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LouiseHine
Guest
I hate being in the friendzone. Makes me cry.
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chevalier
Guest
If you can get over the initial rejection. And if the other party can get over being with someone whom he or she has initially rejected.
Personally, I don’t really mind being friends with women who are nice to talk to and nice to look at (not like that’s a particularly important point in a friendship), but for a long part of my life I used to stress over how hopeless, illogical, unfair and so on it felt that my female opposing numbers would pursue the bad boy, or their internal bad girl, only to settle with someone more similar to me when they’re done having fun. Not that it was particularly great to be someone good for the fun but not good for the long term, either. I didn’t want to be the final resting place for anyone who had or would have rejected me. I was also tired of the fact that most of those who actually rejected me sooner or later did try to come back, so I felt the awful experience of a previous rejection wasn’t necessary.
I don’t know what happened later. I guess that being a legal scholar made me appreciate free will, freedom of contract and all that jazz, while helping me realise that someone’s taste in the opposite sex isn’t really a matter fit for dispute. Or perhaps I grew up nearing on 30. Who knows. Apart from a lesson in humility and a thing or two about my own shortcomings, I learnt two things: 1) that I could have expectations too and 2) that… argh! I forgot. Told ya I was getting old. Oh, right, here it is: 2) that I could still have a valuable and even enjoyable life (not that a valuable life has to be enjoyable) no matter what. That was in me, not outside. I also realised I wanted to be myself, had a right to, was ready to pay the price of it, like a good old jacobite. If I was always the way I am, then why not stick with it.
Not that I’ve softened up on the parking lot thing or anything like that.
It would make you cry more painful tears to be in a relationship with a man who had little love for you. Better friend-zoned than in a cold relationship like that.I hate being in the friendzone. Makes me cry.
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LouiseHine
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The reason I get so upset about being in the friend zone is because I’m not even sure friends is what we are. When he said he wasn’t interested in me “like that” he made sure to point out it wasn’t “because of [my] looks or anything” (I’m 10 stone overweight and look like a man), which leaves my personality he doesn’t like … Which would be fine - not everyone can get in with everyone else - if he hadn’t been pretending to be friends with me for the best part of three and a half years. This is what upsets me; fake friends. This is why I cryIt would make you cry more painful tears to be in a relationship with a man who had little love for you. Better friend-zoned than in a cold relationship like that.
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chevalier
Guest
I’m sorry to hear that, Louise. Losing a friend hurts, learning a friendship was fake hurts so much as well. Not that this is going to be much consolation, but I know that feeling. This said, can you know for sure that you two aren’t real friends? Perhaps he’s one of those people (either men or women, as that’s not unique to either sex) who need a sort of spark? That spark then takes more than what we find agreeable or tolerable in friends. Alternatively, sometimes that spark simply just doesn’t light up, which doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with the friend. Just as you say, not everyone can get in with everyone else – but sometimes you can as friends even though you can’t romantically.The reason I get so upset about being in the friend zone is because I’m not even sure friends is what we are. When he said he wasn’t interested in me “like that” he made sure to point out it wasn’t “because of [my] looks or anything” (I’m 10 stone overweight and look like a man), which leaves my personality he doesn’t like … Which would be fine - not everyone can get in with everyone else - if he hadn’t been pretending to be friends with me for the best part of three and a half years. This is what upsets me; fake friends. This is why I cry
A large part of the difference is that marriage is only one, what one desires to find in marriage one can’t really supplement with other friends. Conflicting goals in life, values, or even such things as pure geographical distance are similar to that. A home bird won’t always make it with a traveller in marriage, even though they might be somewhat good friends. Or people whose respective religions or other beliefs prohibit them from marrying each other. Or people who can’t agree on some details that aren’t crucial in their friendship but would be more important in marriage. Such differences don’t make their friendship fake.
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LouiseHine
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To be honest it was causing so much hurt I gave up a couple of months ago talking to him; I was fed up of always being the one who initiated conversation and now I know why. Talk about banging your head against a brick wall … Oh well. Never mind.
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Kamaduck
Guest
This sounds more like plain old rejection than the “friend zone”. It’s tough. On the other hand, it’s a good thing you found out what kind of person he was before getting any more involved with him. God be with you, and I hope you find someone who you can love and be loved by. :angel1:
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LouiseHine
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That’s a nice notion and a lovely sentiment, but I know I’m supposed to be single; too busy for anything else! Lol
God bless and thanks for listening to me complain
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