCIA is for - to see if you really want to join the Church. You shouldn’t join just to avoid marriage hassles later on.

Is your Fiance Catholic? Help me out folks if I’m wrong, but if he is Catholic, he will need to get a dispensation to marry outside the Church. If he is not, then you’re fine.

 

[1ke]

Define rabid. I don’t understand the problem with the Church’s teaching on the sanctity of life and human sexuality.

 

[puzzleannie]

Hello, everyone. So I don’t know what to do- I’m in RCIA now, and only a couple of weeks ago I was really passionate about Catholicism, but now I have no interest in it whatsoever. I find the rabid anti-abortion, anti-gay marriage stance of the Church quite draining, and I just want some peace. ?

this is your only reason for losing interest in RCIA or are their other issues, perhaps with the way the process is being conducted in your parish?

none of us can achieve true peace on this planet as long as life for the innocent unborn is in constant threat by the powers of government, and as long as civil governments are allowed to contravene natural law on sex and marriage to the destruction of the family–the cornerstone of a healthy productive society.

 

[hilde_the_dog]

I get concerned about any one who is passionate because it is inevitable that you will be buffeted by the opposite feelings. Feelings are not a true indicator - they changed to often. Be leary of them when making spiritual calculations. Perseverance is a virtue that maybe you should practise and start practising with RCIA classes. Spritual deserts are to be expected.

 

[1ke]

Further complicating matters is the fact that I am getting married next August, and I was going to get married in the Catholic Church. Now, I don’t know if I should stick through with the RCIA classes just in case I feel interested in Catholicism again, or if I should just get married outside of the Church. Any (name removed by moderator)ut?

If *neither *you nor your fiance is Catholic, you would not marry in the Catholic Church until and unless one of you actually are a Catholic-- meaning you have come into full communion with the Catholic Church and completed the Sacraments of Initiation. Marrying in the Catholic Church requires more than RCIA classes, it requires actually becoming a Catholic. If neither of you is Catholic, you are not bound by the Catholic laws on marriage and can marry validly in a civil ceremony or other church ceremony.

If your fiance is a Catholic and you are not, you can marry in the Catholic Church, or he can get permission to be married elsewhere if necessary, regardless of whether you ever become a Catholic.

If it’s the *timing *you are worried about-- i.e. planning location and making decisions while not sure if you will be a Catholic or not-- talk to your priest.

 

[1ke]

Is your Fiance Catholic? Help me out folks if I’m wrong, but if he is Catholic, he will need to get a dispensation to marry outside the Church. If he is not, then you’re fine.

If he is Catholic and she is not they can marry in the Church regardless of whether she ever becomes a Catholic. Or, yes, he can receive a dispensation from form to marry her elsewhere. But, either way she isn’t under an obligation to become a Catholic.

 

[1ke]

I get concerned about any one who is passionate because it is inevitable that you will be buffeted by the opposite feelings. Feelings are not a true indicator - they changed to often. Be leary of them when making spiritual calculations. Perseverance is a virtue that maybe you should practise and start practising with RCIA classes. Spritual deserts are to be expected.

Yes, hence the parable of the seeds.

Firm roots and fertile soil take time.

 

[LifeInSunshine]

Hello, everyone. Thank you for your quick replies. To answer your question: neither my fiance nor I are currently Catholic. I had wanted to get married in the Church after Confirmation, because it would mean a lot to me. I guess that I should just plan to get married outside of the Church, so that if I decide not to become Catholic I won’t feel pressured to join to Church for my wedding.

New question:
If I end up joining the Church, but then a couple months later get married outside of the Church, what happens? Is the Church going to make me promise to be subordinate/second to my husband? Will I have to get my marriage validated by the Church in a ceremony?

 

[puzzleannie]

New question:
If I end up joining the Church, but then a couple months later get married outside of the Church, what happens? Is the Church going to make me promise to be subordinate/second to my husband? Will I have to get my marriage validated by the Church in a ceremony?

that is exactly why you should give RCIA a chance, for one thing so you can receive a more complete teaching on Catholic sacraments, including marriage, and so you can understand what you are promising when you become Catholic.

Yes as a Catholic you are bound to follow Catholic laws on marriage, so contracting a civil marriage would be entering into an invalid union, and separate you from communion and the other sacraments–not a good way to go for a new Catholic.

 

[LifeInSunshine]

Thank you for your reply, Puzzleannie. For clarification, we would be getting married in a Methodist church, so its not a civil union per se- it is still religious in nature. Our priest said that the Church recognizes Protestant marriages… although I suppose it would be considered an illicit marriage by the Church. And you are correct, being separated from Communion is not a good way to start life as a Catholic

 

[Will_S]

Thank you for your reply, Puzzleannie. For clarification, we would be getting married in a Methodist church, so its not a civil union per se- it is still religious in nature. Our priest said that the Church recognizes Protestant marriages… although I suppose it would be considered an illicit marriage by the Church. And you are correct, being separated from Communion is not a good way to start life as a Catholic

The Church recognizes protestant marriages for protestants. If you were a Catholic at the time of the marriage, your marriage would be invalid.

It sounds to me like you should probably either put off entering the Church or put off your marriage. You can continue in RCIA whatever choice you make.

 

[1ke]

If I end up joining the Church, but then a couple months later get married outside of the Church, what happens? Will I have to get my marriage validated by the Church in a ceremony?

You really need to discuss this with your priest up front, because once Catholic you must follow the marriage laws of the Church. If you do not, you are in an invalid marriage and would indeed need convalidation. It can probably be worked out you just need to communicate.

Is the Church going to make me promise to be subordinate/second to my husband?

What makes you think so?

 

[LifeInSunshine]

Hello, 1ke-
I was wondering if the Church would make me promise that because, in the book that my priest gave my fiance and I to read for our premarital classes, it had a whole chapter on how the woman is supposed to be second to her husband. I’m not looking to tread on anybody’s toes by saying this, I just disagree with that teaching, and I’m worried about having my request for marriage denied by the Church because both my fiance and I want to live in an egalitarian marriage.

 

[1ke]

Hello, 1ke-
I was wondering if the Church would make me promise that because, in the book that my priest gave my fiance and I to read for our premarital classes, it had a whole chapter on how the woman is supposed to be second to her husband. I’m not looking to tread on anybody’s toes by saying this, I just disagree with that teaching, and I’m worried about having my request for marriage denied by the Church because both my fiance and I want to live in an egalitarian marriage.

What book, if I may ask?

The Church does not teach anything against an egalitarian marriage. I am wondering if you might be misunderstanding what the Church teaches on Ephesians and Colossians (the letters of St Paul which discuss this).

Regarding the vows, no this is not a part of the Catholic wedding vow.

 

[LifeInSunshine]

The book is called “Marriage is for Keeps,” by John F. Kippley & the Foundation for the Family.

 

[LifeInSunshine]

For clarification, by “egalitarian,” I mean that my fiance and I want to make decisions in unison, with no one of us having the ultimate power of final decision over the other. This differs from Church teaching that the man is to have the final decision in family matters.

 

[choliks]

For clarification, by “egalitarian,” I mean that my fiance and I want to make decisions in unison, with no one of us having the ultimate power of final decision over the other. This differs from Church teaching that the man is to have the final decision in family matters.

I haven’t encountered that teaching when we had our pre-Cana workshop. hmmmm… even when we were married; when we stated our intention; when we exchanged consent; and when the priest confirmed our marriage bond, we never encountered that teaching.

 

[JRRTFAN]

Hello, everyone. Thank you for your quick replies. To answer your question: neither my fiance nor I are currently Catholic. I had wanted to get married in the Church after Confirmation, because it would mean a lot to me. I guess that I should just plan to get married outside of the Church, so that if I decide not to become Catholic I won’t feel pressured to join to Church for my wedding.

New question:
If I end up joining the Church, but then a couple months later get married outside of the Church, what happens? Is the Church going to make me promise to be subordinate/second to my husband? Will I have to get my marriage validated by the Church in a ceremony?

If you become Catholic and then get married outside the Church, the Church would consider your marriage invalid. Once you join you are bound by the Canon law of the Church. You could, after joining, get a dispensation to marry outside the Church. By why would you want to do that if your fiance has no objection to it?